Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in Time

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III is the third feature film in the popular franchise and was released in 1993. The movie follows the adventure of the titular heroes after their discovery of a magic scepter sends them back in time to Feudal-era Japan.

Leonardo

 * We're turtles, friend!

Donatello

 * Well relax, April. It's just your, uh, ordinary time travel equal-mass-displacement kind of thing.
 * Of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety, sleazeball.
 * It was Mike with the thing and the lady.
 * Uh, o-hi-o, wasabi.

Michelangelo

 * Hey, guys. I'm not going back.
 * I said I'm staying here. I'm not going back with you.

Raphael

 * I'm gonna get that guy! Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
 * It's wet willy time, Moe.

April O'Neil

 * To find an apartment. I have a feeling we're gonna be here for a long, long time.
 * [to Michelangelo] We're going back to New York.

Casey Jones

 * Enough of this camaraderie. When do we get to bust some skulls?

Splinter

 * No. We have no time for this scientific debate.

Walker

 * [to Niles] Bring me the woman.

Mitsu

 * No. We will both die... but only one of us with honor.

Kenshin

 * It will only work if the magic travellers each have the same weight.

Lord Norinaga

 * You may have disgraced my ancestors, but you will not disgrace me. Tonight, you will die.

Dialogue
 [First lines]
 * Donatello: Oh, Raph, come on!
 * Leonardo: What's goin' on, Raph?
 * Raphael: Nothin'!
 * Splinter: Have patience, my son.
 * Raphael: All I'm sayin' is, Here we are, practicin', killin' ourselves;–– for what?
 * Splinter: [aside] Ah, Raphael.
 * Raphael: Nobody appreciates us, nobody sees us; nobody even knows we're alive down here!
 * April: Hey guys! How's it goin'?
 * Donatello: April! Good hair day?
 * April: Brought you some stuff!
 * Donatello: Oh, good; I love stuff.
 * Michaelangelo: Goodies! Later.


 * Raphael: I just wanna know, What happened t' April?
 * Splinter: It seems the scepter, has magic powers, and somehow transported them both through time.
 * Mikey: Hold on, dudes! If April's back in feudal Japan, does that mean we have t' ride that scepter back through time to get her?
 * Splinter: You have no choice, my son.
 * Mikey: Awesome! But d'you think they had pizza back then?
 * Donatello: Ah, get outta town!


 * Donatello: (explaining the Magic Scepter) It's equal-mass displacement! See, guys, for every one of us that goes back, someone from the past will come here. But, the problem is, that switch will only work under one condition. You know what that is?
 * Leonardo: Tuesdays?
 * Raphael: Uhhh, Groundhog's Day?
 * Donatello: O, great!
 * Kenshin: It will only work if the magic travellers each have the same weight.
 * Donny: Bingo! Gee, you guys do have a good educational system, huh?


 * Casey Jones: Enough of this camaraderie. When do we get to bust some skulls?
 * Leo: Hang on, Casey, you're not gonna be doing any head breaking this time. Sorry, guy.
 * Casey: What was that? You wanna run that by me again? How come?
 * Raph: 'Cos we need somebody to stay here with Splinter in case the time bandit decides to flip out again, if that isn't too much of an inconvenience.
 * Splinter: [nods in recognition, which Casey returns]
 * Casey: It'd be a serious honor.


 * Donatello: The space-time continuum'll be outta phase after 60 hours.
 * Casey: Hang on! Time out! What's that mean in American?
 * Donatello: If we don't come back in two-and-a-half days… we're turtle soup.
 * Casey: Bummer.


 * Splinter: The scepter will be in the temple, which means you will be replaced by four priests.
 * Leo: '' Nothin' to it.
 * Kenshin: Now you must start out immediately! Mitsu is in grave danger.
 * Raphael: Miss Who?
 * Kenshin: Yes, that's right: Mitsu! She is the woman who leads the rebellion against my father. And she is the most courageous, beautiful woman…
 * Raphael: Yeah, we got it; we're goin' now!
 * Leo: (sees Mikey hula-ing in boxer shorts) Mikey! Why are you wearing shorts?
 * Mikey: Kenshin switched with April and got her clothes.
 * Leo: Yeah. So...?
 * Mikey: So, this is for whoever arrives in my place, so they don't arrive bare-butt naked. (holds up more shorts) Hey! I've got 3 more pairs!
 * Splinter: No. We have no time for this scientific debate.
 * Leo: Yes, Master.
 * Mikey: (dejectedly) Yeah, yeah...
 * Splinter: (sighs) Kids...


 * Kenshin: This is very bad. They are not four priests. They are my father's Honor-Guard.
 * Splinter: The scepter was not in the temple.
 * Kenshin: There must've been a battle.
 * Casey: I knew it; we were missin' all the fun.


 * Lord Norinaga: You see, Walker, we did not need your guns. Today my Honor Guard carried my old secret weapon.
 * Walker: Really? Well, that's good news.
 * Lord Norinaga: Where are my Honor-Guards? (to a soldier) You there! Find my Honor-Guards! Yes, now! Right away!

(The soldier goes out and sees the Turtles disguised as the Honor-Guards)
 * Soldier: You! Come!
 * Raphael: I told you these disguises weren't gonna work!
 * Leo: Let's go! Blend in!
 * Soldier: They're coming! They're behind the wagon!

(The wagon enters, but the disguised Turtles do not)
 * Soldier: Uh-oh.
 * Lord Norinaga: Get out! Idiot!
 * Walker: Very impressive.
 * Lord Norinaga: This is very bad.


 * Walker: Niles! Bring me the woman.
 * Niles: (grumbling to himself) "Bring me the woman, Niles." "Lick my boots, Niles." "Feed my birds, Niles." What's next? Roll over and play dead? (bumps into the disguised Raphael) What are you lookin' at, ya ugly lump of dung? (Raphael angrily growls, but lets them pass mostly unharmed)
 * Donnie: Later, Popeye!
 * Raph: I'm gonna get that guy! Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
 * Leo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung. (walks away casually)
 * Raph: That was an insult, Leo!
 * Donnie: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries dung is used as a fuel source?
 * Raph: (scornfully) "Dung is used as a fuel source"!


 * (After noticing they are being watched by guards)
 * Donnie: Uh, o-hi-o, wasabi.
 * Raph: (confused) "Hello mustard?"
 * Donnie: Okay, so my Japanese is a little rusty. (to the guards) Uh, Suzuki, Kawasaki- (Raph knocks them out cold)
 * Raph: How 'bout, uh, "Sayonara"?
 * Donnie: That'll work!


 * (In the dungeon)
 * Raph: Hey, look; it's the Three Stooges! Larry, Curly, and Moe.
 * (Two of the henchmen exit; Niles remains)
 * Raph: Hey! It's wet-willy-time, "Moe"!
 * Niles: Wet… what-um?
 * (The Turtles tickle Niles' ears; he flees the scene)


 * April O'Neil: (after being rescued from Norinaga's dungeon) Would somebody please tell me what the heck is going on around here?
 * Donnie: Well relax, April. It's just your, uh, ordinary time travel equal-mass-displacement kind of thing.


 * April: This is the worst rescue I've ever had.
 * Donatello: Help; I'm a Turtle and I can't get up!


 * Donatello: O wow! A leg-o-rama!
 * April: Hey! I'm allowed. I'm on vacation!
 * Leo and Donnie: Absolutely! Sh'wing!
 * (All laugh).
 * Raph: Hey Leo! Look at this water!
 * Leo: I don't see anything.
 * Raph: Exactly! No tires, no beer-cans, no dead fish; just… water! Clean, clear, beautiful water! Ah, Nature! I love it! Makes me wanna… I dunno… migrate or somethin'.
 * Donatello: Turtles don't migrate, Raph! birds do!
 * Raph: Hey! I gotta beak, don' I?
 * Leo: Yeah. Okay, Turtles; let's move out!
 * Donnie: You bet!
 * (An arrow pins April's sleeve; rebel fighters enter).
 * Donnie: Here comes trouble!
 * April: Ambush!


 * Raph: Hey! I don' kiss on th' first date, lady.
 * Leo: Raph! Gi' it a rest, will ya!
 * Mitsu: Don't be afraid! You're all just like the other one.
 * Leo and Donnie: What? Other one? Mikey?!
 * Both cheer..


 * First Henchman: Look! It's one a' them Honor Guards!
 * Second Henchman: There's a reward for 'im!
 * (They open the hut; Mikey emerges).
 * Mikey: My heroes.
 * (The Henchmen scream and run).
 * Mikey: (sarcastic) No, wait! I'm really a beautiful princess in disguise! (to himself) Oh, swords. (picks up their stilettos). Break the spell! Gimme a kiss! (laughs, and twirls the swords about).

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 * April: (sees Donnie's blueprints for a crude replica of the Magic Scepter) This is your plan?! You don't mean... you're not seriously suggesting that Donatello is going to make an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?
 * Turtles: No, of course not!
 * Mikey: That'd be totally bogus!
 * Raph: Really stupid!
 * April: Well, that's a relief.
 * Donnie: No, that guy's gonna make it. (points to a nearby blacksmith) He's good with his hands. (April shoves the blueprint aside and walks away)
 * Mikey: Where're you goin', dudette?
 * April: To find an apartment. I have a feeling we're gonna be here for a very long time.
 * Turtles: An apartment? Are there apartments in Japan? I don't think so. Not yet.

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 * Mr. Whit: Take me with you.
 * April: Where? New York? No, you wouldn't fit in.
 * Mr. Whit: You could teach me.
 * April: No I couldn't! Look, Whit, I'm going back real soon. I don't wanna have this conversation; okay?

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 * Donnie: Wow; ancient us! Trippy!
 * Mitsu: The War of a Thousand Swords. Four demons defeated the daimyo and his army.
 * Donnie: It looks like me, but it's got Raph's beak.
 * Mitsu: But that was only a legend!
 * Leo: Dudes, we're legends!

(Lord Norinaga and his guards enter)
 * Lord Norinaga: You have come back.
 * Leo: Yeah, we like to drop in every three-or-four centuries.
 * Donnie: Give us the scepter, and we'll bug out.
 * Lord Norinaga: You may have disgraced my ancestors, but you will not disgrace me. Tonight, you will die.
 * Mitsu: (paraphrasing Splinter's line to Shredder from the first film) No. We will both die... but only one of us with honor.
 * (silence from everybody)
 * Leo: Are we in a loop here or what?

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 * Yoshi: For you, Raphael-san! I found it in the woods. Now you and the other Kappa can go home; now you'll not die.
 * Unwraps the scepter and hands it to Raphael
 * Raphael: Son of a snapper! LEO! I FOUND IT!

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 * Walker: Ah, Ms. O'Neill. My partner Mr. Whit and I were just talking about your future.
 * April: Yeah, well, I have a few things to say about your partner here. He's scum. He's the lowest scum of the Earth. An' you know something? He's lower than scum. He gives scum a bad name!
 * Walker: Well, of course he does! That's why I hired him.

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 * Walker: (cornered by the Turtles at the docks) What kind of demons are you?
 * Leo: We're turtles, friend!
 * Donnie: Of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety, sleazeball.
 * Walker: (slowly pulls the Scepter out of his bag) This, I believe, is what you've been searching for. Go fetch! (throws the Scepter into the air, getting the Turtles to panic in catching it) You really think I would make it that easy, you nasty little reptiles?!