The Weekenders

The Weekenders is a Disney animated series about the weekend life of four diverse 12-year-old 7th graders: Tino Tonitini, Lorraine ("Lor") McQuarrie, Carver Descartes, and Petratishkovna ("Tish") Katsufrakis, voiced by veteran cartoon voice-actors: Jason Marsden, Grey DeLisle, Phil LaMarr, and Kath Soucie.

Dialogue
Tino: Tino here. So, we are never gonna decide what to do this weekend. Carver says it's too cold for the beach, Lor says the mall's getting boring, and Tish says all the games at Funville are historically inaccurate...Yes, she really said that.  Carver: Curse you modern day technology, CURSE YOU!!!  [repeated line] Tino: Later days!  Tish: {angrily} That DOES it! I'm going home before I say something I'll regret! Lor: Like what? Tish: Like-you're a bunch of insensitive GUTTERSNIPES! [storms off] Carver: She definitely would have regretted that. Tino: Oh yeah. Lor: Good thing she didn't say it. 

Tish's Mom: I'll leave you to kitch en mai cub. Lor: Urgh, kitchen my cub? Tish: "Kiss and make up".

 [about Tish] Tish's Mom: Tishie your friends here for apel chiz. Tino: [Whispers] That's apologies.

 Tish: Well, maybe I am still "The Brain", even if I did get a B. But I'm also cultured, beautiful, shrewd, loquacious, fleet of foot- Lor: Big of head! Tish: Yes, that too! [giggles] Later days!  [referring to Tish's diva-like behavior following her TV appearance] Carver: I've created a monster! Lor: And not even a cool, Frankenstein-y one. Tini: More like the Creature from the Pain-in-the-Butt Lagoon.  Tish's Mom: Poor little sweet-bean; now that she is famous, she is frog-eating the littlie people. Lor: "Frog-eating" the little people? Tino: "Forgetting" the little people.  [dragged to Scottish games by Lor] Tino: [Thoughts] I don't know what's worse, this or the shoe show... Carver: [Thoughts] I wonder if I'd look good in a kilt. Tish: [Thoughts] I think I sat in some haggis.

 [about Lor] Tino's Mom: Aren't you overreacting? Tino: Mom, she's wearing pink. Tino's Mom: Ooh, that is serious.

 Tish: If I'm a winter, how about this? [Comes out of dressing room dressed in a white faux fur coat that covers all but her face] Tino: Stand absolutely still. Carver: What if it hunts by scent? Tish: Ha, ha. Very funny. Tino: Aah! It's seen us! Run!

 Carver: I am going to be CARP! Tino: Did you say Carp? Carver: That stands for what I want to be. Cool And Radically Popular. Tino: It's a good thing you don't want to be Cool RICH And Popular. Carver: Why?

 [repeated line] Tish's Mom: Is what I say!

 Tino: If you try to make everyone follow your plan, you're really no better than a gym teacher.

 Tish: Maybe you're confusing us with your imaginary friends. [Tino turns to the camera and addresses the audience] Tino: She thinks I have imaginary friends. Ha!

 [about his mother's vegetarian Halloween candy] Tino: That's so healthy, its un-American...

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: On our planet we call that a golf course.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game is it? Carver: No, it's politics.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: You have a point there, Lor. [Frantically checking her chest] Lor: Where?

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: We may not be as interesting as the people on Teen Canyon, but at least we aren't made up characters on T.V... or are we?

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Want me to leave so you can say bad words? Tino's Mom: Yeah, that would be nice...

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Why can't you be one of those nice moms who just say, "That's nice, dear" and leave it at that? Tino's Mom: That's nice, dear. Tino: Well it's a little too late for that now. Tino's Mom: That's nice, dear. Tino: Okay, you can stop that now. Tino's Mom: That's nice, dear. Tino: No talking!

<hr width="50%"/> [Tish is forcing her friends to do a radio play] Carver: I can't work under these conditions! I'll be in my trailer! [Walks into a closet and closes it] Tino: That's my closet, Olivier.

<hr width="50%"/> [a girl who humiliated Carver is waving at him at the beach] Carver: SHE'S WAVING AT ME? Isn't there a law against that? Tino: [Sarcastically] Yeah, it's enforced by the Federal Bureau of Waving.

<hr width="50%"/> [Tino is poking his dinner with a fork, but not eating it] Tino's Mom: It isn't going to bite you. Tino: That works out nicely, because I don't plan to bite IT.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: Do you have a compass in there? Tino: Yup! Carver: Maybe you can use it to find your way back to REALITY!

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: They're coming to get me! Mutant clowns from the Hollow Earth! They're real! It's the clown-pocalypse! Aaah! Carver: I think he's getting better. He's rolling on his own.

<hr width="50%"/> Mrs Duong: Thank you for helping Helpers Helping the Helpless. Your help was very... helpful! And if anyone finds my thesaurus please let me know.

<hr width="50%"/> Tish: Me? JEALOUS? I haven't got a jealous bone in my body! Carver: Do you have any jealous internal organs?

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: Excuse me while I spend the rest of my life in the attic. [Carver walks off] Lor: Wow! That must be a pretty nice attic! Er...what?

<hr width="50%"/> Tish: Lor, don't you think you're being a tad melodramatic? Carver: A tad? More like five tads and sixteen smidgins.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: Ugh, I think my stomach just resigned in protest.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: I think your cooking may have military applications. Tino's Mom: Watch it...

<hr width="50%"/> [Tino is upset because he didn't win a category in the yearbook] Tino: I'm just a fat, ugly, loser. Lor: You're not fat!

<hr width="50%"/> Frances: [dressed as scissors for Halloween] Pointy, pointy.

<hr width="50%"/> [repeated line] Frances: [snickers] I like pointy things... [snickers again]

<hr width="50%"/> Dixon: [playing ball] Try to keep your eye on the ball this time, it won't bite. Tino: It's not so much biting I'm worried about as much as bone-shattering impact.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino's Mom: [Tino refuses to leave his room] He said he won't come out until the city's been cleared of its un-holy clown infestation.

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: Have you seen The World's Funniest Medical Blunders? Carver: I have. Once, this guy swallowed his dentures and when the doctors gave him an x-ray, his kidneys were smiling back at him.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Hello, could you at least knock before you enter my mind?

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: [watching Carver riding Tino's scooter] Huh, you have pretty good posture for someone without a backbone.

<hr width="50%"/> Tish: If you need an idea, use your imagination. Lor: I think I sprained mine.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Can I have a map to that sentence?

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: [Mowing Tino's lawn] Was that a rosebush? Tino: Not anymore.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Tish has lost her dignity. Lor: Look under the sofa cushion. I find all sorts of stuff under there.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: How long have we been here? Lor: Somewhere between an hour... and a hundred thousand years.

<hr width="50%"/> Tish: Don't you want to broaden your minds? Lor: Our minds are already broad enough. Carver: Yeah, I already have trouble finding hats that fit.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: How do you spell handsome? Cherrie: M-e-l G-i-b-s-o-n.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: [Carver is wearing a latex suit and helmet] You look like a roll-on deodorant.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: Interesting. And how did you obtain your data? Tino: I made it up. Carver: I see.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: Those geeks...those geeks.. Those geeks are my friends! Tino: Way to go Carver! Wait, did he just say geeks?

<hr width="50%"/> Tino's Mom: You know, a kite flies on a string, not a stick. Tino: [pause] Wow, I could see your lips moving, but all I heard was "blah, blah blah".

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: It's the crazy, backwards universe. Tino: Where up is down and boy bands play instruments.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: The cliff-dwellers didn't have skateboards! Cliffs plus wheels equals BAD!

<hr width="50%"/> Lor : It's the crazy, backwards universe again. Tino: Where cats chase dogs and sitcoms are funny.

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: If that counts as dancing then it counts as singing when I burp.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Mom, which one of these shirts projects a mysterious, vulnerable, dangerous, lost puppy quality? Tino's Mom: Come here. Let me feel your forehead.

<hr width="50%"/> Tish: I have here plans for a twelve-foot granite pyramid with twenty thousand miniature workers dragging stone blocks. Tino: Uh-huh? And I have *here* cardboard, glue, sticks and paint. Tish: Okay. How about a one-foot pyramid with two miniature workers dragging a sugar cube. Tino: I know you spent a lot of time on those plans, Tish. I'm sorry you had to compromise your artistic vision. Tish: And *I'm* sorry you had to sit on a tube of paint. Tino: Oh great. Looks like I sat on a leprechaun.

<hr width="50%"/> Carver: You guys are toast. Tino: Well you're double toast. Lor: You're triple toast. Tish: You're *French* toast. Tino: *French* toast? Tish: [sighs] It's been a long day.

<hr width="50%"/> Lor: Go fish. Carver: We're playing Crazy Eights.

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: You're going to be combing pudding out of your hair! Carver: You can't comb dreads!

<hr width="50%"/> Tino: Games involve strategy, cunning, and knowledge of the humans psyche. Sports involves me looking like a geek.

<hr width="50%"/> One of Lor's brothers: [literally handing Lor over to Tino, Carver, and Tish] She makes waffles, she says "please", she won't punch anybody. FIX HER!

<hr width="50%/"> Tino's Mom: You know, there's a lesson in this. Tino: Why did I know there would be? Tino's Mom: Sometimes, we think somebody would be perfect if only one thing about them. But when we change that one thing, suddenly they're not that person we knew. Tino: Yeah, OK. Tino's Mom: And before you know it, you're divorced and raising a child all on your own. Tino: This isn't about Lor anymore, is it? Tino's Mom: Lor who?

<hr width="50%"> Tino: So, Carv, imagine the worst thing that can happen if you went back on the radio. Carver: Well, I go in, totally choke really bad, get suspended from school, get kicked out by my parents, hop a freight train out west, get arrested for being a hobo, and end up in a chain gang with a guy named Lenny who calls me George and keeps talking about the rabbits. Tino: OK...you're not allowed to use your imagination anymore.

<hr width="50%"> Carver: I am clearly not fit to be the voice of Bahia Bay. Don't worry, I'm completely content with being the voice of total failure. Lor: You could start with being the voice of mediocrity and work your way down from there. [Tish elbows her in the ribs] What'd I say?

<hr width="50%"> Lor: [to Tish] I'm about to get the "If you can't say something nice" lecture, huh? <hr width="50%"> Carver:' [on the way to sign Tino up for clown school] Don't worry, T., we're all gonna sign up for clown school with you. Lor: [cheering] Clown school! Clown school! Clown school! Tino: Great, my friends will be there to see me get scared and vomit. Lor: [cheering] Vomit! Vomit! Vomit!

<hr width="50%'> Lor: [As the gang celebrates getting yearbook superlatives] I'm gonna have "Most athletic" tattooed to my face! Carver: Oh man, I was gonna do that, only with "best shoes". Lor: Why would you wanna tattoo "best shoes" to my face?

<hr width="50%'> Bluke: Gum from the sidewalk tastes best.

<hr width="50%'> Tino's Mom: You can't force yourself to mature. Tino: Can so. Tino's Mom: Can not. Tino: Can so. Tino's Mom: Can not. Tino: Can so. Tino's Mom: Can not times infinity. Tino: Blast.

<hr width="50%'> [When trying to help Lor study but she cannot stay focused] Tino: Man, her brain has like totally shut down. Tish: I think it's a mechanism evolved by her Scottish ancestors to protect her from bagpipe music.