The Nostalgia Critic/Season 17

Quotes from the 17th season of The Nostalgia Critic, which aired in 2024.

Aladdin

 * [Jasmine and Aladdin are watching a parade in China; note that Lea Salonga is the singing voice for both Jasmine and Mulan]
 * Jasmine: It's all so magical.
 * Aladdin: Yeah.
 * Nostalgia Critic: You can see me also singing for Mulan down there.


 * [Jasmine, in a sexy slave outfit, is seducing Jafar]
 * Jasmine: I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.
 * Nostalgia Critic: She's 15. [shows Simpsons clip of everyone spitting in shock] It's all just lines, they always get an adult to play her, I don't think anyone cares, nobody's going to change their porn now.

Jumanji

 * [The focus of the film shifts from Alan and Sarah to Judy and Peter]
 * Nostalgia Critic: I guess the movie got sick of those two kids, so here's two brand new ones.


 * [Judy uses a barcode scanner to blind Van Pelt, set to epic music]
 * Nostalgia Critic: Apparently that was the triumphant "no sale" scene. Guess the music really thought everyone was going to be talking about that moment.

Superman

 * Nostalgia Critic: And then it gets dumb. Yeah you all know what's coming. Easily the worst part of the movie: Superman spins the Earth in reverse and causes time to move backwards. There's a million reasons why this doesn't work. Some say he could always do it but didn't because it would interrupt in human affairs. Well what, he hasn't already? And what, he couldn't do this a million times before then? In fact, is that really a good ethical code? [Shows the earlier funeral scene for Superman's father] "All those powers and I couldn't save him... Oh wait, I can now!" Like what so he doesn't have to live with his humanity? But okay okay, let's say the death of Lois was what gave him the extra adrenaline to do this trick, like it's a one time thing. Did he stop the extra missile? The gas station still blew up and he saved Jimmy from the dam, but the earthquake didn't happen? And let's say he did. Is there just another Superman flying around that stopped that missile? What happens to him? [shows two alternate Supermen together] Does he just go out to him and act like "Who are you?" "Oh I'm you from a timeline where Lois dies." "Oh is she okay?" "Well she is now." "Well what happens to me?" "Well you die." [alternate Superman explodes] There can be only one.

Superman II

 * [Superman somehow erases Lois's memories by kissing her]
 * Nostalgia Critic: But as I've said in the past, he could literally stop a super villain in their tracks by just kissing them and making him forget who they are.
 * Nostalgia Critic: [as Lex Luthor] Superman. Allow me to explain my evil plot. [Superman kisses him] Who the hell am I?
 * Nostalgia Critic: And don't lie, a really weird messed up part of your brain, even if it was just for a second, thought of that too. And no Superman movie should be making you think that, even if it's just for a second.

Superman III

 * [The opening credits rise at awkward angles across the ground]
 * Nostalgia Critic: To hell with those epic opening titles in space. This sequel opens literally walking over the names of Superman and Richard Pryor. Can't get more fitting than that.

The Land Before Time

 * Nostalgia Critic: This is going to look weird without a Roman numeral next to it. We made 14 of these?!
 * [Shows the numerous Land Before Time sequels, then a clip from Liar Liar superimposed with the Universal logo]
 * Fletcher: How do you sleep at night?!


 * Nostalgia Critic: He stumbles across the same threehorn again named Cera, which I'm ashamed to point out over 25 years later, I never knew was spelled like this [shows the word "triCERAtops"] Get it? It's like the arrow in FedEx, I hate how mind blowing that is!


 * [After Littlefoot's mother dies]
 * Nostalgia Critic: Oh, better get that spring song from Bambi ready!

Happy Feet

 * Nostalgia Critic: The film also does a good job letting you know what penguins have to go through to survive. I mean if they didn't learn how to tap dance, they wouldn't have landed so many film roles in the 60s.
 * [Shows the penguins from Mary Poppins; Cut to a scene that's overly epic for a kid's movie]
 * Noah The Elder: Give praise to the great 'Guin, who puts songs in our hearts and fish in our bellies!
 * Nostalgia Critic: I don't know, just... Was this the vibe you were getting when you saw the advertisements for this?


 * Lovelace: I will retire now to my couch of perpetual indulgence. Okay, ladies, who's first? [various female penguins follow him, chattering]
 * Nostalgia Critic: Christ, this penguin's more horny than the Batman Returns Penguin.
 * Penguin: [audio from Batman Returns] Just the pussy I've been lookin' for.


 * Human #1: You see, first there was one, and now there's thousands of them.
 * Human #2: Are they trying to tell us something?
 * Nostalgia Critic: They're trying to say "moicendisin', moichendisin'!" [while quoting Yogurt, images of various Happy Feet merchandise appear next to him]

Return to Never Land

 * [The film opens with a pop version of "Second Star to the Right"]
 * Nostalgia Critic: Oh you just lost a second star right there with that pop song. [his 3 star review gets downgraded to 2 stars] Yeah that's sadly one of the most jarring things about this sequel. The songs aren't timeless like the original, but rather the most 2002 thing you can get.


 * Captain Hook: Home to my dear sweet mother. [shows a picture of a female version of Captain Hook]
 * Nostalgia Critic: I love it because you have to ask the question: did he dress up like that for the picture to trick her or does his mother actually have a mustache and two hooks? Either answer is hilarious.
 * Captain Hook: Peter stole my treasure.
 * Nostalgia Critic: He says Peter took his treasure and the crew would mutiny if they returned home without it.
 * Jane: I guess we're in the same boat.
 * Captain Hook: The same boat. That's it! [hits his hand with his hook]
 * Nostalgia Critic: How'd he not cut himself while doing that? [shows the same scene with blood effects]


 * Nostalgia Critic: Again, I like the idea that boys are tricking her to save Tink's life while she's tricking them to try and get home. I'm pretty sure there's no characters in Neverland who actually tell the truth. This also leads to the only song actually sung by any of the characters.
 * ["So to Be One of Us" is sung badly by the child actors]
 * Nostalgia Critic: You know, maybe there's just not meant to be songs in this movie.

Treasure Planet

 * Delbert Doppler: All my life I've been waiting for an opportunity like this and here it is screaming "Go Delbert! Go Delbert!"
 * Frasier: You have to get out more.
 * Nostalgia Critic: That wasn't even a thing people in '02 did! That was the thing people in '92 did... or '91? '90? I never knew anyone who did this.


 * Nostalgia Critic: Silver says he's going to keep a close eye on Jim as we listen to... ["I'm Still Here" plays] that classic 18th century in space 2002 music. Okay so like I said, while the 1700 stuff mixed with sci-fi sometimes works sometimes doesn't, the 2002 stuff really doesn't work and is crazy distracting.


 * Nostalgia Critic: [Jim gets a uniform and his mom's hands are weirdly animated] Hawkins finally looks like a character who would exist in this world, his mother's hands look really weird for some reason, and we end on this horrifying image. [the clouds show John Silver smiling creepily] Remember to see Shrek or we'll kill you.

The Incredibles

 * Syndrome: You sly dog! You got me monologuing. I can't believe it.
 * Nostalgia Critic: I thought only supervillains and YouTube critics did that! [shows himself]


 * Nostalgia Critic: [on Elastigirl's famous butt scene] I'm just going to assume there's a lot of images of that online... [shows images] There are. The internet's going to internet.


 * Syndrome: You married Elastigirl? Whoa! And got busy!
 * Nostalgia Critic: First PG Pixar movie too.