Talk:Lenny Bruce

Unsourced
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 * My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. One day my wife came home and found us in bed together.


 * The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour--ha ha ha ha ha--they'll take you away, man.  You can't.


 * If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.


 * If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't "taper off." You've got to quit, cold jerky!


 * A lot of people say to me, "Why did you kill Christ?" I dunno... it was one of those parties that got out of hand, you know?


 * Since they condone capital punishment, I want them to stop bitching about Jesus getting nailed up.


 * If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.


 * Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.


 * If white America told the truth for one day, its whole world would fall apart.


 * I didn't do it, man, I only said it.
 * - To police on the occasion of his arrest for saying "cocksucker" at San Francisco's Jazz Workshop, 1961


 * A knowledge of syphilis is not an instruction to get it.


 * "Sex" and "obscenity" are not synonymous.


 * Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.


 * The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.


 * I'm sorry if I wasn't very funny tonight. Sometimes I'm not. I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.


 * The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.


 * Communism is like one big phone company. If you get too rank with them, you'll wind up with a dixie cup and a thread.


 * There are never enough "I love you's."


 * I want the Supreme Court to stand up and tell me that fucking is dirty and no good.


 * I want to help you if you have a dirty word problem. There are none.


 * I don't want every break in the world. I just want justice.


 * If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.


 * If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.


 * We Jews killed Christ.And if he comes back,we'll kill him again.

Dixie Cup
I don't know of a recording where Bruce compares the phone company to Communism. However, on the posthumous album "The Lenny Bruce Originals Vol. 2" is a recording, "The Phone Company," where Bruce says "I really don't dig the phone company anyway. It's a monopoly. If you get too hot with the phone company, you'll end up with a Dixie cup and a thread!"