The Loud House (season 8)

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 (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

Homeward Bound [8.1a]

 * Lincoln: [to the viewers] It's a big day in the Loud House. Lori's taking a gap year from college and moving back home while she decides if golf is really her future. Which is awesome because Lori's always kinda been the glue that holds us together. Even Mr. Grouse is psyched.
 * Mr. Grouse: Hey, Louds! I found these old clubs while cleaning out my garage. Maybe Lori can help me practice my swing.


 * Lincoln: This is terrible!
 * Lynn: The worst!
 * Lana: It stinks!
 * Lincoln: We just got Lori back. We can't lose her again so fast. There has to be some way to get her to stay.
 * Lucy: We can lock in a coffin in the basement.
 * Lisa: Or use the numbing properties of jellyfish venom to incapacitate her. [accidentally drops the venom on her left foot, causing her to collapse on the floor due to her leg getting numbed]
 * Lincoln: Wait, Lori said she was gonna find a realtor. But what if we find her a realtor who only shows her the worst possible places to live?
 * Lynn: How are we supposed to pull that off?


 * Lori: [weeping] Let's face it, this living situation is so not working out. But there are, like, zero apartments avail. Maybe taking a gap year was a mistake. [sniffles sadly, then sees all her siblings looking guilty and groan nervously] Why is everyone exchanging guilty looks?
 * Lincoln: Lori, there's something we need to tell you. This is all our fault. Sunny Holmes isn't real. She's Luan.
 * [Luan puts on her Sunny Holmes wig and chuckles sheepishly]
 * Lori: [twitching and loses it; strongly yelling in fury] WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!!  [grabs Lincoln by the shirt collar and pulls him up close] Explain, now!
 * Lincoln: We were so excited when we thought you were moving back, and we didn't want to lose you again. So we sabotaged your apartment hunt. We're really sorry.
 * Lori: [sighs as she puts her brother down] Classic. I should have known.
 * Luan: Oh, don't blame yourself. I gave an extremely realistic performance. In fact, I just sold Cheryl and Meryl a lakefront vacation house.
 * Lincoln: I guess we didn't realize how hard it would be for you to live at home again. Please don't give up on Royal Woods. New plan: We'll find you a legit realtor. Right, guys?

Pressure Cooker [8.1b]

 * Lincoln: [to the viewers] It's the monthly potluck at Sunset Canyon, which I love, because they always serve my favorite meal: One of everything!
 * Scoots: How much longer?
 * Pop Pop: Ooh, it should be any second now!
 * Lincoln: [walking over] It's potluck night. Why don't you guys have plates full of food?
 * Pop Pop: We're not eating because we don't want to fill up before--
 * Nana Gayle: [off-screen] Dessert!

Steeling Thunder [8.2a]

 * Lincoln: Our school's having a film festival, so Clyde and I are submitting a movie. This movie.


 * Chandler: Pfft. Big whoop. I've jumped out of planes before.
 * Trent: You mean the one on the playground?
 * Chandler: Shut it, Trent!


 * Chef Pat: Loud, your movie changed my life! [dips some pizza sticks on Lincoln's tray] Have some extra pizza sticks.


 * Mr. Bolhofner: Okay, everyone, pop quiz time! [Lincoln and all the other students groan] Everyone except Loud. You already got an A for this semester! That was some movie. Let's go hang in the teacher's lounge and swap broken bone stories, huh?
 * Lincoln: Okay!
 * [Chandler angrily breaks his pencil; later in gym class…]
 * Coach Keck: Today, we're running sprints, a lot of 'em. [The students all groan] The puke cans in this corner, except Loud. He's practically a pro athlete. You can chill in my coach cave and enjoy the talents of my masseuse, Hans.
 * Lincoln: Thanks, but I'll just read comics.


 * Lincoln: Being a celebrity's awesome! So far, I see no downside.


 * Clyde: [reading] "Lincoln LAME sauce is a LIAR. Hosted by Chandler. Come see the PROOF! Screening in the lunchroom!" Oh, no!
 * Lincoln: We have to make sure no one sees that clip! [gets on the computer, opens up Chandler's files, and trashes the two documents of his and Clyde's movie and the clip of Lynn as his stunt double; relieved] Okay, I deleted everything. [then finds something else on the computer] Whoa, Clyde, look what else I found. [he and Clyde look at each other and snicker sinisterly]

Be Careful What You Fish For [8.2b]

 * [Lincoln and his father show up at the dock]
 * Lynn Sr.: [inhales deeply and sighs] Smell that beautiful lake air, son?
 * Lincoln: [inhales deeply, then gags] Ugh. It smells really… [gets hit by a swinging fish and lands on the dock with his back before Lynn Sr. helps him get back up] Fishy.
 * Lance & Shiloh: [also showing up] Louds!
 * Lincoln & Lynn Sr.: Louds!
 * [Shiloh happily tackles Lincoln and the two adult brothers fist bump]
 * Leonard: Louds! I'm so excited to catch some fish and family bonding on this trip! [hugs his adult sons and grandsons tightly]
 * Lynn Sr.: Us too! [kneels down to Lincoln and Shiloh] You know, boys, when Lance and I were kiddos, Gramps was always out at sea, earning a living. We never went on fishing trips.
 * Leonard: But now I get to make up for lost time. I'm just so… [starts to sob] Ding-dang, happy to have you all back in my life.

Only Mime Will Tell [8.3a]

 * Mrs. Bernardo: Now that you passed the physical test, it's time for the mental one. Your challenge is to remain silent for the rest of the day. Now, according to the rules of "The Official Mime Code Book…" [lifts up an imaginary code book] Benny, a little help? [Benny walks up; places the book on his back] That means, no texting, writing, or communicating in any form other than mime.


 * Luan: [speaking out loud] MRS. B! DON'T EAT THAT LOBSTER! IT'S GONE BAD!
 * Lynn Sr.: [gasps] Huh? [smells the lobster and retches]
 * [Tyler, Scoots, and Kotaro look down at the lobster and react in disgust]
 * Mrs. Bernardo: Luan, do you know what you've just done?!
 * Luan: [sighs in guilt] Yes, I spoke.

The Winning Spirit [8.3b]

 * Lucy: And thus the nightmare begins.


 * Coach Pacowski: [to Lucy] So, the bad news is you failed the test. The good news is, I'll let you try again tomorrow. The other bad news is, that's your last shot. If you blow it, you don't pass the fourth grade. But hey, look on the bright side… I could be your gym teacher for the rest of your life!
 * [Zoom in on Lucy's horrified face when Coach Pacowski's words, "For the rest of your life!" echo in her head; She imagines the two of them as elders at Sunset Canyon with her struggling to weight lifts and Pacowski in a wheelchair]


 * Dante: [astonished] Ooh! I'm loving your new spell book, Persephone. Nothing like real dragon leather.
 * Persephone: A birthday gift from my parents. It came in this Sassy Sorceress kit.
 * [Dante, Morpheus, and Haiku gaze at the sorceress kit in awe]


 * Persephone: [holding her wand] This next plan should be foolproof. If I make you older, you won't be in fourth grade. Hence, you won't have to take the test. [twirls the wand, and it casts a ray of magical energy onto Lucy; however, it instead turns her into an infant, to the mortician's horror]
 * Baby Lucy: Waah.
 * Persephone: Whoops, wrong direction. [tries again, but this time, changes Lucy into an old woman, from her earlier vision] Whoops, too far. [tries to change her again but she stops her]
 * Elderly Lucy: I have to pee before you change me back. Can't hold it like I used to.


 * [Coach Pacowski drinks Persephone's potion, when Lucy swaps it with his coffee while he wasn't looking, and transforms into a lizard]
 * Haiku: [takes the bottle out of Persephone's hand and reads the label; noticing something] Um, Persephone, didn't you read this label? "May cause dizziness or lizardness."
 * [Lizard Pacowski walks off and the Morticians Club members follow him]
 * Persephone: [stunned, then fed up] Next year, I'm asking for cash for my birthday. [kicks away the sorceress kit in annoyance and hurries off after her friends]

InTODDnito [8.4a]

 * Darcy: Hey, Lisa. I wanted to invite you to my birthday party on Saturday! You're my bestie, you have to come! [gives Lisa her birthday invitation]
 * Lisa: Of course, Darcy. That's what besties are for, at least according to the latest sociological studies.
 * Darcy: Yippee! Have you seen Petey? I want to invite him too.
 * Lisa: He's over there, recovering from his contribution to science.
 * Petey: [landed in a sandbox; groaning weakly as he sits up] I'm okay!
 * Darcy: [runs off] Thanks, bestie!
 * Lisa: [opens the invitation and gets her face covered in confetti] Mental note: Invent confetti defense shield.


 * Todd: [as Lisa digs around in her drawer in the closet] So, should I decline Darcy's invite and liquidate it?
 * Lisa: [sighs] No, I can't do that to my bestie. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hmm. Maybe I can clone myself so I can be in both places at once. [gasps] Or cryogenically freeze Darcy so she doesn't age, thus eliminating the need for her birthday party. Now, where did I put my freeze ray? [looks at Todd, wearing her glasses and wig; gasps] Todd, that's an even better idea! You can disguise yourself as me and go to the party while I go live it up with Dr. B.
 * Todd: There is just one problem. I am way taller than you.
 * Lisa: Eh, a minor setback. I'll take care of that. [takes out a drill and a pair of safety goggles]
 * Todd: Gulp.
 * [After working all night, Lisa has remodeled Todd down to her height and dresses him up as her]
 * Lisa: And we are finished! [gasps] It's like looking in a mirror.
 * Todd: Twinsies. [he and Lisa high-five but stumbles and the glasses almost fall off]
 * Lisa: You'd better not move around too much, we wouldn't want your disguise to fall off like that mid-party. [gasps and takes out her tablet] Ooh, I also cloned my voice. Let me upload it to you now so you can give it a try.
 * Todd: Ahem. [talks in a slightly tone of Lisa's voice] Hi, I'm Lisa. I have a high IQ. I think I'm so much smarter than everyone.
 * Lisa: Eh, a tad sassy, but accurate. Just to be safe, I'll be monitoring you with a camera and speakers. With this tablet, I can see what you're seeing. If you get into any figurative hot water, I can coach you via this earpiece. [puts it in her ear, under her hair] With these precautions in place, it's almost like I'll be there. I'll be the virtual life of the party.


 * [Tall Timber's Park; All the little kids are gathered for Darcy's birthday party as Todd (disguised as Lisa) arrives]
 * Todd: I have arrived at the destination.
 * Lisa: Excellent. Mission is a go.
 * Darcy: [approaching] Lisa, you're here!
 * Todd: [in Lisa's voice] Of course. I couldn't miss the celebration of the anniversary of your birth. [Darcy grabs him by the hand and drags him over]
 * Lisa: Ha. I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, I need to figure out which one of my fecal matter study slides I want Dr. Brown to autograph.


 * Todd: [swings the bat and hits the piñata so hard with a sonic boom, and candy rains down; in Lisa's voice] Apologies. Perhaps I over-engaged my core.
 * [The little kids are all shocked at first, but then cheer]
 * Lisa: Phew, good thing they were too distracted by sweets to notice your super human strength. Just do not let it happen again.


 * Lisa: Self-drive mode, to the medical center. Pronto!
 * Big Wheels: [mishearing] Did you say, Toronto? Taking you to Canada.
 * Lisa: No, no, no, no. No…!

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 * Todd: I love a happy ending. Self-drive mode, take me back to my place.
 * Big Wheels: Taking you to space. Activating thrusters.
 * Todd: What?! No! [blasts off] Lisa!

Weather or Not [8.4b]

 * [As Lincoln and Clyde enter the store, the wind blows in and Nacho takes a whiff, sensing something]
 * Lincoln: Hey, Flip. What's up?
 * Flip: The price of Flippee's in my cholesterol. See ya, chiefs. [Nacho immediately stops him, telling him to take an umbrella, knowing that it's going to rain; speechless] Take an umbrella? What, you got brain freeze? [walks outside] There's not a cloud in the sky. And Patchy Drizzle said it'll be nothing but sunshine today. [only to be proven wrong when the rain clouds come in and pour rain, then gets struck by lightning; weary] See? Nothing but sunshine. [falls flat on the ground]

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 * [Nacho is taking a bath in the Flippee machine and splashes some blue Flippee on a customer]
 * Lincoln: Hey, Nacho. We're going on a field trip to the Royal Woods Tar Pits today. We wanted to know how to dress.
 * Clyde: Patchy Drizzle says sunshine again, but after yesterday, we want a second opinion.