The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns

The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns (1999) is a Hallmark Entertainment made-for-TV fantasy movie. It stars Randy Quaid, Colm Meaney, Kieran Culkin, Roger Daltrey and Whoopi Goldberg. The film contains two main stories that eventually intertwine: the first being the story of an American businessman who visits Ireland and encounters magical leprechauns, the second being the story of a pair of star-crossed lovers who happen to be a fairy and a leprechaun, belonging to opposing sides of a magical war.

Dialogue
Sean Devine: We Leprechuans are the spirit of all Ireland. We have more get up and go than a hatful of Pokers.

Seamus Muldoon: Atta boy, Jack. Go win it for the lady!

Jack Wood: (being blocked by all the other carriages from overtaking George's carriange and winning the buggy race) If that's the way you guys want to play it, it's time for some highway maneuvers. Yah!

Sean Devine: Four against one? Oh calamity!

Princess Jessica: And what are you staring at?

Mickey Muldoon: The fairest beauty that ever stood before the eyes of a man since Helen danced her willing way on the wondering walls of Troy!

Princess Jessica: It's only a gift of words that you shower me, but I have to say that they shine!

Mickey Muldoon: Oh you shine, Princess Mine, you shine!

Princess Jessica: You're a Leprechuan, a real one.

Micky Muldoon: I am.

Princess Jessica: But Leprechuans are vile and villainous and vulgar.

Michy Muldoon: And Trooping Fairies are sneering, snobbish, and selfish.

Princess Jessica: That is not true. We're not like that.

Michy Muldoon: And we aren't vile and villainous. Now vulgar, maybe. I can't argue with that one.

Seamus Muldoon: Jack tell him (Micky) to listen to his parents.

Jack Woods: Why? I never did.

Seamus Muldoon: Just going for a drink. It's good for moralle.

Mary Muldoon: Yours or theirs? Have you posted sentries?

Seamus Muldoon: Err, Of course I have. And I've told them all to stay sharp.

Mary Muldoon: They're about as sharp as billard balls.

Mary Muldoon: What are you going to do with me, now that you've got me?.

General Bolstron: Interrogate her..

Mary Muldoon: Interrogate me? About what? Seamus never tells me anything. Whenever he wants something he just grunts.

King Boric: Won't they (the Leprechauns) be surprised when we pop up behind them..

Chamberlain: Assuming that the tunnel doesn't collapse..

King Boric: That is a good point.

Chamberlain: (muttering) Oh a good point..

General Bolstron: Not to worry, Sire. I have given strict orders that it is not to collapse.

Chamberlain: Oh that will work then. We can all sleep easy in our beds tonight.

King Boric: Has the Queen seen what you've done to the throne room?.

General Bolstron: Not yet..

King Boric: Make sure that I'm there when you do.

Chamberlain walk toward Sir Jantee at the front of the Little England's house.

Chamberlain: I come to you under a white flag of truce. (pulls open the white flag)

Sir Jantee: Did I forget to tell you. I'm color blind.

Chamberlain: I would like to bribe you.

Sir Jantee: Bribe? That word is offensive to mine ears. We are English to the bone! Our word is our bond. Besides what could you possibly bribe us with?

Chamberlain: Butter.

Sir Jantee: Oh yes there is that.

(Micky and Jessica rip the paper off a large cube of butter)

Sir Jantee: Ah an English butter to boot. This puts a whole different complexion on it. Butter changes everything.

Micky Muldoon: I had a feeling it might make a difference, uncle. But we haven't come for sanctuary. We want your advice. Sir Jantee: Oh, why me lad? Micky Muldoon: This situation needs some clever, devious, slippery, criketed,... Princess Jessica: Someone who can see around corners.

Sir Jantee: Flattery will get you everything! What seems to be the problem? Princess Jessica: We want put an end this war and bring our families together. Micky Muldoon: It would have to be something spectacular tho. Sir Jantee: hmmm... hmmm... Have you thought about dying at all?

(Jessica and Micky look at each other uneasily)

Princess Jessica: Well..., if you think it would...

Sir Jantee: Oh no no no. I don't mean for real. I mean that might work. But you wouldn't be there to enjoy it, which would defeat the entire purpose of the exercise. But if your families thought you would go that far, rather than be parted. It might do just as well.

Sir Jantee: This is poison. (squeezes red liquid from a red flower into a glass vial and hands it to Micky) Or lets say it ACTS like poison. Drink it, your blood stops, you go into a coma. Of course I know plenty of people in a coma without drinking this stuff.

Kathleen Fitzpatrick: You must go back and explain. They all think you two are under some kind of spell.

Princess Jessica: We are. We're in love.

Micky Muldoon: We have a plan.

King Boric: They have a human to fight for them. (Referring to the massive Jack Woods standing beside the Leprechuan lines.)

Chamberlain: Don't worry. They're docile, so long as you don't make any sudden moves.

Chamberlain: On behalf of King Boric and the Trooping Fairies, we thought you might want to say Hello to your wife.

Seamus Muldoon: Hello! Now lets get on with this.

Mary Muldoon: Is that ALL you have to say, you half-gutted mackerel?!

Seamus Muldoon: The man asked me if I wanted to say Hello! I've have said Hello! Now onto the important stuff.

Queen Morag: Can you believe what they are doing?

Mary Muldoon: With our husbands in charge, ...

Together: yes.

Grand Banshee: All the words in the world can not make a marriage binding. You have to.