The Road to Hong Kong

The Road to Hong Kong is a 1962 film about a pair of con men who get mixed up in international intrigue.
 * Directed by Norman Panama. Written by Melvin Frank.

The last of the red hot Lamas!

Chester Babcock

 * [cracks open a fortune cookie and reads] "You are under grave suspicion. Your partner suspects you of dishonesty." [passing it to Harry] Here, it's for you.

Dialogue

 * Harry Turner: Chester, I give you my solemn word. This time it's not dangerous.
 * Chester Babcock: Not dangerous?
 * Harry Turner: No.
 * Chester Babcock: That's what 'cha said when you shot me out of a cannon, when you dropped me in a tank with an octopus, when you had me wrestle a gorilla. It's not dangerous! I'm not going'. I'm through. I've had it. So forget it, Charlie!


 * Harry Turner: [hands Chester a hand mirror] Who's that?
 * Chester Babcock: [seeing his reflection] I don't know, but gimme a stick and I'll kill it.


 * [while agent Diane mistakenly thinks she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer, Chester simply believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman]
 * Diane: [whispers] Do you think we're being watched?
 * Chester Babcock: [noticing Harry staring at them from the bar] Definitely.
 * Diane: Oh, then we'll have to hurry.
 * Chester Babcock: Have we got time?
 * Diane: If you work fast.
 * Chester Babcock: I'll do my best.
 * Diane: Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel.
 * Chester Babcock: Good.
 * Diane: I've made all the arrangements.
 * Chester Babcock: Fine.
 * Diane: The shades are all drawn.
 * Chester Babcock: Very sensible.
 * Diane: And we can lock the door from the inside.
 * Chester Babcock: Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.


 * Diane: Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before?
 * Chester Babcock: Well, I MUST have. When do we start?
 * Diane: Right now. [suddenly shouting] Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again. [She slips him an envelope as she kisses him] You've got it.
 * Chester Babcock: I know it.
 * Diane: Don't lose it.
 * Chester Babcock: Don't worry.
 * Diane: I'll see you at the hotel.
 * Chester Babcock: Pull the shades and lock the door.
 * Diane: One final thing.
 * Chester Babcock: Yes?
 * Diane: In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.


 * Harry Turner: An hour ago she flipped over me. I don't dig it.
 * Chester Babcock: Well, that's understandable. An impressionable young thing falls for an elderly fellow. She probably thought you were a father figure.
 * Harry Turner: Father figure?
 * Chester Babcock: Yes, then she took another look and found out you had your father's figure.


 * Diane: There must be some sensible solution to this problem.
 * Harry Turner: Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house.
 * Chester Babcock: Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house.
 * Diane: What about Sunday?
 * Chester Babcock: Everybody rests.


 * Harry Turner: Don't I always get you the best medical attention available?
 * Chester Babcock: Yeah, like that doctor you got me in Bombay last month.
 * Harry Turner: How was I going to know he was an elephant doctor?
 * Chester Babcock: You should have known by the size of his thermometer.
 * Harry Turner: Yes, was a bit large.
 * Chester Babcock: When he shook it, I was still on it.


 * Harry Turner: Happy landings, buster!
 * Chester Babcock: I don't know what you're so happy about. You're not mentioned in my will.


 * Indian Neurologist: [about a cobra] Oh, nothing to worry about. If he should give you a nip, it's very simple. All you do is to get hold of your bowie knife like this, make a cut on here, suck out the poison and spit it away. Very simple.
 * Chester Babcock: Yeah, but what if he bites me in a place I can't reach?
 * Indian Neurologist: That is when you find out who your real friends are.


 * Harry Turner: You got a mind like a sponge.
 * Chester Babcock: Yeah, don't get any ideas about squeezing it, either.


 * Diane: Are you sure you're not pulling my leg?
 * Harry Turner: Business first, fun and games later, mm?


 * Diane: Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man.
 * Chester Babcock: That still leaves my fellow women.


 * Harry Turner: Those guys mean business. They're killers, murders.
 * Chester Babcock: Besides that, they're unfriendly.

Cast

 * Bing Crosby — Harry Turner
 * Bob Hope — Chester Babcock
 * Joan Collins — Diane (3rd Echelon agent)
 * Robert Morley — Leader of the 3rd Echelon
 * Peter Sellers — Indian physician
 * Dorothy Lamour — Herself
 * Walter Gotell — Dr. Zorbb (3rd Echelon scientist)
 * Sir Felix Aylmer — Grand Lama
 * Alan Gifford — American official
 * Michele Mok — Mr. Ahso
 * Katya Douglas — 3rd Echelon receptionist
 * Roger Delgado — Jhinnah
 * Robert Ayres — American official
 * Peter Madden — Lama
 * Dave King — Restaurateur