The Andy Griffith Show

The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968) follows Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry, North Carolina through both his public and private life. Sheriff Taylor nabs criminals with the help of his deputy Barney Fife (played by Don Knotts) and deals with the shenanigans of his fellow citizens, while providing life lessons to his son Opie.

Andy

 * "Call the man!" - Andy Taylor, after the freezer went out at home and Aunt Bee needed a place to keep her meat.


 * "You beat everything Barney, you know that?" Andy to Barney Season 3 Episode 6


 * "But don't the trees sound nice and full?" Andy referring to the birds Opie has just let go. In 'Opie:The Birdman'.


 * "You look good enough to take to Chinatown!" (referring to Aunt Bee) in Season 5, Episode 5


 * "Well, you and Aunt Bee is havin' fried chicken. And, I'm having crow..."  [in answer to Opie's questions what's for dinner after Andy realized he was terribly in the wrong about something he thought Opie did].

Barney Fife

 * Here at THE ROCK, we have two basic rules. The first rule is: OBEY ALL RULES. Secondly: Do not write on the walls, as takes a lot of work...to erase writing...OFF of walls. Now as we tell all men when these doors shut behind them, you are starting a new life.  If you are wise, you'll begin rehabilitation.


 * Jay walking is rampant!


 * Of course you smell gas. What do you think this car runs on, coal?


 * Deputy Barney Fife: Nip it! Nip it in the bud!


 * "You got to spend a quid and some bobs to get anything good these days." Barney talking with Andy and Malcom Merriwether in 'The Return of Malcom Merriwether'.


 * "Well, where there's smoke there's firewater." Barney to Andy in 'Aunt Bee's Medicine Man.'


 * "Maybe this will explain why Aunt Bee's feeling so good." Barney to Andy in 'Aunt Bee's Medicine Man.'


 * "Sure Mike, sure." Barney drunkenly says to Andy after Otis spikes the spring water in 'Barney and the Governor.'

Gomer/Goober

 * "Citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!" -- Said by Gomer Pyle (actor Jim Nabors) to Barney Fife (actor Don Knotts) in the episode aptly titled "Citizen's Arrest."


 * "You're a boob, Gomer!" -- Barney Fife, in "Citizen's Arrest"


 * "Sha-zay-um!" -- Gomer Pyle (southern for "Shazam!")


 * "Go-o-lly!" -- Gomer Pyle


 * "Judy Judy Judy" -- Goober does his "Cary Grant" impression.

Other/Unsorted

 * Otis: [speaking of how his mouth feels] Shooby, shooby, shooby.


 * "Where's my plaque? Give me my plaque." -- Barney describing how Otis is going to arrive at the mayor's office to receive an award.


 * "Well, now, maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell much without my glasses!"


 * Ernest T. Bass: It's me, it's me. It's Ernest T.!!


 * Brisco Darling (referring to Ernest T. Bass) -- "We thought about killin' him... didn't want to go that far."


 * Emma Brand: To think I voted for you last election; never even considered nobody else! BAD, BAD SHERIFF! (upon her frustration of Andy refusing to help her get her pills)


 * NAUGHTY DEPUTY! (after Andy drops Barney's charges of arresting her for jaywalking)


 * Otis: [singing childlike to Barney who out of pride voluntarily put himself in the other cell] "Barney's in Jail! Barney's in Jail!"

Dialogue

 * Barney: Wanted posters came in, Andy.


 * Andy: Oh, good. File 'em, will you, Barn?


 * Barney: (reading posters) Let's see what we got here. "Henry 'Shopping Bag' Leonetti. Grand Larceny; $4,000 reward." "Max 'The Tongue' Rasmussen. Grand Theft Auto; reward $1,500." "Benjamin Schuster, alias Benjy Schus, alias Benny Schut. Forgery; reward $3,000." You know what this means, Andy?


 * Andy: What?


 * Barney: 8,500 American silver cartwheels right in our hands; only one small hitch.


 * Andy: We don't know where they are.


 * Barney: Right!

(from episode "Opie and the Spoiled Kid")


 * Andy: Well, no wonder it's quiet in town; the whole population's in here!
 * Barney: Yeah, like I promised you, Sheriff. Law and order kept in Mayberry this here day!
 * Andy: It must've been kept more this here day than all the other days put together!

---


 * Barney: I had them, Andy! I had them all dead to rights!  You can check the manual!  Every one of them was as guilty as sin!
 * Andy: Listen to me, Barney. Listen to me just a minute.  Now it's true you had them all dead to rights by the book.  But now if you went strictly by the book, why I don't reckon we'd have anything in this country but about 180 million jailbirds.
 * Barney: Yeah; I guess you're right. I was just trying to show you how much you could trust me.
 * Andy: I know you did, and I appreciate that, but maybe you tried just a bit too hard.

--


 * Mayor Pike: Oh, it's an outrage, Sheriff! That's what it is!  An outrage!


 * Andy: What'd you do? Drop a net over the whole town?
 * Barney: Just about! [chuckles]

---


 * Otis: Well, now; maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell nothin' much without my glasses.
 * Andy: Well, were you drunk when Deputy Fife arrested you?
 * Otis: I can't tell! I wasn't wearing my glasses!
 * Andy: I'm afraid I'm going to have to dismiss him, Barney. You can go, Otis.
 * Otis: Thanks, Andy.


 * Aunt Bee: I was standing in front of the courthouse chatting with a group of ladies.
 * Barney: Now that's unlawful assemblage in my book!
 * Andy: Well...
 * Barney: I asked them to move along, but Aunt Bee kept right on talking! So I asked her again, and she said, "Stop interrupting!"  Then another lady opened her umbrella; now that's inciting a riot!
 * [The people laugh.]
 * Andy: Well, now, Barney, you could have overlooked it, seeing as how the women always do congregate in front of the courthouse down here, and seeing as how it was Aunt Bee...
 * Aunt Bee: Oh, overlook, nothing! He was too busy yelling, "There will be no favoritism in Barney Fife's administration!"
 * [The people laugh.]
 * Opie: Are you going to fingerprint me, Barney?
 * Aunt Bee: Oh, don't joke, honey! He's liable to send you up to state prison!
 * [The people laugh again as Aunt Bee and Opie exit the courthouse.]

(from episode "Andy Saves Barney's Morale" by Frank Tarloff writing as David Adler (1961))


 * Clarabelle Morrison: Oh, look; there's the Sheriff. Good.
 * Jennifer Morrison: Let's go in!
 * Clarabelle: Jennifer! You will be the death of me yet! How many times must I tell you?  A lady never goes into a barber shop!
 * Jennifer: I'm sorry, Clarabelle; I keep forgetting. It's just that the odor of witch hazel atones me.
 * Clarabelle: Jennifer, you have got to control yourself!
 * Jennifer: But we've got to tell the Sheriff what we know.
 * Clarabelle: Well, we will. We'll wait outside for him.

(from episode "Alcohol and Old Lace")

More Dialogue

 * Barney: "Let's you and me dance."
 * Maude (escaped convict): "What made you change your mind?"
 * Barney: "You're beginning to get to me."
 * Maude: "You're a treasure!" (laughs)

Cast

 * Andy Griffith as Andy Taylor
 * Ronny Howard as Opie Taylor
 * Don Knotts as Barney Fife
 * Elinor Donahue as Ellie Walker
 * Frances Bavier as Aunt Bee
 * Hal Smith as Otis Campbell