The Palm Beach Story

The Palm Beach Story is a 1942 romantic screwball comedy film about an inventor who needs cash to develop his big idea. His wife, who loves him, decides to raise it for him by divorcing him and marrying a millionaire.
 * Written and directed by Preston Sturges.

Geraldine Jeffers

 * Well, you know we don't love each other anymore. We're just habits, bad habits...And when love's gone, there's nothing left but admiration and respect.


 * I don't begin and end with a smelter, you know.


 * You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything.


 * You're married to me; that's like saying, you're blind to me. For a long time, I've been a part of you, just something to snuggle up to and keep you warm at night, like a blanket, but you can't see me any more than you can see the back of your neck.


 * You're not being rude, dear, you're just being yourself.

John D. Hackensacker III

 * Chivalry is not only dead, it's decomposed.


 * No, I'm not my grandfather, of course. He's dead, anyway.


 * Staterooms are un-American.


 * That's one of the tragedies of this life - that the men who are most in need of a beating up are always enormous.


 * Tipping is un-American.


 * You know Maude, somebody meeting you for the first time, not knowing you were cracked, might get the wrong impression of you.

Tom Jeffers

 * That's my wife, you dumb cluck!

Princess Centimillia

 * Captain, we should have met sooner, and if I'd seen you around, we would have!


 * Hello, Snoodles, where'd you get the pretty girl?


 * Look at that very handsome man. I wonder who he is. I don't think I've seen him around before. I thought I knew all the handsome men in this village.


 * Of course, I'm crazy, I'll marry anybody.


 * You will care for me, though. I grow on people. Like moss.

Wienie King

 * Wienie King: I'm the Wienie King! Invented the Texas Wienie! Lay off 'em, you'll live longer.


 * Wienie King: Cold are the hands of time that creep along relentlessly, destroying slowly but without pity that which yesterday was young. Alone our memories resist this disintegration and grow more lovely with the passing years. Heh! That's hard to say with false teeth!

Dialogue

 * Tom Jeffers: So this fellow gave you the look?
 * Gerry Jeffers: At his age it was more of a blink.
 * Tom Jeffers: Seven hundred dollars! And sex didn't even enter into it, I suppose?
 * Gerry Jeffers: Oh, but of course it did, darling. I don't think he would have given it to me if I had hair like Excelsoir and little short legs like an alligator. Sex always has something to do with it, dear...From the time you're about so big, and wondering why your girlfriends' fathers are getting so arch all of a sudden. Nothing wrong, just an overture to the opera that's coming...but from then on, you get it from cops, taxi drivers, bell boys, delicatessen dealers...
 * Tom: Got what?
 * Gerry: The Look! You know: [She mimics with a roll of her eyes.] 'How's about this evening, babe?'


 * Gerry: You see, by yourself, you could live so simply. I mean, just a little room anywhere, or maybe move in with your brother, or even use the couch in your office. And you wouldn't keep slipping back all the time. You could balance what you earned, and look the world in the eye, and maybe even get ahead a little.
 * Tom: Thanks. And what would you be doing?
 * Gerry: Oh, that's no problem. You can always find a good provider if you really want one. He may not look like a movie star, but then...
 * Tom: We'll get ahead someday.
 * Gerry: But I don't want it someday. I want it now while I can still enjoy it. Anyway, men don't get smarter as they grow older, they just lose their hair.


 * Gerry: I may not even get married again. I might become an adventuress.
 * Tom: I can just see you starting for China on a twenty-six foot sail boat.
 * Gerry: You're thinking of an adventurer, dear. An adventuress never goes on anything under three hundred feet with a crew of eighty.
 * Tom: Well, you just let me catch you on a 300-foot yacht or even a 200-foot yacht.
 * Gerry: At least I wouldn't have to worry about the rent.


 * Gerry: You're not a burglar, are you?
 * John D. Hackensacker III: Oh no, that was my grandfather. At least that's what they called him.


 * Gerry: Can't you ever learn to be practical? Don't you know that the greatest men in the world have told lies and let things be misunderstood if it was useful to them? Didn't you ever hear of a campaign promise?
 * Tom: The way you are is the way you have to be, honey. That's the way I am and if I'm supposed to be a flop...
 * Gerry: You're not going to be a flop. Nobody's who's been married to me for five years is going to be a flop. You're going to get your airport if I have to build it for you myself - after I'm married.
 * Tom: After you're married. It's a funny thing to hear your wife say.


 * Princess Centimillia: I'd marry Captain McGloo tomorrow, even with that name.
 * John D. Hackensacker III: And divorce him the next month.
 * Princess Centimillia: Nothing is permanent in this world - except for Roosevelt.


 * Tom: Don't you ever talk about anything but Topic A?
 * Princess Centimillia: Is there anything else?


 * John D. Hackensacker III: You don't marry someone you just met the day before; at least I don't.
 * Princess Centimillia: But that's the only way, dear. If you get to know too much about them you'd never marry them.


 * Tom: Funny having to sleep with a sitting-room between us.
 * Gerry: And the doors locked.
 * Tom: You don't have to worry about that.


 * Tom: Where'd you get that dress?
 * Gerry: Why, that's what I've been telling you about!
 * Tom: What's that on your wrist?
 * Gerry: It's just what you think it is, dear.
 * [He looks at the bracelet on her wrist.]
 * Tom: What kind of stones are those?
 * Gerry: Just what they look like.
 * Tom: Do you know what it feels like to be strangled by bare hands?


 * Tom: Where'd you meet this Weenie King?
 * Gerry: You'll die laughing!
 * Tom: All right, convulse me.


 * Tom: Why is your breath coming faster?
 * Gerry: Because you're squeezing me!


 * [Gerry has just found out that John is one of the richest men in the world.]
 * Gerry: I would step on your face!
 * John D. Hackensacker III: That's quite all right, I rather enjoyed it.
 * Gerry: Twice!
 * John D. Hackensacker III: You made quite an impression.


 * Gerry: Thank you for your chivalry.
 * Train Porter: Anytime from 8 to 12.

Cast

 * Claudette Colbert — Geraldine 'Gerry' Jeffers
 * Joel McCrea — Tom Jeffers ('Capt. McGlew')
 * Mary Astor — The Princess Centimillia
 * Rudy Vallée — John D. Hackensacker III a.k.a. "snoodles"
 * Sig Arno — Toto
 * Robert Warwick — Mr. Hinch, Ale and Quail Club
 * Arthur Stuart Hull — Mr. Osmond
 * Torben Meyer — Dr. Kluck
 * Jimmy Conlin — Mr. Asweld, Ale and Quail Club
 * Victor Potel — Mr. McKeewie
 * William Demarest — First Member Ale and Quail Club
 * Jack Norton — Second Member Ale and Quail Club
 * Robert Greig — Third Member Ale and Quail Club
 * Roscoe Ates — Fourth Member Ale and Quail Club
 * Dewey Robinson — Fifth Member Ale and Quail Club
 * Robert Dudley — Wienie King