The Adventures of Tintin (film)

The Adventures of Tintin is a 2011 3D motion capture computer-animated epic adventure film based on the comic series of the same name.
 * Directed by Steven Spielberg. Screenplay by Steven Moffat, Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish.

This year, discover how far adventure will take you.

Tintin

 * [repeated line] Great snakes!
 * We can't turn back. Not now. Not now.
 * Well, this is a fine mess.
 * And to think, all it took was a day in the Sahara. Congratulations, Captain, you're sober.
 * How's your thirst for adventure, Captain?

Captain Haddock

 * Billions of blistering blue barnacles! I swear, as the last of the Haddocks, I'll find that treasure before him!
 * Nobody takes MY ship!
 * Failed? There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool, a loser, a hopeless souse. Don't you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Do you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There's something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.
 * Thundering typhoons!
 * [after being nearly shot by enemy plane] Troglodytes! Slave traders! Mutant malingerers! Freshwater politicians!
 * Typical landlubbers, eh? No stamina these days.
 * [on seeing Snowy] Ahhhh! A giant rat of Sumatra!
 * FUMES!
 * By Jupiter, I have a beard? Since when did I have a beard?!
 * To the death, Red Rackham.

Ivanovich Sakharine

 * Do you think it was an accident I took Haddock's ship, Haddock's crew, Haddock's treacherous first mate? Nothing is an accident.
 * We go back a long way, Captain Haddock and I. We've unfinished business. And this time, I'm going to make him pay.
 * The legend says only a Haddock can discover the secret of the Unicorn. But it took a Rackham to get the job done. So you've lost again, Haddock. That's right. Why don't you have a drink? It's all you've got left, isn't it? Everything that was rightfully yours is now mine. [referring to the Karaboudjan] Including this ship.
 * Oh, I'm glad you know the truth, Haddock. Until you could remember, killing you wouldn't have been this much fun!
 * Faster you idiot! Faster!
 * IDIOTS! You idiots! What have you done?! [Tom: We killed them, boss, like you wanted.] NO! Not like I wanted! I needed Haddock ALIVE!

Thomson and Thompson

 * Thompson: The victim's name was Barnaby Dawes. He was one of the top agents at Interpol. But we haven't got a clue what he was working on.
 * Thomson: Quite right, Thompson. We're completely clueless.


 * Thomson: Steady on, Tintin. We're still filling out the paperwork.
 * Thompson: Police work's not all glamour and guns. There's an awful lot of filing.


 * Thomson: Great Scotland Yard! That's extraordinary. [Tintin: What is it?] Worthington's on a half-price sale of bowler hats.
 * Thompson: Really, Thomson? [snatches blood-stained newspaper] This is hardly the time. Great Scotland Yard!
 * Thomson: What is it?
 * Thompson: Canes are half-price too.


 * Thomson: Mind you, I expect he's miles away by now.
 * Thompson: I presume you're referring to the pickpocket?
 * Thomson: Yes. I mean, knowing we're just a few steps behind him.


 * Thompson: Not so loud. We're in disguise. [Tintin: So I see. You got the message I sent from the ship?] Uh, yes, well, bit of a long story, that.
 * Thomson: The upshot is, we caught the thief, retrieved your wallet, then hopped on the next plane to Bagghar.
 * Thompson: Yes, that pocket-picker has picked his last pocket. [gives Tintin his wallet] Here. Don't worry. He didn't take any money.


 * [Thomson and Thompson rescue Sakharine from the water and into the boat]
 * Thomson: We have you now, you devil. [clears throat] You are under arrest!
 * Thompson: To be precise, you're under arrest.
 * [Sakharine simply puts his hands in the air slowly and readily accepts defeat]

Dialogue

 * Tintin: [sees The Unicorn model ship in mirror reflection] Snowy, look at this. [views model ship in glass case] Tripled masted. Double decks. Fifty guns. Isn't she a beauty?
 * Mr. Crabtree: It's a very unique specimen, that is. From an old sea captain's estate.
 * Tintin: [reads label] "The Unicorn."
 * Mr. Crabtree: The Unicorn. Man o' war sailing ship. That's very old, that is. Built in the 16th century.
 * Tintin: 17th, I would think.
 * Mr. Crabtree: Reign of Charles the First.
 * Tintin: Charles the Second.
 * Mr. Crabtree: That's what I said, Charles the Second. As fine as ship has ever sailed the seven seas. You won't find another one of these, mate. And it's only 2 quid.
 * Tintin: I'll give you a pound.
 * Mr. Crabtree: Done!


 * Allan: Mr. Tin...tin?
 * Tintin: Yes.
 * Allan: Delivery for ya.
 * Tintin: But I didn't order anything.
 * Allan: That's because it's you that's gettin' delivered. [smothers Tintin with chloroform and stuffs him into the crate]


 * Sakharine: Have you found it?
 * Allan: He doesn't have it.
 * Tom: It's not on him, boss. It's not here.
 * Sakahrine: Not here? Then where is it?
 * Tintin: [regains consciousness] Where's what?
 * Sakharine: [bangs cane against cage] Oh, I am tired of your games. The scroll from the Unicorn. A piece of paper like this. [shows Tintin scroll]
 * Tintin: You mean the poem.
 * Sakharine: Yes.
 * Tintin: The poem written in Old English.
 * Sakharine: Yes.
 * Tintin: It was inside a cylinder.
 * Sakharine: Yes.
 * Tintin: Concealed in the mast.
 * Sakharine: Yes!
 * Tintin: I don't have it.
 * Sakharine: [points his sword at Tintin's face] You know the value of that scroll. Why else would you take it?
 * Tintin: Two ships, two scrolls, both part of the puzzle. You have one, you need the other. But that's not it. There's something else.
 * Sakharine: I will find it, with or without your help. You need to think about exactly how useful you are to me.


 * Captain Haddock: [wakes up from his drunkenness and notices Snowy, jumps] Ahhhhh! A giant rat of Sumatra. [sees Tintin stumbling into his room through the window; brandishes a bent pipe, thinking he's an intruder] So, you think you can sneak up behind me, and catch me with my trousers down, huh?
 * Tintin: [dodging Haddock's blows] I would rather have kept your trousers on, if it's all the same to you.
 * Captain Haddock: I know you're here. You're one of them!
 * Tintin: Sorry?
 * Captain Haddock: He sent you here to kill me!
 * Tintin: Look, I don't know who you are!
 * Captain Haddock: That's how he planned to bump me off! Murdered in my bed by a baby-faced assassin![Snowy bites his ankle, tries to shake him off] Arrgh!
 * Tintin: Assassin? Look, you've got it all wrong! [Captain Haddock and Tintin stops fighting] I was kidnapped by a gang of thugs. [drops rod]
 * Captain Haddock: [cries comically] Oh, the filthy swine! He's turned the whole crew against me!
 * Tintin: Who?
 * Captain Haddock: The sour-faced man with a sugary name. He's bought them all off, every last man.
 * Tintin: Sakharine!
 * Captain Haddock: Nobody takes MY ship!
 * Tintin: You're the Captain?
 * Captain Haddock: Of course, I'm the captain. Who else can I be? [Tintin shushes him] I've been locked in this room for days, with only whiskey to sustain my mortal soul. [Tintin reveals door is not locked, looks at Haddock exasperatingly] Oh...I assumed it was locked.
 * Tintin: Well, it's not. Now you must excuse me, if they find me here, they'll kill me. We have to keep moving, try to find my way off this drunken tub. [leaves Haddock's room with a bang of the door]
 * Captain Haddock:[taken aback] Tub?!


 * Tintin: We have to get to Bagghar ahead of Sakharine.
 * Captain Haddock: I know. I know! Why?
 * Tintin: [referring to Sheik Omar Ben Salaad] Because he has the 3rd model ship.
 * Captain Haddock: How do you know?
 * Tintin: [pulls out brochure] The Sheik collects old ships. [points to picture of the Unicorn] And this is the prize of his collection.
 * Captain Haddock: Blistering blue barnacles, that is the Unicorn!
 * Tintin: Captain, do you see the distortion around the model?
 * Captain Haddock: Uh-huh. Aye.
 * Tintin: It means that Ben Salaad exhibits it in a bullet-proof glass case in his palace.
 * Captain Haddock: And Sakharine's going there to steal it.
 * Tintin: Yes, he has a secret weapon: the Milanese Nightingale. But that won't be enough to solve the mystery, and that is why Sakharine needs you. That's why he made you his prisoner. There is something he needs you to remember.
 * Captain Haddock: I don't follow you.
 * Tintin: [sighs] I read it in a book... [sits back down] ...that only a true Haddock can discover the secret of the Unicorn. [pause]
 * Captain Haddock: I don't remember anything about anything.
 * Tintin: But you must know about your ancestors. Sir Francis. It's your family legacy.
 * Captain Haddock: My memory's not what it used to be.
 * Tintin: Well, what did it used to be?
 * Captain Haddock: I've forgotten.
 * Tintin: Captain, can you get us to Bagghar?
 * Captain Haddock: What sort of a stupid question is that? [gets up] Give me those oars! I'll show you some real seamanship, laddie! I'll not be doubted by some pipsqueak tuft of ginger and his irritating dog. I am master and commander of the seas! I know these waters better than the warts on my mother's face. [notices Tintin and Snowy unconscious] Look at the pair of them, fast asleep. Typical landlubbers, eh? No stamina these days. Nevermind. I'll get you there, Tintin.


 * Captain Haddock: Tintin? Tintin. Come warm yourself, laddie.
 * Tintin: [regains consciousness; alarmed] Captain, what have you done?!
 * Captain Haddock: Oh, no need to thank me. [warms hands]
 * Tintin: What? [tries to put out the fire with his foot]
 * Captain Haddock: You looked a little cold, so I lit a wee fire.
 * Tintin: IN A BOAT?! [sees oars in Captain's hands] No, those are our oars. We need those oars!
 * Captain Haddock: Yes, but not for much longer. [breaks oars in two]
 * Tintin: Have you gone mad?! [as he throws water at the fire] Quick, Captain! Captain, help me! Captain, help me, quick!
 * Captain Haddock: He's right. What have I done? What have I done?! [opens a bottle of whiskey]
 * Tintin: NO! CAPTAIN, NOT THAT! [boat explodes in flames]
 * Captain Haddock: [regretfully] Thundering typhoons!


 * Tintin: [looking in pistol] Bad news, captain. We've only got one bullet.
 * Captain Haddock: What's the good news?
 * Tintin: [aims pistol at enemy plane] We've got ONE bullet. [shoots at the plane, sending it crashing in the sea]


 * Captain Haddock: You do know what you're doing, do you?
 * Tintin: Um, more or less. [starts up plane]
 * Captain Haddock: Well, which is it, more or less?
 * Tintin: Relax, I interviewed a pilot once.


 * Aristides: Thank you so much. No need to come in, I'll be quite all right.
 * Thomson: No, but we insist.
 * Thompson: Better safe than sorry. It's the least we can do.
 * Thomson: There we are.
 * [Thomson and Thompson have discovered Aristides Silk's collection of stolen wallets]
 * Thompson: Good grief, what's all this?
 * Aristides: It's my...collection?
 * Thomson: What a lot of wallets.
 * Aristides: I-I can't help it. It started with coin purses and sort of went on from there, really.
 * Thompson: You ought to be careful. Haven't you heard? There's a pickpocket about.
 * Thomson: Yes, he'd love this. Can you imagine?
 * Aristides: What do you mean "pickpocket"?
 * Thompson: Oh, a master criminal. A bag-snatching purse-pilfering wallet-lifting sneak thief.
 * Aristides: I'm not a bad person! I'm a kleptomaniac.
 * Thompson: [to Thomson] A what?
 * Thomson: It's a fear of open spaces.
 * Thompson: Poor man, no wonder he keeps his wallets in the living room.
 * Aristides: Wallets, I-I just can't resist the lovely little things. It's a-It's a harmless habit, really.
 * Thompson: Good heavens, Thomson! Look at this! His name's Thomson too!
 * Thomson: [chuckles] What a coincidence!
 * Thompson: No, Thomson. This is Thomson without a P, as in "psychic".
 * Thomson: No no no, it's Thompson with a P, as in "psychiatrist".
 * Aristides: [showcasing the wallets he stole] Look at this one. A green one I managed to pick this from a pickpocket actually pickpocketing at the time. A-And this one...
 * Thomson: No, you had it wrong. There is a P in "psychic".
 * Thompson: I am not your sidekick. You are mine.
 * Aristides: Smell it, won't you [sniffs a wallet] Piggy leather.
 * Thomson: How dare you!
 * Thompson: How dare you! I met you first.
 * Thomson: I met you first.
 * Thompson: No you didn't.
 * Thomson: Yes I did..
 * Thompson: No you did not!
 * Thomson: Yes I did!
 * [Thomson and Thompson continue to bicker until Aristides throws wallets at both of them]
 * Aristides: Listen up! I can't stand it anymore. Alright, I'll come quietly. Take them. Take them! TAKE THEM ALL!
 * Thompson: Stop it! Pull yourself together man! We can't take your wallets. Do we look like thieves?
 * Thomson: [pulls out Tintin's wallet] Good heavens, Thompson. This looks familiar. Can't be.
 * Thompson: [holds Tintin's wallet] It is.
 * Both: Tintin!


 * Captain Haddock: Nobody takes my ship!
 * Tintin: They've already taken it.
 * Captain Haddock: But nobody takes my ship TWICE! We'll show 'em, won't we, Tintin? Alright, then, what's the plan?
 * Tintin: There is no plan.
 * Captain Haddock: Of course there's a plan. You've always got a plan.
 * Tintin: Not this time. Sakharine got the scrolls. They'll lead him for the treasure. Could be anywhere in the world. We'll never see him again. It's over.
 * Captain Haddock: I thought you were an optimist.
 * Tintin: Well, you were wrong, weren't you? I'm a realist.
 * Captain Haddock: Ah, that's just another name for a quitter.
 * Tintin: You can call me what you like. Don't you get it? We failed.
 * Captain Haddock: Failed? There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse. Don't you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Do you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There's something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.


 * Captain Haddock: Red Rackham!
 * Sakharine: That's right. My ancestor. Just as Sir Francis was yours.
 * Captain Haddock: Unfinished business.
 * Sakharine: Oh, I'm glad you know the truth, Haddock. Until you could remember, killing you wouldn't have been this much fun!


 * [Thomson and Thompson rescue Sakharine from the water and into a boat]
 * Thomson: We have you now, you devil. You are under arrest!
 * Thompson: To be precise, you're under arrest.
 * [Sakharine simply puts his hands in the air slowly and accepts defeat]

Cast

 * Jamie Bell as Tintin
 * Andy Serkis as Captain Haddock and Sir Francis Haddock
 * Daniel Craig as Ivan Ivanovitch Sakharine and Red Rackham
 * Nick Frost and Simon Pegg as Thomson and Thompson
 * Daniel Mays as Allan
 * Enn Reitel as Nestor, Mr. Nicholls, and Mr. Crabtree