The Scream Team

 is a 2002 American television film directed by Stuart Gillard from a story by Robert Short and Dan Berendsen, who also wrote the screenplay. The film stars Mark Rendall, Kat Dennings, Robert Bockstael, Eric Idle, Tommy Davidson, and Kathy Najimy and premiered on October 4, 2002, on Disney Channel as part of the network's series of original movies.

Dialogue

 * [Mariah interrupts an argument with Jumper and Ed]
 * Mariah: Gentlemen, please. I think we have a few pressing problems here.
 * Ian: So, what exactly is this place?
 * Mariah: Oh. No. No. Listen - just forget it. It's much too complicated to explain.
 * Ian: Some sort of after-life wait station?
 * Mariah: Okay, maybe not so complicated.


 * [Claire walks up close to the portal mirror]
 * Claire: What is this?
 * Mariah: Oh, hey. No, no, no. Hey! Step away. Away from the portal! [They step away] Thank you. You will have your opportunity soon enough. Not now.
 * Claire: [Afraid] I'm going to die?
 * Coffin: Uh, hello. Newsflash - everybody dies.


 * Jumper: This is getting embarrassing! What are we doing? We are the Soul Patrol! We got way more life force than a dozen stinking ghosts. This is what I signed up for. [Shakes head, with an attitude] I say, we kick some serious ghost butt.
 * Mariah: Yeah, except for you didn't sign up. You were sentenced!
 * Jumper: What - ever. [Turns to Ed] Are you with me, Eddie?
 * Coffin: Only one week left on the force! Why can't I just retire in peace?


 * Ian: [after Zachariah Kull absorbs Jumper's soul] Jumper!
 * Coffin: NO!
 * Claire: Ed, I'm so sorry.
 * Ian: Don't worry. We'll rescue him!
 * Coffin: Oh, we will. I will swear on my life I'll rescue Jumper - or die trying!
 * Ian: Isn't that sort of an empty promise? [Claire hits him]
 * Coffin: Picky, picky, picky.


 * [Jumper rants off about being trapped in a jar]
 * Jumper: And some partner you turned out to be. [Makes a face with his palm facing the brother and sister] Wiggity biggity woo! That's the best you could do?
 * Coffin: You're welcome.
 * Jumper: [sarcastic] Oh, I'm supposed to be thanking you now. Two little kids here, you can't even scare...
 * Mariah: [interrupts] Gentlemen, please. I think we have a few pressing problems here.

Cast

 * Mark Rendall – Ian Carlyle
 * Kat Dennings – Claire Carlyle
 * Robert Bockstael – Richard Carlyle
 * Eric Idle – Coffin Ed
 * Tommy Davidson – Jumper
 * Kathy Najimy – Mariah
 * Kim Coates – Zachariah Kull
 * Gary Reineke – Grandpa Frank Carlyle
 * Nigel Bennett – Warner
 * Edie Inksetter – Face
 * Zoie Palmer – Rebecca Kull
 * Derek Sypniewski – Wizard
 * Anna Tauteiter – Fairy
 * Joseph Motiki - Customs Ghost