The Secret of My Success (1987 film)

The Secret of My Success is a 1987 American comedy film about a talented young man can't get an executive position without rising through the ranks, so he comes up with a shortcut, which also benefits his love life.
 * Directed by Herbert Ross. Written by Jim Cash.

There's no such thing as an overnight success. Brantley Foster took two weeks.

Brantley Foster

 * [on entering his newly rented apartment] All right, listen up. If there are any bugs in here, or rats, or anything that has more legs than I do, you just stay on your side of the room, okay? I'll stay on mine. I should warn you, I'm packing an iron.


 * Please God, help me get out of this. I swear I'll go all over the world telling people not to screw the boss's wife.

Dialogue

 * Employer: I'm sorry, Mister...
 * Brantley Foster: Foster.
 * Employer: I'm sorry, Mr. Foster. We need someone with experience.
 * Brantley Foster: But how can I get any experience until I get a job that GIVES me experience?
 * Employer: If we gave you a job just to give you experience, you'd take that experience and get a better job. Then that experience would benefit someone else.
 * Brantley Foster: Yeah, but I was trained in college to handle a job like this, so in a sense I already have experience.
 * Employer: What you've got is college experience, not the practical, hard-nosed business experience we're looking for. If you'd joined our training program out of high-school, you'd be qualified for this job now.
 * Brantley Foster: Then why did I go to college?
 * Employer: [laughs] Had fun, didn't you?


 * Grace Foster: Take this. It's Uncle Howard's phone number in New York.
 * Brantley Foster: I've got an uncle in New York?
 * Grace Foster: My cousin Ellen married his half-sister's nephew, before she got bit by that dog and died.


 * [Brantley said "good morning" to an executive]
 * Fred Melrose: Not the suits, man! You never consort with the suits unless they consort with you first.
 * Brantley Foster: Wait a minute, that's ridiculous! He's a person, I'm a person. I can't say hello to him?
 * Fred Melrose: He's not a person, he's a suit! You're mailroom. No consorting.


 * Brantley Foster: [after sex] Can I make a personal observation?
 * Vera: Um, anything but the thighs.
 * Brantley Foster: You know, somebody sold you a bill of goods and convinced you you had to be 21 forever. I think you're terrific; I think the only thing wrong with you is your husband is a jerk. You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're sensuous...
 * Vera Prescott: Say that again!
 * Brantley Foster: Which part?
 * Vera: All of it!
 * [sounds of car]
 * Vera Prescott: Oh, no.
 * Brantley Foster: What, what is it?
 * Vera Prescott: It's the jerk.
 * [Brantley rushes to the window]
 * Vera Prescott: My husband.
 * Brantley Foster: My uncle!
 * Vera Prescott: Your what?
 * Brantley Foster: Oh God, that makes you...
 * Vera Prescott: Auntie Vera?
 * Brantley Foster: Oh! God!
 * [Vera laughs]
 * Brantley Foster: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God! What's my mother going to say? I've disgraced my whole family!
 * Vera: Oh, the hell you did!


 * Fred Melrose: Hey, you look like death on a cracker, man. What happened to you?
 * Brantley Foster: Well, I was chased by a 200 pound dog with a mouth as big as my head. And that was the best thing that happened last night.
 * Fred Melrose: What was the worst thing?
 * Brantley Foster: Got laid.
 * Fred Melrose: Not sure you got your priorities straight, Brantley.


 * Brantley Foster: We have a problem.
 * Vera Prescott: What?
 * Brantley Foster: It's your husband: he's my boss.
 * Vera Prescott: O-oh, him. We won't tell him. Besides, Howard's working late tonight - on whom, I have no idea.


 * Brantley Foster: [reading mail while sorting] Some of this stuff doesn't make any sense. They send requisitions through two departments to get procurements for a third. What kind of thinking is that?
 * Fred Melrose: That's suit thinking. Something happens to a man when he puts on a necktie. Cuts off all the oxygen to his brain.


 * Brantley Foster: Aunt Vera, listen, since the last time we met there's been a change.
 * Vera Prescott: Yes... nice suit, Brantley!
 * [she starts undressing him; he tries to escape]
 * Brantley Foster: Agh! Ow! Look, what I mean to say is... Oh, Christ! I'm not free any more!
 * Vera Prescott: What, you're going to charge me? Oh ho, you're getting awfully cynical - does your mother know about this?
 * Brantley Foster: Ohh, no, I am not available.
 * Vera Prescott: Oh, good, you're not going to charge me.
 * Brantley Foster: Look, I like you, I really like you, but I gotta tell you, I have become seriously and emotionally involved with someone who isn't my aunt.
 * Vera Prescott: I forgive you, Brantley.


 * Vera Prescott: I'm going to introduce you to the most powerful money men in New York, and if you can do to them what you've done to me...
 * Brantley Foster: I can't do that!
 * Vera Prescott: I mean bowl them over, darling! You're irresistible when you turn on that boyish charm.


 * Howard Prescott: Let me get this straight - Brantley is Whitfield?
 * Brantley Foster: That's right. Brantley is Whitfield; Whitfield is Brantley.
 * Vera Prescott: And Christy is the bimbo! Well, now that we've all had Mouseketeer roll call, I'm just going to go call my lawyer.
 * Howard Prescott: No, wait a minute. Christy is not the bimbo I was screwing around with at the office.
 * Christy Wills: People better stop calling me bimbo!
 * Howard Prescott: It was an entirely different bimbo altogether.
 * Vera Prescott: That's fine; how many bimbos would you say there were?
 * Howard Prescott: I misspoke myself. There weren't any bimbos at all.
 * Brantley Foster: Except Christy.
 * Howard Prescott: Right. No!


 * Brantley Foster: At least I didn't sleep with the boss.
 * Christy Wills: No, you slept with the boss's wife!
 * Brantley Foster: She seduced me!
 * Christy Wills: He seduced ME! What's the difference?
 * Brantley Foster: I couldn't help it. You went willingly.
 * Christy Wills: I suppose you were tied up in chains.
 * Brantley Foster: No, the question is how many people did you sleep with in order to get to the top?
 * [Christy throws a vase at Brantley, smashing it]
 * Vera Prescott: That was a very expensive vase, you BITCH!
 * Christy Wills: SHUT UP! What I did was my business, not yours!
 * Brantley Foster: No, you mean it was company business!
 * Christy Wills: [snarkily] That's right! And that's all it was. Business!
 * Brantley Foster: I'll tell you something, sweetheart. You're very good at your job.
 * [Brantley leaves, Christy starts crying]


 * Brantley Foster: [to Fred and Jean] Whoa, whoa, listen, I'm going to need your help, both of you.
 * Fred Melrose: Is it something I could get fired for?
 * Brantley Foster: Absolutely.
 * Fred Melrose: I like it!

Cast

 * Michael J. Fox - Brantley Foster
 * Helen Slater - Christy Wills
 * Richard Jordan - Howard Prescott
 * Margaret Whitton - Vera Pemrose Prescott
 * John Pankow - Fred Melrose
 * Fred Gwynne - Donald Davenport
 * Gerry Bamman - Art Thomas
 * Carol Ann Susi - Jean
 * Drew Snyder - Burt Foster
 * Elizabeth Franz - Grace Foster
 * Christopher Murney - Barney Rattigan
 * Mercedes Ruehl - Sheila
 * Cindy Crawford - Herself (uncredited)