The Odd Couple (film)

The Odd Couple is a 1968 film about two divorced men who decide to live together, despite their clashing personalities.
 * Directed by Gene Sachs. Written by Neil Simon, based on his play of the same name.

...say no more.

Dialogue

 * [At the hotel's reception desk.]
 * Felix Ungar: Room please.
 * Receptionist: You alone? [Felix nods.] Luggage? [Felix shakes his head.] How long you want it for?
 * Felix Ungar: Not very long.
 * Receptionist: [He hands Felix the guestbook.] Five dollars. [Felix starts registering.] Five dollars. [Felix takes out his wallet and gives the five dollars. The receptionist goes and gets a key and leaves it by Felix.] 307. [Felix stops writing and looks up.]
 * Felix Ungar: Uh, haven't - haven't you anything uh higher?
 * Receptionist: Higher? [Felix nods. The receptionist goes and checks.] 914? [Felix nods.  The receptionist hands him the key, and Felix heads to his room.]

 [Speed, Roy, and Vinnie watch as Murray slowly shuffles the cards.]
 * Speed: 'Scuse me sir, but aren't you the one they call the Cincinnati Kid?
 * Murray: You don't like it, get a machine.
 * Roy: Jeez, it stinks in here.
 * Vinnie: What time is it?
 * Speed: Again what time is it?
 * Vinnie: My watch is slow. I'd like to know what time it is.
 * Speed: You're winnin' $95. That's what time it is.  Where the hell are you runnin'?
 * Vinnie: I'm not runnin' anywhere. I just asked what it was.
 * Roy: [looks at his watch] It's 10:30.
 * Vinnie: [pauses] Gotta leave by 12.
 * Speed: [laughs] Jeez!
 * Vinnie: I told you that when I sat down. I gotta leave by 12.  Uh, Murray, didn't I say that when I sat down?  I said I gotta leave by 12.
 * Speed: Don't talk to him. He's dealin'. [To Murray] You wanna rest for a while, Murray?  Go lie down, sweetheart.
 * Murray: You want speed or accuracy? Make up your mind. [He continues shuffling slowly while Speed puffs on his cigar angrily.]
 * Roy: Hey, you wanna do me a really big favor? Smoke towards New Jersey. [Speed blows smoke into Roy's face.  Roy gets up and walks around.]
 * Murray: No kidding. I'm really worried about Felix.  He's never been this late before.  Maybe somebody should call.
 * Vinnie: Hm.
 * Murray: Hey, Oscar! Why don't you call Felix?!
 * Speed: Listen, why don't we chip in three dollars apiece and buy another window. How the hell can you breathe in here?
 * Murray: How many cards you got? Four?
 * Speed: Yes, Murray, we all have four cards. When you give us one more, we'll all have five.  If you gave us two more, we'd all have six.  You understand how it works now?
 * Murray: Is Oscar playing or not? [Yells off.] Hey, Oscar! [Cut to Oscar in the kitchen.]
 * Oscar Madison: [Yells off.] Yeah?
 * Murray: [Yells.] Hey, Oscar, you in or out?
 * Oscar Madison: [Yells.] Out, pussycat, out!
 * Vinnie: I told my wife I'd be home by one the latest. We're making an eight o'clock plane to Florida.  I told you that when I sat down.
 * Murray: Who goes to Florida in July?
 * Vinnie: Well, it's off-season. There's no crowds, and you get the best room for one-tenth the price.  No cards.
 * Murray: Hm.
 * Speed: Some vacation. Six cheap people in an empty hotel.
 * Murray: Dealer takes four. Hey, you think maybe Felix is sick?  I mean he's never been this late before.
 * Roy: [picks up a piece of junk] You know, this is the same garbage from last week's game. I'm beginning to recognize things.
 * Murray: I'm out.
 * Speed: Two kings.
 * Vinnie: Straight.
 * Murray: Hey, maybe he's in his office locked in the john again. [laughs.] Did you know that Felix was once locked in the john overnight? Yeah. [laughs.] He wrote out his entire will on a half a roll of toilet paper [cracks up.  The others laugh with him.  Murry is still laughing.] What a nut.
 * Speed: [to Vinnie] Don't play with your chips. I'm askin' you nice.  Don't play with your chips.
 * Vinnie: I'm not playing. I'm counting.  I mean, leave me alone, will you?
 * Speed: I'll leave you alone if you stop playin' with your chips. [Oscar comes out of the kitchen with a tray of food and drinks and heads over to the table.] I can't stand a guy who's winnin' who plays with his chips.
 * Oscar Madison: This is my house, Vinnie. You wanna play with your chips, you play with them, darling. [He puts his tray down on the coffee table next to the poker table.]

Cast

 * Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
 * Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
 * John Fiedler - Vinnie
 * Herb Edelman - Murray
 * David Sheiner - Roy
 * Larry Haines - Speed
 * Monica Evans - Cecily Pigeon
 * Carole Shelley - Gwendolyn Pigeon
 * Billie Bird - Chamber maid
 * Iris Adrian - Waitress
 * Angelique Pettyjohn - Go-Go dancer
 * Ted Beniades - Bartender
 * Bill Baldwin - Sports announcer