The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (or just The SpongeBob Movie and also known as SpongeBob: The Movie or SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie) is a 2004 animated film based on the Nickelodeon television series SpongeBob SquarePants, on November 19, 2004, originally planned as the show's series finale. The film's titular protagonist, as in the TV series, is SpongeBob SquarePants. He and his best friend Patrick Star embark on a journey to save King Neptune's crown and rescue Bikini Bottom from the evil clutches of Sheldon J. Plankton.
 * Directed and written by Stephen Hillenburg.

Dialogue

 * [Seagulls flying across the sky. On a look-out post, a pirate looks through a telescope. He moves upward to get a better look at something. The screen shows the view in the telescope of another pirate on a dinghy with a treasure chest on it]
 * Pirate 1: [first lines] I got it! I got it! I got it!
 * Pirate 2: [squints] Dinghy ahoy. [looks down to tell his friends] Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow!
 * Pirate 3: Dinghy off the port bow!
 * Pirates: [off-screen] Dinghy off the port bow!
 * Pirate 4: Captain, dinghy off the... [slammed in the face by the door]
 * Captain Bart: [walks on deck] Dinghy.
 * [The captain, as he pushes through, signals to his friends to let the pirate in the dinghy onto the ship, along with the chest]
 * Pirate 1: I got it! I got it.
 * Captain Bart: Where is it?
 * Pirate 1: It's right here, captain.
 * [They open the chest as gold light illuminates the captain's face]
 * Captain Bart: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. [excitedly, he holds tickets] Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie!
 * [The pirates cheer]


 * [The movie starts out on Bikini Atoll Island]
 * French Narrator: Ah, the sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So...uhh...wet. [the camera submerges underwater until it stops in front of the Krusty Krab] Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery, the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...
 * Police: [pops up in front of the camera] Back up! Back up! [waves arms to back reporters and citizens up]
 * French Narrator: Hey, wait a minute. What is happening?!
 * [The screen pans out to show the Krusty Krab is surrounded by cops. A red crab chats to news reporters]
 * Mr. Krabs: Please, settle down! We've got a situation in there! I'd rather not discuss 'til me manager gets here!
 * Female Fish: [off-screen] Look, there he is!
 * [A black boat with orange flames drives up. A yellow leg in a black boot with an orange snake on it in the shape of an "S," steps out of the vehicle. With a stern look, a yellow sponge climbs out of the boat. He walks toward the Krusty Krab]
 * SpongeBob: Talk to me, Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, it started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. [SpongeBob blows a bubble] When the customer took a bite, no cheese!! [cries]
 * SpongeBob: [slaps Mr. Krabs' face] Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm goin' in. [inside, a fish sits at a table, looking extremely nervous at his Krabby Patty; enters] Take it easy, my friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. [sets a briefcase down on the table] Everything's gonna be just fine.
 * Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
 * SpongeBob: [opens the briefcase and takes out black gloves, putting them on] Do you got a name?
 * Phil: Phil.
 * SpongeBob: Do you got a family, Phil? [Phil whimpers. Choking over his words, he is unable to speak; snaps his fingers at him in order to get his attention] Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
 * Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children.
 * SpongeBob: [puts on a headset] That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
 * Phil: What?
 * SpongeBob: [with tweezers, he picks a slice of cheese out from his briefcase] Say "cheese". [as he lifts the top bun off, each glimpse shows a close-up of his determined look, the tweezers with the cheese, and Phil watching. Sweat drips down his face. Later, he kicks open the door with his foot. The crowd gasps. He has Phil, who is smiling, in his arms. The cheese on the Krabby Patty sparkles] Order up.
 * [The crowd cheers and lift SpongeBob on their shoulders]
 * Crowd: Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! [blows foghorn from their mouth, leaving SpongeBob confused] Hip! Hip! [does it again] Hip! Hip! [and again]
 * [The scene changes to SpongeBob in his bedroom with his pet snail, Gary. SpongeBob turns off his alarm clock]
 * SpongeBob: Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. [runs over to a calendar] And it's finally gonna come true! Today! Sorry about this, calendar. [tears off the calendar page for the day before to reveal "March 7." On the page, it has a picture of the Krusty Krab 2 with rainbows and hearts around it] Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager.
 * Gary the Snail: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Who's it gonna be, Gary? [chuckles] Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards.
 * [The camera zooms away from SpongeBob and Gary to reveal many "employee of the month" portraits]
 * SpongeBob "Employee of the Month" Awards: SpongeBob SquarePants!
 * SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion!


 * [In another house shaped like an Moai head, a pale turquoise squid, takes a shower while singing. Behind him, using a brush, SpongeBob scrubs his back also while singing]
 * Squidward: [covering himself with a shower curtain] Ah! SpongeBob, what are you doing in here?!
 * SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
 * Squidward: Whatever it is, can't we wait until we get to work?!
 * SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
 * Squidward: What do you want?!
 * SpongeBob: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
 * Squidward: [offscreen; yelling] GET OUT! [angrily kicks SpongeBob out of his house through the bathroom window]
 * SpongeBob: Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony.
 * Patrick: [comes out of his rock, naked] That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. [notices he doesn't have his trunks on] Oops. Hold on. [he closes his rock. Then it opens again, now wearing his shorts] Congratulations, buddy.
 * SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party 'till we're purple!
 * Patrick: I love bein' purple!


 * [Mouse-sized Sheldon J. Plankton watches the interview of the Krusty Krab 2 from a telescope inside the Chum Bucket]
 * Plankton: Curses! It's not fair! Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! [echoes, groans and strains]
 * Karen: [enters the scene] Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
 * Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. [sees the dream of the secret formula] Ohhh... [wipes it out] Oh! Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. [he and Karen head into the lab] I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.
 * Karen: A to Y?
 * Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
 * Karen: What about Z?
 * Plankton: Z?
 * Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
 * Plankton: [looks in the folder drawer] W, X, Y, Z. [grabs the Z folder] Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
 * Karen: [rolls her eyes] Oh, boy.
 * Plankton: [looks at Plan Z folder] Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. [sniffs it] It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! [heads outside] So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. ALL HAIL PLANKT--! [gets stepped on by SpongeBob] Ow!
 * SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!
 * Plankton: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
 * SpongeBob: [notices he stepped on Plankton] Eww! I think I stepped in something. [drags his foot on the ground as if trying to get green stuff off while Plankton screams in pain]
 * Plankton: Not "in something", "on someone", you twit!
 * SpongeBob: Oh. Sorry, Plankton. [peels Plankton off of the sole of his shoe] Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?
 * Plankton: No, I'm not on my way over [mockingly] to the grand opening ceremony. [normal voice] I'm busy on planning to rule the world! [laughs]
 * SpongeBob: [pauses] Well, good luck with that. [runs off again] I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!
 * Plankton: [heads back to the Chum Bucket] Stupid kid.


 * Mrs. Puff: We paid $9 for this?
 * Sandy: I paid 10!


 * Anchovy: Dork?
 * Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
 * Pearl: A goofball?
 * Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no.
 * Yellow-orange fish: A ding-a-ling!
 * Tom: Wingnut!
 * Mabel: A knucklehead McSpazatron!
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's enough!


 * Plankton: [chuckles, flying on his jet-pack] Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. [chuckles again as he flies inside the castle and hides behind a royal fish's foot]
 * [A squire plays his trumpet as King Neptune and his daughter, Princess Mindy, sit down on their thrones. King Neptune bunks the squire's head with his trident to remind him of something]
 * Squire: Oh, right. [clears throat] The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward.
 * [Some guards bring up the crown polisher "prisoner" up as he shakes nervously]
 * King Neptune: So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
 * Prisoner: Y-Y-Yes, b-but-
 * King Neptune: [angrily yells in his face] BUT WHAT!?!?
 * Prisoner: But it's my job, your highness. I-I'm the royal crown polisher.
 * King Neptune: Well...then, I guess I can't execute you. 20 years in the dungeon, it is.
 * Princess Mindy: Daddy! You're free to go.
 * Crown polisher: [touched after she frees him] Bless you, Princess Mindy. [runs away]
 * King Neptune: Mindy! How dare you defy me?!
 * Princess Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?
 * King Neptune: I am the king! I must enforce for the laws of the sea!
 * Princess Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
 * Squire: That would be nice.
 * King Neptune: [bunks the squire again] Squire! Clear the room! I wish to speak to my daughter alone. [everybody else leaves before showing Mindy his crown] What is this, Mindy?
 * Princess Mindy: Your...crown?
 * King Neptune: And what does this crown do?
 * Princess Mindy: Covers your bald spot.
 * King Neptune: It's not bald, it's thinning. [sets the crown down on a stool and looks in a mirror] This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. [Plankton peeks from behind the crown, snickering evilly, preparing to steal it] One day, you will wear this crown.
 * Princess Mindy: [alarmed] I'm gonna be bald!?
 * King Neptune: [realizing] Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, [reaches for his crown, but puts on the stool pillow instead] like your father.
 * Princess Mindy: Uh, Dad? Your "crown"?
 * King Neptune: [notices the pillow on his head] What the-? [looks at the stool, with his crown gone!] MY CROWN!!!! [screams in horror] Someone has stolen the royal crown!
 * Plankton: [flies away with Neptune's crown] I got it! I got it! [laughs]


 * SpongeBob: [seemingly drunk on ice cream] Alright, folks! This next song goes out to my best friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy! It's a little ditty called...
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: WAITER! [pass out]


 * [Krabs is on a ladder with a can of paint and a paint brush]
 * Squidward: $101 for a Krabby Patty?
 * Mr. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
 * King Neptune: [arriving and his squire blows his trumpet] Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
 * Mr. Krabs: I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?
 * King Neptune: NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left 1 damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a fake note that Plankton made to frame him]
 * Mr. Krabs: "I stole your crown. Signed, [eyes widen] EUGENE KRABS"?!
 * King Neptune: Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE! [points his burning trident at Mr. Krabs]
 * Mr. Krabs: B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!
 * Mr. Krabs on answering machine: Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.
 * Clay: [on the answering machine] Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown… [Krabs tries to stop the machine by breaking it but it continues to play, as Neptune boils with rage. Krabs rips the phone from the cord but the phone still works for a brief moment before dying out] ...which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
 * Mr. Krabs: [chuckles nervously, stammering] Eh-heh-heh. Eh, d-don't you just hate wrong numbers...?
 * King Neptune: MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?!?!?!?!?!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * Plankton: [appears on the other end of the phone] Plan Z, I love Plan Z!
 * King Neptune: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PREPARE TO BURN, KRABS!  [lights his trident]
 * Mr. Krabs: Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
 * King Neptune: Very well, then. [extinguishes his trident and turns to the other fishes] Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
 * SpongeBob: [still drunk; burps] I got something to say about Mr... [burps] Krabs!
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time!


 * SpongeBob: I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
 * King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
 * SpongeBob: Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
 * King Neptune: You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit...
 * SpongeBob: Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that noticab- [Neptune takes off the paper bag from his shiny head revealing an insanely blinding glow] -aaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
 * Crowd: Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
 * Fred: [eyes sizzling and burning] MY EYES!
 * King Neptune: [puts the bag back on] Alright, alright.
 * SpongeBob: Uh...King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
 * King Neptune: YOU, go to Shell City?! [his eyes bulge out of his head as he laughs, then goes back to normal] No-one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned! What makes you think you could? You're just a kid.


 * King Neptune: Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But, when your little "champion" fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the wall!
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh?
 * King Neptune: [to SpongeBob] And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.
 * Patrick: [appearing out of nowhere] He can do it in nine!
 * King Neptune: Eight!
 * Patrick: Seven!
 * King Neptune: Six!
 * SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Patrick! [tackle him]
 * King Neptune: Six it is, then.
 * Patrick: [Krabs strangles him] Five...?
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, shush!
 * King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands. [points his trident at Krabs]
 * Mr. Krabs: No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune instantly freezes him]
 * Squidward: Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! [knocks on him 3 times] Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
 * King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
 * Princess Mindy: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!


 * Patrick: [infatuated] She's pretty, SpongeBob.
 * Princess Mindy: [shows SpongeBob and Patrick a bag] Here, take this.
 * SpongeBob: What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]
 * Princess Mindy: It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
 * Patrick: You're hot.
 * Princess Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.


 * Plankton: Ding-a-ling! Hey there, old buddy. Freeze! [laughs] 1 secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. [takes the formula] Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got krabby patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I LOVE ya! [laughs]


 * [SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at a gas station]
 * SpongeBob: Fill 'er up, please.
 * Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard...er ketchup?!
 * [Floyd and Lloyd slap their legs and laugh]
 * Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
 * SpongeBob: No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
 * [Floyd and Lloyd walk up, still laughing]
 * Floyd: Where are you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
 * Patrick: Kids?!
 * SpongeBob: Now, Patrick. For your information, we're not kids, we're men, and we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
 * Floyd and Lloyd: Shell City?!
 * Lloyd: Isn't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
 * SpongeBob: That's right.


 * Perch: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom news. Can I get a minute?
 * Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
 * Perch: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
 * Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend, Eugene Krabs, was frozen by King Neptune... [whimpers] I'm sorry. He confided me a secret wish. "Sell the krabby patties in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out." [fake sobs; takes a bucket helmet out] By the way, act now, and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. [puts it on Perch's head] Here ya go, Perch.
 * Perch: Thanks.


 * Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. HE'S A VICIOUS, COLD-BLOODED PREDATOR!!!!!
 * [Elsewhere, a green fish rides a motorcycle. The word "Dennis", hence his name, is written on the back of his leather vest. A license plate on the back of the motorcycle reads, "I Kill U". His boot reads, "Your Head Here", with an arrow pointing to the sole. Dennis stops at the gas station. He picks up a sesame seed, and takes off his sunglasses, revealing another pair]
 * Dennis: Sesame seed.
 * Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take 10 gallons?
 * [Floyd and Lloyd smack their knees and laugh more. With his shadow looming over them, Dennis stomps over to them and rips off their mouths. Both mouthless gas attendants look at each other as Dennis drives away]


 * Victor: HEY! Who blew this bubble?! [to all his fellow thugs] You all know the rules!
 * Thugs: [in unison] All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
 * Patron Bar.
 * Victor: That's right! So, who blew it?! [from inside the bathroom, SpongeBob and Patrick panic and frantically pop all the bubbles] So, nobody knows?
 * Thug: Maybe it was...
 * Victor: SHUT UP! [throws a chair at a thug]


 * Squidward: So, you're selling krabby patties, eh, Plankton?
 * Plankton: That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
 * Squidward: No! You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
 * Plankton: What's that supposed to mean?
 * Squidward: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown, so Neptune would freeze him, and you could finally get your stubby, little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. [Plankton looks at his hands] It was YOU all along! But you've made one fatal mistake! You've messed with MY paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
 * Plankton: We'll see about that, inspector loose-lips. [laughs, and pushes a button on Karen]
 * Karen: Now, activating helmet brain-control devices.
 * Squidward: Huh?

<hr width=50%>
 * Patrick: [driving] Hey, look, free ice cream! [turns sharp left]
 * SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [runs out through boneyard to get ice cream]
 * Patrick: [to a skull on the ground] How you doing? [suddenly looks alarmed] Wait a minute. Wait a minute! SPONGEBOB!
 * SpongeBob: Yeah?
 * Patrick: [pause] Make mine a chocolate!
 * SpongeBob: OK, gotcha covered.

<hr width=50%>
 * SpongeBob: What kind of old lady are you?! Eww!
 * [A red monstrous frogfish reveals itself from the ground. SpongeBob screams in horror and bites off the old lady's left arm, falls down]
 * Patrick: [catches SpongeBob in the Patty Wagon] Did you get the ice cream?
 * [The frogfish roars]
 * SpongeBob: STEP ON IT, PATRICK!

<hr width=50%>
 * [Elsewhere, Dennis stops at the Thug Tug. Stepping off his motorcycle, he sees soap on one of the footprints from SpongeBob's shoe. He lowers his bandana, revealing his mouth. A scar is on his left cheek]
 * Dennis: Hmm... [blows on the soap as a bubble forms]
 * [An image of SpongeBob and Patrick laughing appear in it]
 * Victor: [offscreen] Hey! [Victor and the other thugs are behind Dennis] You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowin' bubbles. [snaps his fingers]
 * Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by- [not having any time for this, Dennis punches Victor, causing him to fly into the air. Victor screams as he flies into the Thug Tug as the other thugs watch] ...every...able-bodied...patron...in the...bar.
 * [Victor crashlands into the Thug Tug, which tilts back quickly and sinks off over a cliff. Dennis drives away on his motorcycle as the thugs watch him in fear]

<hr width=50%>
 * SpongeBob: Mindy!
 * Patrick: Mindy?! [struggles to put his pants back on]
 * SpongeBob: How much did you hear?
 * Princess Mindy: I heard enough.
 * Patrick: Did you see my underwear?
 * Princess Mindy: No, Patrick.
 * Patrick: Did you want to?
 * Princess Mindy: Look guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
 * SpongeBob: What d'you mean, the only ones left?
 * Princess Mindy: Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. [takes out a magical clam shell, opens it, revealing Bikini Bottom, now being ruled by Plankton] Or should I say...Planktopolis.

<hr width=50%>
 * Princess Mindy: [after making SpongeBob and Patrick into "men"] So now that you're men, can ya make it to Shell City?!
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: HECK, YEAH!
 * Princess Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: HECK, NO!
 * Princess Mindy: And why?
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: BECAUSE WE'RE INVINCIBLE! YEAH![they jump off a cliff] WHOO-HOO!
 * Princess Mindy: [yelling down to them] I NEVER SAID THAT!

<hr width=50%>
 * [While singing "Now That We're Men" after making it to the outskirts of Shell City, SpongeBob and Patrick stop to see Dennis who managed to get there before them and waits for them]
 * Dennis: Finally! [cracks his knuckles] I gotcha right where I want you.
 * SpongeBob: Uh, can I help you with something, sir?
 * Dennis: Name's Dennis, I've been hired to exterminate you.
 * SpongeBob: You're gonna exterminate us? [at a brief pause, SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other for a moment...then laugh, wiping their tears as they calmed down] Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
 * Dennis: You mean, these? [rips off the fake mustaches off of SpongeBob and Patrick's faces. The duo feel their cheeks with wide eyes] I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. [flicks the seaweed]
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp. In slow-motion, the seaweed tumbles in the air. The seaweed lands on the ground as SpongeBob and Patrick look at them with bug-eyes]
 * SpongeBob: They were fake?
 * Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. [lowers his bandana, and as he grits his teeth, a bushy mustache appears on his face]
 * Patrick: Is he a mermaid?
 * Dennis: Alright, enough gap.
 * [As SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear, Dennis looms over them]
 * SpongeBob: What are you gonna do to us?
 * Dennis: Plankton was very specific.
 * SpongeBob: Plankton?!
 * Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on ya.
 * Patrick: Step on us?
 * Dennis: Yeah, that way you'll never find out that he stole the crown! [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other in confusion. With an embarrassed look on his face, Dennis rubs the back of his neck] Uh, perhaps I've said too much.
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick cower in fear as spikes pop out of the soles of Dennis's boots. He lifts one, and looms it over them]
 * Patrick: That's a big boot!
 * Dennis: Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot! [laughs maniacally] I love this job!
 * [As Dennis continues to laugh, an extremely large boot stomps on top of him]
 * Patrick: Bigger boot! [tries to run away]
 * SpongeBob: [stops Patrick] Wait, Pat, this bigger boot saved our lives.
 * Patrick: Yay!
 * Both: Thank you, stranger!
 * [They look up to see a giant scuba diver-like monster, breathing heavily]
 * SpongeBob: Uhh, stranger? [the scuba diver looks down at them with his hands open] IT'S THE CYCLOPS!!!
 * [The duo run off screaming as the Cyclops slowly walks, chasing them]

<hr width=50%>
 * [At Shell City, the Cyclops has put SpongeBob and Patrick in a fish bowl. The duo turn around and see him, then scream as then run wildly as the Cyclops laughs maniacally, and they hit the walls of the glass bowl, then bump into each other as the Cyclops walks off]
 * SpongeBob: What's he gonna do with us? [the Cyclops picks up a toolbox] Oh, no! He's going for his evil instruments of torture! [the Cyclops opens the box and takes out a bottle of glue and a jar, containing googly eyes] Glue? Googly eyes? [whimpering] [the Cyclops hums as he glues some googly eyes on a dead clam] He's making a humorous diorama of... [the Cyclops finishes his diorama] Alexander Clam Bell?! Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knick-knacks! And I think we're next!
 * Patrick: [being grabbed by the Cyclops] You think so?

<hr width=50%>
 * SpongeBob: [as the Cyclops puts him and Patrick on a table under a lamp] The heat is so intense from this lamp, that I can't move.
 * Patrick: Tell me about it.
 * [The Cyclops laughs maniacally. He takes a book and walks to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him]

<hr width=50%>
 * [As the lamp dries SpongeBob and Patrick up completely after they spot King Neptune's crown, leaving a heart-shaped tear, the pirates and crowd sadly watch and sob]
 * Captain Bart: That's the end of SpongeBob. [voice breaking] Come here, you!
 * [As the captain hugs one of the pirates, a parrot flies over and lands on his shoulder]
 * Parrot: [squawking] Shut up and look at the screen!
 * Captain Bart: [looks at the screen with a surprised expression] Argh! The bird's right. Look! It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers!
 * [The heart-shaped tear, due to both of the tears, trembles and come together to form a big tear. It slides down a cord. The tear pokes through the outlet, causing it to spark. The light from the heat lamp turns off, and smoke rises to a sprinkler. More sprinklers spray water around the room. The spraying water brings the dried-up SpongeBob and Patrick back to life as they gasp and breathe in]
 * SpongeBob: Hey, we're alive!
 * [The pirates and crowd cheer]
 * SpongeBob: Let's get that crown!
 * Patrick: Right!
 * [The duo grabs hold of the crown]
 * SpongeBob: On 3, Patrick. Ready? 1, 2, 3! [the crown lifts] Hey, it's lighter that I thought. Whoa!
 * [The Cyclops is actually holding it by the top, causing SpongeBob and Patrick to scream]
 * Cyclops: [pumping a fist] Roar!
 * [Suddenly, the gift shop starts to shake like an earthquake]
 * All: Huh?
 * [Knick-knack seahorses tremble]
 * Cyclops: Huh?
 * [As the modeled creatures begin to tremble and shake, the Cyclops looks around]
 * Patrick: What's happening?!
 * SpongeBob: I don't know! [suddenly surprised] Look!
 * [All around the room, the creatures come to life, each one at a time, even 3 fishes playing Mariachi instruments who play Jarabe Tapatio]
 * Cyclops: [looking around] Huh? What? Huh? [as he watches more creatures come to life, they growl angrily at him. A lobster taps on the back of the Cyclops's helmet, giving his attention. He turns to face it] Huh? [from his point of view, the lobster reveals the glue bottle and jar of googly eyes] Uh-oh. [the lobster squirts glue into the Cyclops's eye, causing him to fall back] Whoa!
 * [As the Cyclops collapses hard on the floor, the creatures leap and fall to attack him. The Mariachi Band fish shrug as if saying "Oh well", then continue playing. The Cyclops is pinned down to the floor as the creatures beat him up. He tries to get up, but more creatures keep him down. SpongeBob and Patrick escape Shell City with the crown on the beach]
 * SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick! Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. [sets the crown aside] Do you still have that bag of winds?
 * Patrick: [shows a lump on his rear] I sure do! [the duo laugh as he takes out the bag] Here you go.
 * SpongeBob: [confused] Umm...
 * Patrick: What?
 * SpongeBob: Nothing, nothing. [takes out the instructions for the bag] Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here: "Step 1: Point the bag away from home."
 * Patrick: [pointing the bag at Shell City] Okay.
 * SpongeBob: "Step 2: Plant your feet firmly on the ground."
 * Patrick: [keeps his feet on the ground] Right.
 * SpongeBob: "Step 3: Remove the string from the bag, releasing the winds."
 * Patrick: Check. [removes the string, the bag zips off]
 * SpongeBob: Well, that seems simple enough. [reads the instructions again while Patrick looks around, searching for the bag] "Point the bag away from home, your feet firmly on the ground, pull the string, releasing the winds." Alright, let's do it for real.
 * Patrick: [spots the bag with bug-eyes] Uh, SpongeBob? [points]
 * [The bag, deflating like a balloon, is blowing away! SpongeBob gasps as he and Patrick chase it]
 * SpongeBob: No, no, stop!
 * Patrick: I was bad! I'm sorry! Please, bag, I'm sorry! I just thought...It was a mistake!
 * [The bag flies up to the sky, then lands in the water. The duo is stranded on the beach, looking sad]
 * SpongeBob: Oh, no! How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
 * [From the distance, a man's voice is heard]
 * Man: I can take you there.
 * [It's David Hasselhoff, wearing red swim-trunks, running in slow-motion, like from his show Baywatch. With his bare feet seen on the camera, he stops near SpongeBob and Patrick who look up at him]
 * SpongeBob: Who are you?
 * David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
 * Both: [joyfully] Hooray!
 * SpongeBob: Um, so where's your boat?
 * Hasselhoff: "Boat?" [laughing]
 * [Later, Hasselhoff swims on the water with SpongeBob, Patrick and the crown on his back]
 * SpongeBob: Go, Hasselhoff!
 * Patrick: Next stop, Bikini Bottom!

<hr width=50%>
 * [Back on the surface, Hasselhoff, with SpongeBob, Patrick and the crown still on his back, zooms across the water like a speedboat. A fisherman startles as he falls off his boat after seeing Hasselhoff. Tilting his head from side to side, Hasselhoff smirks]
 * SpongeBob: Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now!
 * Patrick: [looking over his shoulder] Huh? [points] Unidentified object off the hindquarters.
 * [Something above the sea zooms toward Hasselhoff like another speedboat]
 * SpongeBob: [narrowing his eyes] It looks like... [the speeding figure rises from the water. It's the Cyclops's boot!] Bigger boot. But how? [the boot stops behind Hasselhoff's foot then lifts upright revealing a green smudged smear, resembling Plankton earlier when SpongeBob stepped on him, on the sole. The smear sprouts out arms and legs, then breaks free from the sole. It's Dennis, his clothes now torn, damaged and ragged and his sunglasses broken revealing his eyes. Without his bandana, his mouth is revealed with sharp and pointy teeth as he grins evilly. SpongeBob and Patrick are shocked] AAHH! Dennis!
 * Dennis: Did you miss me?

<hr width=50%>
 * [The squire plays a drum roll, as Neptune stands in front of Krabs ready to burn him. Plankton sunbathes and looks through binoculars]
 * Plankton: This is the best seat in the house. Alright, Neptune, let's get it on! [eats his popcorn]
 * King Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die.
 * Mr. Krabs: [trembles and sweats icicles] Please, I didn't do it! [whimpers]

<hr width=50%>
 * [Back on Hasselhoff's back, SpongeBob and Patrick cower in fear as Dennis looms over them. Silhouetted by the sun, he takes off his broken sunglasses]
 * Dennis: Now, where were we?
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, run!
 * Patrick: No! I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop- [Just as he is grimly about to fight, Dennis sends him flying, and he lands on Hasselhoff's foot] Run, SpongeBob!
 * [SpongeBob screams as he runs under Dennis. From Dennis's point of view, SpongeBob rushes over to Hasselhoff's rear, where he slides down. Dennis stabs it with a dagger]
 * Hasselhoff: Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.
 * [On Hasselhoff's right leg, SpongeBob tries to avoid Dennis]
 * Patrick: SpongeBob, be careful!
 * Dennis: Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.
 * SpongeBob: NEVER!!!!!!!!!! [in slow-motion, he jumps over to the other side of Hasselhoff's left leg] Yeah, I did it!
 * Dennis: [also on the other side] You got guts, kid. [SpongeBob yelps] Too bad I gotta rip 'em outta ya!
 * SpongeBob: [taking out a pile of Goober Dollars] Uh, I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while.
 * Dennis: [takes the dollars] It's gonna take more than 5... [looks at the dollars] What is this?
 * SpongeBob: Uh, that, sir, is 5 Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober... [Dennis grabs him by his throat] I got bubbles. Fun at parties.
 * [Bubbles from the bubble wand sprays into Dennis's eyes]
 * Dennis: My eyes! [as he holds his now-soapy bloodshot eyes, he throws SpongeBob over his shoulder]
 * Patrick: I gotcha, SpongeBob! [catches him]
 * SpongeBob: Thanks, buddy! [Dennis looms his spiked sole over them] Uh, thanks a lot.
 * Dennis: [enraged] That's it! I'm through with messin' around! See ya later, fools! Huh?
 * [As a boat horn honks, Dennis looks over his shoulder. Hasselhoff ducks under a catamaran. Dennis screams. The view cuts to black a bit as he is struck by it. SpongeBob and Patrick look on]
 * Patrick: See ya.

<hr width=50%>
 * [Back on the surface, Hasselhoff stops near Bikini Atoll Island]
 * Hasselhoff: OK, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom is directly below.
 * SpongeBob: But we'll never be able to float down in time!
 * Hasselhoff: Who said anything about floating?
 * [As he stands up, SpongeBob and Patrick cling onto his shoulder]
 * Houston Voice: Initiating launch sequence.
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: What the...?
 * [On Hasselhoff's chest, his pecs become launchers, much to SpongeBob and Patrick's amazement]
 * SpongeBob: Did you see that?
 * Patrick: The control!
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: [as Hasselhoff grabs them and the crown off of his back] Whoa!
 * Hasselhoff: All hands on deck. [places them in his chest, and yells with strength. His pecs begin to squeeze the crown]
 * Houston Voice: 10 seconds to liftoff. 9, 8...
 * [Glimpses show Neptune pointing his firey trident at Krabs, Mindy and Plankton watching, and Hasselhoff gritting his teeth as he continues to squeeze the crown for the liftoff on his pecs]
 * Neptune: Eugene Krabs, the time has come... [lights his trident]
 * Princess Mindy: No.
 * Plankton: Yes!
 * Houston Voice: ...6, 5...
 * Neptune: ...FOR YOU...
 * Mindy: No!
 * Plankton: Yes!
 * Houston Voice: ...3, 2...
 * King Neptune: ...TO FRY!
 * Mindy: NO!!
 * Plankton: YES!!!
 * Houston Voice: ...1.
 * [With a blast, SpongeBob and Patrick scream as they hold onto the crown for dear life as they zoom towards Bikini Bottom]
 * Krabs: [closes his eyes] NO!
 * [The duo crashes through the roof. Just as a ray of light is about to hit Krabs, the crown blocks it. The ray of light blasts up to the surface where Hasselhoff relaxes]
 * Hasselhoff: You've done good, Hasselhoff. You've done... [the ray of light zaps him, but he survives, now cinched] Ow.

<hr width=50%>
 * Mr. Krabs: [opens his eyes] Huh?
 * SpongeBob: Hooray! We made it!
 * Patrick: We made it!
 * [The duo jump in joy as Krabs, still frozen but smiling, joins in]
 * Neptune: My crown! [picks his crown up] My beautiful crown! [kisses it]
 * Mindy: [comes in and hugs the duo] SpongeBob, Patrick? I knew you could do it!
 * [Patrick chuckles, until....]
 * Plankton: [clapping slowly, sarcastically] Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
 * SpongeBob: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
 * Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my UMBRELLA! [yanks lever]
 * SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mindy: Umbrellaaaa...?

<hr width=50%>
 * SpongeBob: Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, and I beat the cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and the brought the crown back!
 * Plankton: Alright, we get the point.
 * SpongeBob: So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
 * Plankton: [coughs] What's goin' on here?
 * SpongeBob: But most of all, I'm...
 * Plankton: Okay, settle down.
 * SpongeBob: I'm...
 * Plankton: Take it easy!
 * SpongeBob: I'm...
 * Plankton: WHAT THE SCALOP?!
 * SpongeBob: [bursts into song] I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! (ROCK!)

<hr width=50%>
 * [SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom]
 * Plankton: MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!
 * Squidward: Ha!
 * Mrs. Puff: Ooh!
 * Sandy: Yee-haw!
 * Gary: Meow.
 * Plankton: His chaps are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! [notices his computer wife crowd surfing] Karen? [Karen laughs as Plankton grits his teeth angrily] Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-
 * [SpongeBob frees him, too]
 * Princess Mindy: [giving the crown to her father] Here you go, Daddy.
 * Plankton: I'd better get out of here. [puts away the headphones and tries to run off, but he's blocked by the freed fish citizens]
 * Sandals: Look! It's the wizard who saved us!
 * Plankton: Out of my way, fools! [then gets trampled by every fish]

<hr width=50%>
 * [Plankton is now completely squashed by the freed citizens]
 * Plankton: Come on, I was just kidding! [an officer scoops him up with a shovel] Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? [the officer puts him into a little truck with the back door labeled "Institution for the Criminally Tiny"] With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? [everyone goes back inside the Krusty Krab 2 as the truck drives off] I'll destroy all of you!

<hr width=50%>
 * [Last lines]
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy! I'm sorry I ever doubted you. [hugs him] That's a mistake I won't make again.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve!
 * Mr. Krabs: And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done 6 days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please! [Squidward comes] I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.
 * Squidward: I couldn't agree more, sir.
 * Harold: Hooray for SpongeBob!
 * [Everyone cheers]
 * SpongeBob: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
 * Squidward: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
 * SpongeBob: [takes the pin] Are you crazy?! I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down. Manager?! This is the greatest day of my life!!! [jumps up happily as the screen freeze-frames and fades out]

<hr width=50%>
 * [In a post-credit scene, the pirates look at each other. The captain talks about Hasselhoff]
 * Captain Bart: [closing lines] You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist.
 * Usher: Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave.
 * [The pirates growl angrily at her]
 * Captain Bart: What? [points his sword at her] Say that again, if you dare.
 * Usher: [pirate accent] You folks have to leave.
 * Captain Bart: [after an awkward pause] Okay.
 * [The captain leads his friends out of the theater while the usher sweeps up popcorn]

Character Voices

 * Tom Kenny — SpongeBob, Narrator, Gary, Clay, Tough Fish #2, Twin #2, Houston Voice
 * Clancy Brown — Mr. Krabs
 * Rodger Bumpass — Squidward, Fish #4
 * Bill Fagerbakke — Patrick Star, Fish #2, Chum Customer, Local Fish
 * Mr. Lawrence — Plankton, Fred, Lloyd
 * Jill Talley — Karen, Old Lady
 * Carolyn Lawrence — Sandy
 * Mary Jo Catlett — Mrs. Puff
 * Jeffrey Tambor — King Neptune
 * Scarlett Johansson — Princess Mindy
 * Alec Baldwin — Dennis
 * Dee Bradley Baker — Man Cop, Phil, Perch Perkins, Waiter, Floyd, Thug, Coughing Fish, Twin #1, Frogfish Monster, Freed Fish, Sandals
 * Sirena Irwin — Reporter, Driver, Ice Cream Lady
 * Lori Alan — Pearl
 * Tom Wilson — Fish #3, Victor
 * Carlos Alazraqui — Squire, Goofy Goober Announcer, Thief
 * Joshua Seth — Prisoner
 * Tim Blaney — Singing Goofy Goober
 * Derek Drymon — Screamer
 * Aaron Springer — Laughing Bubble
 * Stephen Hillenburg — The Parrot

Additional Voices

 * Neil Ross — Voice of the Cyclops
 * Derek Drymon — Voice of the Fisherman

Live-Action Characters

 * David Hasselhoff — Himself
 * Kristopher Logan — Squinty the Pirate
 * D.P. FitzGerald — Bonesy the Pirate
 * Cole McKay — Scruffy the Pirate
 * Dylan Haggerty — Stitches the Pirate
 * Bart McCarthy — Captain Bart the Pirate
 * Henry Kingi — Inky the Pirate
 * Randolph Jones — Tiny the Pirate
 * Paul Zies — Upper Deck the Pirate
 * Gerard Griesbaum — Fingers the Pirate
 * Aaron Hendry — Tangles the Pirate, Cyclops Diver
 * Maxie Santillan — Gummy the Pirate
 * Peter DeYoung — Leatherbeard the Pirate
 * Gino Montesinos — Tango the Pirate
 * John Siciliano — Pokey the Pirate
 * David Stifel — Cookie the Pirate
 * Alex Baker — Martin the Pirate
 * Robin Russell — Sniffy the Pirate
 * Tommy Schooler — Salty the Pirate
 * Ben Wilson — Stovepipe the Pirate
 * José Zelay — Dooby the Pirate
 * Mageina Tovah — Usher
 * Chris Cummins Todd Duffey — Concession Guys
 * Michael Patrick Bell — Fisherman

Teaser Trailer

 * [The teaser trailer starts with the Paramount Pictures logo]
 * Voice: Sonar 4-0, is that sound still out there?
 * [The scene cuts inside a submarine]
 * Man #1: [speaking German] Concact, bearing 60°. Quite faint.
 * Bart Mancuso: What do you got?
 * [Seaman Ronald "Jonesy" Jones holds up his hand]
 * Beaumont: What's going on, Jones?
 * [Jonesy holds his headphones. He hears SpongeBob laughing]
 * Man #2: I can hear…
 * Man #3: What is it?
 * Man #2: Splashes!
 * [The people look up as they hear SpongeBob laugh again]
 * Jonesy: 3,000 yards. Closing, ultimately fast.
 * [Mancuso and his friends look closely to the submarine radar, where a silhouette of SpongeBob appears on the right. Vice Admiral James Greer looks shocked]
 * Greer: Mother of God!
 * [The scene cuts to the bathroom of SpongeBob's house. In the bathtub, SpongeBob plays with his submarine while laughing, wearing a sailor's hat. Gary, with his eyes above the tub's surface, watches him]
 * SpongeBob: Don't you just love playing submarine, Gary?
 * [Gary meows underwater as if to say, "I guess so."]
 * SpongeBob: Prepare to dive!!
 * [As SpongeBob imitates a propeller, he plunges his submarine into the tub. The scene cuts back inside it, where water sprays through the walls! The people try to clog them]
 * Man #4: Move it! Move it! Move it!
 * [The movie's early title appears overblack]
 * Announcer: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.
 * [As the theme song from the show plays, the scene cuts to the bottom of the tub, where SpongeBob's submarine lays on the drain as the tub water goes down. A rubber duck is nearby]
 * Man #5: Captain, sir. Uh, you're never gonna believe this.
 * [The scene cuts back inside the submarine as the show's theme song fades]
 * Jonesy: For a second, I thought I heard…
 * Mancuso: Heard what?
 * Jonesy: I thought I heard singing, sir.
 * [The theme song ends with a pirate laughing as a nose flute was heard. An orange fish with white text reading, "Nickelodeon", swims above red words reading, "Thanksgiving 2004", ending the teaser trailer]