The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is a 1990 action comedy film about a "rock n' roll" detective who solves crimes in Los Angeles' music scene. The movie starred comedian Andrew 'Dice' Clay, as Ford Fairlane.
 * Directed by: Renny Harlin. Written by: Joel Silver, Daniel Waters and Steve Perry

Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps. (taglines)

Ford Fairlane

 * Unfucking believable!
 * So many assholes, So few bullets!
 * Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my dick Tracy?!
 * I am so terrifical I even have my own toll free number, 1800 UNBELIEVABLE
 * Don't we do nuclear testing there? [spots koala bear on Jazz's]
 * What are you two, Neil and Bob or is that like what you do?
 * Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead.
 * (Notices his strat) Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar, I found my guitar.(Brings it closer and notices its scratched) It's all scratched up, it's all scratched up.

Others

 * Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss
 * Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup.

Dialogue

 * Melodi: You're that guy, the private eye.
 * Ford: You're a poet and you didn't know it.
 * Melodi: You heard Bobby Black od'd right?
 * Ford: Yeah, so?
 * Melodi: Do you suspect foul play and stuff?
 * Ford: I'll let you know when someone pays me to give a shit and stuff!


 * Tourist: Can you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theater?
 * Ford: Ah, go back to Michigan, asswipe!
 * Tourist: Oh no, we're from Wisconsin.
 * Ford: Yeah, and I'm from my dads penis. Get lost!


 * Kid: When are you gonna let me work with you? Why you always fucking with me?
 * Ford: Excuse me! You say the F word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out, you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here.
 * Kid: I got something serious to discuss.
 * Ford: Yeah, what is it? Premature ejaculation?
 * Kid: You know, Ford, sometimes you can be a real dick.
 * Ford: "Dick", "fuck". What kind of kid are you?


 * Ford: Scalping at a funeral. You're a pretty sleazy guy.
 * Scalper: Thanks, you interested? It's festival seating so you get a good, uh-
 * Ford: How much?
 * Scalper: 300.
 * Ford: 300? You charged the chicks one.
 * Scalper: Hey, they blew me.
 * Ford: 300 coming up!


 * Ford: Hey, who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? Who's Art Mooney? Talk to me.
 * Zu Zu Petals: I don't now.
 * Ford: Talk to me!
 * Zu Zu Petals: I--I'm so scared! [gets on her knees] Help me!
 * Ford: Hey, baby, a simple thank you would suffice.
 * Zu Zu Petals: Fuck you!


 * Zu Zu Petals: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
 * Smiley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
 * Ford: MY HAIR!!! MY HAIR!!!

Taglines

 * Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps.
 * He's on the money, off the record, and over the top.
 * Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
 * Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
 * Private Detective. Public Offender.

Cast

 * Andrew Dice Clay- Ford Fairlane
 * Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel
 * Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton
 * Lauren Holly - Jazz
 * Gilbert Gottfried - Johnny Crunch
 * Maddie Corman - Zuzu Petals
 * David Patrick Kelly - Sam the Sleaze Bag
 * Brandon Call - The Kid
 * Robert Englund - Smiley
 * Ed O'Neil - Lt. Amos
 * Vince Neil-Bobby Black
 * Morris Day - Don Cleveland
 * Sheila E. - Club singer
 * Lala Sloatman - Sorority Girl (credited as Lala)
 * Kari Wuhrer - Melodi
 * Linda Atkinson - Nona'
 * William Shockley - Punk Gunslinger
 * Mark Zuelke - Punk Gunslinger