The Shaggy Dog (2006 film)

The Shaggy Dog is a 2006 Disney film starring Tim Allen about a man who tries to live a normal life despite the fact that he sometimes turns into a sheepdog.
 * Directed by Brian Robbins. Written by Cormac and Marianne Wibberly, Geoff Rodkey, Jack Amiel, and Michael Begler.

Tim Allen Living in a Dog's Life. taglines

Dave Douglas

 * I AM A DOG! PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE, EVERYBODY! I'M A DOG! I AM A DOG!
 * To infinity... and beyond!

Dialogue

 * Teacher: Josh was one of my best math students, and then, all of a sudden... Bad grades. And so we're just trying to search out an explanation, really.
 * Rebecca: Well, I think the problem is he's distracted by football.
 * Dave: Can I...? I think I know what the problem... The problem, I think, is me. I've been working too much. This is what this is about. I haven't been home. It's... It's been causing a lot of stress on my family.
 * Teacher: Well, I know what it's like to be too busy to do anything. In fact, I didn't even get to eat lunch. Do you mind if I eat something?
 * Dave: Sure. Go ahead.
 * Teacher: Thanks.


 * Dave: Dr. Kozak.
 * Dr. Kozak: Yes?
 * Dave: I'm sorry I couldn't put you on the stand.
 * Dr. Kozak: Apology's not accepted. You know, Ken tells me if he steps down, you're gonna be the next district attorney.
 * Dave: Well, that's my hope.
 * Dr. Kozak: Certainly. Well hopefully, justice will be served. You have my support. As well as that, Grant & Strictland.


 * Lance: Kozak, how is it going in court today?
 * Dr. Kozak: Uh, Mr. Strictland, it goes well.
 * Lance: Have you unlocked the dog's secret?
 * Dr. Kozak: Let's not talk here. Hey, I've got something to show you that would interest you.


 * Lance: Is that a snake's tail or a furry tail?
 * Dr. Kozak: That would be a minor side effect.
 * Lance: Kozak, growing a dog's tail would turn your serum into a criminal act.
 * Dr. Kozak: You know, you need to relax and have a good work, and Lance, we'll found a good fountain of youth. (answers his cellphone) Security, Dr. Kozak.


 * Dr. Kozak: When I called you to make sure these people were arrested?
 * Dave: I understand that. If you arrest them, they'll turn into rebels with a cause on the 6 o'clock news. If you leave them there, they're just kids laying on a sidewalk.
 * Dr. Kozak: Good advice. Thanks for your help.
 * Dave: You bet. [releases hand to shake hands]
 * Dr. Kozak: I'm good.


 * Larry: We've searched the whole building.
 * Gwen: But we're gonna keep looking.
 * Dr. Kozak: Really?
 * Larry: Yes.
 * Dr. Kozak: In the same place or new places? 'Cause if you look the same place--
 * Larry: I think new places.
 * Dr. Kozak: Oh, yeah? Tell me more.
 * Larry: Definitely.
 * Dr. Kozak: Larry?
 * Larry: Yes?
 * Dr. Kozak: Don't-don't speak. Do you understand the great white lines until you get this dog? Yes?
 * Gwen: Yeah.
 * Dr. Kozak: It's yes or no question, Larry.
 * Larry: You said not to speak.
 * Dr. Kozak: And the key to my future! So, it stands to reason that, if you don't find him, you won't have a future.
 * Larry: Right.
 * Dr. Kozak: Why are you still standing here? No sleeping, no talking! Find him!


 * Judge Whittaker: Mr. Douglas! Did you just growl at the opposing council?
 * Dave: No. I need some water.
 * Judge Whittaker: Do you need a brief recess?
 * Dave: No thanks. I just-- [growls at Judge Whittaker]
 * Judge Whittaker: Did you just growl at me?
 * Dave: No, I had something caught in my throat. [growls at Judge Whittaker again, then drinks some water]
 * Judge Whittaker: One more outburst and I'm holding you in comtempt.
 * Dave: [barks] Silence! Quiet! Whoo! I think I could use a brief re--re...
 * Judge Whittaker: Re-ecess. [bangs gavel] Ten minutes.


 * Tracy: Football? That's why you're not trying out? You hate football!
 * Josh: I know, but my dad loves it. You should hear him. "Oh, you're gonna be just like your old man." If I told him I want to do the musical instead, he'd, like, write me off as a son.
 * Tracy: Josh, is your father a stupid man?
 * Josh: He is clueless, which in some ways is better.
 * Dave: [as a dog] Oh, boy.
 * Josh: See, he told me I can play if I only keep my grades up so I start flunking math but he let me off with a warning. So now, I gotta flunk English, History, and Home Ec. Those are not really hard to fail.
 * Dave: [as a dog] Oh, no, Josh.
 * Tracy: So you'd rather wreck your future than tell your dad you hate football?
 * Josh: I can get my grades back up as long as he makes me quit in time.
 * Tracy: Wow. Men are so complicated.
 * [Tracy leaves]
 * Dave: How did I let this happen? What kind of father am I?


 * Carly: None of this would have happened if we hadn't stole Shaggy from Grant & Strictland.
 * Dave: [as dog] You what? Stole him? You stole a dog from Grant & Strictland and you lied about it!
 * Trey: [holds up bone] Fetch, boy!
 * Dave: I am not your boy and I'm not gonna fe-- [Trey throws bone] Oh, hey, I'll be right back!


 * [Dave spies on Kozak and his scientists with Lance Strictland via air vent. Suddenly, Strictland begins to shake conversely]
 * Gwen: He's going into shock. It's the serum. It doesn't work.
 * Kozak: Of course it works. Just couldn't give it to him.
 * Dave: What have you done to him?
 * Kozak: Lance? Lance, I'm so sorry that I have to do this to you, but I just couldn't let you take all of the credit again. Plus, you're a pig and I hate you. I hate you in so many ways. Could you hold this for a second? [hands the syringe to Larry] Get rid of it, accomplice.
 * Gwen: But, is he...dead?
 * Kozak: No, he's not dead. He's fully conscious, but he's unable to speak. The doctors will think it's dementia. The drug itself will wear off in a few months. But by then, I'll be CEO. And I will be famously, insanely, and imaginably wealthy!
 * Larry: This was not part of the plan!
 * Gwen: It's totally wrong.
 * Kozak: Of course I’ll cut you both in on his share.
 * Larry: Hold on.
 * Gwen: It's fine with me.
 * Kozak: Good. Larry, you park him in his desk for me. Or, should I say my desk?


 * Carly: Shaggy, would you stop making such a-- That's impossible.
 * [The message reads "I am Dad"]
 * Dave: [as a dog] Finally.
 * Josh: How?
 * [Dave scrambles the Scrabble tiles to make a word: Grant and Strictland)
 * Josh: Grant and Strictland?
 * Dave: [as a dog] Yes.
 * Carly: Well, Mr. Forrester said that they were making mutant animals. That's when I found Shaggy...but Shaggy bit Dad. Oh, Daddy! [Hugs him]
 * Dave: [as a dog] It's okay, kiddo. It's okay.
 * Carly: I'm sorry, this is all my fault. Could you please forgive me?
 * Dave: [as a dog] There's nothin' to forgive.


 * Dave: [as a dog, gives Josh the book for the musical] Here. This is what you love because if you keep playin' football, you're gonna get hurt.
 * Josh: Thanks, Dad.
 * Dave: [as a dog] Here's somethin' else.
 * [Dave pulls out a math book]
 * Josh: I know, I know.
 * Dave: [as a dog] Deal?
 * Josh: It's a deal.


 * Kozak: I'm sorry you're a dog. I am also very sorry that you won't be leaving here alive. People will be wondering where you disappeared to. After all, dogs do wander off.
 * Dave: [as a dog] I can't believe you think you'll get away with this, Kozak.
 * Kozak: Unless before you die, we're going to want to run some tests on you. Eenie, meenie, miney, cut you, ow, your nose is coming…off, because we just don't understand how you turned into him. I'm very excited. I just can't wait to get inside that body of yours and just poke around for--
 * [Dave bites Kozak's finger]
 * Kozak: Oh, you filthy little mongrel! That wasn't very nice.
 * Dave: [as a dog] Ooh, that hurt, didn't it?
 * Kozak: Gonna have to work on that attitude when I get back. Meanwhile, we are gonna run upstairs for a minute. It seems Dr. Strictland is having a bit of a health crisis. And after that, we're off to court to watch Justin Forrester back down to save his own skin. Be back cut you up like a birthday cake later.


 * Dave: Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is workin' on a drug that will extend human life like a hundred years?
 * Kozak: I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
 * Dave: Of course you're not. But if that were true, that would be a pretty big deal, right?
 * Kozak: Ah, were true, which it is not, probably.
 * Dave: And whoever was in charge of developing such a thing...

Whoo! Not only would they be insanely wealthy, they would be immortalized in history, right?
 * Kozak: Yes, I suppose it would.
 * Dave: Wow. What a thrill it must be to work under Dr. Strictland.
 * [Kozak scratches his ear as a result of the bite]
 * Kozak: Excuse me.
 * Dave: Dr. Strictland, the creative force at your company, right?
 * Kozak: Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the higher... [babbles]
 * Dave: Yes, yes, yes, yes. What an honor it must be to work in Dr. Strictland's shadow.
 * Kozak: No, no, I don't work in anyone's shadow. I wouldn’t. I couldn't live with myself.
 * Dave: There's nothing wrong being in second place. Second fiddle, second banana, second up?
 * Kozak: I am the chief scientist! I! Me! Mine! [starts growling]
 * Dave: Ho! Come on. Gettin' kinda agitated. What's up, dog? Pick up a little virus down there in the lab, did ya?
 * Kozak: Must be something going around.
 * [Dave and Kozak begin to growl at each other]


 * Dave: If that isn't evidence of genetic mutation, I don't know what is!
 * Judge Whittaker: [instructing the bailiff to remove Kozak from the courtroom] On second thought, Bailiff take him to custody.
 * Kozak: For what? Shufflin' around a little DNA? Huh? Don't you morons realize I can make us all immortal? Animals don't even understand what's goin' on!
 * Dave: Don't tell me they don't understand. Animals understand. I know different.
 * Dr. Kozak: [laughs] This isn't over yet. We got so much in common. So, stay in touch, huh? Ooh, are we goin' outside? [bailiff leads him out of the courtroom]

 Dave: Inhale, exhale. I got to get my heart rate down. [animals begins inhale and exhale, Dave’s voice echoing] I’m on a beach. Inhale, exhale, surrounded by fire hydrants. Food everywhere, slow rolling waves of gravy crashing into the shore. [Dave’s voice as dog turning into human transformation back naked off-screen] The beached whale made of peanut butter.

Taglines

 * Tim Allen Living in a Dog's Life.
 * Everything is going to the dogs.
 * Raise The Woof.

Cast

 * Tim Allen - Dave Douglas
 * Robert Downey Jr. - Dr. Kozak
 * Kristin Davis - Rebecca Douglas
 * Danny Glover - Ken Hollister
 * Spencer Breslin - Josh Douglas
 * Jane Curtin - Judge Claire Whittaker
 * Zena Grey - Carly Douglas
 * Philip Baker Hall - Lance Strictland