The Flying Deuces

The Flying Deuces is a 1939 film about two men who join the French Foreign Legion.
 * Directed by A. Edward Sutherland. Written by Ralph Spence.

HERE'S HYSTERICAL HISTORY! (taglines)

Taglines

 * HERE'S HYSTERICAL HISTORY!
 * They dish out the dizziest rib-ride of the year!

Commandant

 * I will now assign you to your duties. Reveille at 5, you dress quickly, make up your bunks and get ready for inspection. Inspection until 7. Ten minutes for breakfast, you drill until 1 and march until 4.
 * Turn out the guard and place them BOTH under arrest!!
 * Never during my army career have I been so GROSSLY insulted!! Just WAIT 'til I get my hands on 'em!!!
 * The prisoners have been found guilty and will be shot at sunrise.

Corporal

 * (repeated line) Get BACK to work!!

Sergeant

 * You'll HEAR about this later!!

Quotes

 * Stan: What are you so happy about?
 * Ollie: Stanley, can you keep a secret?
 * Stan: Sure.
 * Ollie: I'm in love.
 * Stan: You don't tell me! Who is it?
 * Ollie: The most gorgeous creature in the word!
 * Stan: Who?
 * Ollie: Georgette. The innkeeper's daughter.
 * Stan: Well I don't blame you. She sure is a swell dish.
 * Ollie: She certainly...
 * Stan: Yes, sir!
 * Ollie: Don't call her a dish! She's the girl that I'm going to marry. Get a load of this diamond ring.


 * Stan: Say, he's got somethin' to tell you..
 * Georgette: Something to tell me..?
 * Stan: Yeah...he's nuts about you.
 * Georgette: Nuts?
 * Stan: Just plain nuts.
 * Georgette: Oh...wait. (grabs a dish of nuts with nutcracker in the middle)
 * Stan: No I don't mean that. I mean he's crazy about you. He's going to marry you! Aren't you Ollie? Go on, start talking!
 * Georgette: You want to marry me?!
 * Ollie: Well, that is, if you don't mind.
 * Georgette: Honestly, you make fun of me!
 * Stan: No he's not kidding. He's on the level. Aren't you Ollie?
 * Ollie: Why certainly. I was never more sincere in my life.
 * Georgette: That's very nice of you I'm sure...but that can never be.
 * Ollie: Oh, won't you give me one chance, Georgette?
 * Stan: Go on! Why don't you?!
 * Ollie: Is there someone else?
 * Georgette: Oh yes. Very much so. I'm so sorry.


 * Stan: Well, goodbye Ollie.
 * Ollie: Goodbye, Stan.
 * Stan: Good luck. (starts to leave)
 * Ollie: Where are you going?!
 * Stan: Well I don't want my name dragged into this. (Ollie picks up the other end of the rope and ties it around Stan's waist) What's this for?!
 * Ollie: Now when I count three we'll both jump in.
 * Stan: What have I got to jump in there for?! I'm not in LOVE!!
 * Ollie: (smacking Stan's hand away from the rope tied around him) So THAT'S the kind of a guy you are!! After all I've done for you, you let me jump in there alone!! Do you realize that, after I'm gone, that you'd just go on living by yourself?! People would stare at you and wonder what you are...and I wouldn't be here to tell them...There'd be no one to protect you!...Do you want that to happen to you?
 * Stan: I never thought of that. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Ollie. I didn't mean to be so dispolite.
 * Ollie: That's all right Stan. Let bygones be bygones. This is going to be easier than you think.


 * Ollie: Good morning.
 * Commandant: I will now assign you to your duties. Reveille at 5, you dress quickly, make up your bunks and get ready for inspection. Inspection until 7. Ten minutes for breakfast, you drill until 1 and march until 4.
 * Stan: What about lunch?
 * Commandant: You'll have that while marching. You have Inspection until 6. Fifteen minutes from this, kitchen duties until 10, Inspection until 11, then Taps. That is all.
 * Stan: We have to do all that, you won't have time to forget. Why don't you tell him?
 * Ollie: Uh, how much do we get for all this work?
 * Commandant: 100 centimes a day.
 * Stan: Well, that's not bad.
 * Ollie: Uh, how much is that in American money?
 * Commandant: Oh, American money? It's equivalent to about three cents a day. Of course, it varies with the rate of exchange.
 * Stan: Well, how much do we get for overtime?
 * Ollie: (to Stan) There ain't gonna be any overtime. (to Commandant) If you think that you're gonna get that much work outta me for three cents a day, brutha, you are crazy.
 * Commandant: Is that so?!
 * Ollie: Ab-So-Lutely!
 * Stan: Yeah, and that goes for me too. 'Cos we don't work for less than twenty-five cents a day! Do we, Ollie?!
 * Ollie: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!!
 * Stan: Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!!


 * Sergeant: C'mon!! GET TO WORK!!!
 * Corporal: WHADDYA think this is?!!


 * Ollie: Haven't I got enough trouble without you making it tougher?!
 * Stan: Well, it's your own fault. If you hadn't fallen in love with Georgette, we wouldn't be here. Wouldn't have to...
 * Ollie: Will you STOP reminding me of that! Here I am, trying to forget, and you keep TALKING about it all the time! Now here's ANOTHER day wasted!!
 * Stan: Well maybe you don't try hard enough. If you can't forget, why don't you try and pretend to forget?
 * Ollie: How can anybody pretend to forget?!
 * Stan: Well I know if it was me, I'd sit down and...and relax. I'd close my eyes and I'd concentrate, and I'd think of nothing. Wouldn't be long then. That's what I'd do.
 * Ollie: Say, I think you've got something there.
 * Stan: I know I've got something! Why don't you take a whirl at it? (Ollie sits down) Now don't think of anything.
 * Ollie: I won't.
 * Stan: I know it's tough to forget a swell gal like that. Gorgeous hair and...lovely eyes...beautiful teeth...ruby lips...MMM-gorgeous. (deep breath) I can see her now.
 * Ollie: Oooh-ho-ho...So can I. (suddenly wakes up) Will you SHUT UP! How can I concentrate when you keep talking about her all the time! Now keep quiet! LET ME ALONE! Now, SIDDOWN!!

 (a truckload of vegetables is delivered to Stan and Ollie)
 * Legionnaire: Hey lugs! When you get through with that washing, the cook wants you manicure them vegetables for tomorrow's stew.
 * Stan: I beg your pardon..?
 * Legionnaire: You heard.


 * Ollie: Stanley, I feel something coming over me.
 * Stan: You do?

(Ollie sits down and appears to concentrate for a second)
 * Ollie: A miracle has happened.
 * Stan: What?
 * Ollie: I've completely forgotten.
 * Stan: You mean you've forgotten Georgette?
 * Ollie: Who's Georgette?!
 * Stan: Gee, that's swell! Now we can finish the washing and we can go home.
 * Ollie: Finish, nothing. We're going NOW! (moves table and knocks over a small tin of fire which starts to burn some laundry)
 * Stan: Now, you're talking! Absolutely!


 * Sergeant: And I found them asleep! And when I told them to go back to work, they threw wet laundry in my face!!
 * Commandant: Oh they did, eh? Well I'll show them what it means to disobey my orders.


 * Stan: Gee, I'm sure glad to get outta this joint.
 * Ollie: Me too. Have you got everything?
 * Stan: Uh-huh.
 * Ollie: Now we'll go over to that "commadent" guy and tell him we're through, and at the same time I'll give him a piece of my mind!!
 * Stan: I don't blame you! Three cents a day! HUH!!
 * Ollie: Left time! (Stan goes to the right) LEFT!

 (Ollie has just finished writing his and Stan's stern good-bye note to the commandant and signed it)
 * Ollie: Now, he can put THAT in his pipe and smoke it!
 * Stan: Maybe he doesn't smoke a pipe.
 * Ollie: Well, whatever he smokes.
 * Stan: Well you gotta be careful about those things.


 * Stan: What did you say in the note Ollie?
 * Ollie: I said plenty. And if I coulda spelled "razzberry" I'da told him a lot more!!
 * Stan: THAT'll learn him!! Three cents a day!
 * Ollie: Right!


 * Ollie: Could you tell us the way to the railroad depot?
 * Georgette: (looking up and seeing Ollie again) Monsieur Hardy!
 * Ollie: Georgette! So you've changed your mind! Darling, I forgive you, everything!
 * Stan: Say, I thought you said you'd forgotten her.
 * Ollie: Don't be silly! How could I forget my little Georgette!!


 * Ollie: What's the big idea?!
 * Francois: The idea is that this lady happens to be my wife.
 * Ollie: Oh is that so!! (suddenly flinches) Your WIFE?!
 * Francois: Yes, you would-be HOMEWRECKER!!
 * Georgette: Francois! Francois, please don't! He didn't understand!
 * Francois: (to Georgette) Kindly step into the car my dear, I want to speak to this gentleman alone. (threateningly to Ollie after Georgette goes to the car) Now once more, I'm going to give you a piece of advice. Keep away from my wife. If I ever see or hear of you being in her presence again, I'll see to it that your worthless CARCASS lies SIZZLING in the desert sun, at the mercy of the vultures. YOU UNDERSTAND?!!
 * Ollie: Yes sir.
 * Stan: Yes sir.


 * Commandant: Fall in!
 * Stan: Who's he talking to?!
 * Commandant: FALL IN!!
 * Ollie: What do you mean "Fall in"?!! We're through! Didn't you get our note?!
 * Commandant: Yes, I got your note and when you signed it, you signed your own death warrant. You're under arrest for desertion! Now, FALL IN!! (Corporal and Sergeant seize Stan and Ollie, then Commandant speaks to them) Throw them into jail and have the guard to keep a close watch of them.
 * Sergeant: Yes, sir! Forward, MARCH!! (they march away with Stan whimpering and sobbing unintelligibly)


 * Ollie: Here's a nice pickle we're in! Shot at sunrise!
 * Stan: I hope it's cloudy tomorrow. Say, Ollie?
 * Ollie: What?
 * Stan: Do you still want to come back as a horse?
 * Ollie: I don't care if I never come back.

 (last lines)
 * Ollie: Hey Stan! Look! I'm over here! (Stan looks and flinches; Ollie is now a horse!) Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!
 * Stan: Ollie! Is that really you?!
 * Ollie: Of COURSE it's me!
 * Stan: Gee, I'm glad to see you!!

Cast

 * Stan Laurel — Stan
 * Oliver Hardy — Ollie
 * Jean Parker — Georgette
 * Reginald Gardiner — François
 * Charles Middleton — Commandant