The Goldbergs (season 2)


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The Goldbergs (2013–present) is an American long-running sitcom aired on ABC.

I Rode a Hoverboard [2.8]

 * [Adam videotapes himself singing and dancing to "Faith" by George Michael. Adam soon bumps his arm on a bookshelf, causing it and everything on it to fall on him]
 * Beverly: [checking to see what happened]: [gasps] Snuggle monster! [runs really fast toward Adam]
 * Erica: [signing the cast on Adam's broken arm]: I can't believe you broke your arm dancing.
 * Adam: It was either that or when Mom jumped on me. I'm so psyched! This severe compound fracture is my ticket to popularity.
 * Barry: Nerd's right. Everybody loves the kid in the cast.
 * Erica: Yeah, until everybody finds out how he broke it.
 * Adam: Why? What's wrong with a lonely boy in his room, videotaping himself shaking his groove thang to George Michael? Yeah, I hear it now.
 * Erica: Just come up with a good lie. Something cool.




 * Adult Adam: Thanks to Mr. Zemeckis, I had a cover story anyone would believe.
 * Adam: Hoverboard. I was on a hoverboard! [slams his broken arm on the coffee table] AAHH!!

Cowboy Country [2.12]

 * Murray: Stylish? You're wearing Batman pajama bottoms.
 * Adam: It's Batman Under Armour!
 * Erica: Okay, everybody out. I need to use the... [sees Adam shaving] Oh, my God! Are you using my lady BIC?
 * Adam: I'm stimulating the follicles.
 * Erica: Ha! You suck. Barry, get the camera! Adam's being Adam!
 * Beverly: What's with all the yelling? Oh, my joy! Is my baby trying to shave? [happy gasp]
 * Adam: I'm stimulating the follicles.
 * Barry: I got the Polaroid. Say "peach fuzz." [takes a picture of Adam, much to the latter's embarrassment]
 * Adam: No!
 * Beverly: Haha! That's going on the holiday card. [laughing]

Bill/Murray [2.23]

 * Adult Adam: [voiceover] Back in the '80s, they combined the two greatest things in the world... music and television. We all remember our favorite veejays introducing the coolest videos on a constant loop. The budgets were as high as the air, and the animation ranged from dancing cats to hunky cartoon boyfriends. And no one was more addicted to it than me and my sister.
 * Erica: I can't decide whether that guy's hotter as a human or a cartoon.
 * Adam: If Jessica Rabbit taught us anything...cartoon.
 * Erica: I mean, what did we even do before MTV existed?
 * Adam: I think we just listened to music like animals.
 * [Beverly turns the TV off]
 * Adam: Hey!
 * Erica: Get out!
 * Beverly: You've been watching this music MTV television for six hours. Enough is enough. Go do your homework.
 * Erica: Well, if you think about it, I'm gonna be a musician, so this is my homework.
 * Adam: And if you really think about it, my life's passion is making films, so this is my homework, too.
 * Beverly: Well, my passion is snuggies, which I'm gonna shower you with if you don't leave right now. Go before I kiss your belly. [smooching] And you... have you even looked at the college catalogs I brought you?
 * Erica: Actually, I have, and I've narrowed it down to my top choices.
 * Beverly: [laughing] Oh, yes! It's happening! You're growing up. Oh, no. It's happening. I'm not ready for this. Make time stop. Make it stop!
 * Erica: Focus! Okay, one option is the London Conservatory of Music.
 * Beverly: Ocean between us... pass.
 * Erica: There's also an awesome music program at UCLA.
 * Beverly: Country between us... pass.
 * Erica: Boston School of Music.
 * Beverly: A Connecticut between us... pass.
 * Erica: Mom.
 * Beverly: What about something here in town, like the prestigious Jenkintown Funk Academy?
 * Erica: That's the dance studio/karate dojo next to the Mattress Store.
 * Beverly: [sighs] There's got to be something within driving distance.
 * Erica: Well, I guess Juilliard is in New York. That's my dream school, but no one gets in.
 * Beverly: [gasps] We're going to Juilliard.
 * Erica: Okay, stop. That's the best school in the country.
 * Beverly: Best for you, closest for me. I am gonna make this happen.
 * Erica: I'm not getting in.
 * Beverly: We're going to Juilliard.
 * Erica: It's impossible.
 * Beverly: We're going to Juilliard!




 * Adult Adam: It was May 6, 1980-something. The school day was going off without a hitch all thanks to the watchful eye of Principal Earl Ball.
 * Principal Ball: Let's go, youngsters. Activate those legs so we can activate those minds. Ooh, yes. That's definitely going into "Earl's pearls."
 * [Principal Ball hears something banging and clattering, so he opens the door to find Barry and Lainey kissing]
 * Lainey: Aah! Oh. Hello there, sir. Um, there was a spill in science lab. [picking up the mop] And we needed a mop.
 * Barry: We were kissing. She's pretty.




 * Murray: Why did you call me when it's usually my wife who handles this annoying school crap?
 * Principal Ball: Well, truthfully, I couldn't reach her. And more truthfully, I didn't try because she scares me.
 * Bill: Sorry I'm late. We're having a sale down at the...
 * Murray: Son of a bitch. Oh, this guy.
 * Adult Adam: [voiceover] And that guy was Lainey's dad, my father's archenemy, Bill Lewis.
 * Principal Ball: Look, I called you both in here today because we need to talk about what's going on with your kids.
 * Bill: There's nothing going on, because I very clearly and emphatically forbade it.
 * Principal Ball: Well, for the third time this week, I caught them canoodling in secret. It's unacceptable.
 * Bill: We have a saying in Texas... "don't blame the armadillo. Blame the armadillo's dumb father."
 * Murray: Oh-ho. We have a saying here... you're bald.
 * Bill: I'll have you know, the ladies love it. [pointing to Principal Ball]
 * Principal Ball: Eh? Okay. What is happening here right now?
 * Murray: I'll tell you what's happening. This schmuck lives in Philadelphia, yet he roots for the Dallas cowboys. Who does that?
 * Bill: Red-blooded Americans, that's who does that.
 * Principal Ball: Got to say, it surprises me, this friction that exists between the two of you, considering how similar you are.
 * Murray: Please.
 * Bill: Come on.
 * Principal Ball: No, no, no. For example, you're both fathers. You're both small-business owners. You both seem very angry.
 * Murray: That is true.
 * Bill: I'll give you that.
 * Principal Ball: And you're both football fans. Now, this is a bond which I can respect as a lifelong fan of the New York football Giants.
 * Bill: Whoa, you're a Giants fan? Why the hell do you live in Philadelphia?
 * Murray: [pointing at Bill] He's got a point. Unlike the Giants last season.
 * [Both laugh]
 * Bill: Hey-oh! Whoa!
 * Principal Ball: For your information, we won the conference last year, so suck it! So what I actually mean to say is that it's always easier to get along than be short with each other. And that is one of "Earl's pearls" you can take to the bank.
 * Murray: Well, thank you for your wise advice and, uh, the Giants suck.
 * Bill: Yeah. They suck so hard. But good luck next season. Whoops.