Superhero Movie

Superhero Movie is a 2008 comedy film that spoofs the superhero genre. It was written and directed by Craig Mazin and produced by David Zucker and Robert K. Weiss.

Rick Riker/Dragonfly

 * If I hadn't pushed her out of the way she would have die...aaaaaaah!
 * I think I have...superpowers!
 * I'm looking seriously over the city...in a squatting position.
 * I met a guy at Craigslist.
 * Those are Celine Dion lyrics!
 * [to Jill] I realize, we can never be together.

Lou Landers/Hourglass

 * Why yes. This is, healthy cough blood.
 * Good. You're a hard-working fine young man. Let's hope you're not brutally murdered, too!
 * Are you frickin' insane?!
 * No, crazy is hearin' voices, talkin' to cats, datin' Paula Abdul. I am not crazy; I...am a visionary!
 * I just shat my pants.
 * I met a girl at Craigslist.
 * [last words, before being killed by his hourglass bomb] Oh, fuck.

Uncle Albert

 * With great power comes hot bitches.
 * Look at you, eatin' junk food, wearin' fake beards.
 * You did surgery on me?
 * I can't breathe; you're kneelin' on my balls!
 * And once a month you'll bleed from your vagina!
 * Don't forget about the bitches.

Lance Landers

 * Watch where you're going in slo-mo, dipshit!
 * I'll drive.

Stephen Hawking

 * That's a lie. I think of suicide every single day.
 * Whatever!
 * Hey anyone want to get high? I have some hash with me. White guy in the dreads, you know what I am talking about? Can I get a what-what? Holla! I've got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. Anyone? Anyone? Pussies!
 * You have an incredible ass!
 * [before falling down after Albert pushed him] Shiiiit!...

Dr. Whitby

 * No, it's not your dead wife.
 * Yes, you see, we confused you with one of our sex-change patients, but don't worry, we didn't remove your penis. We did, however, cut off your testicles, but since your wife's dead, you won't be needin' 'em!
 * Yes I know... [while fainting]

Professor Xavier

 * How do I know that baby's even mine?!
 * SHIT!
 * Squatting on a glass table...two girls...one cup...you know what to do!
 * We have people who can walk through walls. And we have people who think they can walk through walls!

Mrs. Xavier

 * Because he can do this!
 * Make a costume, shit-head! I swear, they're gettin' dumber and dumber every year!
 * How's that feel, Invisi-Bitch?!

Human Torch

 * Dude, you're on my gargoyle.
 * What are you doing?
 * Get a blanket or something!
 * Holy shit!
 * Get the fire extinguisher!
 * Aah, stop you idiot!

Dialogue

 * Lance Landers: Ah, Rick Riker. How are your parents?
 * Rick: They died violently nine years ago.
 * Lance Landers: But, otherwise okay?


 * Mental Hospital Patient: [on phone] No, you listen to me! This is the Empire City Times, not some two-bit rag. I want that story on my desk by the end of business tonight or you're fired! [Presses button for another line] Wilkins, I've got tomorrow's editorial: Wh en you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone they ever slept with! Does that make you gay? Yes, yes it does! [hangs up phone and turns to Rick] Who the hell are you?!
 * Rick: Hi i'm Rick Riker, I was wondering if you had a job opening for--
 * Mental Hospital Patient: Job?! JOB!? How dare you come in here and ask me for a job! I've turned down millions of saps like you, and i'll turn down a million more. I'm the editor-in-chief! I can start fires with my mind. I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future! Rosie O'Donnell is-[carried out of the office by two men]
 * Editor-in-Chief: Sorry about this. We share the building with a mental hospital.


 * Dr. Whitby: [about Aunt Lucille] She can't walk, she can't talk. She has no control over her bowels.
 * Rick: That's terrible!
 * Dr. Whitby: I know. I went ahead and set up a MySpace account for her under "Crazyshitmachine" [Rick looks at him, appaled]. She already has 40 friends.


 * Professor Xavier: Hello, Rick.
 * Rick: Who are you and how do you know my name?
 * Professor Xavier: I'm a psychic.
 * Rick: Prove it.
 * Professor Xavier: Think of any number between one and a million and I'll tell you what it is.
 * Rick: Nine.
 * Professor Xavier: Not out loud, dumbass! Come with me, you dumb son-of-a-bitch.


 * Chief Karlin: The lady was badly hurt.
 * Interviewer: How was she hurt?
 * Chief Karlin: Badly!

Cast

 * Drake Bell as Rick Riker/Dragonfly
 * Sara Paxton as Jill Johnson
 * Christopher McDonald as Lou Landers/Hourglass
 * Leslie Nielsen as Uncle Albert
 * Kevin Hart as Trey
 * Marion Ross as Aunt Lucille
 * Ryan Hansen as Lance Landers
 * Robert Joy as Stephen Hawking
 * Brent Spiner as Dr. Strom
 * Jeffrey Tambor as Dr. Whitby
 * Tracy Morgan as Professor Xavier
 * Regina Hall as Mrs. Xavier
 * Pamela Anderson as the Invisible Girl
 * Simon Rex as Human Torch
 * Craig Bierko as Wolverine