The Big Bang Theory (season 2)


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The Big Bang Theory (2007–19) is an American television sitcom, aired on CBS, centering on the lives of two physicists, their neighbor, an aspiring actress and waitress at The Cheesecake Factory and two friends/coworkers at their university.



The Bad Fish Paradigm [2.01]

 * Penny: Has Leonard ever dated any regular girls?
 * Sheldon: Well, I assume that you're not talking about digestive regularity, because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.
 * Penny: No, I mean has he ever dated someone who wasn't a brainiac?
 * Sheldon: Oh, well, there was this one girl who had a PhD in French Literature.
 * Penny: How is that not a brainiac?
 * Sheldon: Well, for one thing, she was French. For another, it was literature.


 * Raj: We just got back from that exhibit of those plasticized cadavers.
 * Howard: Some of those skinless chicks were hot.
 * Sheldon: If you'll excuse me, I’m going to pack.
 * Howard: That's kind of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia.
 * Leonard: It's not you, Howard. He says he's moving out.
 * Raj: What did you do? Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Raj: Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Howard: Did you buy generic ketchup? Forget to rinse the sink? Talk to him through the bathroom door?
 * Raj: Adjust the thermostat? Cook with cilantro? Pronounce the 'T' in "often"?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Howard: Did you make fun of trains?
 * Leonard: I didn’t do anything, he's just gone insane.
 * Howard: Well, we all knew this day was coming.
 * [Sheldon reappears with his bag packed]
 * Leonard: That was fast.
 * Sheldon: It's my pre-packed disaster evacuation bag. It's recommended by the Department of Homeland Security. And Sarah Connor.

The Codpiece Topology [2.02]

 * Leonard: Whoa, I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle... [long pause indicating the end of the counting]
 * Sheldon: Notify the editors of The Oxford English Dictionary: The word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two".


 * Sheldon: Leonard is upstairs right now with my archenemy.
 * Penny: Your archenemy?
 * Sheldon: Yes: the Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic, the Dr. Octopus to my Spider-Man, the Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel...
 * Penny: Okay, I get it, I get it...
 * Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many super villains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.

The Barbarian Sublimation [2.03]

 * Sheldon: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work...and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that, too.
 * Leonard: Why should I do something? You're the one who introduced her to online gaming.
 * Sheldon: Yes, but you're the one who said hello to her when she moved in. If you'd simply restrained yourself, none of this would be happening.
 * Leonard: Why don't you just tell her to leave you alone?
 * Sheldon: I did! I told her, I texted her, I sent out a very emphatic Tweet, I even changed my Facebook status to "Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone"! I don't know what else to do!
 * Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to do?
 * Sheldon: I don't know, but if you don't figure something out, I warn you, I shall become very difficult to live with!
 * Leonard: You mean up until now we've been experiencing the happy, fun-time Sheldon?
 * Sheldon: Yes.
 * Leonard: I'll go talk to her!


 * [Sheldon is talking to a potential mate for Penny]
 * Sheldon: Excuse me. Are you currently involved in a sexual relationship?
 * Blaine: No?
 * Sheldon: Would you like to be?
 * [Leonard and Leslie look shocked and amused as they realize what's happening]
 * Blaine: Uh... Sure, why not?
 * Leonard: Sheldon -
 * Sheldon: [silences him] Can I have your phone number?
 * Blaine: [looks him up and down] Err... Yeah.
 * [A little too eagerly, he grabs Sheldon's hand and writes his number on his palm]

The Griffin Equivalency [2.04]

 * Gablehauser: Hello, boys.
 * Raj: Dr. Gablehauser.
 * Gablehauser: Dr. Koothrappali.
 * Leonard: Dr. Gablehauser.
 * Gablehauser: Dr. Hofstadter.
 * Sheldon: Dr. Gablehauser.
 * Gablehauser: Dr. Cooper.
 * Howard: Dr. Gablehauser.
 * Gablehauser: Mr. Wolowitz.


 * Raj: Excuse me. Oh, it's my assistant Trevor. Go for Koothrappali. Uh-huh.
 * Howard: They gave him an assistant? If I want a new pen I have to go to the bank with wire cutters.
 * Sheldon: [still smiling] Have we at this point met our social obligations?
 * Leonard: Not yet.
 * Raj: Okay, just put it on my calendar but start thinking of a reason why I can't go, alrighty? Koothrappali out. God bless that boy, I don't know what I'd do without him.
 * Leonard: You just got him this afternoon.
 * Raj: Yes, but I’m finding that having a lackey suits me.
 * Leonard: A lackey?
 * Raj: Oh, I'm sorry, is that politically incorrect? In India we just call them untouchables.
 * Sheldon: Now?
 * Leonard: Almost.
 * Raj: Speaking of untouchables, I've got great news for you guys. People magazine is having a reception this Saturday, and I managed to get you invited.
 * Howard: Oh, gee, thanks.
 * Raj: Oh, you're welcome. Of course, I couldn't get you into the VIP section, because, you know, that's for VIPs, and you guys are just, you know, Ps.
 * Sheldon: There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea where, when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village they kill him, and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense of course, but one can see their point. [smiles]

The Euclid Alternative [2.05]

 * [Sheldon is trying Howard's driving simulator - with disastrous results]
 * Leonard: How did you manage to get on the second floor of the Glendale Galleria?
 * Sheldon: I don't know, I was on the Pasadena Freeway, missed my exit, flew off the overpass and... one thing led to another.
 * [Screeching tires are heard from the simulator, followed by a crash and barking and meowing]
 * Leonard: Awwwwww, the pet store...
 * Sheldon: Remind me to compliment Wolowitz on the software, it's amazingly detailed.


 * Penny: You know, I gotta ask; why didn't you just get a license at 16 like everybody else?
 * Sheldon: I was otherwise engaged.
 * Penny: Doing what?
 * Sheldon: Examining perturbative amplitudes in N = 4 Supersymmetric Theories, leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of Multi-loop N = 8 Supergravity using modern Twistor Theory.
 * Penny: Well, how about when you were 17?

The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem [2.06]

 * Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make paper-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava.
 * Leonard: Oh, good God.
 * Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make some significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you, a cruel trick indeed. Any questions? [No one in the classroom says anything] Of course not. I weep for the future of science; now if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out. Come, Leonard. [leaves]
 * Leonard: [referring to his earlier failed experiment] Laser demonstration's looking pretty good now, huh?


 * Penny: I know this is none of my business, but I just... I have to ask — what's Sheldon's deal?
 * Leonard: What do you mean, "deal"?
 * Penny: You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls...? Guys...? Sock puppets...?
 * Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.
 * Penny: Come on, everybody has a deal.
 * Howard: Not Sheldon. Over the years we've formulated a number of theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
 * Penny: I'm sorry?
 * Howard: I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
 * Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
 * Penny: Okay, well, thanks for the nightmares.

The Panty Piñata Polarization [2.07]

 * [the guys are playing Klingon Boggle]
 * Howard: I have "chor" [Klingon for "belly"]
 * Sheldon and Raj: Got it.
 * Howard: "neHmaH" [Klingon for "neutral zone"]
 * Sheldon and Raj: Yep.
 * Howard: And "Kreplach".
 * Raj: Hold on a second, "Kreplach"?
 * Howard: Yeah.
 * Raj: That isn't Klingon, it's Yiddish for a meat-filled dumpling!
 * Howard: Well, as it turns out, it's also a Klingon word.
 * Leonard: Really? Define it.
 * Howard: Kreplach: a hearty, Klingon... dumpling.
 * Raj: Judge's ruling?
 * Sheldon: [makes thumbs-down gesture] bIlughbe' [Klingon for "you are not right"]


 * Raj: We now have the address of the [America's Next] Top Model house.
 * Howard: God bless you, Google Street View—registered trademark.
 * Leonard: Okay, for the record, what you guys are doing is really creepy.
 * Howard: You know what? If it's creepy to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.

The Lizard-Spock Expansion [2.08]

 * Sheldon: Oh, look! Saturn 3 is on.
 * Raj: I don't want to watch Saturn 3. Deep Space 9 is better.
 * Sheldon: How is Deep Space 9 better than Saturn 3?
 * Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you it's six better.
 * Leonard: Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.
 * Sheldon: In what sense is that a compromise?
 * Leonard: Well, 5 is partway between 3 and... never mind.
 * Raj: I'll tell you what. How about we go 'Rock-Paper-Scissors'?
 * Sheldon: Ooh, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of 'Rock-Paper-Scissors', players familiar with each other will tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock'.
 * Raj: What?
 * Sheldon: It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
 * Raj: Okay. I think I got it.
 * Sheldon and Raj: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock! [both play Spock and groan in frustration]


 * Sheldon: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.
 * Leonard: Well, I wanna watch it now.
 * Sheldon: Then I believe we've arrived at another quintessential 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock' moment.
 * [Sheldon holds up his fist in preparation to play]
 * Leonard: Watch whatever you want. [gives Sheldon the remote]
 * Raj: I saw what you did there.
 * Sheldon: [confused] What'd I do?

The White Asparagus Triangulation [2.09]

 * Sheldon: [knock-knock-knock] Leonard! [knock-knock-knock] Leonard! [knock-knock-knock] Leonard!
 * Leonard: What Sheldon? What Sheldon? What Sheldon?
 * Sheldon: Tell me what you see here. [points to his laptop screen]
 * Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
 * Sheldon: This is Stephanie's Facebook page. Now where it should say "in a relationship", what does it say?
 * Leonard: Stephanie Barnett is single.
 * Sheldon: Furthermore, earlier this evening, she threw a digital sheep at some guy named Mike. Who's Mike? Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
 * Leonard: It's just her Facebook page! And we've only been going out a couple of weeks.
 * Sheldon: You don't see it, do you? We're losing her.
 * Leonard: Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you. You are not in this relationship. I am! Ergo, you have noooo say in anything that happens between me and Stephanie.
 * Sheldon: I'm afraid I can't allow that. Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104, Section A, you are deemed unfit, and I hereby relieve you of your command.
 * Leonard: General Order 104, Section A does not apply in this situation.
 * Sheldon: Give me one good reason why not.
 * Leonard: Because this is not Star Trek!


 * [Sheldon is discussing Leonard's failed relationships with Penny]
 * Sheldon: So what is the "down" and the "low", and don't worry, this is all entirely confidential, so you feel free to include any and all shortcomings in the bedroom.
 * Penny: We never got to the bedroom.
 * Sheldon: Because...?
 * Penny: Okay, alright, you know what? I'll tell you what happened. We were young, we were very much in love, but we could only communicate through a time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.
 * Sheldon: It's not enough that you made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?!

The Vartabedian Conundrum [2.10]

 * Sheldon: Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night?
 * Leonard: Oh, come on! Sheldon, we don’t ask questions like that.
 * Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over! How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
 * Stephanie: He did very nicely.
 * Sheldon: See? She’s not offended. And now you finally have an answer.


 * Leonard: Some mornings, I'll just mosey down to the third floor in my pajamas and have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
 * Sheldon: Really? I've never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
 * Leonard: She doesn't like you.
 * [later]
 * Sheldon: What could I have possibly done to insult Mrs. Vartabedian?

The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis [2.11]

 * Leonard: I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't want to go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, newsflash, lady. David Underhill is ten times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike in his brain for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I am like one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is...what's up with that?
 * Penny: [crying] Why are you yelling at me?
 * Leonard: Sorry! I'm sorry, sorry. Never mind. We're cool.
 * Penny: Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot.
 * Leonard: [chuckling] Really? Why would you say that?
 * Penny: Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
 * Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
 * Penny: THAT'S WHAT YOU TOOK FROM THAT?! THE GUY IS MARRIED!
 * Leonard: Oh, yeah. I'm sorr-- oh, that's terrible!


 * [Penny knocks on the door]
 * Penny: Merry Christmas!
 * Leonard: Merry Christmas!
 * Penny: How's your leg?
 * Leonard: Very good. Thanks for asking. Come on in.
 * Sheldon: Oh, good, Penny, you're here to exchange gifts. You'll be pleased to know that I'm prepared for whatever you have to offer.
 * Penny: [handing Sheldon his present] Okay, here.
 * Sheldon: Hmmm. [starts to open his present] I should note, I'm having some digestive distress, [Leonard shakes his head no] so if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed. [completes opening his present] Oh! A napkin.
 * Penny: Turn it over!
 * Sheldon: [becomes weak at the knees and has to sit down as he reads] "To Sheldon. Live long and prosper... Leonard Nimoy."
 * Penny: Yeah, he came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin's dirty, he wiped his mouth with it.
 * Sheldon: [gasps] I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?!
 * Penny: Well... [looks toward Leonard then back to Sheldon] yeah, I guess. But look, he signed it!
 * Sheldon: [visibly shaking] Do you realize what this means?!?! All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!!
 * Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

The Killer Robot Instability [2.12]

 * Sheldon: [trash talking to Barry Kripke] Kripke. Your robot is inferior and it will be defeated by ours because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution. Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight.
 * Raj: Oh, snap.
 * Sheldon: Now of course if that is a result of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony, I withdraw that comment.
 * Raj: What difference does it make, fat is fat!
 * Sheldon: There are boundaries!


 * Leonard: Barry, we can't fight you tomorrow. Our engineer is incapacitated.
 * Barry Kripke: What's wwong with him?
 * Raj: He's depressed, because he's pathetic and creepy and can't get girls.
 * Barry: We'we aww pathetic and cweepy and can't get giwws. That's why we fight wobots. If you'we not thewe, you'ww be exposed to widicule.
 * Raj: [addressing Barry's rhotacism] I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from?

The Friendship Algorithm [2.13]

 * Raj: Gentlemen, I put it to you: the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor.
 * Sheldon: First off, that's axiomatically wrong, because the best pudding is chocolate. Secondly, the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death. It is extracted from the plant -
 * Howard: [deliberately interrupting him] Hey, I'm thinking of growing a mustache.
 * Leonard: [playing along] Aaah... No kidding. Fu Manchu? A Handlebar? Pencil?
 * Sheldon: [desperately] It's extracted from the plant -
 * Howard: I'm not sure yet. You know. George Clooney has one.
 * Raj: Really? I once saw him at Ralph's. He was buying tequila.
 * Howard: Oh. You'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey.
 * [They look at Sheldon, who is crinkling his lips in frustration]
 * Leonard: [smiling] Alright. This is cruel. We'd better let him finish before his head explodes.
 * Howard: Alright, Sheldon, why is tapioca - ?
 * Sheldon: [very quickly, in a rambling manner] Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant Manihot Esculenta. Due to a high concentration of cyanide, it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly! [takes a drink of water]
 * Raj: Feel better now?
 * Sheldon: [continuing] It is also indigenous to Brazil, as is the cocoa bean from which we get chocolate, the best pudding, and you [Leonard] promised you wouldn't do that anymore!


 * Penny: What about Howard and Raj, how did [Sheldon] become friends with them?
 * Leonard: I don't know... how do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
 * Penny: Well, yeah, sure, when you put it that way.

The Financial Permeability [2.14]

 * Sheldon: I see no large upcoming expenditures, unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with Adamantium like Wolverine.
 * Penny: Are they working on that?
 * Sheldon: I sincerely hope so.


 * Penny: Oh, Leonard. If we moved in together, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you.
 * Leonard: Really?
 * Penny: And you thought my acting classes were a waste of money.

The Maternal Capacitance [2.15]

 * Sheldon: [about Leonard] My theory is that his lack of focus stems from an overdeveloped sex drive.
 * Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I don't know where he would have gotten that. Aside from a pro forma consummation of our marriage, his father and I only had intercourse for the purposes of reproduction.
 * Sheldon: That seems a fairly efficient arrangement.
 * Beverly: Yes, we think so. We've both done papers on it. Mine from a neuroscientific point of view and his from an anthropological. Mine, of course, was the only one worth reading.
 * Sheldon: Of course. I would very much like to read about your sex life.
 * Beverly: Well, it's all online, or you can order it from the Princeton University press.
 * Leonard: Here is your tea, mother. So, what are you guys talking about?
 * Sheldon: The frequency with which your parents had intercourse.
 * Leonard: Swell. If you are lucky maybe she'll show you the PowerPoint presentation.
 * [Sheldon looks thrilled]
 * Beverly: I'm sorry, it's on my other laptop.
 * Sheldon: Awwww…


 * Leonard: [attempting to get back at Howard and Raj, who were asking Beverly to talk about Leonard's more successful siblings] Howard lives with his mother, and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go!
 * Beverly: Oh, that's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common, it borders on sociological cliché.
 * Howard: It's just temporary. I pay rent.
 * Leonard: He lives in the same room where his bassinet was.
 * Beverly: You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
 * Howard: Say what?

The Cushion Saturation [2.16]

 * Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0,0,0,0].
 * Penny: What?
 * Leonard: Don't sit in his spot.
 * Penny: Fine. Happy?
 * Sheldon: I'm not unhappy. [leaves]
 * Penny: Boy I love him, he is one serious wackadoodle.


 * Leonard: Do you know what baffles me, Sheldon?
 * Sheldon: Based on your academic record, a number of things, I would imagine.

The Terminator Decoupling [2.17]

 * Howard: [about Summer Glau] I have eleven hours with her in a confined space. Unless she's willing to jump off a moving train and tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.
 * Leonard: [short pause] My money's on tuck and roll.

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 * Penny: [going through a box to find Sheldon's USB] Okay, I've got a box, but there's no key in here. Just letters.
 * Sheldon: [edgy] That's the wrong box. Put it back.
 * Penny: Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?
 * Sheldon: Don't read those letters!
 * Penny: Oh, look! She calls you Moon Pie! That is so cute!
 * Sheldon: PUT DOWN THE LETTERS!

The Work Song Nanocluster [2.18]

 * Howard: Hey! You know what'd be a great idea: we get some girls over here and play laser-obstacle-strip-chess...
 * Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that, you don't want to see naked.
 * Howard: You underestimate me.

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 * Sheldon: I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
 * Penny: Who's Radiohead?
 * Sheldon: [after twitching for a moment] I have a working knowledge of the important things.

The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition [2.19]

 * Sheldon: You hear about this on TV, but you never think it will happen to you.
 * Leonard: So they steamed your dumplings; get over it! New topic, please!
 * Howard: Alright, Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
 * Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
 * Howard: So there is a number?
 * Penny: Okay, new topic, please.

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 * [Upon hearing that Leonard, Wolowitz, and Raj are upstairs in the new girl's apartment]
 * Penny: Typical.
 * Sheldon: It's axiomatically atypical. Up until recently they did not know Alicia, and had no encounters with her in her previous location. They never went upstairs to visit the former tenants. So your characterization of their behavior as typical is demonstrably fallacious.
 * Penny: [referring to his earlier impersonation of Admiral Ackbar] Okay, now I see the squid head.

The Hofstadter Isotope [2.20]

 * Sheldon: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode?
 * Leonard: Apparently so.
 * Sheldon: Are you ill?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Sheldon: All right, then is it fair to say that you're experiencing some sort of emotional turmoil over the events involving Penny earlier this evening?
 * Leonard: When did you pick up on that?
 * Sheldon: A moment ago when you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode.

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 * Sheldon: I've spent the last 3 hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chat room and I need your help.
 * Stuart: Ohm yeah, those guys can be very stubborn, what's the topic?
 * Sheldon: I am asserting: in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, the original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Batcowl.
 * Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
 * Sheldon: "More wrong"? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
 * Stuart: Of course it is; it's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

The Vegas Renormalization [2.21]

 * Sheldon: You know... I’m given to understand that there’s an entire city in Nevada… designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems... and replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
 * Raj: Is it me... or is that Sheldon’s way of saying "Vegas Baby"?

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 * Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

The Classified Materials Turbulence [2.22]

 * Sheldon: [after Leonard refuses to check a message from Stuart, assuming it's about Penny] You have to check your messages, Leonard! The leaving of a message is one half of a social contract which is completed by the checking of the message. If that contract breaks down then all social contracts break down and we descend into anarchy!
 * Leonard: It must be hell inside your head.
 * Sheldon: [pause] At times.

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 * Stuart: Sheldon, here is the new edition of Hellboy. It's mind blowing.
 * Sheldon: Excuse me. Spoiler alert!
 * Stuart: What?
 * Sheldon: You told me "it's mind blowing". So my mind goes into it "pre-blown". Once your mind is "pre-blown", it cannot be "re-blown".
 * Stuart: [bewildered] I'm sorry.
 * Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.

The Monopolar Expedition [2.23]

 * Howard: You guys are seriously considering this [going to the North Pole with Sheldon]?
 * Leonard: Yes!
 * Howard: [incredulous] And you think you can put up with Sheldon?
 * Raj: Well, I'm a Hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life, we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!

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 * [Leonard, Raj and Howard are in the Cheesecake Factory freezer along with Sheldon, forced by the latter to perform exercises that mimic the movement of their tasks when they will be at the North Pole, but after less than a minute they have enough]
 * Sheldon: Gentlemen, use your imagination. Innovate. Did Han Solo let Luke Skywalker freeze to death on the ice planet of Hoth? No. He cut open a tauntaun and used its internal body heat to warm him up.
 * Howard: You heard the man. Hold him down and I’ll cut him open.

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 * [After Leonard asks why Penny gave him an unusually long hug]
 * Penny: Leonard, I don't know what to tell you; it was just a hug.
 * Leonard: Glad we cleared that up.
 * Penny: Yeah.
 * Leonard: I guess I'll see you.
 * Penny: Okay, have a safe trip.
 * Leonard: Thank you. Bye.
 * Penny: Bye. [closes her door and sighs] It means I wish you weren't going.