Stick Around (TV pilot)

Stick Around was an unsold television pilot for ABC, starring Andy Kaufman. Only one episode was ever made, airing on 30 May 1977. Set in 2055, Kaufman portrayed Andy, a run-down servant robot. He used the same voice of his "Foreign Man" character that would one day become the signature voice of Latka Gravas on Taxi.
 * Written and produced by Fred Freeman and Lawrence J. Cohen. Directed by Bill Hobin.

Theme

 * "Stick Around" by Rob Hegel and Carol George.

Stick around, stick around There's a whole lot of joy to be found Stick around, stick around There's a whole lot of joy to be found Here's a view of me and you in 2055: New machines and laser beams make sure we all survive No traffic, no pollution—it's a new society (new society) Food may be expensive, but the air is fit to breathe Stick around, stick around There's a whole lot of joy to be found Stick around

Pilot [1.1]

 * [opening lines]
 * Elaine Keefer: [enters]  Vance, what time would you like to eat Dinner tonight?
 * Vance Keefer: [playing a game with Andy]  Don't both me; I'm trying to concentrate.
 * Elaine Keefer: What for?  I thought you programmed Andy to lose.


 * Elaine Keefer: I bought some steaks for dinner tonight.  They were on sale, fifty-eight dollars a pound.
 * Vance Keefer: I remember when it was thirty-two dollars a pound.


 * Elaine Keefer: [to the camera]  Robots that don't work, computers that fall apart—if you think things were complicated in 1977, just stick around.  [theme song plays]


 * Andy: I'm charging myself.
 * Vance Keefer: You're always charging yourself.


 * Vance Keefer: [to Andy]  I would like to pull your plug some time—for good.


 * Vance Keefer: Are you a cryogenic?
 * Burglar: [offended]  What of it?
 * Vance Keefer: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.  Oh, don't get me wrong; I—hey—I got nothing against cryogenics.  My neighbour ' s a cryogenic—wonderful guy.
 * Burglar: Yeah, I bet some of your best friends are cryogenics.


 * Vance Keefer: [about the burglar]  Take him, Andy.
 * Andy: But, take him where?
 * Vance Keefer: Do something!
 * Andy: Right.  Ehh, [to burglar] excuse me.
 * Burglar: Sure.
 * Vance Keefer: Uh, Andy, Andy, wha-wha-what are you doing?
 * Andy: Here's the money, mister.  [hands box to burglar]
 * Burglar: Is there anymore?
 * Vance Keefer: No!
 * Andy: But what about the money in the back, Vance?  I get it.  [to burglar]  Excuse me.


 * Vance Keefer: [to his wife]  You never laser me.


 * Elaine Keefer: Do you two think you can get through one day without fighting?
 * Andy: I don't think so.


 * Joe Burkus: I was called worse names when I was alive.  I mean, uh…before they, um…they, well, they, uh…well, you know what I mean.


 * Vance Keefer: I still think it was easier living in your time.
 * Joe Burkus: But I died in my time.


 * Joe Burkus: Lucy?  They're still re-running Lucy?
 * Earl: They never stopped; she's quite popular with you dead people.


 * Andy: [after purposefully tripping Earl]  Oh, I'm so sorry; I made big mistake.


 * Vance Keefer: Earl shouldn't need help.  Ha-ha, for a mill-and-a-half, he should be able to do anything.
 * Andy: I bet he can't fly.


 * Lisa: Well, his body seems to be in pretty good shape.
 * Andy: Thank you.  So does yours.


 * Andy: I don't do windows.


 * Andy: Oh.  Good bye, Vance.  In a minute, you won't have me to kick around anymore.

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 * Vance Keefer: I mean, do you really, really like me?  Uh-uh…the way you like Elaine?
 * Andy: Well, oh, I-I don't think I would say that much, but I like you.

<hr width=50%>
 * Elaine Keefer: You hear that, Andy?  We're all together again!
 * Andy: Oh, boy!

Cast

 * Andy Kaufman — Andy
 * Fred McCarren — Vance Keefer
 * Nancy New — Elaine Keefer
 * Cliff Norton — Joe Burkus
 * Craig Richard Nelson — Earl