The Ren & Stimpy Show

The Ren & Stimpy Show is an American animated television series created by John Kricfalusi for Nickelodeon. The series follows the adventures of titular characters Ren, an emotionally unstable chihuahua, and Stimpy, a good-natured, dimwitted cat.

Stimpy's Big Day

 * [Open to a shot of the living room of Ren and Stimpy's mobile home. Stimpy is sitting in his litterbox, happily watching TV. His eyes bug in and out after a cartoon sound effect plays in the show he's watching. Ren appears next to him with his hands on his hips and looking angry]
 * Ren: Look at you, man! [He hits the palm of his hand with his other hand] You're a full-grown cat still watching cartoons! Why, you're three years old! Do you know what that is in human years? [Stimpy bows his head in shame. Ren looks guilty, then grabs the top of Stimpy's head and raises his face up] Oh, listen to me, man. I'm your friend. [He pulls the top of Stimpy's head off, exposing Stimpy's tiny brain on a silver pedestal] Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? [He picks up Stimpy's brain with his thumb and forefinger. The pedestal sinks down] Look what it's done to your brain!
 * [Ren drops the brain back into Stimpy's head and water splashes out when it lands. Ren pulls Stimpy's nose down like a handle and the sound of a toilet flushing is heard. He puts the top of Stimpy's head back, which shakes back and forth as the flushing continues. It finally stops and Ren jiggles Stimpy's nose to make sure. On the TV screen, a spotlight on a curtained stage is shown and theme music begins to play. Stimpy excitedly grabs Ren by the neck and lifts him up]
 * Stimpy: EEEEEEEE!!! [He looks at Ren and puts a finger to his lips] Shh!

The Big Shot!

 * Muddy Mudskipper: (chasing Stimpy) Get yer hand outta dat pic-a-nic basket, you dusty old cat! Pssst, hey kid, say yer line! Stimpy: O-oh yeah! Jaaaane, stop this crazy thing! Well, blow me down! I'm huntin' for a wabbit! I hate meeces to pieces!


 * Muddy Mudskipper: Hey kid, you did all right! [He gives Stimpy an "O.K" hand gesture] Ya lousy bum. [Stimpy sits on a stool looking depressed] Well, what's the matter? [Stimpy whimpers] Hey kid, I don't get it. You got it made! You got forty-seven million dollars. You got my TV contract. What more could you possibly want?
 * Stimpy: I WANT REN!!!! [cries]

Nurse Stimpy

 * [The scene fades to a shot of Ren in bed smiling with a thermometer in his mouth. Stimpy walks up holding a tray with breakfast and a newspaper]
 * Stimpy: My, you're looking chipper this morning! [He sets the tray down on Ren's lap] Look, I brought you your breakfast in bed!
 * Ren: [touched] I don't deserve you. [He picks up the coffee cup] Mmm, my coffee.
 * Stimpy: [taking the cup] Ah ah ah! [He takes the thermometer out of Ren's mouth and uses it to stir the coffee before handing the cup back to him] I brought you your paper too! I know how you like to read your paper at breakfast. [He holds up the newspaper and gives it to Ren]
 * Ren: God bless you, Stimpy. I'm sorry I'm all the time mean to you.

Stimpy's Invention

 * [Ren is trying out Stimpy's Stay-Put Socks]
 * Ren: Why, it's amazing! How do they work?
 * Stimpy: They're full of glue. [glue oozes out of the top of the socks; Ren starts to lose it] I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.
 * Ren: You filthy swine! I will kill you!


 * [after the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song]
 * Stimpy: Ren. You're... you're angry?
 * Ren: YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN' I'M ANGRY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! [suddenly happy] Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.
 * Stimpy: [confused] Happy to be of service?
 * [Ren stares at Stimpy with a wild look in his eye, while his laughter echoes across the room]

Ren's Toothache

 * Ren: What are you doing, man?
 * Stimpy: Duhh, I'm brushing my teeth, Ren.
 * Ren: Boy, what a waste of time.
 * Stimpy: You'll be sorry when all your teeth fall out. [smiles]
 * Ren: Aw, you're talking kid's stuff. Crazy stuff! I've never brushed before, and I'm not about to start now.
 * Stimpy: Well maybe you should, Ren... if you wanna have a nice smile like mine.
 * [smiles. Stimpy's teeth was so clean and dry.]
 * Ren: Ah, big deal. I'll show you a smile.
 * [He pushes off Stimpy. Ren smiles. Ren's teeth was so dirty and rotten. The mirror breaks. Ren feels sad. Fades to Ren sleeping on the bed. Ren looks at his teeth. Ren gets a toothache. He groans.]
 * Ren: Stimpy, my tooth. It hurts! Why, Stimpy, why?!
 * Stimpy: There, there now. I know it hurts.
 * Ren: Why does it hurt?


 * Stimpy: Did I ever tell you the story about the Tooth Beaver, Ren?
 * Ren: Tell me a story!
 * Stimpy: Well, you see Ren, inside every mouth there are teeth. And whenever there's teeth, you'll find the Tooth Beaver. And where you find the Tooth Beaver. you'll find a NERVE ending. [Tooth Beaver bites the Nerve ending. Ren has a pain.] Now your nerve endings are the tastiest part of your body. And your Tooth Beaver knows this. [Tooth Beaver hammers the Nerve ending. Ren whimpers like a little dog and screams maniacally. Ren faints. Stimpy comforts Ren.]

Sven Höek [Episode 2]

 * Svën: I'm looking for you now. I'm finding you.
 * Stimpy: I'm hiding in the closet...like an idiot.


 * [Ren returns home from work on a rainy day. He is shocked when he see's the house is a mess]
 * Ren: [angrily] I knew it! Cat dirt... everywhere! [starts to get more angry, but suddenly calms down] Well, at least I'm home.  I can continue my intellectual pursuits!
 * [A mellow Ren walks away, but then stops and is appalled at the sight of his opera records stuck to the wall]
 * Ren: My opera records! COVERED IN BUBBLE GUM! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! [sniffles a little, then turns around and notices several germs exiting open jars and squirming down the drain] My collection of rare, incurable diseases! Violated!  NOOO-OOO-OOOOO! [then see's his dinosaur droppings colored like easter eggs] My dinosaur droppings!  Painted... like EASTER EGGS!
 * [Stimpy and Svën cease playing when they hear Ren's outburst]
 * Ren: AAAHHHH!!!!!!! You... EEDIOTS!!! [Ren angrily stomps toward Stimpy and Svën, who back away several times until they hit a wall] YOOOOOUU... BOTH OF YOU!!! [He starts shaking angrily, but then transitions to a kind of sadistic calmness] Oh, what I'm gonna do to you. [He starts shaking his fists, thinking of ways to hurt Stimpy and Svën, who are cowering together; slowly] I'm so angry! First... I'm gonna tear your lips out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. And then, I'm gonna... gouge your eyes out! Yeah... that's what I'm gonna do.
 * Stimpy: We don't like this, Ren!
 * Svën: Ja, you scary us!
 * Ren: Yeah. You're scared, huh? Next, I'm gonna... [mimes ripping their arms out and the dislocated arm dangling] TEAR your arms out of the sockets! [Stimpy and Svën whimper while rubbing their arms] And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall... and I'm gonna look down... and I'm gonna laugh. [Stimpy and Sven both cry] But first... [Stimpy and Svën gasp] FIRST... [suddenly calm] I gotta take a whiz! Don't you go anywhere. [Points to the ground they're standing on] You stay right here... Right on this spot... I'll be back! [Ren stomps away, and over the "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence game before turing around and noticing it] What's this stupid thing?!
 * Stimpy: [cheerfully] It's a game, Ren!
 * Svën: Ja, it's really fun!
 * [Ren takes a look at the game, then turns to Stimpy and Svën, then smiles evilly, coming up with an idea]
 * Ren: Oh, ya like this game?
 * Stimpy: Oh yeah, Ren!
 * Svën: We love it!
 * Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Do you really like it?
 * Stimpy and Svën: It's our favorite game in the whole world!
 * Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Then how do you like this?!
 * [Ren produces a fly on his crotch and unzips it. Stimpy and Svën only look in horror as Ren whizzes all over the game. Ren looks at Stimpy and Svën giggling manically. Then the whole house explodes, sending the trio to Hell. The Devil appears.]
 * The Devil: So, you whizzed on the electric fence, did ya?
 * Commercial Jingle: Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!

Man's Best Friend

 * George Liquor: Alright boys, this is it. A real dog's gotta learn how to protect its master. Now in order to protect, you must learn how to ATTACK! Come on, boys! ATTACK! Let's go, Rex! ATTACK ME!
 * Stimpy: But you are my kind and beloved master! [sobs] I CA-A-A-A-AN'T!
 * [Ren, now in an manic and psychotic state smiles intensely and taking great pleasure at the conflict unfolding. Now with the intent to attack George. He turns his head and sees and oar conveniently placed next to the fireplace. Realizing his twisted opportunity, Ren swiftly picks the oar up and with a look of malice prepares to attack.]
 * Ren: BUT I CAN!!! (Sarcastically)     “DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!!!" 
 * [Ren hits the oar at George Liquor, laughs maniacally, then swings the oar at him again and lands a hit on George Liquor's head.]
 * Stimpy: NOOOOO!!!
 * George Liquor: [slow motion] Whoa.
 * [In slow motion, Ren slaps his oar at George Liquor's head, dentures come out, And in normal motion, Ren then slams his oar into George Liquor's head. George Liquor's eye pops out and droops down and blinks twice in one eye.]
 * Ren: (Sarcastically)    “IT'S THE DISCIPLINE THAT BEGETS LOVE!!!!"     [Ren slaps his oar at George Liquor twice]
 * Stimpy: NOOOOO!!! [tear his ears off and grabs onto the oar, trying to prevent Ren from delivering another swing] YOU MUSN'T, he's our master!
 * Ren: eh-SHUT UP!, You're next, Mr. Doggie Treat! HI-YA! [Ren then sadistically beats George with the oar while he is on the ground.]

Dog Show

 * Mr. Horse: Next!
 * George Liquor: HERE! Take a look at this!
 * Mr. Horse: [looks at Ren's eyes] Hmmm... [the close-up of Ren's eyes is shown] Asthma Chihuahua, huh? Look at that. [Mr. Horse looks at Ren's ears, full of bugs] Well, this is representive of this sickness brain. Alright, he's in. [Mr. Horse puts Ren to the Final Contestants.]
 * Ren: Stimpy.
 * Mr. Horse: Hmm... [Mr. Horse looks at Stimpy's mouth] Never seen this breed before. [Mr. Horse looks at Stimpy's butt] Hmmm... [Mr. Horse covers Stimpy] No sir, this butt's too smooth. Never heard of that. [Bulldog tries to open his mouth]
 * George Liquor: TAKE A CLOSER LOOK, YA MORON! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT CORNIE'S BACK SIDE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?!?
 * Mr. Horse: Maybe I won't!

Out West

 * Stimpy: Hey Ren, he reminds me of your uncle Eddie.
 * Ren: Why's that?
 * Stimpy: 'Cause he's big and stinky!
 * Ren: [slaps him] Hey! You shouldn't say mean things like that. Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings?

Stimpy's Fan Club [Episode 8]

 * Johnny: Dear Stimpy, I have a... secret. I know I can tell you, because you are nice, and would not tell anybody. I'm afraid to tell my friends, because they'll laugh.
 * Ren: Aww...
 * Johnny: I know you would never laugh at me.
 * Ren: Uh-uh!
 * Johnny: So... here's my secret. Every night... I wet the bed.
 * [Ren is aghast.]
 * Johnny: I can't help it! Please tell me what to do. Your friend, Johnny.
 * [Ren thinks for a while, then starts writing a response.]
 * Ren: Dear Johnny... You make me SICK!!! You probably wet the bed on purpose! I have written letters to everybody at your school warning them never to sleep over with you. Your friend...
 * Stimpy: [shocked] REN!!!


 * Mailman: Mailman. Got some mail here! [Ren is revealed to be in a Robotic Stimpy] Ah, hello Mr. Cat. You're looking healthy this morning.
 * Ren: Shut up. duh, I don't want anymore of your filthy letters! Your services are not welcomed here, and, duhh, tell those pesky kids to stop writing me, Stimpson J. Cat, duhhh.
 * Mailman: Um, Whatever you say. Actually, I only have one letter today and it's for Mr. Höek. I guess I'll just throw this one out.
 * Ren: GIVE ME THAT! ahahaehehe~! Letter for me, letter for me! Nothing for Stimpy! No, no, no, Mr. Ren Höek! ahehehhehe~! It says!
 * Stimpy: [wakes up] Aaahh~, Good Morning Ren~.
 * Ren: Kihihihihi~! You, you and your fan mail! Mr. Fan Club! [He jumps out of robot] Everybody loves you, don't they?! Well guess what the Mailman bought you today...NOTHING! This letter's for me! See?! You they have forgotten?! Now it's me they love! It is I that is the most loved. I, who shall rule! OH YES! THIS IS THE PROOF! THIS IS THE PROOF THAT YOU...ARE...FINISHED! Listen! This one says: Dear Ren, it's me, it's me! You are my favorite TV star! Nobody, nobody but you is funny or smart as you. SEE? ARE YOU GETTING THIS?! I AM THE BEST! [echoing] I AM KING!! Listen to this! You may learn something. I wish I could be just like you! How about THAT?! A man with some ambition. You are my favorite person in whole wide WORLD! HA! Love~, it says love~. Your pal,.... [surprised] Stimpy? Stimpy. I'm so ashamed.
 * Stimpy: I meant every word. [Ren begins to cry] There, there Ren~. There, there!
 * Ren: Look at me. Big, mean Ren...crying like a baby. Pretty pathetic, huh?
 * Stimpy: Oh, pasha! No one will never know. You just cry your little eyes out.

A Visit to Anthony [Episode 10]

 * Anthony's dad: [to Ren and Stimpy] Let's get something straight here. I don't like you. I don't like cartoons. You're here for one reason. My son, Anthony, likes you, and as long as you're good to my boy, you can stay. But if you do anything... to destroy his beliefs, or harm him... in any way... [gets choked up] so help me... [crying] Excuse me. Don't you even put that picture in my head. Do we understand each other?
 * Ren and Stimpy: [in unison] We understand, very well.


 * [Victor has knocked Anthony unconscious and Ren is trying to wake him up. Just then, Anthony's dad comes outside and sees what is happening; he mistakes Ren's attempts to save his son as an attack.]
 * Anthony's dad: [devastated] No... No...!
 * Ren: [desperate] Snap out of it, I tell you!
 * Anthony's dad: [approaches Ren] Get off. Get off my son.
 * [Ren complies.]
 * Anthony's dad: [crying] Oh... Oh, Anthony... My beloved child.
 * [Anthony's dad picks Anthony up and starts praying to God.]
 * Anthony's dad: I know I've strayed from Your path. And, maybe I don't go to church often enough. But, You know I'm a good man. I don't ask for much. But I'm asking... for this one thing. Please... don't take my boy from me. Give him a couple more good weeks.
 * Ren: [crying] I didn't do it, man!
 * Anthony's dad: [angrily] Alright, you two. You march into the house. Meet me in the DEN.


 * [Anthony's dad is confronting Ren and Stimpy in the den.]
 * Anthony's dad: Oh... You guys are big shots. [chuckles] Big shots from Hollywood. Is that what makes you feel big? Huh?! Pushing little boys around? Ya feel like big men, playing with little boys' feelings, huh?! You Hollywood types make me SICK! You think because you come from HOLLYWOOD, you can push decent people around. People who work for a living! I work my fingers to the bone, to feed my wife, and... [chokes up] my boy, Anthony. [crying] Oh, Anthony, you've got to pull through! [becomes angry again] I bet you wussies never worked a stinkin' day, in your stinkin' little lives! Show me your hands!
 * [Ren and Stimpy present their hands to Anthony's dad.]
 * Anthony's dad: Just as I thought. Soft as a baby's head. Well, look at these hands! [shows Ren and Stimpy his hands, which have rocks growing out of them] These are the hands of a working man! What'd you ever do for society anyway, just what do you do to earn your keep?
 * Stimpy: Eh... Well, we make people laugh.
 * Anthony's dad: Real hard work, making people laugh. Did you go to school to make people laugh? Listen. I make people laugh, too. But nobody gives ME money! You wanna hear a joke?
 * Stimpy: Well, I...
 * Anthony's dad: I'll tell ya a joke. And you're gonna laugh! Alright. Here's the joke. Ya ready? Why did they bury the fireman... behind the hill? Come on, funny guys, huh? Huh, huh? Why?
 * Ren and Stimpy: [trembling with fear; in unison] We don't know why they buried the fireman behind the hill...
 * Anthony's dad: I'll tell ya why. Because he was DEAD!
 * Stimpy: [laughs] That's pretty good, huh, Ren? Maybe we could use that.
 * [Ren smacks Stimpy.]
 * Anthony's dad: Alright, funny guys. I wanna know something. [increasing with anger] I just wanna know one thing... JUST ONE THING FROM YOU... [suddenly casual] So what makes you guys move, anyway?

The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen [Episode 11]

 * The Anthem of The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen (Sung to the theme of My Country Tis of Thee) Our country reeks of trees, Our Yaks are really large, And they smell like rotting beef-carcases. And we have to clean up after them, And our saddle-sores are the best. We proudly wear womens clothing, and searing sand blows up our skirts. And the buzzards, they soar overhead, and poisonous snakes, will devour us whole. Our bones will bleach in the sun. And we will probably go to hell! And that, is our great reward. For being the-uh royal CANADIAN, KILTED, YAKSMEN.


 * Shaven Yak: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! I can't STAND IT ANYMORE!!! All the time, singing! SINGING! Why won't he STOP?! Listen! You hear that? [Starts laughing maniacally]

Son of Stimpy [Episode 12]

 * Ren : What's on TV tonight?
 * Stimpy: I don't care.
 * Ren: Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy!
 * Stimpy: I don't care.
 * Ren: Hey look. It's time for Muddy Mudskipper!
 * Stimpy: I don't care.
 * [Ren looks concerned for a moment, then has an idea]
 * Ren: Look what I got for you! A new catnip mouse!
 * Stimpy: [turning it away] Ah....
 * Ren: Mr. Catnip Mouse!
 * [Ren tries to get Stimpy to play with the mouse, but Stimpy doesn't respond, then Ren has another idea]
 * Ren: It's Mr. Litter Box! Come on! Take a stinky one! [scratches steps] Nice and stinky!
 * Stimpy: Stinky... [loud, violent crying]
 * Ren: [annoyed] So THAT's it! YOU'RE still crying about your imaginary BUTT stinkyness!
 * Stimpy: I'm not listening to this anymore! He's real. He's REAL! He's REAL!
 * Ren: Look, man! It's time to get over this fantasy of yours. Let the wound heal. Come on, man, I'll help you. Together, we'll get through this, okay, buddy?
 * Stimpy: I don't care.
 * [At this point, Ren has finally lost his patience]
 * Ren: FINE! Sit here and wallow! You FAT, You -you STUPID... WHO NEEDS YA?! [storms off]

An Abe Divided

 * Stimpy: (reading his Christmas list to the Lincoln Memorial) And I want a bike, and a Betsy-Wets-Herself doll, and a CHEE-Z Bake Oven, and a Pulpy the Pup doll, and a jillion army men, and a... (Ren throws a sponge at him) Ooh! Ren: Get down from there! That's not Santy Claus! It's a memorial. Stimpy: A memorial? (gasps, then starts tearing up) I didn't know Santy Claus was... DEAD...! [starts crying hysterically] AAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-AAAA!! Ren: You are so stupid. Stimpy: Am I? Ren: IDIOT! Don't you recognize President Willard P. Fillmore when you see him?!

Jimminy Lummox

 * Ren: Must not get angry... Must not get angry... Huh? [reacts in horror] MY USED CELEBRITY UNDERWEAR!!! GONE!!! Where?! Who?! [gasps] Oh, no. OH, NO!!!!
 * [Ren rushes to the laundry room.]
 * Ren: [sobbing] He didn't! He didn't! Stimpy washed my collection... of used celebrity underwear...! I can't even tell the difference... inbetween Van Johnson's socks... and June Allison's underwear. WHY?!
 * [Ren continues sobbing as Stimpy enters.]
 * Stimpy: Eh... What's wrong, Ren?
 * Ren: [angry] You! Why, I oughta--
 * [Ren stops, and looks around, scared.]
 * Ren: Stimpy, what's wrong with you?! Why must you make me so angry?! You know I get hurt when you make me angry! Do you want to get me killed?!
 * [Ren comes to a realization.]
 * Ren: Unless... Of course...! [starts going insane] That's the plan, isn't it? You set me up, and he knocks me down. Is that it? Huh? Well, it won't work. 'Cuz I'm not gonna get mad. I'm not getting mad... No, sir. Not me. [laughs madly] I'm... happy! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Happy, happy, joy, joy! I'm happy, happy, happy! Not mad, mad, mad! [cackles] Mr. Happy Boy, right?! HEY, WORLD!!! AM I HAPPY ENOUGH?!
 * [Ren cackles loudly, his insanity reaching its breaking point. Then he grabs Stimpy.]
 * Ren: And now... you... DIE!!!

Jerry the Bellybutton Elf

 * Ren: Stimpy, how about some breakfast? I can really go for some of your famous Stimlard. Stimpy? Stim- [gasps] STIMPY!!!! [Stimpy was in bellybutton] [sad] OHHH STIMPY! [sobs] I, I warned you. [sobs, sniffs] WHY!? WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN!? [sobbing, sniffs] WHYY-Y-Y-Y!? [Ren chews bellybutton and starts sobbing. He pulls it out.] My dearest friend, you reduce to a fleshy love! [Ren cries. He hears a sound in the bellybutton. Stimpy uses a lawnmower. Jerry was so relaxed.]
 * Jerry: Oh, Stimpy, be a good boy. And after you finished mowing the lint, could you wash the lint, and iron the lint, and maybe pick lint from the lint, and, oh, don't forget to walk the lint. [Mr. Horse hears that sound in the bellybutton.] DINNER! DINNER! HURRY UP, BOY! I WANT MY DINNER! [Stimpy pants]

Hermit Ren [Episode 1]

 * [Ren is playing blackjack with his three personalities.]
 * Ren: Hey! You're trying to cheat!
 * Ren's Anger: Yeah? Your whole life's a cheat!
 * Ren's Fear: He's the cheat!
 * Ren's Ignorance: Did somebody say cheese?! [belches]
 * [The argument intensifies, causing Ren to go mad.]
 * Ren: STOP!!! [flips the table] Who are you? You're not my friends. You're just here to trick me, so you can steal all my stuff. Well, I'm onto ya. [grabs the mummy] Stand back! One false move, and the mummy gets it! I know all about your plot. Yeah, yeah. You're all in it together. Each and every one of you... Sleepin' in my gravel bed! Eatin' all my SAND...! Well, here's somethin' you can REALLY have! HIIII-YAH! [starts smashing the mummy apart]


 * Ren's Anger: Oh no! The Hermit Union Leader!
 * Jasper: Alright, this is a bust! YOU! [points to Ren] You broken the cardinal rule of Hermitude. Companionship. And what's with all these imaginary friends! You're violating the law. EXPOSED! YOU are officially kicked out of the Hermit Union!! [Fades to outside, Jasper ripped his beard off Ren. Jasper salutes Ren, Ren carrying mud Stimpy and walking to home. Jasper salutes, Ren's anger, fear and Ignorance salutes as well, Mummified Bog Man salutes too, Oldman Farmer Hoek salutes and Salesman salutes too and even bats salutes as well. Fades to Cowhouse, Ren looks at Cowhouse and he opens it.]
 * Stimpy: Giddyup, horsey! Giddyup! [Ren looks at Stimpy dressed up as a lady with Mud Ren.] Ren! You're back! [smiles]
 * Ren: So, I turned my back for 10 years and you found yourself another chihuahua! [Stimpy was sad and gets an idea]
 * Stimpy: Ahem! But, Ren. [Ren looks at Mud Stimpy]
 * Ren: Oh. [chuckles] Sure. Well, it's great to be back, BUDDY! [Ren hugs Stimpy, Mud Ren and Mud Stimpy was winking at the viewers smiley and hugs together. The two iris was closing completely at the end of the episode.]

I Love Chicken

 * Ren: Hey! Where the heck's my--?! [sees that Stimpy has been kissing his chicken] My... my chicken! [growls] MY CHICKEN AND MY BEST FRIEND!!! Skulkers in the DARK!!! Did you think I wouldn't notice!? The stuffing on your collar at night?! The drippings on the carpet?! The gravy on the couch?! I want my chicken dinner,     AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!! 


 * Stimpy: [comes to Ren] Ren, what are you eating?
 * Ren: [gulp] I was eating some delicious chicken sausages. [uses a toothpick.]
 * [The camera zooms to Stimpy for being sad and the backround blue. Cuts at bed Stimpy cries. "6 Months Later..."]
 * Ren: [opens the door] Stimpy? [Stimpy is lazy, cuts to Ren] I'm sorry I ate your chicken, it wasn't that good, I wasn't so glad to ask. [smiles]

Egg Yölkeo

 * Ren: Hammering my eggs just doesn’t thrill me like it used to. [bird squawk] I put off the eggs off the crumb-heads to their Asia, and yet I’m not thrilled… (cries) Oh, father. Why not I will blast within air… That’s when you came in my pet project! [pulls off the fabric] Oh my beautiful account of yolk, [hugs a bunch of scrambled eggs] I will mole you and make me do my old dreamy image! [The eggs fall. Fades to Black, then Ren makes a son out of eggs] Come, my child. I will help you… so that you’ll have sight and snitch to see, I give you a splendid press eyes. So to keep your head warm so it’s not to catch a chill, I give you a lock of my- [pulls off his hair] Chum! and so you’ll have wisdom and witch to think: [scoops out his brain] Lock off my- brain! But you are incomplete... Wait! of course I forgot: My assistant Stimpy will complete the final edition. Stimpleton! [Stimoy runs all the way to the Egg Smithee, while carrying a man, back at the Egg Smithee as Ren looks at Stimpy] Finally, do you have that man?
 * Stimpy: Yes, friend... [lifts up the fabric and yanks out the man's clothes] Ah, here are those cleaning tips that you wanted, Renwaldo!


 * Ren: [wakes up] Uh-oh. [sniffs] That snmells like- Bacon! Egg Yölkeo! Oh... No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...
 * [fades to black as the title says "TO BE CONTINUED..."]

Double Header

 * Stimpy [after waking up in the hospital after their second accident]: Where's Ren?
 * Ren: Here, you idiot! [We see what's left of Ren stitched together on Stimpy's behind] My face is killing me!
 * Doctor: The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.
 * Stimpy: My favorite! Barbecued Boston baked beans!
 * [Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, then we hear a farting noise.]

Insomniac Ren

 * Haggis: What are you doing in bed, Höek? We've got to tee off in ten minutes!
 * Ren: I'm sorry, fellas. I-I haven't had too much sleep lately. [laughs]
 * Muddy: Ya lousy bum! Who's gonna drive?
 * Mr. Horse: Let's get outta here.
 * Ren: Wait. [pulls money out] I'll give five whole bucks to anyone who could just knock me out.
 * Stimpy: [excited] FIVE BUCKS?!
 * Trio: FIVE BUCKS?! [pulls out golf clubs]
 * Ren: [laughs, then Insanely] Nighty-night!
 * Haggis: Fore!
 * [banging sounds, all four leave with money in their hands]
 * Muddy: Gotta work on that slice.
 * Stimpy: [at front of the screen quietly] Shhh, Ren's taking a coma. [sticks out tongue and walks away tip-toeing]

My Shiny Friend

 * (After Ren takes Stimpy to "someplace where [he] won't hurt [himself] any longer", [i.e., their house's basement] he has a nightmare about Muddy Mudskipper and TV)
 * Stimpy: Hey, Muddy, what are you going to do with that mallet?
 * Muddy: AH-HA! [hits Stimpy with the Mallet, hard, resulting in a cranial eruption, with Stimpy groaning in pain] Give the bum a big hand! [Audience laughs]
 * [cut to Stimpy tossing and turning]
 * Stimpy: What...are...ya?...
 * [cut back to Stimpy's nightmare]
 * Muddy: You're a bum!
 * Stimpy: But Muddy, I love you!
 * Muddy: A lousy, stinkin' BUM!
 * [cut to Stimpy tossing and turning again, followed by cutting back to his nightmare]
 * Muddy [who has turned into a TV set]: You're, a BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM... BUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!
 * (Stimpy falls helplessly into Muddy's mouth, followed by Muddy chomping his mouth shut)
 * Stimpy: [as he wakes up from his nightmare] MUDDY!!
 * [Stimpy then runs up a winding staircase to the attic, which has a barred window]
 * Stimpy: Lord, Help me. [Stimpy begins to cry] I WANT MY TV!!!!!!
 * [cut to Ren, who doesn't hear him as he's fallen asleep]

Ren Needs Help!

 * Ren: [laughs] That's very funny. Creamed corn... AND MORE CREAMED CORN... I can't eat this SLOP!!! There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...
 * Fire Chief: Cheese?
 * [Yak goes crazy and grates his butt clean off.]


 * Ren: Look at you! You're freaks! You guys aren't crazy! You're just stupid! I got it all figured out! You're all prawns on the chess board!
 * Yak: Gee!
 * Ren: [to Fire Chief] And you! You're not mad! You're just suffering from a post-dramatic schizoholic brain blister!
 * Fire Chief: Wow!
 * Ren: [to Muddy Mudskipper] And you! Just a mere victim of an undissolved childhood hemorrhoidic offense mechanism!
 * Muddy: Say!
 * Ren: Gentlemen, start your embolisms!

Stupid Sidekick Union

 * [Baboon has become Ren's co-star; during the taping of an episode, Ren is trembling with fear.]
 * Ren: Who left this wildebeest carcass on my good sofa...? [gulps] This really makes me mad... Baboon...?
 * [Baboon runs up to Ren.]
 * Ren: You've really made me angry this time...
 * [Baboon growls.]
 * Ren: I'm gonna have to hit ya... You... stupid...
 * [Ren covers his eyes and smacks Baboon's nose. Baboon roars and starts mauling Ren.]

Superstitious Stimpy

 * Ren: Is that my beef carcass?
 * Stimpy: Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, once we immerse it in common house o-bile!
 * Ren: WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!
 * Stimpy: [stammers] But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17!
 * [Ren punches Stimpy to the ground and proceeds to lift up the beef carcass and, with a grunt, tosses it back in the house through the window, where it lands on their bed]
 * Stimpy: NOOOO!!! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!
 * Ren: I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!!
 * Stimpy: [horrified] No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!
 * Ren: [evilly] Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT!!! [gets struck by lightning] Ow, ow, ow, ow...
 * Stimpy: Ha, ha. Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to---
 * Ren: GET IN THE HOUSE!!!
 * Stimpy: [scared] Yes sir! [runs back into the house]

Stimpy's Pet

 * [Ren is discussing with Stimpy about Sid.]
 * Ren: Okay, one more time, if you let the little monster come near me again, I'll...
 * Stimpy: Uh... Oh yeah! Kill me slow.
 * Ren: And...
 * Stimpy: Take my show away from me?
 * [Sid is looking at Ren's butt.]
 * Sid: Hmm, smooth butt. I heard of that.
 * Ren: And... [Sid bites Ren's butt, making him scream in pain]
 * Stimpy: Oh good! He's teething!


 * [Ren comes home to find out that Stimpy and Sid have made a mess of the house.]
 * Ren: THAT'S IT!!! I've had enough of you and your stupid pet! THERE'S TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS UP!!! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CLOWN PANTS NOWADAYS?! AND PLAYING WITH MY STUFF IS STRICTLY... VERBOTEN!!!!
 * [Upon hearing Ren say "verboten", Sid roars viciously and precedes to maul Ren as he screams.]
 * Stimpy: Now, Ren, you should refrain from using any Slavic dialects. Sid is a German attack clown.

Terminal Stimpy

 * [Open in on a shot of Ren and Stimpy's house, a giant barrel, Fade to inside the house; Ren is reading the morning paper while Stimpy crawls into the scene groaning while looking groggy and disheveled]
 * Stimpy: What a night. I feel like I got hit by a bus.
 * Ren: Funny you should say that. According to the obituaries, you were.
 * [Cut to a picture of Stimpy in the paper's obituaries with the headline "STIMPLETON CADOGEN HIT BY BUS!!!", Wipe transition to Stimpy going through the fridge with Ren next to him]
 * Ren: You know, you ougta be more careful. All this dying might be bad for your health.
 * Stimpy: [with a frozen chicken strapped to his head] Not to worry, Ren. I'm a cat. I got nine lives. [holds up three fingers]
 * Ren: Nine, huh? You've been keeping count.
 * Stimpy: Hmm...Good question. Let's see now. There was that really cold night when I...fell asleep under the hood of your car!
 * [Cut to a flashback. Stimpy is sleeping and shivering by the motor in Ren's car. We hear the car doors opening and closing. We then cut to Ren outside turning on the ignition. The car starts and we hear a cat screech as Stimpy's fur flies out of the hood. We cut back to Ren and Stimpy in the present]
 * Stimpy: Then, there was that silly incident down Mexico way.
 * [Cut to another flash back. We see a Mexican bandito tied up on the firing line. A Mexican general gives a command]
 * General: Ready...
 * [The wind blows the bandito's sombrero off of his head. It lands on the ground by Ren and Stimpy, who are wearing Hawaiian shirts and taking pictures. Stimpy notices the sombrero at his feet]
 * General: [Offscreen] Aim... [Stimpy picks up the sombrero and runs offscreen]
 * Stimpy: Señor, uh, you dropped your el hatto! I'll get it for ya!
 * General: [Offscreen] FIRE!
 * [Ren's eyes pop open. He looks back as a hail of gunfire is heard from offscreen. Ren looks back shocked, then smiles and takes a photograph. The flash illuminates the screen to reveal a photo of Stimpy and the bandito smiling and covered in bullet holes. Cut to Ren and Stimpy looking through a photo album.]
 * Stimpy: Oh, here's one. Remember that time I got hit by lightning?
 * [Cut to a picture of Stimpy burnt to a crip while golfing with Ren.]
 * Ren: How 'bout that time you took care of those gambling debts for me?
 * [Pan down to a photo of Stimpy at the bottom of the ocean wearing not only concerete boots, but a concrete coat, hat and umbrella.]
 * Stimpy: And don't forget our trip to the Amazon.
 * [Pan down to a photo of Ren and Stimpy in the Amazon, with Stimpy having been consumed by a python.]
 * Ren: Oh yeah, and that day you went out with the weat hair during the blizzard of '69.
 * [Cut to a flashback. Stimpy steps out of the shower and walks outisde into the cold. He walks out into the street and gets hit by a bus. Cut back to the present.]
 * Stimpy: So let's see. That makes...Um...Hmm...[thinks]...Sixty-twelve!
 * Ren: That's seven, you fathead.
 * Stimpy: Yeah, seven. [laughs]
 * Ren: Well, I got news for you, pal. You've only got two lives left. And if you buy the farm, that means I gotta do all the chores. We don't want that now, do we? [Stimpy blinks his eyes] Now be an imbecile and go light the furnace so I can take my bath.
 * [Stimpy goes down into the basement and sees the heater with a sign on it reading "DANGER". He tries with all his might to twist the valve on a pipe, but he can't move it.]
 * Stimpy: Ah, valve's stuck. [holds up a pipe wrench] This oughta do it. [repeatedly bangs on the pipe with the wrench until it is all bent up and gas is leaking out of it] Ahh, that's better. [Stimpy lights a match up toward the heater as gas begins filing the room. Dramatic music plays, implying that Stimpy will bet blown up by the gas leak. Suddenly, what appears to be a large rock falls from above and crushes Stimpy. Cut to an airplane flying through the air. Cut to inside the plane, where the sign outisd ethe lavatory changes from "Occupied" to "Vacant". Mr. Horse walks out of the lavatory dressed in a pilot uniform.]
 * Mr. Horse: Man, this airline food goes right through you. [Mr. Horse walks out of the frame. Cut back to Stimpy, still crushed under the "rock". Ren pokes his head into the frame, wearing a shower cap.]
 * Ren: Well, that's eight. You only got one life left.

A Scooter for Yaksmas [Episode 9]

 * [Stimpy is having a nightmare over accidentally stealing a scooter.]
 * Old Woman: That's him! Stealing scooters on Yaksmas! SHAME ON YOU!
 * Stimpy: But- But, I--
 * Shaven Yak: I stayed up for a week chewing all that gum for you!
 * Ren: I'm glad I forgot to get you that stupid scooter! You don't deserve it!
 * Cop: I was gonna buy that scooter for my sick little kid! And now look at her!
 * [Enter the cop's daughter, who is in the form of a demented marionette.]
 * Marionette: [laughs insanely] Now look at me! Now look at me! NOW LOOK AT ME! [laughs insanely]
 * Stimpy: I can explain! I--
 * [Stimpy gets slammed by a very large gavel, which belongs to the judge, Stinky Whizzleteats.]
 * Stinky: Stimpson J. Cat, you stand accused of stealing a $39 scooter. How do you plead?
 * Stimpy: Listen your honor, I--[his tongue reveals the words "guilty as sin" printed on it; he exclaims in shock]
 * Stinky: Foreman Yak, how do you find the thieving rat?
 * [We see the jury, which consists of twelve yaks, with their stand titling them as "12 Angry Yaks". One of the yaks, the foreman yak, stands up, and speaks.]
 * Foreman Yak: Guilty, of scootercide in the first degree.
 * Stinky: Very well. [points at Stimpy] For your crimes against humanity, your sentence is... INFINITY IN [echoing] PRISON!
 * [Stimpy gets locked in a jail cell.]
 * Stimpy: [crying] BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT!!!!


 * Fat oaf: So let me get this straight. You're a CIA agent sent by the Queen of America to deliver this top-secret scooter to the West Pole? Stimpy: "Eh, that's right. To the big chief spy himself, Stinky Wizzleteats!"

The Last Temptation

 * [last lines in the series]
 * Ren: Don't worry, Stimpy! I'll save yoooouuuu..... [Ren looks a motorcycle, two roller skates, a red car with a lady standing next to it and looks back at Stimpy, who is still choking. He dreams of riding around in the red car.] I'll, uhhh, go or help!
 * [Ren runs to Wilbur Cobb, who picks him up by the neck.]


 * Wilbur Cobb: So, back to your ol' tricks, EH JOHNNY?!? Are you gonna let your friend Snoopy choke? Are you gonna do the right thing? [Ren punches Stimpy and spits the leg of ham out of his mouth.] Good work, Skippy! And as a reward, you get the spend the next 15 years with your stupid friend there. [Wilbur Cobb slams his rake on Ren's head.] Of course, there's the matter of all these worldly goods and seeing as they were all bought with ill gotten gains, I'll have to take everything as evidence, goodbye.
 * [Wilbur drives off with all their stuff and a lady. Ren and Stimpy start crying.]
 * Stimpy: Aw, raggy!
 * [The Iris is closing, ending the episode and the series]

Pilot

 * [An establishing shot of a city skyline at night is shown.]
 * Narrator: [first lines (pilot only)] Now believe it or not, and I've been known to lie, but this here's a true story. [The camera pans down to show Ren and Stimpy sitting in the street] Now, the desire for food sometimes make strange bedfellers. [The camera closes in on Ren and Stimpy, both looking tired and hungry. Their stomachs growl loudly.] And that's where Ren Hoke and Stimpy come in.
 * [Ren turns to the camera, incensed at the mispronunciation of his name]
 * Ren: That's Höek, you eediot, not 'Hoke'!