The Pink Panther (2006 film)

The Pink Panther is a film about the bumbling Inspector Clouseau, an entirely lost Inspector who is ridiculously moronic and practically accomplishes nothing throughout most of the movie, until around the ending areas. The cast includes Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, and Beyoncé Knowles.



Inspector Jacques Clouseau

 * A woman is like an artichoke. You have to do some work before you get to her heart.

Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus

 * Ah, Clouseau. Yes, well, the first time I ever heard that name, Clouseau was just a little nobody. He was the village idiot, as far as I could tell. As Chief Inspector of the Police Nationale, I hear many stories of our officers in the field. Clouseau generated many... many stories. Needless to say, Clouseau did not qualify for any advancement whatsoever. I never thought for a moment that I would have any use for him, until that fateful day. It was a perfect day for a murder. France against China, with the winner advancing to the finals. I had been invited, as Chief Inspector of the Police Nationale, and because of my recent nomination for the Medal of Honor. I have been nominated seven times. I have never won. But still, seven nominations. That's... something. Anyway, the Coach of the French team, Yves Gluant, came out for his customary ovation. On it: the Pink Panther diamond. It was quite the symbol of pride and victory for the French team. Gluant's girlfriend at that time was Xania, the international pop star. They had been having quite a stormy affair. By the end of regulation time, the score was tied, and the game went into sudden death. For a patriotic fan and true Frenchman like myself, it was almost too thrilling to believe. And then... the miracle. And then, in front of a stadium filled with people, Gluant collapsed, dead, a poison dart in his neck. And the Pink Panther had disappeared.

Dialogue

 * Inspector Clouseau: [Breaks down door to apartment] You are under arrest for ze' murder of Pierre Fouquette! [Is pointing at a Basset hound]
 * Inspector Clouseau: [Breaks down door to next apartment] You are under arrest for ze' murdur of Pierre Fouquette! [Is pointing at a baby]
 * Inspector Clouseau: [Breaks down door to next apartment] You are under arrest for ze' murdur of Pierre Fouquette! [Is pointing at Pierre Fouquette, who is eating a meal] Pierre Fouquette?! Ze Case is closed!


 * Clouseau: And you are?
 * Ponton: Gilbert Ponton. Detective, Second Class.
 * Clouseau: And what qualifications do you have for police work?
 * Ponton: My family has done police work in Paris for nine generations.
 * Clouseau: And before zat?
 * Ponton: We were policemen in the surrounding areas for two hundred years.
 * Clouseau: And before zat?
 * Ponton: Immigrants from various countries in Europe, all involved in police work.
 * Clouseau: And before zat?
 * Ponton: Farmers.
 * Clouseau: Mm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn. Gilbert Ponton, I vow to teach you everything I know about police work. And together, we are going to catch a killer.


 * [Clouseau and Ponton go to question the new head coach of the French national football team]
 * Vainqueur: You wanted to see me?
 * Clouseau: You are Vainquer?
 * Vainqueur: Yes. And who are you?
 * Clouseau: I am Inspector Clouseau. Per'aps you 'ave 'eard of me.
 * Vainqueur: No.
 * Clouseau: [notices Ponton taking notes] Don't write that down!
 * Vainqueur: What do you want?
 * Clouseau: I am told that Bizu hated Gluant.
 * Vainqueur: A lot of people hated Gluant.
 * Clouseau: Did you?
 * Vainqueur: I spent six years under his thumb, being verbally abused every day. Yes, I was not a fan of Yves Gluant.
 * Clouseau: And now 'e is dead... and you have his job. How ironic.
 * Vainqueur: Not every death is a tragedy.
 * Ponton: And, what was the-
 * Clouseau: Footsteps. Its a young woman. 30 to 35 years old. 5"2, 5"4. Brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. She has on...[sniffs air] Chanel number 5. [The footsteps are shown to be those of Yuri, the team trainer].
 * Inspector Clouseau: Is anyone with you?
 * Yuri: No.
 * Inspector Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high 'eels in that bag?
 * Yuri: No.
 * Inspector Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
 * Yuri: No?
 * Inspector Clouseau: Who are you?
 * Yuri: I am Yuri, the trainer.
 * Inspector Clouseau: So what is it you do here, Yuri the trainer?
 * Yuri: I... train.
 * Inspector Clouseau: So you are Yuri the trainer who trains. humph. [turns away from Yuri, then suddenly turns and points at Yuri]
 * Inspector Clouseau: DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE!
 * Yuri: Bu-but I have to go to Asia.
 * Inspector Clouseau: Okay... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE OR ASIA!
 * Yuri: And we have one match in Brazil.
 * Inspector Clouseau: Alright... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE, ASIA, OR ZE AMERICAS!
 * Yuri: Okay.


 * Clouseau: You are the soccer player known as Bizu?!
 * Bizu: Yes.
 * Clouseau: You are acquainted with Yves Gluant?!
 * Bizu: I'm glad he's pushing up daisies.
 * Clouseau: 'e is not pushing up daisies. 'e is dead!
 * Bizu: It's an idiom!
 * Clouseau: You, sir, are the idiom. Now, unless you want to spend ze rest of your life in prison, you will answer ze next question: did you kill him?!
 * Bizu: I would have loved to have killed him.
 * Clouseau: Duh!
 * Bizu: But, some lucky bastard beat me to it.
 * Clouseau: You disgust me! I'll be right back. [Clouseau leaves, closing the door behind him, but immediately opens it again.] Cigarette?
 * Bizu: No. Thanks.
 * Clouseau: Good for you. Bizu, I know you didn't do it. Someone else did, and they are trying to set you up.
 * Bizu: You'll help me?
 * Clouseau: Of course I'll help you. Now, do you have any idea who could have done this terrible thing?
 * Bizu: His partner in those stupid restaurants, Larocque.
 * Clouseau: Raymond Larocque, the casino owner!
 * Bizu: Gluant would steal money from the restaurants and use it to gamble. My guess is Larocque got fed up and had him killed.
 * Clouseau: Bizu, I like you. I am going to help you. You and I are going to make a great team.
 * [Clouseau leaves and gets ready to be the Bad Cop again.]
 * Inspector Clouseau: Ze good-cop, bad-cop routine is working perfectly!
 * Ponton: You know, usually, two different cops do that.


 * Ponton: He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal?
 * Ponton: Yes.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal?
 * Ponton: Um, completely.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I want to speak to him now!
 * Ponton:[looking confused] He's dead.


 * 006: Boswell. Nigel Boswell.  Agent 006.  Do you know what that means?
 * Clouseau: Yes. It means you are one short of the big-time.


 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to take a closer look at your bawls.
 * Larocque: My what?
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Your bawls. Your big, brass bawls.
 * Larocque: Uh, sure.
 * [starts to unzip pants]
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Picks up brass bowl on table and examines it]


 * Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: It is very important that you remain calm and do not turn around.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Remain calm, do not turn around.
 * Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Behind you in the casino are the Gas Mask Bandits.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Turns around and panics] Oh my God! Ze Gas Mask Bandits!


 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without you, I would be nothing!
 * Dreyfus: Perhaps you still are.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ha! Excellent verbal joust, inspector! We must do lunch sometime. Had it not been for you, who knows? Someone else might have won the Medal of Honor this year.
 * Dreyfus: [Grumbling as Clouseau gets in the car] Yes, I know. Idiot. [Looks down] Oh no.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
 * Ponton: Nothing.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
 * Ponton: No.
 * Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm.
 * [Chief Inspector Dreyfus seen screaming while his coat is stuck in the car door]
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: CLOUSEAU!

Cast

 * Steve Martin as Inspector Jacques Clouseau
 * Jean Reno as Gendarme Gilbert Ponton
 * Kevin Kline as Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus
 * Emily Mortimer as Nicole Durant
 * Beyoncé Knowles as Xania
 * Kristin Chenoweth as Cherie
 * Henry Czemy as Yuri the Trainer
 * Roger Rees as Raymmond Laroque
 * William Abadie as Bizu
 * Scott Adkins as Jacquard
 * Dexter Bell as Terry Ahkee-Sauce
 * Charlotte Maier as Dialect Coach

Cameos

 * Jason Statham as Yves Gluant
 * Clive Owen as Nigel Boswell/Agent 006
 * Paul Korda as Pierre Fuquette