Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)

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Space Invaders

 * This is three-part Season 3 premiere.

Part 1

 * Prime Leader Zanramon: (Narrating) We have fought long and hard in the war against our hated enemies, the Federation. Precious Triceraton blood has been spilt. Our glorious homeworld damaged in battle. But through our bravery and strength of arms, we forced the mighty Federation into retreat. And very soon, we shall strike at them in force and bathe ourselves in the sweet nectar of victory.
 * Triceratons: VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!
 * Prime Leader Zanramon: (Narrating) Our path to triumph is clear: We must recapture this Fugitoid who holds in its circuitry the mind of Professor Honeycutt. His teleportal device will provide us with the means to crush the Federation and rule the universe once and for all. The Fugitoid and his allies used the teleportal to escape us last time. But we have tracked the teleportal's transonic particle trail to the farthest corner of the T-17 galaxy to an insignificant watery green-blue planet. Even if we must tear the pitiful world apart piece by piece, the Fugitoid will be ours. Begin the countdown. TO VICTORY!!!
 * Triceratons: VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!



Part 2

 * Triceraton Reporter: News from the front: The tiny back water planet called Earth has become the latest beach head for the glorious Triceraton Republic in our war against the evil forces of the Federation. Our courageous troops are on the verge of recapturing the Fugitoid robot whose plans for a teleportal device will win us the war against the Federation scum. Our forces conquered this silly little planet with ease. The homo sapiens never knew what hit 'em as our boys started their search for the rogue robot. Let's see that bucket of bolts avoid capture from this multitude. And if those foolish Earth primates think they can help the Fugitoid, think again, puny mammals. With our energy around the Earth, the Fugitoid won't be escaping anytime soon. The four terrapin monsters that helped the traitorous Fugitoid escape have dared to show themselves. Big mistake. We captured one and he's shaking in his shell. You tell us where the Fugitoid is hiding and our boys will be home for Horn Sharpening Day. And that's you news from the front.



Part 3

 * Michelangelo: (Narrating) Today's forecast, hardly cloudy with a possible chance of... ALIEN INVASION! That's right, our old pals, the Triceratons, decided to pay a little visit to planet Earth. The nasty hornheads came halfway across the universe for just one thing: Professor Honeycutt, a.k.a. the Fugitoid. Remember him? He hitched a ride back to Earth with us on our transmat, WHOOSH, across the galaxy, but he left months ago and the Triceratons are tearing up the planet, looking for him. We tried to stop them, but they managed to capture Donatello. So we...ahem... borrowed a ship and headed for the Triceraton homeworld and it looks like nothing's gonna stop us from rescuing Donny. Well, except maybe, a bunch of ticked off Triceratons.


 * Karai: Master, what do we do?
 * Shredder: Nothing. We wait.
 * Karai: For what?
 * Shredder: For whatever opportunity presents itself.

Part 1 [3.04]

 * Professor Honeycutt: (Narrating) A message from Professor Honeycutt to the Utrom High Council : My dear friends, by the time you receive this, I shall be gone. This morning, a sub-space fueling device, planted on the Earth, alerted me to the planet's imminent fate. As you know, both the Triceratons and the Federation want the plans for the Teleportal device, so that they may use it to further their war of annihilation against each other. They will destroy the Earth in their hunt for me. I have calculated and recalculated the probabilities and there is only one sure solution: I must erase all information pertaining to the Teleportal and then surrender myself to the enemy. I know the risks are high and there is a 95.6% certainty that I will not return, but I beseech you, do not try to stop me. For it is as they say: Greater Love has no robot than this. That he must lay down his RAM for his friends.



Part 2 [3.05]

 * Leonardo: (Narrating) Do you know what "irony" is? Irony is when you finally convince the Triceratons who invaded your planet to pack up and leave because the Fugitoid they're so desperately searching for is not on Earth, only to have the Fugitoid actually show up on Earth. Irony is when the very same energy scan that Don used to prove the Fugitoid wasn't on Earth is now used by the Triceratons to track down the Fugitoid. And finally, irony is when having succeeded in eluding your deadly alien pursuers, you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of heavily armed goons. And doesn't look like you're gonna make it out alive.



Part 3 [3.06]

 * Agent Bishop: Voice Identification: Agent Bishop. Log 493 – Zeta.
 * Computer Voice: Voice Sample Confirmed
 * Agent Bishop: (Narrating) After successfully containing them, the Fugitoid and the four mutant Turtle creatures that seem to protect it were effectively neutralized. At approximately 0300 this morning, the captives were secured by my troops and taken to a top secret US Military Base. There, I handed the Fugitoid over to General Blanque to do with as he pleased, while I prepared the mutant Turtles for dissection in my genetics laboratory. There, I will unlock the secrets of the Turtles' mutant DNA to create an army of genetic super-soldiers. Yet, my work is not been without its snags. The Turtles' allies have released them and another mutant known only as Leatherhead. However, they have just discovered there is more to me than meets the eye. Their defeat, recapture, and dissection is expected momentarily. Bishop Out.



Touch and Go

 * Raphael: (Narrating) There's an old saying that goes something like, "The more things change, the more they stay the same." You'd think that after the city had been torn to pieces by warring aliens from outer space, maybe people would be a little more open-minded about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles living in their own back yard. Think again.
 * Thug #1: Over here! That freaky alien! He's over here!
 * Thug #2: Let's tear him to pieces!
 * Raphael: (Narrating) Ain't it nice to see that some things never change?



Hunted

 * Leatherhead: (Narrating) We spend all our lives building walls, in order to keep us safe. But the walls do not work when the enemy is within. When you are defenseless, the enemy shows himself and he is a monster. It is our fate that the thing we fear the most is the thing we carry deep within ourself.


 * Michelangelo: Leatherhead, wake up. [Leatherhead shoves Michelangelo into the wall, lifts Michelangelo up in the air]  Leatherhead, wait. It’s me, Mikey! [Leatherhead slams Michelangelo onto the floor]



H.A.T.E.

 * Donatello: (Narrating) Warning: the stunts you are about to witness are done by professional maniacs. Do not attempt this yourself. Do not stand up in an open vehicle traveling at speeds upwards of 90 miles per hour. If an eighteen-wheeler driven by a crazed wacko is trying to run you off the road, do not continue to agitate said crazed wacko! And, most importantly, do not attempt to disarm a thermo-nuclear device in the back of aforementioned eighteen-wheeler... that is, unless you want to kiss your shell goodbye!



Nobody's Fool

 * Nobody: (Narrating) [After stopping the bank robbers] Who am I? I might just be a glimmer of hope for a lost city. I'm the kind of guy cops would thank if they knew I existed. But they don't. Who am I? I'm Nobody.


 * Felon: Who-who are you? Who are you, man?!
 * Narrator: Who am I? I might just be a glimmer of hope for a lost city. I'm the guy the cops would thank if they knew I existed, but they don't. Who am I? I'm Nobody.

Christmas Aliens

 * Michelangelo: (Narrating) 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town, Turtle Santa drove like crazy to not let the kids down. Instead of a sleigh, a truck full of toys, destined to be the presents for good girls and boys. But evil thieves wanted to steal the toys at all costs. Poor, poor Turtle Santa, all hope was lost.


 * Casey Jones: [while setting the table with April and looks up] Yo, what do you know? Mistletoe. Ain't we supposed to kiss or something?
 * April O'Neil: That's enough mistletoe to make me kiss you. I'm afraid you'll need a whole tree. [They move to another part of the table and Casey looks up again]
 * Casey: Hey, hey, check it out. More mistletoe! [puckers his lips and April walks away] April, wait up! [the mistletoe moves over to April] More mistletoe. There's no way out. You gotta kiss me. [April backs up; Casey and the mistletoe move forward; April goes around Casey, the mistletoe follows her] Look, it's following us. It's a sign. A sign from above.
 * April: [taking down the mistletoe] Exactly. [she and Casey look at a pole with Raph and Angel sitting on top of it with ropes that extend over to April and Casey]
 * Raph: [grins and waving] Hiya, April. Whatcha got there, mistletoe? (chuckles)
 * April: Jones, did you put them up to this?
 * Casey: No! Never! Uh, maybe.
 * April: [after a moment] Okay then. Pucker up. [Casey leans forward and April hits him with the mistletoe]
 * Angel: Ooh. That's gotta hurt.
 * Raph: Oh. Right in the kisser.

New Blood

 * This marks the seventh appearance of Karai and is the debut appearance of apprentice scientist Dr. Chaplin.


 * Donatello: (Narrating) Ever get the feeling that things are not exactly what they seem? Take this Triceraton tri-base. It seems to be a space invader but it's really just another casualty, still lying around from the recent alien attack. Then there's Oroku Saki a.k.a. The Shredder. He seems to be using his fortune to rebuild New York. But he's really more interest in cleaning all this leftover alien technology for himself. Lastly, these eight foot tall Amazons. They seem to want to slice us into itty, bitty turtle pieces. Okay, they really do want to slice us into itty, bitty turtle pieces.


 * Dr. Chaplin: I give you...the Footbots!
 * Karai: Do I detect a resemblance?
 * Dr. Chaplin: They're a tribute to you. You don't mind, do you? It's because you're so perfect.


 * Leonardo: No! They fight like Karai.
 * Donatello: You mean Karai trained these Footbots?
 * Leo: I don't know.


 * The Shredder: [on cellphone] Karai, what about the Turtles!? Have they been captured, destroyed?
 * Karai: No, my lord. I'm afraid they... got away.

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 * Michelangelo: What, she couldn't give us a lift?
 * Raphael: Shut up and swim!

The Lesson

 * Donatello: (Narrating) The city has a life all its own, especially at night. Sometimes it's quiet — too quiet. But you don't notice. Maybe you should. Because in the darkness, when you're all alone, you never know what could be lurking around the next corner, or even at your own backdoor! And you always think nothing bad is ever gonna happen to you, so you have to ask yourself "Are you ready?" Well, are you?

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The Darkness Within

 * Leonardo: (Narrating) Fear. We face it everyday of our lives. Sometimes, fear can be a friend who fights by your side, making your reflexes quicker, senses sharper. Other times, fear is a liar, confusing you until you can't believe your own eyes. But the very worst fear: that's the fear that destroys all hope. And I'm afraid that my worst fear has just come true.

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Mission of Gravity

 * News Anchor Dwight: And now to our continuing coverage of the floating Beijing Crisis. Its been several months since the invading Triceratons lifted the entire Chinese capital into the stratosphere. The atmospheric shield that surrounds the city has been proven impenetrable. The city is kept aloft by a huge Triceraton anti-gravity generator. And while efforts by Beijing's top scientific minds to gain control of this alien technology have been undertaken, the results have proven near disastrous.
 * Scientist: Must reverse energy flow.
 * News Anchor Dwight: With no way in, no way out, and no way down, there seems to be no way to save the poor people of Beijing.

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 * Karai: But, Master, what about the millions of innocence who will fall when Beijing comes crashing to the ground?
 * The Shredder: They are of no concern to me.
 * Hun: How dare you question the master. I'm behind this plan one hundred percent.
 * Shredder: Good. Then you will have no trouble accompanying Stockman on this dangerous assignment.

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 * Karai: And so the gravity will be lifted, sending millions to their doom. I need you to prevent this from happening.
 * Leonardo: So does this mean you finally come to your senses and turn your back on the Shredder?
 * Karai: I am bound to serve him. I just do not wish to see millions suffer.

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 * Leonardo: They think you're dead. We can help you start a new life.
 * Karai: Could you so easily turn your back on your father, even if you knew what he was doing was wrong?

The Entity Below

 * High Mage: (Narrating) For thousands of years, we have awaited this day: the complete planetary alignment of our solar system. And with these celestial events, the spark of power within the long dormant crystals has been renewed. There are those who fear this alignment will provoke untold disasters upon the Earth. Yet it is not the planetary alignment the humans race should fear; it is what the alignment has awakened.

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Time Travails

 * Renet: (Narrating) Being an apprentice timestress in the 79th level of Null Time can kind of get boring. But, since I swiped my boss's Time Scepter, its been like totally rad. I hooked up with these cute little green bald guys. They call themselves the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is kinda catchy, you know. And right now, I'm really glad these little green guys are tagging along because it looks like this day is gonna get crazier and crazier. Or worse.

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Hun on the Run

 * Hun: (Narrating) I have served the Shredder most of my life. I have been his most loyal soldier, but lately, I have failed him. Too many things have gone wrong on my watch. But tonight, my master has given me one last chance to redeem myself. He knows I would gladly give my life for him. Well, maybe not gladly.

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 * Karai: Interesting trap.
 * Agent Bishop: Actually. This is the trap. Just a little more savaged from our alien visitors. Cuts through anything. Makes your katana look like a butter knife.

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 * The Shredder: Who are? How did you get on this frequency?
 * Agent Bishop: Mr. Oroku Saki, my name is Bishop. And I believe you know my guest.
 * Shredder: Karai!
 * Bishop: I know many things about you.
 * Shredder: Believe me, Mr. Bishop. You know nothing about me.
 * Bishop: Please. It's my business to know. I know that you are part of a crime lord who is using his vast fortunate as a cover to obtain rare alien technology. I know you have sent this lovely warrior-princess, your adopted daughter, to steal an alien microchip. And I know that if you don't deliver all the technology you own in the next 47 minutes, your feisty family member here is going to be flattened into a french fly. 43 minutes.

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 * The Shredder: Hun, I have a special assignment for you.
 * Hun: Master, I will not fail you. I promise.
 * Shredder: Karai has been captured. You will find her and bring her back alive. Is something the matter, Hun!?
 * Hun: No, Master.
 * Shredder: This is where Karai's last coordinates originated. Remember, Hun. Your life now depends on her life!!

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 * Hun: Karai! As much as I would love to see you destroyed...unfortunately, my life now depends on saving yours.

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 * Leonardo: Karai? We're getting her out!
 * Raphael: Leo!
 * Leo: Raph, she's done the same for us! We're getting her out!!

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 * Donatello: Wow. This train is unlike any I have ever seen.
 * Karai: Time is of the essence, Donatello.
 * Don: Right. Leo, I need you to hit the top ring... now!!

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 * Karai: Thank you.
 * Leonardo: Well, at least she said thanks.

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 * Karai: My lord, thank you for sending Hun. He saved my life.
 * Hun: I live to serve you, Master.
 * The Shredder: Very well. You live as long as you succeed. Karai, were you able to retrieve the microchip?
 * Karai: No, my lord. But I have received the schematics. We shall be able to construct a prototype of our own.

Reality Check

 * Michelangelo: (Narrating) You are not gonna believe this one! I'm in a world where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are Teenage Mutant Super Turtles! You heard me, Super Turtles! And I get to be a superhero. All right, more like a teen sidekick. But I'm beginning to get the idea that the one really bad thing about being a superhero is that you always have to fight super villans.

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Across the Universe

 * Raphael: (Narrating) Get this, I am racing pro-bike. The thing is, this ain't no Shell-Cycle. It's a Planet Racer, and these babies are so high octane they require two riders. The other thing is, these ain't your average racetracks. It's a hostile alien world with some unusual obstacles. When you race as a planet racer, winning is one thing, surviving is another.

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Same As It Never Was

 * This episode takes place in a 3-decade apocalyptic alternate future.

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 * Karai: Attention servants of the Shredder, your Lord and Master will now address you.
 * The Shredder: For those of you who are still living under the illusion that you will have freedom, know this: My armies have exterminated the last pockets of resistance and I now control the entire planet. The traitorous Utrom scientists I have captured are completing a colossal transmat device. With it, I will send forth my armies and enslave the stars, one world after another. There is no hope. There is only the Shredder.
 * Karai: Remember, the Shredder is always watching.

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 * Donatello: Mikey! Your... your arm! What happened to your arm?
 * Future Michelangelo: You're the one that's got some questions to answer! Where the shell have you been all these years?!
 * Don: "All these years"?
 * Future Mikey: You've been gone over 30 years, Donatello.
 * Don: "30 years"?! It can't be!
 * Future Mikey: Can be, and is! We thought you were dead... How the shell could you just abandon us like that?!
 * Don: I didn't. I'd never abandon you guys. One minute we were all in the lair together, the next minute I woke up here. I don't know how.
 * Future Mikey: So, the Turtle with the big brain doesn't have all the answers. Who would have thunk it?

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 * Future Karai: I beg you. Leave this place or you will force me to do that which my duty commands.
 * Future Leonardo: Not this time, Karai! This time you have to make a choice! [blasted by Footbots and gravely wounded, which Karai reluctantly takes advantage of to run him through with her katana]
 * Future Karai: Forgive, Leonardo.

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 * Future April O'Neil: Karai, end of the line. [shoots her with her missile launcher]
 * Future Karai: Master, I am finished.

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 * Donatello: My brothers. My poor brothers. This world, this future... it's a nightmare.
 * Future April O'Neil: It was a nightmare, Don, but you managed to finally save us from this darkness. There is always hope.

Part 1 [3.22]

 * Leonardo: (Narrating) In the past 24 hours, I've been attacked by enemies I thought were long gone and found myself transported to a strange new world with no clue how I got there and no clue to get back and I have no idea what's become of the rest of my family. To top this perfect day off, the only ally I have in this whole mess is about to be executed. Do you think normal people ever have days like this?

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Part 2 [3.23]

 * Leonardo: (Narrating) When did enemies coming back from the great beyond become the rule instead of the exception? My family and I were enjoying some well-deserved down time when we were attacked by an old foe thought to be long gone. There was blinding flash of light and I found myself in a strange new world with no clue how I got there and no way to get back. But at least I had a friend. Now with Usagi's help, I hope to reach the Battle Nexus and ask the Damiyo to use his War Staff to save my family. I know it sounds like a long shot, but right now, it's the only shot I have.

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Bishop's Gambit

 * Michelangelo: (Narrating) Donnie's always telling me how great science is, how awesome technology can be and granted some of its pretty good. Like video games and microwave popcorn, that's very cool. But I've also seen a lot of old horror movies. You know the kind. Where some completely whacked out mad scientist decides to play God. Crazos like Agent Bishop here. They take the potential of science and they twist it and contort it and push it way too far and innocent people always wind up getting hurt.

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Exodus

 * This is the 2-part third season finale.

Part 1 [3.25]

 * Mortu: Master Hamato Yoshi, premiere guardian of the Utroms... we honor you for your exemplary services.
 * Hamato Yoshi: I swear that I will never fail to protect the good and noble Utroms! ...Even if it costs me my life...
 * [The scene switches to the past, where Shredder is about to finish off Hamato Yoshi]
 * Hamato Yoshi: He... who lives without honor... will end... without honor...
 * The Shredder: Bah, I will finish you myself!
 * [Shredder kills Hamato Yoshi]
 * Shredder: Now nothing will save the Utroms from my wrath! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
 * [Preview to a possible future as the Foot Mechs invade the Utrom homeworld. The scene switches to an ice asteroid, as Splinter sees his master Hamato Yoshi, and he looks down to find himself in a Guardian's uniform]
 * Master Splinter: (speaking successively in Japanese and English) I understand.
 * [The scene switches back to the Turtles' lair]
 * Splinter: I will not fail you, my master... my father...

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 * Karai: Congratulations. Tonight will be your last night on Earth.
 * Orku Saki: Finally! After centuries of being imprisoned on this primitive backwater, I shall return to the stars! When my Utrom enemies come to find me, I will be gone!
 * Karai: And what of me, Father?
 * Orku Saki: Karai, my time here was not a total loss. I have forged a powerful dynasty with the Foot. And I have raised a daughter to rule that dynasty until my return. You will serve me as you have always served me: Faithfully and without question.

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 * Karai: Leonardo, you must not do this! He is finally leaving our world. You must let him go!
 * Leonardo: Let him go to go and enslave the Utroms!?
 * Karai: The Utroms have hunted my father all his life. They are heartless monsters!
 * Leo: No, Karai. That's not true. He's the heartless monster and I'm gonna stop him!
 * Karai: Leonardo, no!!

Part 2 [3.26]

 * The Shredder: (Narrating) For almost a millennia, I have been marooned on this pitiful mudball, but I have spent my time well... I have built my empire, with one goal in mind: revenge. All that time I have plotted to cross the universe and finally conquer the hated Utrom homeworld. And... worlds beyond. But there are those who would stop me, such as Agent Bishop, and the accursed turtles... and their rat master. But now, my starcruiser is complete.
 * Karai: The Shredder and I are leaving
 * Shredder: (Narrating) I say, "Let my enemies come". Today, I return to the stars, and the Shredder will not be stopped!
 * Leonardo: We have to jump for it!
 * Raphael: Come on!

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 * Karai: My master was leaving! It did not have to be this way! [nearly falls, but Leonardo saves her by catching her hand] You are too kind, Leonardo. Much too kind!

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 * [About to finish off a gravely wounded Leo]
 * The Shredder: Now we end this! [prevented from throwing the final blow by Karai]
 * Karai: You have defeated them, my Lord. Leave them in their dishonor.

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 * The Shredder: Karai, you dishonor me!! [punches her, causing her to fall backward]

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 * Karai: This is not what I wanted, Leonardo! This is not what I wanted!!