The Lavender Hill Mob

The Lavender Hill Mob is a 1951 film about a meek bank clerk who oversees the shipment of bullion who joins with an eccentric neighbor to steal gold bars and smuggle them out of the country as miniature Eiffel Towers.
 * Directed by Charles Crichton. Written by T.E.B. Clarke.

The men who broke the bank - and lost the cargo! (taglines)

Henry Holland

 * I was a potential millionaire, yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds, fifteen shillings, less deductions.

Pendlebury

 * Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these - it might have been.
 * I propagate British cultural depravity.

Dialogue

 * Pendlebury: Well, you might as well know. I was lying. I am a thief. It was madness to attempt it. We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.
 * Policeman: We?
 * Pendlebury: My partner and I.
 * Sidewalk Vendor: Your partner? Here, if you're working with the fence who's got them other pictures...
 * Policeman: Shh! Carry on.
 * Pendlebury: Oh I make no excuses. All my life it's been my ambition to surround myself with rare and beautiful things. Suddenly faced with this golden opportunity...
 * Sidewalk Vendor: Here, you call that picture of mine rare and beautiful?
 * Pendlebury: Since you will keep on interrupting me, you ought to know it's a charming example of an early Rochet, while he was still under the influence of Corot.
 * Sidewalk Vendor: Oh yeah? How much is it worth?
 * Pendlebury: Ten pound, to those who can afford it.
 * Sidewalk Vendor: Oh blimey. I've had it marked up for five bob.


 * Lackery: Bellamy's? In Bromley?
 * Shorty: That's right. Last June. Twelver.
 * Lackery: I was casing that joint the night you got pinched.
 * Shorty: Well, what do you know? Shorty Fisher.
 * Lackery: Nice to meet you.
 * Pendlebury: Excuse me, I may be a bit slow but do I understand that you two are, in fact, both professional criminals?
 * Shorty: Well, what else do you take us for, ruddy snoopers?
 * Lackery: What's the setup?


 * Henry Holland: [about his promotion out of the bullion office] I'm too old to change my views now, sir.
 * Turner: Nonsense. You're never too old to better oneself. Think of what you can do with an extra 15 shillings a week.
 * Henry Holland: But sir, I like the bullion office. It holds all I ever wished for.
 * Turner: The trouble with you, Holland, if I may speak frankly, is that you do not have enough ambition. When a good opportunity comes along grab it with both hands. May not occur again.
 * Henry Holland: Very good, sir. I'll follow your advice.


 * Turner: And, erm, here's the order for tomorrow's consignment. Somewhat larger that I expected: 212 bars.
 * Henry Holland: That won't worry me, sir.
 * Turner: Dependable to the last. I'm going to miss you, Holland.
 * Henry Holland: You're very kind, sir. I shall always have the happiest memories of the dear old bullion office.
 * Turner: Has Mr. Applecrumby spoken to you about your holiday?
 * Henry Holland: Yes, sir. I'm going to Paris.
 * Turner: Paris, hey? You're stepping out, Holland. Wonderful isn't it, what a little extra money will do?
 * Henry Holland: Yes, it's going to make a big difference to me.


 * Henry Holland: A minute later, the guard will appear around this corner, and you, Pendlebury, will detain him for at least half a minute. Ask him for a light, ask him the way, ask him anything, but keep him there, we must have those thirty seconds.
 * Pendlebury: Edgar.
 * Henry Holland: I beg your pardon?
 * Pendlebury: Isn't one supposed to say that when one's being briefed? On my rare visits to the cinema...
 * Henry Holland: The word is "roger."
 * Pendlebury: Oh, roger. How silly of me.


 * Pendlebury: Now it's all over, I suppose I may dare say it's been a most remarkable coup.
 * Shorty: The biggest job of its kind since One-Eyed Dobson got away with the GIs' pay packets. Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square, 'forty-five.
 * Henry Holland: That was before devaluation. And this is one million pounds.
 * Shorty: Oh, that's right. Blimey. We've got the record!


 * Pendlebury: By Jove, Holland, it's a good job we're both honest men.
 * Henry Holland: It is indeed, Pendlebury.


 * Henry Holland: Instead of changing as usual at Charing Cross, I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro. "Gay, sprightly, land of mirth and social ease." Pendlebury.
 * British man: Plus six Eiffel Towers. How much did they fetch?
 * Henry Holland: Twenty-five thousand pounds. Enough to keep me for one year in the style to which I was, ah, unaccustomed.

Taglines

 * The men who broke the bank - and lost the cargo!
 * He stole $3,000,000 in gold and that's a lot of BULLion!

Cast

 * Alec Guinness - Henry Holland
 * Stanley Holloway - Alfred Pendlebury
 * Sid James - Lackery Wood
 * Alfie Bass - Shorty Fisher
 * Marjorie Fielding - Mrs. Chalk
 * Edie Martin - Miss Evesham
 * John Salew - Parkin
 * Ronald Adam - Turner
 * Arthur Hambling - Wallis
 * Gibb McLaughlin - Godwin
 * John Gregson - Farrow
 * Clive Morton - Station Sergeant
 * Sydney Tafler - Clayton
 * Audrey Hepburn - Chiquita
 * William Fox - Gregory
 * Michael Trubshawe - British Ambassador
 * Eugene Deckers - Customs Official
 * Cyril Chamberlain - Commander
 * Moultrie Kelsall - Detective Superintendent
 * Christopher Hewett - Inspector Talbot
 * Meredith Edwards - P.C. Williams
 * Patrick Barr - Divisional Detective Inspector