The Addams Family (film)

The Addams Family is a 1991 film, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, that features the bizarre characters of American cartoonist Charles Addams's comic strip and television show of the same name. A satirical inversion of the ideal of the perfect American nuclear family, the Addamses are a bizarre family who delight in everything grotesque and macabre, and are never really aware of why people find them frightening, or simply don't care.

Morticia

 * [looking through Fester's suitcase] Crowbar... dynamite... cyanide. Fester- as if we'd run out.
 * And our credo, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc"..."We gladly feast on those who would subdue us". Not just pretty words.
 * Wednesday, play with your food!
 * Thing, you're a handful.
 * Don't torture yourself, Gomez- that's my job.
 * Gomez, last night, you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. [pause] Do it again!
 * [looking through an armoire] Uncle Nick-Nack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack...
 * They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister! But don't worry, we told Wednesday, "College first."
 * [watching Pugsley sleep] He looks so sweet... just like a little entrée.

Gomez

 * [to Tully] Dirty pool, old man. I like it!
 * [Watching Morticia sleep] Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.
 * "How do you take it off?" That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday! He wore that finger trap for two years! Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet!
 * Spirits above me, give me a sign! Shall I be joyous, or shall I be damned?
 * Taught to us by our Cossack cousins, the Mamushka has been an Addams family tradition since God knows when. We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled. We danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper. And now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you.
 * That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!
 * They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And, with God as my witness, I am that fool!
 * 2, 10, 11- eyes, fingers, toes!
 * [Listening to Thing's Morse Code] Morticia in danger stop. Send help at once stop.

Wednesday

 * [when asked about her Halloween costume] This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac- they look just like everyone else.
 * [Pugsley is tied up, an apple in his mouth. He mumbles something to her] Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing. [Raises and aims her crossbow]
 * [upon seeing that Fester is actually Gordon] I knew it! You are a fake!

Other

 * Grandma: Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside chasing a cat] Here, boy! Here, boy!
 * Fester: Three parts dynamite, with a nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds.

Dialogue

 * Wednesday: [hooking up an electric chair] Pugsley, sit in the chair.
 * Pugsley: Why?
 * Wednesday: So we can play a game.
 * Pugsley: What game?
 * Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

 [Wednesday finishes strapping Pugsley into the electric chair and goes over to the controls]
 * Wednesday: It has to warm up.
 * Pugsley: Why?
 * Wednesday: So it can kill you.
 * Pugsley: I knew that.


 * Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
 * Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
 * Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
 * Wednesday: But, Mother!
 * Morticia: [firmly] I said no.
 * Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
 * Morticia: [smiling indulgently] Oh, all right.


 * Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
 * Wednesday: Yes.
 * Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
 * Pugsley: Yes.
 * Girl Scout: I'll tell you what- I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
 * Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?


 * Wednesday: Pass the salt.
 * Morticia: And what do we say?
 * Wednesday: [sternly] Now.


 * Gomez: How long has it been since we waltzed?
 * Morticia: Oh, Gomez...hours.


 * Dr. Pinder-Schloss: The human spirit, it is a very difficult thing to kill.
 * Grandma: Even with a chainsaw!


 * Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Love/hate, hate/love. Like for mama, no?
 * Gomez: But I didn't hate my mother- it was an accident!


 * [Morticia and Grandma examine a valuable heirloom Morticia is donating to charity]
 * Grandma: Let's keep it!
 * Morticia: Hush, mama! It's for charity! Widows and orphans. We need more of them.


 * Morticia: Margaret, about the séance tonight, I wish you'd come. It's Gomez, I'm terribly worried about him. He won't eat, he can't sleep, he keeps coughing up blood...
 * Margaret: He coughs up blood?
 * Morticia: Well, not like he used to.


 * Margaret: [regarding Cousin Itt] Everyone keeps asking where he got his costume.
 * Gomez: It is a wonderful hat.


 * Sally Jessy Raphael: So, you say your son was kidnapped by voodoo witch doctors? Let's take a call.
 * Gomez: Hello, Sally?
 * Sally Jessy Raphael: [frustrated] Mr. Addams, please, stop calling! We do not know where they meet!


 * Morticia: Gomez, let's go for a drive- the whole family.
 * Gomez: A drive? And miss Gilligan?


 * Uncle Fester: Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone before?
 * Wednesday: He's only a child.
 * Uncle Fester: That's no excuse! Aim for a major artery. The jugular.


 * [Gomez and Fester are watching home movies]
 * Gomez: Do you remember that fateful night?
 * Uncle Fester: [hedging] Um...your first cigar!
 * Gomez: What? Come on, old man, I've smoked since I was 5- Mother insisted.


 * Margaret: This is always so embarrassing. Why did I marry you?
 * Tully: Because I said yes.


 * Judge: [after a golf ball crashes through his window] Damn you, Addams!
 * Gomez: Sorry about the window, Judge. Keep the ball, I have a whole bucket full!
 * Judge: You moron!

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 * Dr. Pinder-Schloss: [faking an over-the-top Germanic accent] Mr. Addams, I beleef I am understandink. I can help. Jais? Ze theory of displacement, is zis familiar?
 * Gomez: No. Tish?
 * Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Oh, it is too exciting! I vill explain.
 * Gomez: [eagerly] Is it unpleasant?
 * Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Deeply. Your very own bruzzer, you drive him avay. "Go, off viz you!" But zen, you are feelink ze little black monster.
 * Gomez: Pugsley?
 * Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Guilt! Jais! Your bruzzer returns, you feel guilty- you displace.

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 * Gomez: [helping Morticia out of a torture device] Leather straps...red-hot pokers...
 * Morticia: Later, my dearest.

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 * Abigail Craven: Can it, Gordon! Stop dragging your feet! You disgust me! You're nothing but a useless sniveling baby! A stone around my neck! What was I thinking? I should have left you where I found you!
 * Uncle Fester: No tricks, Gomez! That's the wrong book! Allow me.
 * Gomez: Good show, old man.
 * Tully Alford: Put that book down, Gordon! You don't know what it can do! It's not just literature!
 * Uncle Fester: Oh, really?
 * Morticia: Quickly, my darling!
 * Tully Alford: Gordon, I'm your friend, think of the doubloons!
 * Uncle Fester: They're not yours, Tully! Back off!
 * Gomez: Leather straps, red-hot pokers...
 * Morticia: Later, my dearest.
 * Abigail Craven: Keep the book closed, Gordon. Listen to mother!
 * Uncle Fester: I'll never listen to you, never, ever again!
 * Abigail Craven: I had to be strict with you because I cared! Put it down!
 * Uncle Fester: You never really loved me!
 * Gomez: Fester, this way!
 * Abigail Craven: Stop whining, you little good-for-nothing! Be a man!
 * Uncle Fester: You were a terrible mother! There! I said it!
 * [Fester opens the book, and a hurricane is unleashed inside the house, launching Tully and Abigail out a window and into two freshly dug graves]
 * Pugsley: Are they dead?
 * Wednesday: Does it matter?

Cast

 * Anjelica Huston — Morticia Addams
 * Raúl Juliá — Gomez Addams
 * Christina Ricci — Wednesday Addams
 * Jimmy Workman — Pugsley Addams
 * Christopher Lloyd — Uncle Fester / Gordon Craven
 * Judith Malina — Grandma
 * Elizabeth Wilson — Dr. Greta Pinder-Schloss / Abigail Craven
 * Dan Hedaya — Tully Alford