The Great Muppet Caper

The Great Muppet Caper is a 1981 American British mystery musical comedy film in which Kermit, Gonzo and Fozzie are reporters who travel to Britain to interview a rich victim of jewel thieves and help her along with her secretary, Miss Piggy.
 * Directed by Jim Henson. Written by Jerry Juhl, Tom Patchett, Jack Rose, and Jay Tarses.

Miss Piggy

 * [to Nicky] You! It was you! Kermit was right! You're a phony. You're a phony! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing! Your voice was dubbed!
 * Next time they want stunts, they get a double.

Dialogue

 * [First lines]
 * Kermit: [in a hot air balloon] Pretty nice up here, isn't it?
 * Fozzie: Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?
 * Gonzo: That'd be neat.
 * Kermit: Listen, nothing's gonna happen. These are just the opening credits.
 * Fozzie: Oh. Where are they? [title card appears] Wow!
 * Kermit: The Great Muppet Caper.
 * Fozzie: Nice title.


 * Fozzie: [pleading] We'll do better next time.
 * News Editor: Next time? Next time?! [pounds fist into desk] What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
 * Kermit: Well, if there isn't, it's gonna be a real short movie.


 * Fozzie: What does "BSC" stand for?
 * Kermit: I don't know.


 * Miss Piggy: [Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie] Why are you telling me all this?
 * Lady Holiday: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.


 * [Kermit is sitting on a bench; a man and his daughter, Jerry Nelson and Christine, walk by]
 * Christine Nelson: Look, Dad. There's a bear.
 * Jerry Nelson: No, Christine, that's a frog. Bears wear hats.


 * Miss Piggy: Please don't go. Kermit, please. Oh, please, I'm sorry. Please! Please!
 * Kermit: Piggy, hold it.
 * Miss Piggy: Please! Please! Please!
 * Kermit: Piggy...? Piggy? You're overacting.
 * Miss Piggy: ...What?
 * Kermit: You're overacting. You're hamming it up.
 * Miss Piggy: I am not. I am trying to save this movie.
 * Kermit: [getting annoyed] Oh, yeah? Well, save your performance instead.
 * Miss Piggy: I am playing eight hundred different emotions!
 * Kermit: Well, try to play one of them right.
 * Miss Piggy: Oh, oh! I have a career of my own.
 * Kermit: I know all about your career, Pig.
 * Miss Piggy: I don't need this lousy duck pond here.
 * Kermit: Sure, you don't need a lousy duck pond.
 * Miss Piggy: I'll just walk.
 * Kermit: [angrily] Okay, sure. Go ahead and walk.
 * Miss Piggy: [briefly turning to the camera] Should I walk? Then I'll walk!
 * Kermit: Walk! Go ahead and walk! [Miss Piggy turns away and whimpers] Oh, Piggy. [sighs] Listen.
 * Miss Piggy: [in tears] I'm doing my best.
 * Kermit: Well... I know you are. [moves in to comfort her] Piggy, I'm sorry. We gotta get back to the movie, though.
 * Miss Piggy: [trying to collect herself] All right. All right, all right, all right. [heaves a heavy sigh and resumes acting]


 * Nicky Holiday: Miss Piggy...You're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type, those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin...
 * Miss Piggy: Yeah, well, I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.


 * Kermit: [to Cops got Miss Piggy takes her away] Don't worry Ms. Piggy, will you get out of this?!


 * Kermit: Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're going to catch those crooks red-handed. [Beauregard raises his hand] Yes, Bo?
 * Beauregard: What color are their hands now?


 * Miss Piggy: [to the truck driver] Do you know where Lady Holliday's Baseball Diamond is being kept?
 * Truck Driver: Well, funny enough, I do: it's at the Mallory Gallery, a virtually impregnable fortress many miles from here.
 * Miss Piggy: Oh! I only have a half an hour to get there!
 * Truck Driver: On foot? You'll never make it.
 * Miss Piggy: I know! How about a ride?
 * Truck Driver: You can read, I presume? "No passengers." [points to the sticker on the truck's door]
 * Miss Piggy: Oh, couldn't you make an exception for little old moi?
 * Truck Driver: Not even for little old vous. [laughs]
 * Miss Piggy: Pretty please?
 * Truck Driver: No!
 * Miss Piggy: [strained] I've tried to be nice.
 * Truck Driver: Huh?
 * Miss Piggy: Hii-yahh! [throws the driver out of his truck and into the garbage cans]
 * Oscar the Grouch: [emerges from a trash can] Hey, what's all the racket?
 * Truck Driver: What are you doing here?
 * Oscar the Grouch: A very brief cameo.
 * Truck Driver: Me too. Tsk tsk.


 * [Nicky has just captured the Baseball Diamond and Kermit, pulling a gun on the other Muppets]
 * Kermit: Why are you doing this?
 * Nicky: Why am I doing this? Because I'm a villain, pure and simple. Every good movie needs one.
 * Kermit: [breaking the 4th wall - again] I hate to admit it, but that's an excellent point.


 * Statler: I guess all's well that ends well.
 * Waldorf: Doesn't matter to me, as long as it ends.

Cast

 * Charles Grodin - Nicky Holiday
 * Diana Rigg - Lady Holiday
 * Erica Creer - Marla
 * Kate Howard - Carla
 * Della Finch - Darla
 * Joan Sanderson - Dorcas
 * Michael Robbins - Henderson
 * Peter Hughes - Stanley
 * Peggy Aitchison - a guard
 * Tommy Godfrey - a bus conductor (final film role)
 * Jim Henson - Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, The Swedish Chef, Link Hogthrob, Beauregard and The Newsman
 * Frank Oz - Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, Animal, Beaker and Sam the Eagle
 * Jerry Nelson - Floyd Pepper, Pops, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Lew Zealand and Louis Kazagger
 * Richard Hunt - Scooter, Statler and Sweetums
 * Dave Goelz - The Great Gonzo, Zoot and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
 * Steve Whitmire - Rizzo the Rat and Lips
 * Caroll Spinney - Oscar the Grouch
 * Kiran Shah - Miss Piggy (full-bodied stunt double)
 * John Cleese as Neville, a middle-aged British homeowner who lives with his wife Dorcas at 17 Highbrow Street.
 * Peter Falk - a Man in Park
 * Robert Morley - a British Gentleman by Pond
 * Jack Warden - Mike Tarkenian, the editor-in-chief of The Daily Chronicle.
 * Peter Ustinov - a Truck Driver