The Long Kiss Goodnight

The Long Kiss Goodnight is a 1996 film about an amnesiac schoolteacher that, with the help of an alcoholic private eye, discovers she's actually a government assassin left for dead by her former agency which is now trying to eliminate her for good.
 * Directed by Renny Harlin. Written by Shane Black.

'''Eight years ago she lost her memory. Now, a detective must help her remember the past before it buries them both. What's forgotten is not always gone.'''

Samantha Caine/Charly Baltimore

 * [to a drunken friend] Earl, do me a favor? … Every few words, have some bubbles come out of your mouth and say "hic".
 * [to her 7-year-old daughter] Stop being a little baby and get up. Life is pain. Get used to it!
 * [to Timothy] It ain't over. You're going to die screaming... and I'm going to watch. Am I telling the truth?
 * [later, watching Timothy plummet to his death] Die screaming, motherfucker!
 * Chefs do that.
 * You couldn't hit a lake if you were standing on the bottom of it.

Mitch Henessey

 * I never did one thing right in my life, you know that? Not one. That takes skill.
 * What I'm saying is, back when we first met, you were all like "Oh phooey, I burned the darn' muffins." Now, you go into a bar, ten minutes later, sailors come runnin' out. What up with that?
 * I ain't handsome, I ain't rich, and the last time I got blown, candy bars cost a nickel.
 * Naw, I sock 'em in the mouth and yell, "Pop goes the weasel." Who the fuck are you?
 * Do not make an assumption, cause when you make an assumption, you make an ass outta you; and umption!

Dialogue

 * [Waldman hands a frightened Samantha a gun and pulls another one out.]
 * Mitch Henessey: Tell me, old man, how many of those things you got?
 * Nathan Waldman: Three: one shoulder, one hip, and one right here next to Mr. Wally, where most pat-downs never reveal it, as an agent's often reluctant to feel up another man's groin. Any other questions?
 * Mitch Henessey: Yeah! What's the weather like on your planet?


 * [On arriving at the train station, Mitch takes his gun from a file in the trunk and puts it into his pocket]
 * Mitch Henessey:[Singing] Put the car keys in my left pocket. Gun in the right hand side.
 * Samantha Caine: It makes a bulge! People will see it.
 * Mitch Henessey: You want me to put it into my pants and shoot my damn dick off?
 * Samantha Caine: What? So now you're a sharp shooter?


 * [In a hotel room]
 * Mitch Henessey: Tell me, do you always curse this much?
 * Samantha Caine: What are you, a Mormon?
 * Mitch Henessey: Yes, I'm a Mormon, that's why I just smoked a pack of Newports and drank three vodka tonics. I mean . . . When I first met you, you were all "Oh phooey, I burnt the darn muffins;" now, you go into a bar and ten minutes later sailors come running out.


 * Samantha Caine: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
 * Mitch Henessey: I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking how much my balls hurt.


 * [Waldman grabs an oblivious Henessey from behind.]
 * Nathan Waldman: Stay quiet, and drop the rifle.
 * [Waldman pushes Henessey up against a barn wall.]
 * Mitch Henessey: How'd you find us?
 * Nathan Waldman: There may be many reasons not to kill you, but among them is not that you'll be missed by NASA. I found the address in your coat. Here. Between the address of a topless bar, and the picture of what looks like a man's penis.
 * Mitch Henessey: That's a duck, not a dick.


 * [A man directs an unimpressed Charly into an alley with his gun.]
 * Charly Baltimore: Why don't you just go away and come back at midnight. Shoo!
 * Gunman: Hey, honey, this is a real big fucking gun.
 * [Mitch appears with his own gun pointed at the man's head.]
 * Mitch Henessey: This ain't no ham on rye, pal.
 * Charly Baltimore: What the hell are you doing?
 * Mitch Henessey: Saving your life. I would have been here sooner, but I was thinkin' up that "ham on rye" line.


 * Charly Baltimore: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?
 * Mitch Henessey: I took lessons!


 * Charly Baltimore: I'm leaving the country, Mitch. I need a fake passport and I need money, lots of it.
 * Mitch Henessey: Well, why didn't you say so? Hold on a minute while I pull that outta my ass.


 * [Caitlin and Charly are locked in a fridge.]
 * Caitlin Caine: Mommy, am I gonna die?
 * Charly Baltimore: Oh, no, baby. No, you're not gonna die. They are.
 * [Charly strikes a match to light a gasoline stream.]
 * Charly Baltimore: Cover your ears. Hey! Should we get a dog?


 * [Charly steals the bomb-carrying truck. The dislodged driver calls on the radio.]
 * Truck Driver: I'm– I'm hurt real bad. I think I'm dying.
 * Timothy: Continue dying. Out.


 * Charly Baltimore: Easy, sport. Got myself out of Beirut once, I think I can get out of New Jersey.
 * Mitch Henessey: Yeah, well don't be so sure. Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.


 * [Charly jumps over a fence with a rifle and surprises one of her students.]
 * Charly Baltimore: Good morning, Raymond.
 * Raymond: [nervously] Good morning, Miss Caine.
 * Charly Baltimore: What have we learned about the dangers of smoking? Give it here.
 * [She takes a puff.]
 * Charly Baltimore: Thanks. Tell anyone you saw me, I'll blow your fucking head off.


 * Mitch Henessey: And what about your daughter, what's her name . . . Cathead?
 * Charly Baltimore: Caitlin.


 * Mitch Henessey: So, you cold?
 * Charly Baltimore: Yeah. Freezing.
 * Mitch Henessey: Turn on the heat. It doesn't work, but it makes a very annoying noise — distracts from the cold.


 * Assassin: Hey, princess. Want some company?
 * Charly Baltimore: No, thanks. I'm saving myself for when I get raped.


 * Mitch Henessey: You're telling me you guys are gonna fake some terrorist thing, just to scare some money out of Congress?
 * Leland Perkins: Well, unfortunately, Mr. Henessey, I have no idea how to fake killing 4,000 people. So we're just gonna have to do it for real.

Cast

 * Geena Davis - Charlene "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore / Samantha Caine
 * Samuel L. Jackson - Mitch Henessey
 * Patrick Malahide - Perkins
 * Craig Bierko - Timothy
 * Brian Cox - Nathan
 * David Morse - Luke / Daedalus
 * G. D. Spradlin - President
 * Tom Amandes - Hal
 * Yvonne Zima - Caitlin
 * Melina Kanakaredes - Trin
 * Alan North - Earl