Talk:Brother Theodore

Unsourced Quotes
Compiled from YouTube recordings of Theodore on major TV shows and provided by someone who worked with Theodore in a New York place where he had a regular show.


 * Get down on all fours and look your neighbor straight in the eyes.
 * I can't do it alone my friends. I am not the reincarnated Joan of Arc or something. I am just plain folks.
 * Life is filled with the clutter of dishes and flushing of water closets.
 * Oleo canus, oil of dogs.
 * I am looking for a rich widow of 13, the perfect portable mistress.
 * All the great spiritual leaders are dead …. Moses is dead …. Muhammed is dead …. Buddha is dead …. and I’m not feeling so hot myself!
 * What this country needs, and I am not joking, is a dictator. I feel the time is right, and the place congenial, and I am ready. I will be strict but just. Heads will roll, and corpses will swing from every lamppost.
 * My mumsy and my popsy both died years before I was born, and my sister and my uncle were identical twins, which is probably more than you can say for yourself!
 * I hallucinate on tap water.
 * I find it hard to sit in one spot and impossible to sit still in two spots.
 * Unfortunately the urge to eat is widespread.
 * The human race to which so many of you belong looks to me like a bad joke.
 * The success of others always rubs me the wrong way.
 * It is fatal to be right when the rest of the world is wrong.
 * My name, as you may have guessed, is Theodore. I come from a strange stock. The members of my family were mostly epileptics, vegetarians, stutterers, triplets, nailbiters. But we've always been happy.
 * Only what we have lost forever do we possess forever. Only when we have drunk from the river of darkness can we truly see. Only when our legs have rotted off can we truly dance. As long as there is death, there is hope.
 * The only thing that keeps me alive is the hope of dying young.
 * The best thing is not to be born. But who is as lucky as that? To whom does it happen? Not to one among millions and millions of people.
 * I am in the prime of my senility.
 * I’ve gazed into the abyss and the abyss gazed into me, and neither of us liked what we saw.
 * Dear God, if you exist, please help me! And if you don’t exist . . . help me anyway!
 * What do we know about the beyond? Do we know what’s behind the beyond? I am afraid some of us hardly know what’s beyond the behind.
 * I should have known better than to sell roses in a fish market!
 * I am what you call a “controversial figure”. People either hate me or they despise me.
 * There are those who would rather shake the Devil by the tail than me by the hand.
 * About a hundred million years ago, the dinosaurs had everything their own way. They thought they knew all the answers. They thought they could hear the grass growing. Maybe they could. But according to Titsling and Boukanowski, their social life was a disgrace. They changed their sex every other month and used profane language, and at the age of three, at the very tender age of three, they would go steady in no uncertain manner and bring forth eggs as large as footballs! Without benefit of clergy or city hall. Extinction! That's what they asked for, that’s what they got.
 * With every failure, my reputation grows.