Step by Step (TV series)

Step by Step is an American television sitcom created by William Bickley and Michael Warren.

The Honeymoon is Over

 * Mark: J.T. said I can't apologize, because that would make me a wimp.
 * Cody: Okay, I just have one more small question for you... *why* would you take advice from a *bonehead* like J.T.?
 * Mark: You said that already.
 * Cody: I know, I'm using repetitious dialogue to prove a point. Now think about it, what does JT have? He has the swimsuit issues, and he has the bun cruncher channel. What does he know about women?


 * Cody: You look like you got a little droop in your drawers.
 * Mark: I had a rough night. Gabrielle and I had a little brouhaha.
 * Cody: Brouhaha, man that Hungarian food's a killer, did that paprika give you a scooch 1-2-3?
 * Mark: No, Cody, we had a fight.
 * Cody: Wow, a fight and a scooch 1-2-3, you *did* have a rough night.
 * Mark: It was such a stupid fight, I feel awful.
 * Cody: Then why don't you just go upstairs and apologize?
 * Mark: J.T. told me real men don't apologize.
 * Cody: Okay, I just have one small question for you... why would you take advice from a *bonehead* like JT?

One Truck, Al Dente

 * Al: Parents get so uptight about teaching their kids to drive. I'm gonna have my friend Debbie teach me.
 * Frank: Demolition Debby? I don't think so.

Sex, Lies, and Videotape

 * [Mark and his friends are in the video store looking for a movie]
 * Max: What about The Terminator?
 * Mark: Seen it.
 * Max: Grumpy Old Men?
 * Mark: Lame.
 * Max: Sleepless in Seattle.
 * Mark: That's a chick flick.
 * Max: You know, this is all your dad's fault. I can't believe he wouldn't let you see Showgirls.
 * Mark: Look who's talking. You still take Flintstonevitamins.
 * Max: Shut up, man.
 * Mark: No, you shut up.
 * Max: You wanna tell me to shut up?
 * Roland: Guys. Guys. Over here. Act natural. I got something you're gonna wanna see.
 * Mark: The Little Mermaid? Man, if we were gonna go animated, we should have gotten Pocahontas. At least she's got cleavage.
 * Roland: Check this out.
 * Mark: [opens the tape] The Naughty Nurses?
 * Roland: It even says it right here on the video. "They make their patients sick with passion."
 * Mark: Man, we can't rent this kind of movie.
 * Roland: We can if it's inside the Little Mermaidbox and nobody knows about it.
 * Mark: But if we get caught, our parents will kill us.
 * Roland: Yeah, but we'll sure die real happy.
 * Mark: You're right. Let's do it.
 * Roland: Act natural.


 * [Frank and Al come home and find Mark and his friends watching a film in the garage]
 * Frank: Hey, guys. What's going on?
 * Max, Mark, and Roland: Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing. No. None. No, nothing. No, nothing.
 * Frank: Then, what's the TV doing here in the garage?
 * Mark: We were just watching The Little Mermaid. See? It says right here on the box. The Little Mermaid. Wholesome, family entertainment. Wholesome.
 * Frank: Let me see it. Come on. Come on. Let me see it. [he angrily grabs the tape away from Mark] The Little Mermaid. [opens the tape box] The Naughty Nurses.
 * Mark: Some jerk at the video store must have put the wrong tape in the box. Don't they know that we're impressionable?
 * Roland: I know I am. Ha! We better go down to the video store and return this immediately.
 * Frank: I'll tell you what, Roland. I'll return the tape. You and Max run on home and tell your folks they can expect a call from me.
 * Roland: [leaves] Man, puberty is hell.
 * Max: [leaves] My dad's gonna ground me until I'm 40.
 * Al: Well, Dad, this must be a real proud day for you. One son is getting married to the first girl who kissed him, and the other is watching pornos in the garage.
 * Frank: You know what I'm not in the mood for right now, Al?
 * Al: Me?
 * Frank: Bingo. [Al quietly leaves] Mark. I know that you're curious about women and sex and things like that, but I don't think that watching The Naughty Nurses is the right way to learn about 'em.
 * Mark: Could you, suggest another film, then?
 * Frank: Mark! It's not something that you can learn about in a movie. It's personal, and it's intimate. It's about a loving, caring relationship between two people.
 * Mark: But I don't have a relationship. I can't even get a date to the movies. How am I supposed to learn about this stuff?
 * Frank: You can ask me.
 * Mark: Right now?
 * Frank: Sure. Sure, come on. Sit down. Sit down. Just ask me any old thing you want to. Just fire away.
 * Mark: Okay. Will, I ever stop thinking about naked women?
 * Frank: Nope. Next question.