Talk:Top Gear

Pre-Cleanup Discussion
"what car is a mobile version of eurodisney"

Is that a question?

There's a repeat in the stig quotes.
He's either stumped by clouds or has no understanding of them. Either way there's a duplicate.

Rampart incorrect quotes
Someone has been submitting a multitude of quotes to this page, and whilst I appreciate the effort, I find myself correcting every one of them, the words themselves and the formatting. Here is one example, giving what was submitted first and the real quote after:

Original: (Silence) Hammond: You're kidding. May: No, look! Clarkson: The car wash is on fire!!! Hammond: Right, everyone, OUT the car! (everyone gets out and legs it) May:(later, at end of show) The car-wash manger was really annoyed when I wrote and asked for our two-fifty back!
 * May: Oh my God, We set fire to a car wash!

Proper:
 * Clarkson: "Uh... it's on fire."
 * Hammond: "What?! It can't be on fire!" (he looks) "It's on fire."
 * Clarkson: "It's on fire. Just run.  Just run."
 * Clarkson: "The thing is, we've managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!"
 * Hammond: "How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?"
 * Clarkson: "He was..."
 * Hammond: "Cross. Very cross."
 * May: "He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back."

The car wash does not catch fire until they are out of the car. See episode 08x01 for reference. Also, the lines in the studio directly follow the end of the car wash scene.

I hate to say it, but this article has quality issues. It's nothing personal on the fellow submitting the quotes, but please, be careful. Otherwise, those correcting material won't be able to keep up with those who add the incorrect quotes.

--A strolling player 09:49, 30 June 2006 (UTC)

Jeremy quotes missing?
The Nigel Mansell quote looks fractured- has someone done a block delete? I'm sure there were more than this a while back... - sephjnr

Someone has broken it a bit, I think. I'm going to copy and paste off an archived version... 86.11.124.189 16:30, 28 July 2006 (UTC)

Standards template
In an effort to uphold quality standards given by Wikiquote, I propose a shift in format to follow the template for television shows.

I'm actually nearly finished a personal project of mine--I've compiled quotes from each episode of Top Gear and made a listing, by episode. When I'm done I'll be able to do all the work in TextEdit and submit it all at once so the page doesn't spend a lot of time looking like a mess. After that, it should be easy to maintain the new format.

--A strolling player 09:08, 8 August 2006 (UTC)

Numbers scrolling down the screen
I always took this to be a reference to the Terminator, particularly the scenes when he's driving at high speed and you see through the Terminator's eyes as the numbers scroll and he analyses everything in his path? 85.210.40.169 07:21, 15 September 2006 (UTC)
 * If he said green then it would most likely be matrix. raptor 15:25, 5 February 2007 (UTC)

credits
Although not technically quotes, tonight's episode's credits (9x03) started with some apt names for the presenters - Cletus Clarkson for example (half the episode being filmed in the southern US). Did anyone catch them? -- MiG 21:10, 11 February 2007 (UTC) Cletus Clarkson, Earl Hammond Jr., Ellie May May ,Roscoe P. Stig ... and the Rest of Staff had their first Names replaced with "Billy Bob". I was wondering if any other episodes have had something like that ... anyone?


 * In the 2"inter Olympics Special" everyone was called Björn or a member of Abba; the "Polar Special" everyone was called Sir Ranulph; and in the "African Adventure Special" everyone was called Archbishop Desmond. TheTrojanHought 02:07, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

"BadWord" censorship
Since when hast the Word "cock" become censorworthy? Last Time I looked in a Dictonary, it had several meanings. English Wikipedia lists 11 mayor Meanings, and only ONE has a sexual reference http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cock Quotes should be seen in Context, and even good ol´ censorhappy konservative BBC let all "Cocks" in the Programm. Especially censoring the "golden Cock" is stupid, since it means a golden miniature male chicken - a golden cock. I´m putting all the cocks back in.


 * Yeah what a bunch of cocks


 * It's been my habit to censor the words that actually are bleeped in the transmission and present everything else as aired. - 66.55.222.158, 2010.11.05 1812 EDT

Suspect Stig Quotes
Some of these are a bit wrong ... not that accurate Each episode, one of the presenters gives a short quote about the Stig, invariably starting with "Some say", then two of the quotes below. He finishes by saying "All we know is, he's called The Stig." He uses several of these and more during 1 show. Very funny

Mchance27 03:05, 13 April 2007 (UTC)
 * He sets rabbit traps on easter
 * His armpits are WI-FI hotspots
 * He can make computers pregnant
 * He was arrested in Russia for Elvis
 * He spews liquid nitrogn out of his eyelids
 * He was once a playable character on th Grand Theft Auto games
 * His brother is the Master Cheif (referring to the Halo games)
 * He has sexual relationships with lammas
 * He has his own brand of tampons
 * He wrote his own biography, local critics commented "Strange, Bizzare, Sexually unhealthy and strangely angry"
 * He lives on the internet
 * He believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy
 * He is the No.1 transmitter of syphillis in the world
 * He styles Jams May's hair
 * He drinks a lot of petrol.
 * He was born in space. (A reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey)
 * He never blinks.
 * He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down. (A reference to The Matrix)
 * He could annihilate the Daleks, Dr Who and the Cyberman, if he could be bothered.
 * He lives in a tree.
 * He likes DragonBoarder.
 * He was raised by wolves.
 * His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.
 * His brain is a Satellite navigation system.
 * He can "accumbularate".
 * He had a staring contest with the Sun... and won.
 * He appears on Japanese banknotes.
 * After eating printing ink, he obtains the ability to fly.
 * He can melt concrete on contact.
 * He is more machine than man. (A reference to Robocop)
 * His favourite food is raw meat.
 * He has no age.
 * He urinates 98 RON petrol. (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
 * He can smell corners. (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
 * He likes his eggs sunny side up. (Top Gear Website Profiles)
 * He has acid for blood. (A reference to Alien).
 * Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
 * He has a bionic arm.
 * He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
 * He has no understanding of clouds.
 * He is scared of bells.
 * He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track.
 * (During Clarkson's 'The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly') If he left Britain, his ears would explode. However, they're wrong - because he's here.
 * His fingernails have 330bhp.
 * His tongue can strip the paint off a Porsche in 30 seconds.
 * His right nipple is shaped like the Nürburgring.
 * He sucks Matthew Earl's one in wonder
 * he has more dandruff than Steven Hunt
 * He's fatter than Thomas Naylor

The Stig Issue
While this page is still marked for cleanup (and that cleanup has come a long way), contributors continue to add a section devoted to The Stig. These additions have not been in compliance with Wikiquote standards for televisions shows. Going forward, anyone who wishes to contribute to this page should keep some things in mind to ensure wikiquote standards are upheld: Mchance27 00:29, 5 January 2008 (UTC) Some say he owns a striped green tshirt just like mine (as james may says while wearing an awful tshirt)
 * Quotes should be cited by episode, not person. This rules out a section devoted to the Stig.
 * Most stig quotes are already included for each episode, but we still need help identifying earlier quotes.
 * When adding quotes, please try to adhere to standards. This article is already marked for cleanup--please don't make it worse.
 * This page is intended for quotes from the BBC2 television show Top Gear. Quotes related to Top Gear but not actually aired on Top Gear should not be included on this page, but rather the wikiquote page devoted to that person.  For example, if Jeremy Clarkson says something funny on a talk show about Top Gear, it should NOT appear on this page.  Intead, it should appear on Jeremy Clarkson's page.

Top Gear Quote
Can any remember where Clarkson and Hammond talk about Blue Tooth and mateing with the dashboard, and the going on to say your car may have PMS?

Chap6595 12:13, 16 November 2008 (UTC)

Series 11 Episode 2 During the News

Vietnam Special?
Is anyone going to add quotes from the Vietnam Special? NA 05:37, 2 January 2009 (UTC)


 * Ok, I've just started a section for this special. The problem is that the show was already cut down a lot - the 'transmission' blog says they had trouble editing it down for broadcast and even at 75 minutes long it's still only the core of the story. So there's a higher than normal concentration of good/entertaining quotes and I feel I could end up almost writing a transcript of the entire episode. I was about to remove some of the quotes I had written but thought it would be a shame to waste the effort I put into typing it out. So it's at least still there in the history of the page even if it gets removed by myself or someone else.
 * What's the usual standard for deciding what quotes to include? I feel I've been including too much. What do others think? --Imroy 03:23, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
 * I have to confess I don't really understand the problem with "including too much". Even large text files take up a miniscule amount of disk space, and consume a tiny quantity of bandwidth to transfer, compared with pretty much any other sort of media.  If zealous quotefile compilation is liable to break the Wikimedia Foundation, they've got bigger problems than can be solved by a few Top Gear fans economizing on quotations. :)  So I figure, if it's funny or otherwise pleasing, include it, and don't worry about overdoing it.  I submit to you that worrying about overdoing it is not the Top Gear way anyway. - 66.55.222.158, 2010.11.06 1521 EDT
 * The issue isn't mainly data amounts; it's copyright infringement. Please read Limits on quotations and refrain from adding excessive content to pages.  Thanks. -Sketchmoose 20:08, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Aha, I confess I hadn't considered that possibility - I mean, it seems to me that if we were to concern ourselves with that sort of thing, we wouldn't have the page in the first place. Still, message received.  Since I know from experience that the only way of curbing my chronic completism is not to engage it in the first place, I'll steer clear of the edit button in future.  (Hmm, it's hard to say that in a way that doesn't come across as a classic Internet-drama flounce-out, isn't it?  Not the spirit I mean it in, but there you are :) - 66.55.222.158, 2010.11.07 2247 EST
 * I'm sorry; I didn't mean to dissuade you entirely! I tend to be a "completist" myself so I understand the challenge. -Sketchmoose 15:07, 10 November 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified episode

 * Jeremy: A Ferrari is like a downscaled version of... God...

 November 16th, 2003 [3.4]
 * Jeremy: Richard, uh, forgive me for bringing this up, but that looked suspiciously like a crash there.
 * Richard: No, no. Just parking vigorously at the end of the tape there.
 * Jeremy: You see, the problem is, ladies and gentlemen, uh, he's not really tall enough to see over the dashboard in most cars, large ones like the Mini, especially.


 * Jeremy: I am such a child. [As he is travelling 160 mph on the Autobahn, 6.6]


 * Jeremy: It feels soft and flobbery, like a big woolly bison.


 * Jeremy: It's an epic car.


 * Jeremy: Yes, but this isn't a democracy, this is Top Gear.


 * Jeremy: Anyone who sits in the back of a four-seater convertible looks like Hitler.


 * Jeremy: We're not going to listen to him because he's got a beard.


 * Jeremy: There's no such a thing like cheap and cheerful; there's cheap and nasty and there's expensive and cheerful.


 * Jeremy: Also European cars are rather less ostentatious and vulgar.


 * Jeremy: We have had literally some phone calls on this.


 * Jeremy: It's, um, a mobile phone holder, or as Richard Hammond calls it, a seat!


 * [On the Hummer H3]
 * Jeremy: It's a lot smaller than a normal Humvee. Hopefully Greenpeace will be using that as a company car. No, they won't, will they.


 * Jeremy: Putting it in a car this heavy is a bit like trying to move the moon out of orbit using the motor from a food blender.


 * [On the PT Cruiser cabriolet]
 * Jeremy: I would rather eat seventeen and a half thousand pounds, in pound quids!


 * Jeremy: We tease each other, work, then go to bed.


 * Jeremy: Well, we have been literally inundated with a phone call.

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 * Jeremy: In the whole world... ever!

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 * Jeremy: Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you, that's the killer.

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 * [Of the last Mercedes S Class]
 * Jeremy: The first time I've ever done a power slide in a home cinema that's for sure!

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 * Jeremy: POWEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR! (used in several competitions)

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 * Jeremy: Cadillacs are for pimps and pensioners. And that's an end of it.

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 * [On the Daihatsu Copen]
 * Jeremy: It's not so much a car as a shoe.

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 * Jeremy: You simply ease the gear lever into S, for Star Trek Warp Factor mode...

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 * Jeremy: Really is as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.

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 * Jeremy: You see, this is what I've had to put up with. [Hammond] thought Colin Powell was the drummer with Black Sabbath!

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 * [On the vC2]
 * Jeremy: Well, it's known in the trade as the Citroën Supertanker.

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 * Jeremy: Frankly, the Stig's mother could drive this lap, although that's unlikely because he was raised by wolves.

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 * Jeremy: All the cars are equal. But one is more equal than the others.

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 * Jeremy: It is as uncomfortable and as loud as Rod Stewart's leopard-skin disco trousers.

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 * [On the Rolls Royce Phantom]
 * Jeremy: I imagined that driving this car through a village would be a bit like trying to thread an oil rig through someone's letterbox.

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 * Jeremy: So that means breaking out the Stig, and that's a problem, because he's been to Nashville for his holidays, and I'm afraid he's developed a penchant for country and western music. [Unenthusiastically] Yee-ha.

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 * Jeremy: Houston, das Eagle has landed.

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 * [On the Dodge Challenger]
 * Jeremy: Listen, listen! That thing, okay... is like that ape that came to Wimbledon. What do you call... that... big ape in the final. Nadal! Loping around, he was loping around on the court like something out of that PG Tips advert. Now that is Federer, okay? And Federer kicked the ape's arse!... What about that? Look at that! The new Jag, Tim Henman! No, that doesn't work. Doesn't work at all.

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 * Jeremy: It's like listening to the Cirque du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws! (08x07, while reviewing the Lambo Gallardo Spyder)

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 * Jeremy: I remember the air conditioning in Lambos of old used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw. That didn't work. (08x07, while reviewing the Lambo Gallardo Spyder)

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 * [On the Porsche Cayenne]
 * Jeremy: It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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 * [On the Perodua Kelisa]
 * Jeremy: It's made in a jungle clearing by someone who went to work on an ox.

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 * Jeremy: So they rang us up, and they said, "Your Stig. If we ship one of these over from Japan, could he take it out on your track and do a rap in it?" I said, "No! He prefers easy listening. Oh, a lap! Oh, right, a lap! Happy to oblige!"

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 * [On the penultimate corner]
 * Jeremy: It's like threading a needle at a hundred miles an hour.

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 * [On the Maserati Quattroporte, to the spectator who said Fiat was French]
 * Jeremy: It's a British car, this!

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 * Jeremy: Roger Daltrey had no interest in the smallness of my van. He just wanted to explain the best way of throwing a television into a swimming pool. (08x08)

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 * Jeremy: Now, my guest tonight is a huge star and a Cockney! So, ladies and gentlemen, uh, onto your plates of meat, and open your minced pies, because he's here in the s-- wait a minute, the Phil Collins Sususudio! That's not working, is it.

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 * Jeremy: I'm going to start by fire-axing my way into James' bedroom... (08x08)

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 * Jeremy: God that's a stup-erb thing! It's brilliant.

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 * Jeremy: This Subaru is a hugely manly experience - the noise it makes... It's got a macho gearbox, it's got macho steering... It even smells of man - the essence of [sniffs deeply] burnt clutch - splash it on all over, before going out at night for a curry, and a fight!

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 * James: [On the bloopers] ...And the news today... it has been officially announced that Jeremy Clarkson is an arse!

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 * James: And now for the sitting-down news.

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 * James: Eat my pants.

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 * James: And now, the car every footballer's wife's hairdresser's masseuse has been waiting for: the new Mercedes SLK.

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 * James: The interesting thing about the French nation, I think, because they are essentially peasants and Communists, is that they are quite good at the fairly small and fairly simple car.

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 * James: This car is incredible. I like it, and I'm Captain Slow!

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 * James: Why don't you save 20 grand and buy a Micra?

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 * James: You do look a little bit like D'Artagnan, but shorter!

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 * [When commenting on Carrera 4 and the Boxster S]
 * James: It's not a 911!

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 * James: When you drive one of those and it's a diesel, it says three things about you: one is, you're tighter than two coats of paint, the second one is that you care so much about the environment that you want to leave a little protective sooty film over it, and the third one is, you're probably French.

<hr width=50%/>
 * James: Oh cock...

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 * James: Mae popeth yn digwydd, un wrth un... [After losing a race to Hammond and Clarkson]

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 * James: [Talking on BBC southern counties radio; audio which isn't in the episode but is somewhere on the internet] Thank you for making my headphones smell so lovely. ... The nice girl who talks about films has made my headphones smell all perfumy and lovely.

<hr width=50%/>
 * James: Do you honestly think I am going to put up with a small diesel hatchback just so that I can have a golden cock?

<hr width=50%/> February 18th, 2007 [9.4] (After the Power Lap Times was done for the Barbus SL)
 * James: And furthermore, we are British. We are the inventors of everything. It is time to brace ourselves, hasten unto the shed and liberate ourselves from the abyss made dark by the lights of perverted German science!

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 * James: I've won something on Top Gear!!!

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 * James: So now we have the world's lairiest car, on the start line at the world's most grueling endurance race. At the wheel is the world's most plastered racing driver. And guess what happened? He won.

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 * James: [Referring to Richard's crashing a Ferrari] Actually, this is why it's called the F360, this model. You drive along and you go 'ffffffff' and you do a 360!

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 * James: [On the Maserati Quattroporte] Right, once you start driving like an Italian this starts to make much more sense.

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 * James: Swooping through trees, the whole vista of beautiful England, relayed into the comfort of your cabin in stunning windscreen format.

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 * James: If I may, that's the revised Daihatsu Copen, and in your tennising analogy that you made, that is the ball. That is 660cc of flexing micro-Japanese sinew.

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 * James: [On the blooper reel] Now, it's time for a rare dose of the real world, 'cause I've been driving a car that people actually buy! [smiles strangely, and the camera begins to swing round, but is interrupted by] Was that smile a bit too camp at the end there? [to resounding laughter and applause]

<hr width=50%/>
 * James: [Talking about the new Fiat Panda] Well, that's not right. I've had this thing nearly a week and nothing has fallen off and everything still works. I mean, who the hell do the Italians think they are anyway, the Germans?!

<hr width=50%/>
 * James: [after driving car with terrible handling] You see... It's like piggy-backing Richard Hammond when he has a few too many drinks. You don't know what he will do next.

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 * James: [on the Mercedes SLR Roadster in the news] If a Bluebottle were to hit you in the middle of your head [at speed]... it will go right through... its own arse!

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 * Richard: [disappointed at a breakdown] Subarus don't break!

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 * Richard: I'd have all my clothes in brushed aluminium on matte black if I could.

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 * Richard: [Responding to Jeremy's claim that an open-top car's rear seats are only for dictators] Oh, brilliant. So you're saying the best thing about your four seat cabriolet is you can only fit two people in it... God, you do talk some rubbish sometimes!

Surname or forename?
I seem to realise that at the beginning of each of the quotes from series 1 - 11 it has the presenters forenames (i.e. Jeremy, Richard and James). However, we have seemed in series 12 to use their surnames (i.e. Clarkson, Hammond, and May respectively), before reverting to their forenames in the Winter Olympics and Polar race, and then re-reverting to their surnames in the Vietnam special. You should have one or the other, not both. I will set about making them the same, (although it will take some time) and using their first name, since the overwhelming majority of the article uses their first names, but in future, when the new series comes out, please use the first name.--Fiddle and herman 13:36, 30 May 2009 (UTC)

I've just finished editing the article, but in the future, use the presenter's first names, not their surnames.--Fiddle and herman 15:01, 30 May 2009 (UTC) riiiiiight....

Notability
Is this theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee complete transcripts of Top Gear or a list of memorable quotes?


 * Is this the preface to a suggested set of guidelines or just grumpiness? Notability is in the eye of the quoter, I should think. Myself, I go for stuff that made me laugh. - 66.55.222.158, 2010.11.05 1816 EDT

Audi R8 Review
I'm quite confident that Clarkson is saying "smearing honey into Keira Knightly". . So I'm going to change it back. -salle81

Top Gear Challenge
Dear guys,love your work.Now here it is.A real challenge.This will really push the limit.{A race across the moon}Not for whimps.

Reverted edits
I made some edits to Series 10.1 last month in regards to the segment on the Volkswagen Golf GTI W12 adding quotes from that to the episode. Though they were later reverted, probably due to how many there were. All I need is just a bit of clarification to be completely sure and understand the reason why. Cheers! Mitcho2001 (talk) 02:17, 9 April 2018 (UTC)
 * I have been removing quotes to trim down what we can all agree is a much too long article. If you insist on keeping particular quotes, than fine. You may want to consider removing some quotes as well. The article is not improved when truly unique or funny excerpts from the show are separated by a ton of bad and unnoteworthy quotes. J.A.R.N.Y.🗣 11:25, 9 April 2018 (UTC)