The Dictator (2012 film)

The Dictator is a 2012 political satire black comedy film about the dictator of the fictional Republic of Wadiya visiting the United States.
 * Directed by Larry Charles. Written by Sacha Baron Cohen, Alec Berg, David Mandel, and Jeff Schaffer.

General Aladeen

 * Ah America! The birthplace of AIDS
 * Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests.
 * $20 a day for the internet? What the fuck! And they accuse me of being an international criminal?
 * Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.
 * Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?
 * [to his pregnant wife] Are you having a boy or an abortion?

Dialogues

 * [Nadal has led a team in designing an IBCM for Wadiya]
 * General Aladeen: It is too round on the top. It needs to be pointy. Round is not scary. Pointy is scary. This will put a smile on the faces of the enemy. They will think that it is a huge robot dildo flying toward them.
 * Nadal: No, Supreme Leader. The shape of the missile top has nothing to do with aerodynamics. It is about the payload delivery.
 * General Aladeen: No. It sticks in the ground, and then kaboom.
 * Nadal: Supreme Leader, I think perhaps some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons.
 * General Aladeen: Nonsense. They were research films. And in them, the victims of the bomb would get very sooty faces and then a see-through version of themselves started rising up towards Heaven while playing a harp.
 * Nadal: In this film, just one question, was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens, his bill goes around to the back of his head, and then in order to talk, he has to put it back this way?
 * General Aladeen: There was somebody who suffered a deformity like that.
 * Nadal: I am now 100% sure that you are watching cartoons.
 * General Aladeen: Have you spoken to the experts about this? Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
 * Nadal: Who?
 * General Aladeen: Professor Bobeye, the one with the incredibly strong forearms that are miss-sized for his body.
 * Nadal: The man you are discussing is called Popeye.
 * General Aladeen: Bobeye.
 * Nadal: He is not a professor, Popeye is, as the song tells us, a sailor man.
 * General Aladeen: Indulge me. For one second, pretend that I'm an idiot.
 * Nadal: Okay, I'm there.


 * [Megan Fox only got a gold Rolex after having sex with Aladeen]
 * Megan Fox: Katy Perry said she got a diamond Rolex.
 * General Aladeen: Well, she let me aladeen in her face.


 * General Aladeen: Are you sure you don't want to stay for some cuddles?
 * Megan Fox: No.
 * General Aladeen: But, please. I really want someone to cuddle.


 * [Megan Fox only got a gold Rolex after having sex with Aladeen]
 * Megan Fox: Katy Perry said she got a diamond Rolex.
 * General Aladeen: Well, she let me aladeen in her face.


 * General Aladeen: Are you sure you don't want to stay for some cuddles?
 * Megan Fox: No.
 * General Aladeen: But, please. I really want someone to cuddle.


 * [Aladeen wants another cuddle from Zoey after he leaves police custody]
 * Zoey: Did you suffer from sexual abuse?
 * General Aladeen: Yes, they raped me in a very unprofessional way.
 * Zoey: Oh no, we have to get you to the rape-center.
 * General Aladeen: You have a center for rape here? Great! I'd love to go, maybe another time. You know, hire a limo, have some cocktails, bring my rapin' shoes.


 * General Aladeen: You seem educated.
 * Zoey: Yes, I went to Amherst.
 * General Aladeen: I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on rollerskates. It means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us.


 * Waiter: What is your name?
 * General Aladeen: Allison Burgers.
 * Waiter: That's a made-up name. What's your real name?
 * General Aladeen: Ladis.
 * General Aladeen: Ladis what?
 * General Aladeen: Ladis Washurum.
 * Waiter: [notices "Ladies washroom" sign] So your name is like the sign "Ladies washroom"?
 * General Aladeen: Oh...
 * Waiter: That's a made-up name. What is your name? I am interested. We are interested. [everyone in the restaurant starts looking at Aladeen]
 * General Aladeen: Emploice.
 * General Aladeen: Emploice what?
 * General Aladeen: Emploice... Muswashans.
 * Waiter: [notices "Employees must wash hands" sign] That is a made-up name. What is your real name?
 * General Aladeen: Max.
 * General Aladeen: Max what?
 * General Aladeen: Imumoocupancyu one-hundred-and-twenty.
 * Waiter: [notices "Maximum occupancy not to exceed 120 persons" sign] There's a number in the name? Who are you?! Aladeen's sympathizer?!


 * General Aladeen: I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.
 * Nadal: I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult man.
 * General Aladeen: What do you mean? You knew about this?
 * Nadal: Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
 * General Aladeen: Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
 * Nadal: Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.


 * [Nadal notices Aladeen walking funny as they approach the helicopter] 
 * Nadal: Are you okay?
 * General Aladeen: My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub because I'm a cockney.
 * Nadal: Listen, listen, okay? You need to focus up right now and be prepared to deliver a small, subtle performance.
 * General Aladeen: Okay, great, okay.
 * Nadal: Okay, good.
 * General Aladeen: [Pulling eyelids backwards] Okay, so when we go to fly...
 * Nadal: [Slaps Aladeen's hands off] Don't do that with your eyes! You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?
 * General Aladeen: I'm not Chink, I'm Chinese-American!
 * Nadal: No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you're doing!
 * General Aladeen: Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what 'rabbit' is in Chinese?
 * Nadal: I don't know how to speak Chinese.
 * General Aladeen: It's 'labbit'.
 * Nadal: It's not 'labbit'!
 * General Aladeen: Yes! 'Who Shot Loger Labbit' was a huge hit in China!
 * Nadal: Nobody... It's stup... All right, I don't care! This is stupid, okay?
 * General Aladeen: Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk.
 * [pulling eyelids backwards]
 * General Aladeen: I like the shit, I do the kids.
 * Nadal: [Pulling Aladeen's hands off] Stop that! Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!
 * General Aladeen: Now who's being a lacist? You're being lacist now!
 * Nadal: I'm not being racist! Right now, we have to get on this helicopter and we have to act like true Americans.
 * General Aladeen: I guess you don't want me to play black, then.
 * Nadal: Of course, I don't want you to play black.
 * General Aladeen: Okay, just throwing it out there.
 * Nadal: Okay. Don't.


 * Zoey: [after finding out Allison Burgers is General Aladeen] Oh my god! You lied to me... and you're wanted for war crimes!
 * General Aladeen: Please. That stuff never sticks.


 * [last lines]
 * General Aladeen: Are you okay, my love? What did you step on?
 * Zoey: Oh, yes! No, no. It's my people's tradition. We always smash a glass at weddings. I'm Jewish!
 * General Aladeen: What?
 * Zoey: Mazel tov! Are you okay?
 * General Aladeen: That's fine. I don't mind. It's great! Come here, my love.
 * [hugs her while signaling for her to be executed]

Cast

 * Sacha Baron Cohen — Admiral General/Prime Minister Haffaz Aladeen/Allison Burgers
 * Jason Mantzoukas — "Nuclear" Nadal
 * Anna Faris — Zoey
 * Ben Kingsley — Tamir Aladeen, Aladeen's uncle
 * John C. Reilly (uncredited) — Clayton
 * Edward Norton (uncredited) — himself
 * Megan Fox — herself