The Simpsons/Season 35


 * The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

Homer's Crossing

 * Superintendent Chalmers: So, since Otto has disappeared with our bus, and our brownie pans, parents will have to drive their own children to school.
 * [parents complain]
 * Principal Skinner: Well, fewer of you would have to drive if you sat down and arranged a carpool schedule.
 * [parents complain harder]


 * Bart: Perhaps, but on the other hand… [Burps at Lisa in her face, then laughs]
 * Lisa: Ugh. Mom!
 * Bart: Gotcha!
 * Marge: Bart, say excuse me.

A Mid-Childhood Night's Dream

 * Announcer: Attention, shoppers. A mother's love is forever, but mother's love rat poison is only on sale till the end of the day.

McMansion & Wife

 * Marge: We have to meet the new neighbors before they hear about us from the old neighbors.
 * Homer: Hey, I have friends in this neighborhood. There's the guy whose lawn I used as a shortcut, the guy whose mailbox crashed into our car, and Mrs. Bad Halloween candy.
 * Bad Halloween candy lady: If my candy is so bad, why do you take so much of it?

Thirst Trap: A Corporate Love Story

 * Mr. Burns: So you want me to talk about Persephone Odair? That's easy. She was a brilliant entrepreneur who wanted to save the world. How I wish that was her only shortcoming.

Treehouse of Horror XXXIV

 * Sideshow Bob: Lisa the killer? I never thought you had it in you.
 * Lisa: [slicks back her hair] The Lisa you knew didn't. [musses it up again] But I'm another story!
 * Sideshow Bob: Oho, really? Split personalities? Trope alert! Call the first thought police!


 * Lisa: Have you seen our dad?
 * Moe: No, just these hundreds of silly versions of him, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I mean I'm printing money over here.

Iron Marge

 * Agnes: My Werthers, my choice.

It's a Blunderful Life

 * Homer: Mmmm...pepper spray.

Ae Bonny Romance

 * Marge: Oh, my head. Homie, what do you take for a hangover? Huh? [Homer is running away] Oh fine, be that way.
 * Homer: For once, I'm the one who spoke truth while drunk.
 * Marge: Oh, oh. Running away from a fight?
 * Homer: Well, I'm still mad at you!
 * Marge: Well, I'm still mad at you!
 * Homer: You told everyone that I don't care about romance, and now they think Homer Simpson is vanilla in the sack!
 * ["Homer Simpson is vanilla in the sack!" echoes, followed by "vanilla in the sack!" echoing three times]


 * Groundskeeper Willie: Ah, you broke my sniffer. You do love me.

Murder, She Boat

 * Marge: [singing] I'm getting the mail, hallelujah, I'm getting the mail. It's something to do. [stops singing] Hmm. What the Helen Mirren?


 * Marge: Stimulus checks? We were supposed to catch these during the pandemic. Should we spend the money now or wait for the next one?
 * Bart: So what are we gonna blow it on, jet ski or motorbike? Vroom, vroom, vroom!
 * Lisa: [to Marge] Mom, there is something I've always wanted for this family, but it's not a thing, exactly.
 * Bart: Vroom?
 * Lisa: ...but rather, it's an experience. Something we can all treasure and talk about for years to come.
 * Marge: Wow. Well, then maybe we should do it.
 * Bart: [to Marge] Wait, that's the move? Go all sincere and emo? Gross.
 * [Bart walks away from the kitchen]
 * Lisa: There is one small issue. My idea will take finessing with Dad.
 * Marge: Hmm.

Do the Wrong Thing

 * Bart: Students, look to your right, look to your left. These are the people you'll be cheating off of.

Frinkenstein's Monster

 * Barney: I use mine for corn holders.

Lisa Gets an F1

 * Crazy Cat Lady: [the dogs barking] Monster. Monsters all. Ow!
 * Lisa: So he's afraid of germs on toilet seats.

The Tipping Point

 * Bart: Dad, where's my bike?
 * Homer: How would I know? I don't know. You probably lost it.
 * Bart: Dad!
 * Homer: I tipped it! I gave it to my barber because he cleaned up my eyebrows. [Crying hugs Bart] I'm so sorry, Bart! I'm so sorry.

Bart's Brain

 * Marge: Ugh, Bart, stop it! This is enough!
 * Homer: Yeah, this isn't just some little quirk like wearing a fedora or being a Libertarian. You got a disgusting brain in a greasy jar.