The Batman

The Batman (2004-2008) is an animated television series produced by Warner Bros. Animation based on the DC Comics superhero Batman that aired in the Saturday morning television block Kids' WB. Although the series borrows many elements from previous Batman storylines, it does not follow the continuity set by the comic books, the film series, nor that of Batman: The Animated Series and its spin-offs.

The Bat in the Belfry [1.01]

 * The Joker: Takes after his pa, wouldn't you say?
 * [Batman comes face-to-face with Joker, a clown with white skin, green hair and a huge red grin on his face]
 * Batman: What did you do to him?
 * The Joker: Just some laughing gas, drag. Don't tell me you're not an inmate. [jumps down] What rational being dresses like you? Speaking of threads, think this is a good look for me?
 * Batman: Who are you?
 * The Joker: Joker.
 * Batman: Not what. Who?
 * [Batman places one hand on Joker's face. There is no sign of white paint on his hand]
 * The Joker: Smear-free. It's perma-clown! Ooh, tough crowd. Look. Nothing up my sleeves. Ha, ha. Nothing that won't put a smile on your face. Say cheese! [Batman throws a batarang, which knocks Joker's weapon out of his hand] I'm out of gas.
 * Batman: And I'm out of patience!
 * [Batman punches Joker]
 * The Joker: You really know how to spoil a coming-out party. How do you expect me to spread mirth and whimsy without a proper hideout?
 * Batman: Listen, Joker, you're sick. You need help.
 * Joker: Well, maybe I am a little off. [kicks Batman] But what are you gonna do? Lock me in the loony bin? I'm already here!


 * The Joker: Stop me if you've heard this one, Batman: Two fellows in an abandoned party favor factory. One says to the other...
 * Batman: Where are you keeping the gas, Joker?
 * The Joker: You call that a punch line?
 * Batman: I don't share your sense of humor.
 * The Joker: Yet we're linked, you and I. Like comedy and tragedy. Two sides, same coin.
 * Batman: The gas, Joker, or I vow I will turn your smile upside down.
 * The Joker: Well, if it's gas you want... [He throws a playing card at a brown bag, which falls to the stage floor. Batman dodges it in time] Place all tray tables in their upright positions. [Joker laughs maniacally]


 * The Joker: [after Batman foiled his plan] You have made me one very SAD CLOWN! [discovers that Batman is gone] Where'd you go?!
 * Batman: Knock-knock.
 * The Joker: Who's... there?
 * [Batman punches Joker]

Traction [1.02]

 * Bane: The Batman, I presume?
 * Batman: The masked look must really be catching on.
 * Bane: Defeat me, and I will allow you to remove it.
 * Batman: Hate to disappoint, but I don't fight for sport.
 * Bane: Then, fight for your life!


 * Batman: Talk to me. You can start with name and motive.
 * Bane: I am Bane, the last opponent you will ever face.

Call of the Cobblepot [1.03]

 * Ethan Bennett: In some ways, man, I'm glad freaks like this Penguin bring out the Batman.
 * Bruce Wayne: Hopefully, it's not the Batman who brings out the freaks.


 * The Penguin: Just one question, Batman: How'd you find me?
 * Batman: You left a trail of breadcrumbs, Cobblepot.
 * Penguin: Please, now that all pretenses are off, call me Penguin - a flightless bird, but one with style.

The Man Who Would Be Bat [1.04]

 * Batman: This has to end now before you start feeding on humans.
 * Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Oh, I'm so close to my goal. Two more doses of my formula, and the Man-Bat will rule the night forever.


 * Dr. Kirk Langstrom: I want to be like the Batman.
 * Bruce Wayne: You want to be a crime fighter?
 * Dr. Kirk Langstrom: No, Mr. Wayne, I want to be feared. You've forced me to accelerate my testing schedule, and pity that the Batman himself can't be here to witness. [drinks the serum] The birth of Man-Bat!

The Big Chill [1.05]

 * Batman: You keep talking as we met, Mr... Victor Fries? But you're... [Mr. Freeze freezes Batman]
 * Mr. Freeze: If I'm no longer living, Batman, you are the one who iced me. Allow me to return the favor.


 * Mr. Freeze: I'm king of the mountain! The new emperor of Gotham! So get used to the weather.
 * Batman: No, Freeze, this is my mountain.

The Cat and the Bat [1.06]

 * [On the TV]
 * Robinson Sprang: So, would you say the idea of a Batman/Catwoman link wasn't so farfetched after all?
 * Ellen Yin: Yes, it's clear now that they work together to take down Katsu... as a vigilante team.
 * [Bruce groans]
 * Alfred Pennyworth: Not quite what I had in mind when I encouraged you to meet women who share your interests, Master Bruce. But it's a start.
 * Batman: If Catwoman were somehow, some way able to trace the signal back here-
 * Alfred Pennyworth: We would have to rename it "The Catcave."

The Big Heat [1.07]

 * Batman: Firefly.
 * Firefly: Batman. [laughs] I see you survived your crack-up.
 * Batman: I know about GothCorp.
 * Firefly: What? Is that a rock band or something?


 * Bruce Wayne: GothCorp is involved in investigations, allegations, resignations; too many "ations" for my tastes.

Q & A [1.08]

 * Herbert Ziegler: Who are you?
 * Cluemaster: The man you cheated! [He reveals his face, but there is a long silence as the victims are puzzled] Arthur Brown, from the show!


 * Bruce Wayne: [about his childhood; why he couldn't play] There was work to do.
 * Alfred Pennyworth: Play is the work of a child.


 * Batman: Name the true identity of the Batman.
 * Cluemaster: Trick question! Ask another!
 * Batman: You said I could ask anything.

The Big Dummy [1.09]

 * Alfred Pennyworth: The young man you were expecting apologizes. He won't be able to attend, I'm afraid.
 * Becky: Let me guess. He's married.
 * Alfred Pennyworth: To his work.


 * Ventriloquist: Only one heist away from retirement and the clean, honest work of a cowboy.
 * Batman: You know... Gotham Penitentiary has a thriving retirement community.

Topsy Turvy [1.10]

 * The Joker: [mutters to himself in his cell, until Batman appears] The Batman! What if I hadn't been decent?
 * Batman: You're never decent, Joker. Why bother adding a stand-in to your card collection instead of me?
 * The Joker: [Laughs] To drive you batty, of course. And look, it's working.
 * Batman: [Grabs Joker] Answers, Joker.
 * The Joker: Do you really think I'd send a flunky to eliminate my favorite sparring partner? I reserve that pleasure for me alone.
 * Batman: Then why -
 * The Joker: Because I miss your company, Batman. [Batman pushes Joker aside] We're two sides of the same card. After all, you knew where I'd send my look-a-like to find you. And I knew all along that if I left a trail of breadcrumbs, you'd gobble them up!
 * Batman: Joker, you're not making sense. Why convince an orderly to do your dirty work when you could just have him unlock your cell?
 * The Joker: Because you've always been my ace, Batman. My ace in the hole! [Laughs and pulls out two sticks and plays a tune with no notes]
 * Batman: What?
 * [Joker blows out green Joker gas at Batman's face, causing him to collapse]
 * The Joker: [Cackles] I don't need you in my card collection. I never play with a full deck! [Laughs]


 * Joker: Welcome to Joker's revenge-o-rama! Introducing my first guest, [unveils Wigzell] Judge Horace Wigzell! He's such a card! [presses button, canned laughter plays] Now, why are you here? [in Southern accent] Because y'all done me wrong! [to the Judge] Wigzy, you sentenced me to life in the loony bin! [to Yin and Bennett] Detectives, you arrested me; Shame on you! [to Bagley] Bagley, how many times have I told you, I hate macaroni and cheese! Oh, how I've wanted to deck you all, and deck you I shall! [knocks Wigzell into the river] Go fish! [presses button, canned applause plays]

Bird of Prey [1.11]

 * Alfred Pennyworth: What has Master Bruce ever done to you?
 * The Penguin: Oh, nothing. Nothing really. Except own everything that should rightfully belong to me! I am from noble blood! The Cobblepots were once the toast of society! I am a Cobblepot!


 * Mel Bramwell: Get it all?
 * Cameraman: I hope so. It's a dark night.
 * Mel Bramwell: 'The Dark Knight'. Now that has a ring to it...

The Rubberface of Comedy [1.12]

 * Chief Angel Rojas: He made you look like clowns. Six months ago, Gotham had the lowest crime rate in the nation. Yesterday, we were declared the world's scariest city! And that was before Joker's latest escapade.
 * Gotham P.D. Member 1: But, chief, most of the guys on that board are in prison now, or Arkham.
 * Chief Angel Rojas: And who received credit for those busts? You? Or you, Yin? I know it wasn't you, Bennett. So tell me, who?
 * Gotham P.D. Member 2: Well, the Batman, I guess.
 * Chief Angel Rojas: That's right. The Batman. Well, I'm tired of clowns and vigilantes turning my department into a laughing stock. So say hello to my new zero-tolerance policy against all these freaks. No exceptions. And, for starters, I want Gotham's finest to take down Joker before the Batman does. Capeesh?
 * Detective Ethan Bennett: Chief Rojas, I'm going out on a limb here, but I've been thinking maybe we'd have more success if we tried working with Bats.
 * Chief Angel Rojas: Working with the Batman? Maybe you could wear spandex and be the Bat's sidekick! You'd better figure out where your loyalties lie, Detective, and fast!


 * Joker: Hold the mayo! I'm the vandal here! You mean to tell me the Chief of Police considers this... vigilante a greater menace than the Clown Prince of Crime?! Why, that's an outrage! An insult! In fact, detective, I resemble that remark!

Clayface of Tragedy [1.13]

 * Clayface: Come on in, Batman. It's time to say our goodbyes to Chief Rojas.
 * Batman: Let him go.
 * Clayface: What, you don't approve, Bats? After all, to Rojas here, we're both on the wrong side of the law.
 * Batman: It doesn't matter what he thinks. It's the code you live by that matters. And you don't wanna cross a line that you can't uncross.
 * Clayface: Maybe you haven't noticed, Bats, but my line's been crossed for good!
 * Detective Ellen Yin: Ethan, no!
 * Ethan Bennett: It's not cool to give away the secret identity, Yin. [transforms into Detective Ellen Yin] Not that it matters. [transforms into Bruce Wayne] When I can be anyone I choose. [transforms into Batman] And when I'm no longer sure what I am. [transforms into The Joker] Except a freak! [laughs] You know what separates the freaks from the normals? Just one rotten day. Ever had a really rotten day, Batman? [transforms back into Clayface]
 * Clayface: Thought so.
 * Batman: Joker's rotten to the core by choice. A choice that's still yours to make, Detective.
 * Detective Ellen Yin: Turn yourself in, Ethan. We can help you.
 * Clayface: You don't get it, do you? Joker didn't just melt my skin, he melted my mind! I am a freak, inside and out! And Chief Rojas has zero-tolerance for the likes of me!


 * Ellen Yin: [about Clayface] He could be anywhere.
 * Bruce Wayne: He could be anyone.

The Cat, the Bat, and the Very Ugly [2.01]

 * Catwoman: Cats and birds are natural enemies, you know.
 * Penguin: Now, with enemies like you, cat chickie, who needs friends?


 * Catwoman: You read Ancient Egyptian?
 * Batman: The pictures help.

Riddled [2.02]

 * Ellen Yin: Riddler, you're a maniac!
 * Riddler: I prefer the term "Brainiac".


 * Ellen Yin: Four sides facing north. The house is at the South Pole, so it's a polar bear. The answer is "white." [Batman ignores the trap] Aren't you taking a risk?
 * Batman: There are no bears at the South Pole. This riddle has no answer.
 * Ellen Yin: Riddler cheated?
 * Batman: Riddler quit. He's through playing.

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 * Batman: What's black and blue and green all over? [hits Riddler]

Fire & Ice [2.03]

 * Alfred Pennyworth: [to Bruce] Or perhaps it is just your way of seeking what the Batman cannot have: the approval of Gotham's finest. [Bruce gives Alfred a look, sarcastically] Yes, I'm fired, I know.

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 * Ellen Yin: Wayne, I know your secret.
 * Bruce Wayne: Excuse me?
 * Ellen Yin: It's been quite an act. You really had me snowed.
 * Bruce Wayne: I don't know what you...
 * Ellen Yin: Want me to spell it out for you? There's two sides to Bruce Wayne. Most people look at you and think "Rich party boy, only does the charity thing for the PR". But I can see this isn't a front. You really DO care.
 * Bruce Wayne: [Sighs in relief] Boy, you've really got my number.

The Laughing Bat [2.04]

 * Batman: The costume party is over, Joker.
 * Joker: Joker? Didn't you hear? The Clown Prince of Crime has checked out. He just couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the Batman. Always there to foil his greatest schemes, and it's starting to drive him mad. [Batman grabs Joker] Then, the Joker thought, if he couldn't beat the Bat, he'd be the Bat.

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 * Batman: Stop me if you heard this one before, Joker. A man walks into a bar... [Throws Joker against a street lamp]
 * Joker: Ow!
 * Batman: ...and said "Ow".
 * Joker: [starts to laugh] Good one, Batman. Said "Ow". [Laughs even harder] Who knew you had it in you? [Laughs some more]
 * Batman: That's the Joker I know.

Swamped [2.05]

 * Killer Croc: You sure got a lot of bloodhound in you... for a bat.

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 * Batman: [about Croc's plan] Tens of thousands will be killed.
 * Killer Croc: And I'll shed a crocodile tear for each and every one of 'em.

Pets [2.06]

 * Bruce Wayne: [to the raccoon] Nice mask.
 * Alfred Pennyworth: In case you were considering taking on a sidekick, sir?
 * Bruce Wayne: Don't worry, Alfred. I think Penguin and I have had enough of "pets" for the time being.

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 * Penguin: You and your doo doo are going the way of the dodo!

Meltdown [2.07]

 * Orderly: Time for your medicine, Joker.
 * Joker: But my dear flunkie, you left the meds outside.
 * [Orderly changing to Clayface]
 * Clayface: That's not the kind of medicine I had in mind!

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 * Batman: You have options.
 * Clayface: Like prison or Arkham? Hmm. I pick eliminating witnesses!
 * Batman: That's the clay talking, Bennett.
 * Clayface: How do you know where Bennett ends and Clayface begins?

JTV [2.08]

 * Joker: Didn't we all learn an important lesson today? That's right, with a positive attitude and a smile, maybe, just maybe, we can all get along?

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 * Joker: [During the "Telethon"] We've just received fifty dollars from: Grandma Shades! She says: "Please don't harm my grandson, I beg you". Human compassion at it's finest!

Ragdolls to Riches [2.09]

 * Catwoman: Come on, don't be a sour puss. Right, the cat's eyes were a legend, weren't they, so no one will know they're missing because they aren't even suppose to be here. [Batman glares at her] Not even one?

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 * Ragdoll: Kitten's got claws.
 * Catwoman: [cracks her whip] Kitten's got a whip!

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 * Selina Kyle: Who knew Gotham's wealthiest bachelor had such a grip.
 * Bruce Wayne: Yours is not as bad as yourself...err, your grip.
 * Selina Kyle: A firm handshake is a must in my life.
 * Bruce Wayne: And you are?
 * Selina Kyle: Selina Kyle.

The Butler Did It [2.10]

 * Bruce Wayne: Well, it's no Arkham Asylum, but it should hold you.
 * Alfred Pennyworth: It shall suffice, sir. All I need is some reading. And a spot of tea. Oh, and a telly! To watch live coverage of the Batman foiling Spellbinder, of course!
 * Bruce Wayne: [with a British accent] Right away, then, sir!

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 * Batman: A strong mind...perceives its own reality!
 * Spellbinder: Question is: How strong IS your mind?

Grundy's Night [2.11]

 * Batman: A shape-shifter in a wax museum... Great.

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 * Bruce Wayne: Any good costumes this round?
 * Alfred Pennyworth: If you consider Joker, Penguin, and Catwoman "good"...
 * Bruce Wayne: I guess it's more fun to be the bad guys.

Strange Minds [2.12]

 * Batman: Tell me where you're keeping Detective Yin!
 * Joker: No, not singing.
 * Batman: Then I'll make you sing even if I have to turn your mind inside-out!

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 * Professor Hugo Strange: The tears of a clown, the rage behind the leer. Tonight, I only witnessed Joker's peculiar form of madness. So many dark roads to cross, before I can get to... [moves Joker's file to reveal one with Batman's picture on it] the other side.

Night and the City [2.13]

 * Ellen Yin: Chief's pulling out all the stops; you'd better lay low.
 * Batman: Not while the gruesome threesome's on the loose.

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 * Chief Angel Rojas: Detective Yin aided and abetted a known criminal, resisted arrest, and fled police custody.
 * Commissioner Gordon: That's one way of looking at it. Here's another: Detective Yin helped to bring in Gotham's three most wanted. It seems to me this department has had its share of bad press lately. Do you think it is wise to arrest a hero?

Batgirl Begins Part 1 [3.01]

 * [After possessed Batman starts attacking her]
 * Batgirl: Guess you were serious about not wanting a sidekick!

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 * Poison Ivy: You're getting to be a real thorn in my side, Batman.
 * Batman: And you're no rose, Poison Ivy.

Batgirl Begins Part 2 [3.02]

 * Batman: Let me make myself clear: there's no room for a Batgirl in Gotham.
 * Batgirl: That's cool because it's Batwoman, as in, I'm a grown woman and don't need to listen to you.
 * Batman: Then, for your own safety, if you won't listen to me, I'm gonna have to tell your father, Miss Gordon.
 * Batgirl: Uh, you must have me confused with someone else. [Batman glares at her] Dude! You just broke the superhero secret identity code!

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 * Commissioner Gordon: I, uh, owe you my thanks, Batgirl.
 * Batgirl: It's Batwo- Forget it. Batgirl, it is. Ok, then. Gotta go. Uh, you take care now, citizen.
 * Commissioner Gordon: Another red? Huh. What are the chances?

A Dark Knight to Remember [3.03]

 * Batgirl: Just tell me that one day I'll get to meet the man behind the bat.
 * Batman: Who says I'm a man?

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 * Batgirl: Hurry, Batman; you're about to have three sidekicks!

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 * Barbara Gordon: Muscles on his muscles, rich enough to finance all his gadgets... and a jawline I'd recognize anywhere! Oh, Brucie, you are so totally the Batman!

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 * Penguin: Batman?!? You're supposed to be pushing up clams!

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 * Penguin: I heard you got some back-up, Batman, but no one told me it was your baby sister!

The Icy Depths [3.12]

 * [The intersecting lights from the 4 landmarks have formed an X over the harbor]
 * Alfred Pennyworth: X marks the spot indeed.

Gotham's Ultimate Criminal Mastermind [3.13]

 * D.A.V.E.: You probably want to know how I uncovered your secret. It was simple, really. Using information readily available to anyone, I began by narrowing down Gotham's population of 750,832 males. Those not falling inside the Batman's probable age range of 18 to 36 were eliminated. Medical records revealed body type matches. Tax records indicated those who possess the wealth and resources to create his technology. But the true key to the puzzle was deducing who of the remaining candidates had motive to become the Batman. After all, every great hero must have an origin. And once Gotham's ultimate criminal mastermind put it all together, the answer was obvious. Bruce Wayne, son of the late Thomas and Martha Wayne. [Batman runs to Alfred. D.A.V.E. hits him.] So, Bruce Wayne, you no longer need to hide behind this. [Takes off his mask]
 * Batman: Impressive. You have all the answers, D.A.V.E. Except one. Every great supervillain has an origin too. What's yours?
 * D.A.V.E.: My origin? I… I… fell into a chemical bath.
 * Batman: That's Joker.
 * D.A.V.E.: A cryogenic mishap. No, I lost my family fortune.
 * Batman: Freeze. Penguin.
 * D.A.V.E.: I was a mad psychiatrist using Arkham as my cover.
 * Batman: That's Professor Strange, your creator. You can't remember your origin because it doesn't exist. You're a computer program.
 * D.A.V.E.: But I am Gotham's ultimate criminal mastermind. I consider all possibilities. How could I not have considered this?
 * Batman: [hits him and presses the red button] You may not have a beginning. But now you have an end. [Giant coin crushes D.A.V.E.]

Two of a Kind [4.08]

 * The Joker: Pop psychology at its worst! The girl's [Harleen Quinzel] theories are unfounded! Her professional manner's a joke and training, if ANY, is shoddy at best! I LOVE this show! The girl's more screw-loose than me!

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 * [During commercial break, Harleen runs off the stage before getting ready for the next part of the show. On the way, she runs into someone...]
 * Harleen: Ooh, Jimmy Herbert! Network bigwig! What brings you to the set today? Let me guess, in search of fashion advice?
 * Jimmy: Speaking of advice, what kind are you giving these people?
 * Harleen: Are you questioning me? Everyone who has an online degree in psychology please raise your hand. [Harleen raises her own hand but Jimmy is not impressed] Oh, okay, then how about we let the professionals do their job, alright hon?
 * Jimmy: This show is supposed to help people. You've turned it into a circus!
 * Harleen: I know! And if you want to talk circus, wait until you see my Valentine's Day special!
 * Jimmy: Look, there won't be a Valentine's day special if you keep this...[At this point, one of the stage managers alerts Harleen that it is time to resume the show]
 * Harleen: Oopsies, gotta get back! Laters, though.

Seconds [4.09]

 * Francis Grey: 1 second became 5 seconds, then 10, then 20. I wanted to go back 20 years before any of this happened, but all I got was 20 seconds. I can't get my time back, but I can punish the city for taking it.

Riddler's Revenge [4.10]

 * Riddler: Even you, Batman, could've puzzled together a mystery this obvious.
 * Batman: Yeah, obvious. I guess I just figured with a riddle, the most obvious answer's rarely the right one.

A Mirror Darkly [5.05]

 * Robin: Stop copying me!
 * Copy Robin: Stop copying me!
 * Robin: Oh, so you can talk.
 * Copy Robin: Oh, so you can talk.
 * Robin: Cut it out!
 * Copy Robin: Cut it out!
 * Robin: Quit it!
 * Copy Robin: Quit it!
 * Robin: I like to smell my feet.
 * Copy Robin: You like to smell your feet?
 * Robin: How did I fall for that?

Lost Heroes Part 2 [5.13]

 * [last lines of the series]
 * Batgirl: Yeah. junior Justice League, teen division.
 * Batman: Nice try.