The Very Same Munchhausen

The Very Same Münchhausen (Russian: Тот самый Мюнхгаузен, Tot samyy Myunkhgauzen, alt. translation - That Very Münchhausen) is a 1979 Soviet television movie.
 * Directed by Mark Zakharov. Written by Grigoriy Gorin.

Baron Münchhausen

 * Any love is legal if it is love.


 * I am not afraid to look ridiculous. Not everyone can afford it.


 * Divorce is one of the highest achievements of mankind! It only takes a minute to fall in love. To get a divorce, sometimes you have to live 20 years together. It's been a tough 20 years but I don't regret them! Once upon a time, Socrates told me: "You should marry anyway. If you're lucky to get a good wife — you'll become a happy man. If you get a bad wife - you'll become a philosopher." Can't decide which is better...


 * "I, Baron Munchhausen, an ordinary man..." Sounds like the beginning of a romance song. "I didn't fly to the moon." All right, I didn't. But... If you only knew, my dears, how beautiful moon is... White mountains and red stones at sunset.


 * I wish you would understand at last, that Münchhausen is famous not because he flew to the moon or because he didn't, but because he never lies!


 * A serious face is not yet an indication of intellect. All the stupid things in the world are done with exactly that expression. Smile, gentlemen, smile!

Jacobine von Münchhausen
'''
 * Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Are you trying to ruin our holiday?
 * '''There is no truth at all. The truth is what is currently considered the truth.

The Duke

 * I won't let you drop the waist line to hips. After all, we are the center of Europe. I won't let any Spaniards to dictate terms to us. If you want a detachable sleeve — please. Do you want a pleated skirt with darts? I accept this too. But I will not let you to lower the waistline.


 * Order to Army: general mobilization! Recall all retired to the reserve. Cancel holidays. Form the Guard on the central square. Dress code — summer, full dress. Blue uniforms with gold trim. Sewn in sleeves. Wide lapels. The waist 10 cm lower than in peace time... that is higher.


 * Where is my military uniform?.. What?! Me — in this? Single-breasted?! What, you don't know what's no one is fighting anymore in a single-breasted? What a disgrace! The war is on the doorstep, but we are not ready!


 * Baron, you are a reasonable man. I have always treated you with sympathy. I respected your way of thinking: loose shoulder line, skinny pantaloons. Could you be an example for our youth. It needs it so much.

Burgomaster

 * Being somewhat nervously overexcited, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words: “Free, free everyone!”

Dialogue

 * Baron Münchhausen: The situation was desperate. I had to choose one of two things: to die or to save myself somehow.
 * Hunter: What did you choose?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Guess what.


 * Hunter: Do you claim, a man can pull himself by hair?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Absolutely! A thinking man simply MUST do it from time to time.


 * Pastor: I've already noticed, baron, you've got rare books.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Yes, many of them are autographed.
 * Pastor: It must be so pleasant.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Sophocles for example.
 * Pastor: Who?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Sophocles. This is his best tragedy "Oedipus Rex" with an inscription.
 * Pastor: For whom?
 * Baron Münchhausen: For me, of course. Here: "To dear Karl from his loving Sophocles to be warmly remembered."


 * Baron Münchhausen: She ran away from me two years ago.
 * Pastor: Frankly speaking, Baron, I would have done the same in her shoes.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Therefore I'm going to marry Martha, not you.


 * Pastor: You cannot get married the second time with your wife alive.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Are you proposing to kill her?


 * Baron Münchhausen: But you do allow kings to get a divorce?
 * Pastor: Well... For kings... In exceptional cases. When they need to produce an offspring.
 * Baron Münchhausen: In order to produce an offspring they need to do something else.


 * Baron Münchhausen: And they said he's a smart man!
 * Martha: Well, people can say much more...


 * Theophil (seeing a portrait of Baron): Do you want to hang this daub in the house?
 * Jacobine: What disturbs you about it?
 * Theophil: It maddens me! Let's chop it in pieces!
 * Jacobine: Dare not! He claims it is a work of Rembrandt.
 * Rammkopf: Whom???
 * Jacobine: Rembrandt.
 * Theophil: That's a downright lie.
 * Jacobine: I know but the auctioneers give twenty thousand for it.
 * Rammkopf: Twenty thousand? Then sell it!
 * Jacobine: To sell it would mean to admit this is the truth.


 * Theophilus: Challenge my father to a duel!
 * Rammkopf: Never!
 * Theophilus: But why?
 * Rammkopf: First, he will kill me, and second...
 * Jacobine: The first one is enough.


 * Theophilus: I’m already 19, and I’m just a cornet! And no prospects! I wasn't even allowed to attend the maneuvers!
 * Jacobine: (corrects pronounciation) Ma-neu-vers!
 * Theophilus: I was not allowed to attend the ma-neu-vers! The colonel stated that he generally refused to accept reports from Baron Münchhausen!


 * Rammkopf: (reads Barons' day schedule) "From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.: a feat".
 * Duke: How must we understand this?
 * Jacobine: This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a feat planned. Well, what can you say, Mr. Burgomaster, about a man who every day goes to a heroic deed, as if to work?
 * Burgomaster: I serve too, madam. Every day at nine a.m. I have to go to my magistrate. I won’t say that this is a feat, but in general there is something heroic in it.


 * Theophilus: Be my second!
 * Rammkopf: Never!
 * Theophilus: But why?
 * Rammkopf: First, he'll kill the second too...
 * Burgomaster: Yes.
 * Theophilus: Murderer!!!


 * Rammkopf: This man threw out a wife with a child.
 * Theophil: Who is a child? I am an officer!
 * Rammkopf: He threw out a wife with an officer.


 * Rammkopf: If you've got a lover, enjoy it! Nowadays, everyone has got a lover. But one cannot permit you to marry her. It's immoral!


 * Rammkopf: But it's a fact!
 * Burgomaster: No, this is not a fact.
 * Theophil: This is not a fact?
 * Burgomaster: No, this is not a fact. This is much more than that. It was right that way!


 * Duke's steward: His highness is busy with state affairs of the utmost importance. He is holding an emergency meeting... He's not there at all.


 * The Duke: Well, I don't know how to say... Well, in general... Well, they say, you... Have you declared war on England?
 * Baron Münchhausen: No.
 * The Duke: No?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Not yet. The war will start at 4 o'clock. If England doesn't accept the terms of the ultimatum.
 * The Duke: An ultimatum?
 * Baron Münchhausen: I sent them an ultimatum.
 * The Duke: To whom?
 * Baron Münchhausen: To the King of England and British Parliament members. I suggested to England to stop senseless war against North American colonists and recognize their independence. The ultimatum expires today at 16:00. If my terms are not accepted, I will personally start a war.

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 * The Duke: Well, fine. And it is not necessary to be so tragic, my dear. Look at all this with your usual humor. With humor! After all, Galileo also denied.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Therefore I always loved Giordano Bruno more.
 * Burgomaster: Oh well. Don't complicate. Baron, you can believe secretly.
 * Baron Münchhausen: I can't secretly. I can only openly.

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 * Baron Münchhausen: In Germany, to have the name Müller is the same as to have no name at all.
 * Thomas: You are still joking.
 * Baron Münchhausen: I stopped joking long ago. The doctors forbid that.
 * Thomas: Since when did you start visiting doctors?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Right after the death.
 * Thomas: But they say, humour is healthy. A joke prolongs life.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Not for everyone. It prolongs the life for those who laugh, but shortens it for those who joke.

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 * Thomas: How is Frau Martha?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Everything is fine. The boy was born.
 * Thomas: Well?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Yes.
 * Thomas: Good boy?
 * Baron Münchhausen: 12 kilograms.
 * Thomas: Runs?
 * Baron Münchhausen: For what? Walks.
 * Thomas: Chatting?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Silent.
 * Thomas: Smart boy, will go far. What are you doing?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Nothing. I live. I grow flowers.
 * Thomas: Beautiful ones?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Profitable ones.

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 * Weren't you dead?
 * Baron Münchhausen: I was.

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 * Martha: Good Lord! Why do you people have to kill a person to understand that he is alive?!
 * Jacobine: Well said. But we have no choice. And here is my advice: Don't hurry to become the widow of Baron Münchhausen. This place is still occupied.

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 * Burgomaster: Congratulations Baron!
 * Baron Münchhausen: For what?
 * Burgomaster: On your successful return from the moon.
 * Baron Münchhausen: I wasn't on the moon.
 * Burgomaster: What do you mean, you weren't there, when there is a decision that you were?

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 * Burgomaster: Everything follows the plan: after the overture comes the interrogation. Then the defendant's last words, a salute, general merriment, dancing.
 * Rammkopf: Frau Marta, please, follow the text exactly!

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 * Baron Münchhausen: Say something goodbye to me.
 * Martha: What? What?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Well, say something goodbye.
 * Martha: What to say?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Think! There is always something important for such a moment!
 * Martha: I... I... I'll be waiting for you.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Not that.
 * Martha: I... I love you very much.
 * Baron Münchhausen: Not that!
 * Martha: I'll be faithful to you!
 * Baron Münchhausen: No need.
 * Martha: They put wet gunpowder, Karl! They want to stop you, Karl!
 * Baron Münchhausen: Here! Thank you. Thank you Martha. Let them envy! Who else has such a woman?

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 * Baron Münchhausen: Thomas, go home! Make dinner! When I return, let it be 6 o'clock!
 * Thomas: Six in morning or six in evening?
 * Baron Münchhausen: Six in day.

Cast

 * Oleg Yankovskiy — Baron Münchhausen
 * Inna Churikova — Jacobine von Münchhausen
 * Yelena Koreneva — Martha
 * Igor Kvasha — Burgomaster
 * Aleksandr Abdulov — Heinrich Rammkopf
 * Leonid Yarmolnik — Theophil von Münchhausen
 * Yuriy Katin-Yartsev — Thomas
 * Vladimir Dolinskiy — Pastor
 * Leonid Bronevoy — Duke of Hanover
 * Semyon Farada — Commander-in-Chief
 * Vsevolod Larionov — Judge