The Return of the Pink Panther

The Return of the Pink Panther is a 1975 film about Inspector Jacques Clouseau and his attempts to again catch the notorious Phantom (Sir Charles Lytton), who this time has stolen the famous Pink Panther diamond from the Lugash Museum. Clouseau's butler Cato features prominently in this episode, as does Chief Inspector Dreyfus, who in the end winds up in a lunatic asylum while Clouseau himself is promoted to "Chief Inspector."
 * Directed by Blake Edwards. Written by Blake Edwards and Frank Waldman

You may rest assured that there's trouble, because Inspector Clouseau is on the case...That's the trouble. (tagline)

Inspector Clouseau

 * You fool! You raving Oriental idiot! There is a time and a place for everything, Cato! ...and this is it!!
 * I see you are familiar with the falling-down-on-the-floor ploy.
 * Valet, this is Inspector Clouseau. Please send up my... well, please send down my brown suit immediately. As quick as you can. Quicker, please!
 * [after inadvertently destroying much of the hotel he is in]: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.
 * [to a taxi driver]: Follow that car! [driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car]
 * I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.
 * I arrest you, Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious pink Lytton.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

 * Now he's off to Gstaad. Today... a paradise in the Swiss Alps; tomorrow... a wasteland! Compared to Clouseau, Attila the Hun was a Red Cross volunteer!
 * [to Francois, after accidentally shooting himself in the face] Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!!

Blind beggar

 * I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money.

Dialogue

 * Inspector Clouseau: [at Lytton Manor in Nice, while working undercover as a telephone repairman, Clouseau has already annihilated the Lyttons' doorbell!] ... I am from the Nice Telephone Company; there is some trouble with your phone.
 * Mac: ...I don't think there's any trouble with the telephones here.
 * Inspector Clouseau: I know when there is a trouble, and when there is not a trouble, and you may rest assured that there is a trouble.
 * Mac: Since when?
 * Inspector Clouseau: Since it was reported.
 * Mac: By whom? And what sort of trouble is it?
 * Inspector Clouseau: If I knew that, I could simply call you up and tell you what the trouble with your telephone is!


 * Inspector Clouseau: This is very strange. I do not ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant.
 * Sgt. François Chevalier: What does yours say?
 * Inspector Clouseau: "Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies..."


 * Inspector Clouseau: I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! ... It is amazing that I am still alive.
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus [stifling a giggle]: "Amazing" is not the word.
 * Inspector Clouseau: Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: YES! I wish you were DEAD!
 * Inspector Clouseau: Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.




 * Inspector Clouseau: How long have you been a bellboy
 * Bellboy: Oh, too long, Monsieur.
 * Clouseau: Keep up the good work, and I shall see to it you become a bell-MAN.


 * Doctor: Describe your thoughts. Get them out in the open. You'll feel much better.
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: All right. See, it's always the same. Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze (he does). It's wonderful. It's marvellous. I'm squeezing (and the doctor is choking...). And the more I squeeze, the freer I feel. I'm in ecstasy. And then suddenly, suddenly my problem is solvèd...

(while Dreyfus has been talking, he has been unintentionally strangling the doctor. He suddenly becomes aware of this as the doctor falls to the floor)
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Doctor! DOCTOR!


 * Inspector Clouseau: [answering the phone] This is Monsieur Gadbois - who is this speaking?
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!
 * Inspector Clouseau: ...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
 * Inspector Clouseau: You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!
 * Inspector Clouseau: Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.


 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
 * Inspector Clouseau: That is impossible.
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Why?
 * Inspector Clouseau: He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
 * Inspector Clouseau: It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist...
 * Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Shut up!


 * Police Chief Lundallah: He pulled himself across the floor using this wire. How else could he have avoided our radar field?
 * Inspector Clouseau: He did? ... Yes, how else! Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that.
 * Police Chief Lundallah: Therefore the wax.
 * Inspector Clouseau: The wax? ... AGHH! [Clouseau slips on the waxed floor and falls to the ground]
 * Col. Sharki: Are you alright, Inspector?
 * Inspector Clouseau: [on his knees] Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. [sniffs the wax on the floor] Have you taken a sample of this wax?
 * Police Chief Lundallah: Wax is wax!
 * Inspector Clouseau: See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. French wax, English wax, domestic wax...
 * Col. Sharki: Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately.
 * Inspector Clouseau: [grabbing a mechanical arm from the jewel stand] It is my guess that you will find it is English wax.
 * Police Chief Lundallah: Why?
 * Inspector Clouseau: Because your thief is an Englishman.
 * Col. Sharki: How do you know that?
 * Inspector Clouseau: It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton.
 * Police Chief Lundallah: The Phantom?
 * Inspector Clouseau: Yes, one and the same.


 * Inspector Clouseau: [to blind beggar] City Ordinance 132R prohibits the begging.
 * Blind beggar: How do you know so much about city ordinances?
 * Inspector Clouseau: What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?
 * Blind beggar: Yes!

 Chief Inspector Dreyfuss has gone berserk, shooting wildly at Clouseau and Lytton...mainly Clouseau)
 * Sir Charles Lytton: He's either reloading, or he's out of ammunition.
 * Inspector Clouseau: E's out of his mind, that's what e's out of!


 * Parrot: [to Inspector Clouseau, entering the hotel room] Wie geht’s?

Taglines

 * You can rest assured that there's trouble, because Inspector Clouseau is on the case. (That's the trouble.)
 * HE'S BACK...no risk is too daring...No caper is too exotic...No crime is too dangerous.

Cast

 * Peter Sellers - Insp. Jacques Clouseau
 * Herbert Lom - Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus
 * Christopher Plummer - Sir Charles Lytton
 * Catherine Schell - Lady Claudine Lytton
 * Burt Kwouk - Cato Fong