The Loud House (season 1)

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 (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

Left in the Dark [1.1a]

 * Lincoln: The live season finale of the greatest show ever.
 * Lincoln: Every Saturday night it's the same thing.
 * Lincoln: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 * Lincoln: It's a ghost and it knows it's my name! (all scream)

Get the Message [1.1b]

 * Lori: LINCOLN!!
 * (Lincoln gasps and screams)
 * Lori: There's only one rule in this house. Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel!




 * Lori: [plucking her nose, while talking to Bobby] If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little-- [notices Lincoln's letter on the floor] What's this? [picks it up and reads it] "Why Lori is the worst sister ever?". [gasps and then becomes infuriated] Bobby, I gotta go. I'm about to turn Lincoln into a human pretzel! [Lincoln is scratching his head and jumps in shocked as Lori burst out of the bathroom with the letter on her hand showing the letter to him] LINCOLN! WHAT IS THIS?!!
 * Lincoln: Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man! ''[puts on his new googles and starts to dance away from Lori's wrath]
 * Lori: When, I get my hands on you, I'm gonna-- [Luna emerges out of her room, censoring Lori's rant of rage]

Heavy Meddle [2.1a]

 * Lincoln: Hey, Luan.
 * Luan: Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"
 * Lincoln: [Puzzled] I don't get it.
 * Luan: Oh! Well, that was just a punchline. I still gotta think of the setup. [Walks away]

[Lincoln heads up the stairs and makes it to the door to his room.]
 * Rita: [Offscreen] Lincoln, honey, I need you to take out the trash!


 * Lori: When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you!
 * Sisters: AAAAAHHH!!!

[Lincoln is just completely dumbfounded at explanation]
 * Lincoln: [Disbelieving] That's ridiculous! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!
 * Sisters: [swoon over such a non flirty prank] Aww!!!
 * Leni: So romantic...
 * Lori: That's a classic.
 * Lincoln: [Getting mad] You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind!
 * Lori: You need to give her a piece of your heart instead.
 * Lincoln: [Scared] What?!


 * Lynn: Go get her, romeo.
 * Lori: You so got this, little bro.
 * Lola: Aww, our little Lincoln!
 * Lana: All grown up.

''[Lola hands Lana a tissue for her to blow her nose. Leni has a trash lid on her head, believing Lincoln's lie.]
 * Leni: All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now.

[Lincoln steps outside, marches up to the bully, and kisses her...]
 * Sisters: [sweetly] Aww!!!

Making the Case [2.2b]

 * Lincoln: Wait, wait, wait! Let me explain.
 * Lori: [enraged] You've got exactly three seconds before we pulverize you!
 * [Lynn cracks her knuckles, preparing to pulverize Lincoln and Lisa starts her timer]
 * Lincoln: There was this video contest at school, and I really wanted to win it.
 * Lola: [incredibly outraged] You showed my sleep face for some stupid contest?!
 * Lincoln: I just wanted a trophy to put in the case like you guys.
 * Luna: [firmly] You think deserve a trophy for that, bro?
 * Lincoln: No. I don't deserve it. Look, I'll delete the video.
 * Lucy: Too late, Lincoln. The damage has already been done.
 * Lynn: You made me look like a fool!
 * Lucy: You made me look like a freak.
 * Lori: You made me look I fart! And for the record, it was these shoes!


 * [Outside the Loud House, a depressed Lincoln comes back]
 * Lincoln: I sure hope that worked. [opens the door, only to find out that his sisters are still furious] It didn't work.
 * Lori: [sternly] Lincoln...
 * Lincoln: [apologetically] I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry, but the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you. That way we'd all be even.
 * Lynn: Even? You think this makes us even?
 * Lincoln: Well, I was trying to...
 * Lynn: Yours was way worse!
 * Lori: [cheerfully] Yeah, that video was hysterical!
 * [The girls surround Lincoln and ensure him that they forgive him]
 * Lincoln: So, we're good?
 * Lucy: We're good...brother.
 * Luan: Sorry you didn't win the trophy.
 * Lori: But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved something. [hands him a tiny trophy]
 * Lincoln: Wow. Thanks, guys.
 * [Lola and Lynn hug him and Luna pats him on the head; he runs to the case and places the trophy in his spot]
 * Lincoln: Most Improved Brother. [to the viewers] I did it. My sisters no longer despise me, Christina's switching classes, and I finally made the case.
 * [Another flatulent sound occurs and the other girls look at Lori suspiciously and in disbelief]
 * Lori: It was my shoe.

No Guts, no Glori [3.2b]
(Lincoln uncovers the blanket angry with his sisters) (Lori looks down tied up)
 * Lori:

HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!
 * Lincoln:

Your power trip is over!

The Sweet Spot [1.4A]

 * Lori Loud: Well if that's the best seat then i should get it! I'm the oldest!
 * Luna Loud: You just barf all over it dude, I should have it!
 * Lola Loud: Beauty before age!
 * Lana Loud: Yeah, so i should get it!
 * Luna Loud: That seat belongs to me!
 * Leni Loud: NO! I WANT IT!
 * Lincoln Loud: You can yell all you want, but I'm already in the seat. And possession is 9-10th of the law.
 * Lynn Loud: You're gonna possess a bruise in a minute!
 * (All the Loud girls look at Lincoln angry)
 * Lana Loud: GET HIM!
 * (Lincoln rolls up the window and locks the door, only for Luan to open another door, angry)
 * Lincoln Loud: Dang it! I forgot about the broken lock.
 * Luan Loud: (tackles Lincoln) Ha!
 * Lincoln Loud: Let go of me!
 * (All of the Louds start fighting in Vanzilla that they wake up the whole neighborhood, including Rita)
 * Rita Loud: THAT IS ENOUGH!

(The Loud kids look up bruised)
 * Rita Loud: EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS THIS MINUTE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE IN THAT CAR UNTIL 7AM!
 * Lori Loud: Good luck getting The Sweet Spot now!

(All the Loud kids laugh)
 * Lincoln Loud: GRRR! (punches Vanzilla) AAAA... (covers mouth)
 * Lincoln Loud: This is bad! I can't lose that seat!

(Lincoln opens up his door)
 * Lynn Loud: Don't even think about it Lincoln! I'm watching you...
 * Leni Loud: Well i'm watching you!
 * Lola Loud: And i'm watching you!
 * Lana Loud: And i'm watching you!

(Lincoln closes the door)


 * Lincoln Loud: OK. Sleep until 7:00 AM.




 * Lynn Sr.: [weeping] "That was my first car! And my dad's first car! And his dad's first car!" [continues to sob]
 * Rita: [enraged] "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS OFF! YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL YOU LEARN TO GET ALONG!!!"
 * Kids: "Awww!"

Linc or Swim [8.1A]

 * Lori: Come on, guys. We'll just find another pool.
 * Lisa: Actually, we've been suspended from every aquatic recreation within a 60- mile radius.

[The gang stops and groans in agony]
 * Lori: Seriously? How are we gonna keep cool now?

[The sisters start complaining that they're aren't anymore pools] 
 * Lincoln: Now this is the pool I can really get into. [heads for the exit] 🎵Lincoln's litte baby loves shortenin', short--🎵 [triggers the alarm] Oops. Gotta pay first. [heads to the check out counter]

 [The Loud House, the sisters are in the kitchen trying to cool off with the contents from the freezer; Lincoln sees them and tries to hide his pool kit from them.]
 * Leni: Hey, Linc! Wanna chill with us?
 * Luan: 'CHILL'! Good one, Leni! [giggles]
 * Leni: Good what?
 * Lincoln: Thanks, but I don't mind the heat. But, uh, you guys keep cool in here. Definitely no reason to go outside. I wouldn't even bother looking out there. Am I talking to much? I feel like I'm talking to much. [leaves]
 * Lisa: He's clearing suffering the first symptoms of heat stroke. Now pass the frozen succotash.

[Lynn tosses the succotash to her.] [Lincoln sneaks in the backyard]
 * Lynn: Scoot over. You're melting the broccoli.
 * Lola: Well stop breathing on the frozen carrots!


 * Lisa: Hmm... Unprecedented levels.

[Lincoln washes the pool and refills it while his sisters watch and the party continues; Luan and Leni are playing Marco Polo.]
 * Luan: Marco!
 * Leni: Marco!
 * Luan: No, Leni. I'm Marco. You're Polo.
 * Leni: Then who's Leni?

[Luan was dumbfounded, Lily is about to go skinny dipping again.]
 * Lincoln: Oh no no no no no! [grabs her and puts her in a diaper.] No fecal incidents in my pool! I'm watching you, Lily. [Lincoln is about to get in the pool when he sees Lucy in it; screams] Lucy? I didn't know you like to swim.
 * Lucy: I'm not swimming. I'm trying to see if I'm a witch. Am I floating?
 * Lincoln: Yes.
 * Lucy: Wicked.
 * Lincoln: [chases Lily] Get back here!
 * Lynn: You know what your soup needs? Noodles! [Bonks Lana with a pool noodle]
 * Lana: [Grabs one] Bring it!
 * Lola: STOP SPLASHING ME!!!
 * Lincoln: Guys, no horseplay!

 [The girls and Bobby are hanging out front with the Delux swimming pool Lincoln originally planned to get with Luna playing on the steel drum and Lori taking photos of her darling lifeguard.]
 * Lori: Oh, that's fierce, babe.
 * Lynn: [Strikes] En garde!
 * Lana: [Counters and knocks Lynn in the water] Have at thee! Ha!
 * Lola: Just because I'm fabulous doesn't mean I can't have fun. [Slides down the slide and swims] La-la-la, la-la-la.

(Lucy and Lily apply sunscreen on each other)
 * Luan: Okay this time, instead of Marco Polo, why don't we just use our real names?
 * Leni: Okay! So I'm... [looks at her brother] Lincoln?
 * Luan: Boy you really don't get this game at all, do ya? [She notices what Leni meant] Oh! Hey Linc!
 * Lincoln: Hey, guys. What's all this?
 * Lori: Well, little bro, since you had such a good idea in buying YOUR pool, we decided to-
 * Luan: POOL our money to this one!!! [Giggles, her siblings groan and gets bonks by Lynn's pool noodle] That's using your noodle! [Giggles some more] Ow.

Changing the Baby [1.8B]

 * Lincoln: Give her back, Lori!
 * Lori: Why should you get her? I've literally been waiting 17 years for someone in this family who likes the things I like.
 * Leni: (off-screen) HELP!
 * (Lincoln and Lori rush into Lily's bedroom where Leni is stuck in Lily's crib)
 * Leni: (sighs) Oh, thank goodness. I got in here to show Lily my fashion magazine, but now I can't get out of this baby prison! (cries)
 * (Lori and Lincoln help Leni out of Lily's crib)
 * Lincoln: Upsy-daisy.
 * Lori: There you go, Leni.
 * Leni: Agoo!

Butterfly Effect [1.11a]

 * Lori: Leni, why is this picture of Bobby on your side of the closet?
 * Leni: Oh, there it is! That was a surprise present from Bobby for your 88th day-iversary. He asked me to hide it for him, but I forgot where I put it.
 * Lori: That anniversary was eight days ago and Bobby gave me socks! I can't believe this! You're literally seeing Bobby behind my back! [angrily storms out of Lisa and Lily's room] You are no longer my sister!


 * Luna: [in a British accent] ALL I WANTED WAS A BLEEDING PILLOW MINT!

The Green House [1.11b]

 * Lincoln: What can I do? In a family this big, our eco-footprint is a size 18 triple wide. We use a lot of electricity, fossil fuels, water, aerosols, non-biodegradables, and did I mention electricity? We gotta reduce our eco-footprint. Hopefully, I can get my sisters on board. [cut to the living room, the sisters are all complaining annoyingly] Or not. Time to pull out the big guns.


 * [The Loud sisters enter the basement, incredibly furious, all wearing potato sacks over their bodies and bandages on their feet]
 * Lori: [unplugging the gaming system] Game over, Lincoln!
 * Lincoln: [panicking] It's not what it looks like! [notices he still has the game controller in his hand and hides it behind his back, smiling nervously]
 * Lori: We're up there making all these sacrifices, and you're down here playing some stupid computer game?!
 * Lincoln: Okay, so maybe it is what it looks like.
 * Lynn: If you don't wanna give anything up, why should we?
 * Lincoln: But… but… but… Polar bear? [holds up the poster]
 * [The sisters start to feel remorse again, but this time, they snap out of it]
 * Lola: Aww… Wait a minute, you can't use that on us anymore!
 * Lori: Come on, girls. Let's go get our stuff back.
 * Leni: And a refill!


 * Lincoln: Well, I saved the polar bear, and I'm not an outcast. Though, technically speaking, my social life is out the window. [to his classmates] Do you mind?! I'm showering!

Save the Date [1.15b]

 * [Royal Woods Elementary School; Around lunchtime, Lincoln digs around in his pants and pulls out a sloppy joe with a note]
 * Classmate #3: [reading the note] "Happy Sloppy Joe Tuesday, Lame-o. Signed, Ronnie Anne."
 * Classmate #2: And there's a heart!
 * Classmates: [smugly] Ooh! Lincoln's got a girlfriend!
 * Lincoln: What?! No, I don't!
 * Classmate #2: When's the wedding day, Lincoln?
 * Lincoln: [annoyed] Ha, ha. Very funny, guys.
 * Classmates: [teasingly] Ronnie Anne and Lincoln sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
 * Lincoln: [irritated] Guys, Ronnie Anne is not my girlfriend! She's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss that weirdo.


 * [As Lincoln returns home from school…]
 * Lori: [lividly] You MONSTER! [throws a tissue box at him, hitting him in the head]
 * Lincoln: Ow! What was that for?
 * Lori: You made Ronnie Anne CRY!
 * Lincoln: Cry? I didn't mean to. Wait, how do you know? [quickly dodges as Lori angrily throws a teddy bear]
 * Lori: Bobby told me... [starts breaking down in tears] Right before he broke up with ME!!! [sobs]
 * Lincoln: What? Why does Bobby care?
 * Lori: [opens up a photo book of her, Bobby, and Ronnie Anne] Because Bobby is literally Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurts someone he's related to, or something like that!
 * Lincoln: Ronnie Anne has a brother? I thought she was raised by trolls.
 * Lori: [screams angrily; throwing CDs at him] THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT! [chases after her brother and grabs him by the shirt collar; viciously] You have to make things right with Ronnie Anne!
 * Lincoln: Okay, okay! I'll call her right now and apologize. [picks up the phone]
 * Lori: [hangs up the phone] No! Uh-uh! Actions speak louder than words. Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why, we're going on a double-date.
 * Lincoln: What?!
 * Lori: It's all been arranged. We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet at 6:00. And you will make her feel like… THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL IN THE WORLD!


 * Lori: [to Lincoln and Ronnie Anne with Bobby, wrapping their arms around each other] Guess who's back together!
 * Lincoln & Ronnie Anne: [simultaneously] Babe and Bobby Boo-Boo Bear?


 * Lincoln: Clyde, you gotta get me out of here!
 * Clyde: What? Why?
 * [Lincoln points to his classmates who teased him earlier at the table]
 * Classmate #1: Hey, guys, there's a band in the bathroom!
 * Lincoln: I can't let those guys see me on a "date" with Ronnie Anne. I just convinced them she's not my girlfriend.


 * Classmate #3: Hey, Lincoln. What you doing at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet?
 * Lincoln: I'm just here with family… friends… I mean, family friends.
 * Classmate #3: Isn't that Ronnie Anne?
 * Lincoln: No. Uh… I mean, maybe. I didn't know she was here.
 * Classmate #3: [notices Lincoln's khaki pants] Hey, are those khakis? [gasps] You're wearing date pants!
 * Classmate #2: I knew it! Ronnie Anne is your girlfriend!

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 * Ronnie Anne: [to Lincoln; sharply after slapping him in the face] Lincoln Loud, how dare you kiss me at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet! You are rude and gross and totally annoying! I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss you. [storms away]
 * Classmate #1: Sorry, dude.
 * Trent: That was harsh.
 * Classmate #2: Girls are intense, man.
 * Classmate #3: It's okay to be single.
 * Classmate #4: Your bros are here for you, bro.

Out on a Limo [1.16b]

 * [Lincoln returns home and finds his sisters all glaring furiously at him]
 * Lincoln: Wrong house! [closes the front door but they somehow appeared before him]
 * Lynn: Where have you been?!
 * Lisa: We were standing on the curb for over three hours!
 * Lori: [as Lincoln opens the front door and enters the house as she and the other sisters follow] The garbage guys literally tried to take Lana to the dump!
 * Lincoln: I'm really sorry. I had a busy day with the very wealthy Lord Tetherby and I just couldn't get away.
 * Lola: I cannot believe you have been hanging out with some random rich guy all day instead of taking your own sisters to the Burpin' Burger!
 * Lincoln: [repeating Tetherby's words] A man in a limo can't be seen in some rat hole named after a bodily function. It's just not done.
 * Lori: You're not a man in a limo. You're a kid who ate a bunch of mustard! As soon as your limo's gone, this little fantasy of yours is going to be over!
 * Lincoln: [smugly] Oh, really? Is that why they're making me a member of their club tonight, hm? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to put on my formal wear.

Home-spun

 * Lincoln: And the doorknob situation.
 * Lisa: (doorknob) Dang it.
 * Leni: (fridge handle) Dang it.
 * Lynn: (doorknob) Dang it.
 * Lucy: (attic cord) Dang it.
 * Lori: (doorknob) Dang it.
 * Luna: (flusher handle) Dang it.
 * Lincoln: (doorknob) Dang it.