The Joker

The Joker is a fictional character appearing in comic books published by DC Comics. Debuting in Batman #1 (Spring 1940), he was created by Bill Finger, Bob Kane and Jerry Robinson.

Comic Book Quotes

 * "If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!" - Batman #1


 * (to Judge Drake) "You can't win anyway... You see, I hold the winning card!" - Batman #1


 * "I won't even waste the usual Joker Venom on you, Brute, but give you something you can understand...lead! - Batman #1


 * "Very neat! That ugly head of yours does have a brain!" - Batman #1


 * "I'm not mad at all. I'm just differently sane." - Batman and Robin #13


 * (to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle." - Superman/Batman: World's Finest


 * "One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall." - Batman: The Man Who Laughs


 * "In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out." - Shadow of the Bat #37


 * "It's a clear choice -- me or Pettit. Vote or die. Cancer or tuberculosis." - Detective Comics #737


 * "If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!" - Batman: Dark Detective


 * "They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it." - Batman: The Dark Knight Returns


 * "You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!" - Batman: Dark Victory


 * (to Batman) "Quick question: When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?" - Batman: The Long Halloween


 * "Hello Late-Show lovers...and lovers of the Late-Show!" - The Laughing Fish


 * "Live...and in person! The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks, the One and Only JOKER! Prerecorded for this time zone." - The Sign of the Joker


 * "What's wrong with the World? After all the AGGRAVATION I went through just STEALING this crop-duster...you'd think they'd give me one that would FLY right." - Batman: The Long Halloween


 * Drive-In Waitress: Take your order, please? Joker: Yes, indeedy. Thank you. (Talking incredibly fast) I'd like the Big Beefer, Heavy Mustard, double pickles, three strips of bacon, make 'em crispy, ranch dressing on the side... Waitress: Ah, sir... Joker: Side order of fries, also crispy, one of those fake pie thingees with the boiling hot juice that scalds the roof of your mouth...I LOVE that... Waitress: Sir... Joker:Two of your special Egg Nog Shakes, a boy's kiddie meal, and I'll pay extra for a full assortment of the toys that come with it. Waitress: Sir! You were talking way too fast. You'll have to repeat all that! Joker: Of all the incompetence! Listen, you brain-dead Cephalapod! I have better things to do than repeat myself in the fleeting hope that through some MIRACLE you might somehow triumph over your own crushing ignorance and get ONE ITEM of my order right! I DEMAND to see your manager! Manager: I'm sorry, sir. How may I help you? Joker:(shoots the manager) I really wanted those shakes.


 * "Every clown loves kids, captain. Just ask Sarah Essen-Gordon. Oh, that's right, you can't!" - Gotham Central #15


 * (As Nightwing pummels him) "Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?" - Joker: Last Laugh #6


 * "Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too." - Emperor Joker


 * "Yum Yum. Dim Sum. Chinese food made from real Chinese." - Emperor Joker


 * (To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it." - Emperor Joker


 * "I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled, kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Batman #655


 * "If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!" - Dreadful Birthday Dear Joker


 * "Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?" - Batman #663


 * "You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?" - Batman #663


 * " The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!" - Batman #681


 * "You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that's just Wikipedia. You actually believed all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days of drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?" - Batman #681


 * "You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?" - Batman #681


 * "Devil is double is deuce, my dear doctor ... and joker trumps deuce." Batman #681


 * "Obvious...And everybody knows. You wear your shame like a badge, because you don't have the balls to actually pin one on.... Yes... Just look at you... Desperate to be feared, you want to be perceived as a monster, draped in black... And yet... You leave that little window... A glimpse at the perfection underneath. OBVIOUS; The chiseled jaw, the mouth of a monster... Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why...... - Joker


 * "A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look" - Joker


 * "I am the Champion of the WORLD!"- Elseworlds: Batman/Lobo


 * "Laugh, clown, laugh...and laugh again! The police are completely at bay! Batman is baying at the moon! No one can beat the Joker! Soon, now...soon they'll see it my way! They'll know I mean what I say! Today, the American fish... and tomorrow all the fish in the world! But...what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadn't thought of that! What if they all conspire against me...leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no...that would never work! The VEGETARIANS wouldn't go along! And anyway...I could use my chemicals on cattle! JOKER-BURGERS! OUTRAGEOUS! - Detective Comics #476


 * "Howdy, Stan, the Donutz man! This is a stickup, see? (holds two donuts up to his eyes like a mask) - Laughter After Midnight


 * "Here's the cold, hard truth Bats...I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy...I'm crazy 'cause I hate you. " - Batman: Cacophony

By Book
Batman: The Killing Joke (1988) by Alan Moore with art by Brian Bolland


 * "Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, "Not very well." Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"


 * “Remembering’s dangerous. I find the past such a worrying, anxious place. “The Past Tense,” I suppose you’d call it. Memory’s so treacherous. One moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candy-floss… the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp ambiguous shapes of things you’d hoped were forgotten. Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children I suppose. But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can’t face them, we deny reason itself! Although, why not? We aren’t contractually tied down to rationality! There is no sanity clause! So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there’s always madness. Madness is the emergency exit… you can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever.”


 * (singing) "When the world is full of care and every headline screams despair, when the news are rape, starvation, war and life is vile...then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass along to you that's always guaranteed to make me smile. I go Loo-oo-oony, as a lightbulb battered bug, simply Loo-oo-oony, sometimes foam and chew the rug...mister life is swell in a padded cell, it'll chase those blues away! You can trade your gloom for a rubber room and injections twice a day!"


 * "Life's a bowl of cherries and this is the pits"


 * "So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to World War Three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"


 * "See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren't make the leap. Y'see...y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... he says 'What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'"

Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth (1989) by Grant Morrison with art by Dave McKean


 * "Aren't I just good enough to eat?"


 * "April sweet is coming in, let the feast of fools begin!"


 * "The guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and he says, 'Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy.' So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. 'Doc?' He says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face. 'April fools! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!'" (he executes an asylum orderly with a gunshot to the head) "Get it? Oh what a senseless waste of human life!"


 * (to Batman) "Loosen up, tight ass!"


 * "Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here."


 * "And who is this pure fool? Lo, in the sagas of old time, legend or scald, of bard, of druid, cometh he not in green like spring? O thou water thou art air, in which all complex is resolved! Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you!"

The Joker: Devil's Advocate (1995) by Chuck Dixon with art by Graham Nolan


 * "And he didn't die all at once. It was hours before the screaming stopped. I almost didn't get to sleep that night. That was the last time I'd used crushed glass..."


 * "I have been witness to genius in the area of this criminal endeavor. ... The kidnapping of the mayor. The crippling of the city on numerous occasions. Oh, and my glorious abduction of the commissioner and his daughter. MASS MURDER, MAIMINGS, TORTURE AND TERROR! I'VE DONE IT ALL, LADY! YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE EINSTEIN OF CRIME! Sticking some poison on the back of some postage stamps, lady? Amateur night in Dixie. Simple as that."


 * [when Tommy Mangles is about to murder the Joker after telling him that apologies don't work] "Really? [attacks Mangles repeatedly] Well, what if I was really sorry? Would that make a-- difference? Would that satisfy you? If I was really... really... REALLY... REALLY... REALLY... SORRY? WELL, I'M NOT!"

Batman: Arkham City

 * "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. Watch me kill your favorite cat."


 * "Well, look who it is. I haven't seen you for... how long as it been? Let's see, there was an asylum, some monsters, and oh, that's right! You left me to die. Now you probably don't remember it that way, but who cares? You just need to worry about the bombs. Hurry up, now. Clock's ticking."


 * "5! ...4! ...3! ...2! ...1! See ya soon, Bats. ...What are you waiting for? We both know how this is going to turn out: you're going to come and find me. You can't stop yourself, can you? Sometimes I wonder if all this would just end with one of us looking down at the other's corpse, trying to work out what to do next? The only question is, whose body will it be? I know who I'm rooting for! [giggles] What about you? [laughs madly] Now, get out of there now, or you'll ruin everything!!!"


 * [as Clayface-Joker] "You fell for the old fake Joker gag, Batman! You left me to die! {starts laughing}"


 * [after a captive Batman tells him there's nothing wrong with him] "Nice of you to say, but you of all people should know, there's plenty wrong with me. Take my blood, for example. I wish somebody would - this stuff is killing me!"


 * "Is someone feeling a little down? Well, cheer up, Bats; it won't kill ya.... Oops!"


 * "It's ok to die, Bats, I'll be here to protect Gotham! I'll do a real good job."


 * [as Clayface-Joker] "Good evening, Troops! This is General J here, with a quick update on what's going on down here in Arkham City. As you can see, I'm looking much better. In fact, ohhh, I think I'm looking better than ever! Ha! Oh, I can hear you all now: "How did this happen?" "Can I get me some of that crazy cure?" "Oh, I want answers, damn it! NOW!" Well, here's the thing. Answers don't give you everlasting satisfaction, sometimes you have to brace yourself for disappointment. Now think about it. Imagine your favorite TV show. You've been through it all. The ups, the downs, the crazy coincidences, and then: BANG! They tell you what it's all about. [the real Joker coughs behind the camera] Would you be happy? Does it make sense? How come it all ended in a church?"


 * [as Clayface-Joker] "Oh, come on! There's always something to learn. Let's start with 'Getting Your Ass Kicked 101.'"


 * "Now you wanna talk? Too late."


 * "So how do you keep a secret from the World's Greatest Detective? Well, do you know? You stick it right in front of him, right under his long pointy nose, and wait."


 * "Confusing, isn't it? I know I'd want to know just what the hell is going on if I were you. Let's just say in times like these, it's important to keep up [coughs] appearances. But first, if you would be so kind... Hand. Over. My. Cure."


 * "Ladies and Gentlemen, for one night only, standing in for yours truly, ha, and doing a damn fine job of it, I bring you... CLAYFACE!"


 * "You're making me late for spa treatment. I mean, it's not like you've got a girl to save anymore, is it?! [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry! Too soon? Would a change of scenery help ease the pain?" [detonates the floor below Batman and Clayface]


 * "Get out of the way, Bats! I've got a date with immortality!"


 * "I've killed your girlfriend, poisoned Gotham, and hell... it's not even breakfast! But so what? We all know you'll save me."


 * "Think of it as a running gag!" [Stabs Batman in the back, dropping the cure and the Joker's only chance of survival]


 * [After being told by Batman that he would have saved him after ensuring his own death] "That actually is... [coughs] pretty funny..." [Joker dies laughing with a smile on his face]

Batman: Arkham Origins

 * "Have you ever tried to burp the National Anthem?"
 * "Hurry! Batman's just had his way with one of you! Now that's a spicy meat-a-ball!"
 * "Well, sounds like I can cross 'hear a grown man cry' off my Christmas list. Thanks, fellas!"
 * [over radio] "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, must be a bad connection. It sounded like you said that after I shot him, and blew up a building on him, the Bat - somehow survived?!!? ...Well, since I know that's impossible, I'm going to give you a chance to reconcile my vision of reality with your version of reality, and in case your pea-brain can't parse big words, I'll translate it into thug-speak for you: KILL THE BAT OR I'LL KILL YOU!"
 * [to Black Mask] "Can't... you... just... play... along?!"
 * "Aww, too bad, so sad!"
 * "'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a...' well a Bat was stirring. But a few more blows to the head and he won't be anymore!"
 * "You just can't get it through your thick skull...WE BOTH EXIST BECAUSE OF THEM!!"
 * "Looks like I'm gonna need to find a new playmate. Oh, and we were having so much fun, too!"
 * "Aww, gotta say, I thought you'd have more fight in you! A LOT more fight!"
 * "Ding dong! The bat is dead! Which old bat? The dumb old bat! Ding dong, the dumb old bat is dead!"
 * "I present to you: the death of the Batman!"
 * "NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A PARTY!! (fires machine gun at hellicopter) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
 * "If you actually let me finish a sentence, you might learn something! You might learn we're not so different. You might even learn something about yourself."
 * "Mmm! This fruitcake is fantastic! (pause, stabs the knife on the table) Anyone want a piece?"
 * "You see, it's a tradition in my house to open one present on Christmas Eve... let's see... how about... this one? [blows up an empty building under construction, then laughs evilly and sings a bit of "The 12 Days of Christmas"] And a partridge in a pear treeee!"
 * [sings] "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Gotham's quite a mess! Blackgate's mine and you're out of time, which means you'll soon be dead!" [laughs]
 * [sings] "Where, oh where has my little Bat gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?  His cowl, his scowl, his temper so foul.  I do hope he's coming for me." [evil laugh]
 * "So, what our friend Bane holds in his hand is - a heart monitor. Once he clamps it on, every beat of his vacant little heart will charge the battery - on this electric chair. And when it's fully charged - [mimicks being electrocuted, laughs]"
 * [sees that Gordon has taken the bullet for Warden Joseph] "Well, that's the Christmas spirit!"
 * [after Batman has "killed" Bane] "Well, I'd love to stay and celebrate your victory, but I've got stockings to stuff, mistletoe to hang - and about fifteen skyscrapers to blow up before sunrise. Ciao." [leaves with a laugh]
 * [to Batman] "Fresh off a kill and back for more, eh?"
 * "Come on, baby! Beat me 'til your knuckles bleed... And why quit there? You know there's only one way to stop me."
 * [laugh] Stopped his hearth... [laugh] That IS funny... [laugh] Good one, Bats! [laugh] Oh, this is going to be FUN!
 * "All aboard the Bane train!"
 * "You of all people should know, there's nothing so cruel as memory.... the pointy biting little thunderbolts, unwanted party crashers, SCREAMERS through your synapses.. inescapable, unrelenting.... not at all friendly. You can't even escape into MADNESS!"
 * "Isn't it funny how one little encounter can cleave off little pieces of your past, deform your memories and persona until you rethink your whole identity — and as you realise how foolish it all is — your laughter reverberates off the walls of your own emptiness?"

Batman: Arkham Knight

 * "Miss me?"
 * "Bats? Bats?? BAAATS!?!"
 * "He's no better than the creep who killed your parents."
 * "Get Ready for the Encore" [Manic Laughter]."
 * (goes around the screen trying to find his way "in the dark") "What the...? Why has everything gone dark? Are we dying? We better not be dying, Bruce!"
 * "Off to see mom and pop in that great big county club in the sky!"
 * "I've really got to hand it to Scarecrow. I've never been a fan of his concoctions up to now, but this batch, it's intoxicating. It really brings out the me in you."
 * "You should take better care of yourself, Batsy. There's two of us in there!"
 * "Oh Bats, how I've missed you! All the subtlety and nuance of a napalm enema."
 * "That guy doesn't know you very well, now does he? What kind of super villain thinks that a handful of bullets to the stomach and a bunch of tanks will stop the Batman?"
 * "Who's gonna save Gotham now? Robin?! [laughs]"
 * "I am the Comeback King! The Clown Prince of Chaos! The Jester of Genocide!...You can't stop me."
 * "Oh, Bats! How very ME of you. Though I can see why you didn't tell him, after Jimbo's hysterical overreaction. Still, if you cared about Barbara the way that little sidekick of yours does, maybe she wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. They're star-crossed, Bats! Like me and you. Shame they're being torn apart thanks to your crusade. So let's recap. Barbara's dead. And let's face it, probably dead. You're lying to lover boy wonder about it, and dear old Jim's marched off on his lonesome to save the day. Not your best day at the office, Bats. Something on your mind? Come on, let Robin out of his cage. You can't force him to slave over your cure. Plus, if he gets himself killed out there, you won't have to tell him about Barbara. It's win-win! You think he's really gonna fix your nasty case of Joker-itis? Not a chance. I'm chronic, Brucie. I'm lingering."
 * "Can you remember when it was simple? Back in the old days, when it was just you, me, a regular war against crime? Well take a look, Bats. Things change. Now it's just war, with you standing right bang in the center. Of course, with any war, there are casualties. It's inevitable, unavoidable. Like death. Well, maybe not death, I seem to have sidestepped that one. Still, not all of us are so lucky."
 * "Remember Talia? Of course you do. How could you forget a girl like that? All it took was one piece of lead to end your hopes of happily ever after. You blamed me, of course, but you were wrong. You put her in my crosshairs, Bats. Sure, she didn't do herself any favors, but it was you. You see, people trust you. They believe in you. They follow you into your war, and you are about to get them all killed."
 * "When I get out of here, I will write my name in blood on every street corner! I'll carve it on every corpse! I -- (stammers) NO ONE'S FORGETTING ME!"
 * "No, Bruce! Don't leave me! PLEASE!!"
 * "....I need you..."
 * "Don't go into the light, bats! It's no fair! They won't let me in!"
 * "Rockabye Batsy, I'm getting free! Soon you'll be the one trapped inside me! So do take deep breaths, great lungfuls of fear! Soon Bats will be gone, and I will be here!"

Miscellaneous

 * (Firefly) - "You still haven't told us how you're going to take over the underworld." (Jerome Valeska: "Proto-Joker") - "Who says I wanna do that? I'm an artist. I just wanna paint the town crazy. Once that happens, I could care less how you horribles rip this city apart."
 * Gotham: Season 4 Ep. 17 "Mandatory Brunch Meeting"


 * "The police just backed me up in a gunfight....Gotham has finally gone insane!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
 * The Batman


 * "Yay! We're all going to Hell!"
 * Mortal Kombat VS DC Universe (2008 video game)


 * "There's two things Lex forgot to tell you about me: I don't CARE what happens to the world, and I DON'T play nice with others!"
 * Mortal Kombat VS DC Universe


 * "If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!"
 * Batman: Dark Detective


 * (to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle."
 * Superman/Batman: World's Finest


 * "It's true, Batsy! I know everything! And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarang, you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...... Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAAAA!"
 * Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker


 * "They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dancers routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it."
 * Batman: The Dark Knight Returns


 * "You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!"
 * Batman: Dark Victory


 * "Lady, you're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids"
 * Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm (comic adaptation)


 * (to Batman) "Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?"
 * Batman: The Long Halloween


 * "Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand behind you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot one another. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."
 * Emperor Joker


 * (To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it."
 * Emperor Joker


 * (discovers that he has killed Batman) "I can't believe it. He's... he's actually gone. Let's take a moment to reflect on the passing of a man who was more than just another do-gooder in tights. He was the best arch-nemesis a sociopath could ask for. [pauses a bit, then...] Okay, let's do it again!" [brings Batman back to life]
 * Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Emperor Joker! (animated adaptation of the comic book of the same name)


 * "Oh, Batman, if you had the guts for that kind of fun you would've done it years ago. I, on the other hand..."
 * Batman Beyond: Return of The Joker (distracts Batman by gesturing with the right hand while drawing a knife in his left)


 * "If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!"
 * Dreadful Birthday Dear Joker


 * "What good is my money? Can I spend it like other people? No! Can I go to movies and ball games? No! The only way I can leave this hideout is in disguise... I'm doomed to a living death... [gets a epiphany] Death!... Now that may be a way out for me... That's it... The Joker must die!"
 * Detective Comics #64 ("The Joker Walks the Last Mile")


 * (when asked if he will really reform) "Of course not! My business will go on as usual...the important thing is that I'll be free! The Joker shall die so that he may live again!"
 * Detective Comics #64 ("The Joker Walks the Last Mile")


 * (as he is being led to his execution as part of his master plan) "So this is the famous Last Mile, eh? Don't cry, boys...this will hurt me worse than it'll hurt you! Ha! Ha!"
 * Detective Comics #64 ("The Joker Walks the Last Mile")


 * "Reclaimed from the dead! All crimes paid for! The slate wiped clean! The Joker is free! Ha! Ha!"
 * Detective Comics #64 ("The Joker Walks the Last Mile")


 * "Oh, well...I suppose the Joker's holiday had to end some time!"
 * Detective Comics #64 ("The Joker Walks the Last Mile")


 * [Trying to patent "jokerized" fish]"But the fish share my unique face! If Colonel What's-His-Name can have chickens, when they donť even have moustaches-- And you deny this to me!"
 * Detective Comics #475


 * "I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!! Now get me Santa Claus!"
 * Batman #655


 * "Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?"
 * Batman #663


 * "You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?"
 * Batman #663


 * "The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!"
 * Batman #681


 * "You actually believed that all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days in drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?"
 * Batman #681


 * "You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?"
 * Batman #681


 * "I'd like to bet you have no idea what you're dealing with... I bet, double or nothing, Batman crawls out of that shallow grave with his faculties intact and hunts you down like the dogs you all are. Did anyone think to examine Exhibit A?"
 * Batman #681


 * "If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!"
 * Batman #1


 * (to Judge Drake) "You can't win anyway... You see, I hold the winning card!"
 * Batman #1


 * "In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out."
 * Shadow Of The Bat #37


 * "It's a clear choice -- me or Pettit. Vote or die. Cancer or tuberculosis."
 * Detective Comics #737


 * "Every clown loves kids, captain. Just ask Sarah-Essen-Gordon. Oh, that's right, you can't!"
 * Gotham Central #15


 * (As Nightwing pummels him) "Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?"
 * Joker: Last Laugh #6

Movies and television quotes

 * The Dark Knight - Joker


 * Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker


 * Batman (1989 film)


 * Gotham TV Series (2014 - Present)
 * Joker (2019 film)

Quotes about the Joker

 * Incels are individuals who express frustration from perceived disadvantages to starting intimate relationships. Incel extremists idolize violent individuals like the Aurora movie theater shooter. They also idolize the Joker character, the violent clown from the Batman series, admiring his depiction as a man who must pretend to be happy, but eventually fights back against his bullies.
 * Department of the Army, 167th military police detachment 2635 Miner Road Fort Silk OK 73503-4437 23 Sep 2019; as qtd. in “U.S. Military Issues Warning to Troops About Incel Violence at Joker Screenings [Updated”], by Dell Cameron, IO9, (9/24/19).


 * Bill Finger and I created the Joker. Bill was the writer. Robinson came to me with a playing card of the Joker. That's the way I sum it up. [The Joker] looks like Conrad Veidt — you know, the actor in The Man Who Laughs, [the 1928 movie based on the novel] by Victor Hugo. [...] Bill Finger had a book with a photograph of Conrad Veidt and showed it to me and said, 'Here's the Joker'. Jerry Robinson had absolutely nothing to do with it, but he'll always say he created it till he dies. He brought in a playing card, which we used for a couple of issues for him [the Joker] to use as his playing card.
 * Bob Kane, "Bob Kane Web Exclusives — Bob Kane interview". FrankLovece.com (official site of Entertainment Weeklywriter). May 17, 1994. Archived from the original on (February 4, 2012). Retrieved 2010-12-29.


 * I sat around in a hotel room in London for about a month, locked myself away, formed a little diary and experimented with voices – it was important to try to find a somewhat iconic voice and laugh. I ended up landing more in the realm of a psychopath – someone with very little to no conscience towards his acts.
 * Heath Ledger, on preparing to play the Joker, in


 * Jesus: See, judge, I don't know you -- well, actually, I do know you. When you were six years old, you decided to be a judge 'cause you wanted to put The Joker away, once and for all. Now, I know you're not a bad person, your honor. But you're not putting The Joker away. You're putting away poor people. Stop destroying families and children. Stop the privatization and profiteering of human struggle. You got the opportunity to do the right thing, right now, your honor, and gain the favor of your creator and mine, god, up in heaven. When you were young, you wanted to help people. It's not too late, bubbles.
 * Jesus as interpreted by Gerald “Slink” Johnson in Black Jesus, "The Compton Carter", story Aaron McGruder; teleplay by Aaron McGruder and Rusty Cundieff, (September 21, 2019)


 * Bill Finger knew of Conrad Veidt because Bill had been to a lot of the foreign films. Veidt ... had this clown makeup with the frozen smile on his face (classic). When Bill saw the first drawing of the Joker, he said, 'That reminds me of Conrad Veidt in The Man Who Laughs. He said he would bring in some shots of that movie to show me. That's how that came about. I think in Bill's mind, he fleshed out the concept of the character.
 * Jerry Robinson; Brady, Matt (October 18, 2006). "The Joker, the Jewish Museum and Jerry: Talking to Jerry Robinson". Newsarama.com. Archived from the original on (May 2, 2009). Retrieved December 29, 2010.


 * They've given many origins of the Joker, how he came to be. That doesn't seem to matter—just how he is now. I never intended to give a reason for his appearance. We discussed that and Bill [Finger] and I never wanted to change it at that time. I thought—and he agreed—that it takes away some of the essential mystery.
 * Jerry Robinson as quoted in Langley, Travis (2012). Batman and Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Knight. New York City, New York: John Wiley & Sons. ISBN 978-1-118-16765-6.

Dialogue about the Joker

 * Batman: The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him.
 * The Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
 * Batman: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
 * The Joker: I'm not hearing this...
 * Batman: Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape. Not that you ever had a good joke.
 * The Joker: Shut up... Shut up!
 * Batman: I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the "A" material? Make a face, drop your pants, something!
 * The Joker: Show yourself!
 * Batman: You make me laugh. But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic.
 * The Joker: Stop that!
 * Batman: So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?
 * The Joker: Don't you dare laugh at me!...
 * Batman: Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh!
 * The Joker: YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!
 * Paul Dini, Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, (2000)


 * Alfred: With respect, Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man you don't fully understand either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones, but their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones, but in six months, we never met anyone who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
 * Bruce: So why steal them?
 * Alfred: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
 * Christopher Nolan and Jonathan Nolan, The Dark Knight, (2008)