The Cannonball Run

The Cannonball Run is a 1981 comedy film about a wide variety of eccentric competitors who participate in a wild and illegal cross-country car race.
 * Directed by Hal Needham. Written by Brock Yates.

You'll root for them all...but you'll never guess who wins.

Organizer

 * Of course you know certain skeptics note that perhaps 10,000 of the nations' most elite highway patrolmen are out there waiting for us after we start, but let's stay positively: Think of the fact that there's not one state in the 50 that has the death penalty for speeding... although I'm not so sure about Ohio.

Dialogue

 * Fenderbaum: We've got a secret weapon. God is our co-pilot!
 * The Geek: You'll need him!
 * Jamie Blake: *God* is our co-pilot?
 * Fenderbaum: Uh huh...
 * Jamie Blake: Remember our car?
 * Fenderbaum: Uh huh...
 * Jamie Blake: Two seats?
 * Fenderbaum: Two seats...
 * Jamie Blake: Where's he gonna sit? [smack] Where's he gonna sit? [smack]


 * Fenderbaum: Why'd he call me Shorty?
 * Jamie Blake: 'Cause you're small. Small. S - M - all.


 * The Sheik: My driving is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens!
 * [thunder crashes]
 * Shiek's Sister: So you still intend to enter the race with the infidel Americans?
 * The Sheik: The Cannonball will fall to the forces of Islam! [thunder crashes] My dear sister! I swear it!


 * Mr. Foyt: Terrorists my dimpled ass! These people make terrorists look like the Sisters of Charity! These guys are Cannonballers!
 * Pamela Glover: What is that? A bowling team?


 * Mr. Foyt: Well, how do you all feel now you have raped the American highways?
 * J.J. McClure: Beautiful!


 * J.J. McClure: Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back.
 * Victor Prinsi: Well, it's not my fault that she didn't fit in the stretcher!
 * J.J. McClure: She doesn't fit in the AMBULANCE!


 * [finding the men's room locked, Van Helsing follows Pamela into the women's room]
 * Pamela Glover: Wait a minute, you can't come in here.
 * Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: Madam, not to be indelicate but in my profession; if you've seen one, you've seen them all.
 * Pamela Glover: Oh, okay.


 * Fenderbaum: [Fenderbaum and Blake's Ferrari drives alongside J.J.'s ambulance] Pull over! We want to give you our blessing!
 * Victor Prinsi: J.J., there are two priest in that car. They want us to pull over.
 * J.J. McClure: Victor, that's two priests driving a Ferrari. When's the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?
 * Victor Prinsi: No, they're doing the work of the Lord. In a Ferrari, they can just do it faster.


 * Fenderbaum: [noticing Blake acting oddly at bar] What is it?
 * Jamie Blake: Look at the chicks! Boy, if they were Methodists, what a shot we could have had of getting laid right here.
 * [guy at bar overhearing spits his drink out]

Cast

 * Burt Reynolds - J.J. McClure
 * Dom DeLuise - Victor Prinzi
 * Roger Moore - Seymour Goldfarb, Jr.
 * Farrah Fawcett - Pamela Glover
 * Dean Martin - Jamie Blake
 * Sammy Davis Jr. - Fenderbaum
 * George Furth - Arthur J. Foyt
 * Jackie Chan - Mitsubishi Driver #1
 * Jamie Farr - Sheik Abdul ben Falafel
 * Terry Bradshaw - Terry
 * Mel Tillis - Mel
 * Adrienne Barbeau - Marcie Thatcher
 * Tara Buckman - Jill Rivers
 * Peter Fonda - Chief Biker
 * Bert Convy - Bradford Compton
 * Jack Elam - Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing
 * Rick Aviles - Mad Dog
 * John Fiedler - the desk clerk
 * Joe Klecko - the Polish driver
 * Brock Yates - the race organizer
 * Hal Needham - the ambulance EMT (uncredited)
 * Ken Squier - a California Highway Patrolman