The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia is a 2009 documentary film chronicling the White family of Boone County, West Virginia.
 * ''Directed by Julien Nitzberg.

A Portrait of America's Last Outlaw Family (taglines)

Bertie Mae White

 * You know what my daddy used to say? What he used to say, 'get too old to cut the mustard, lick the jar.' [laughs] I don't know what he meant by that.
 * I'm 84 years old today. And the computers and the drugs is going to take the world over.
 * I ain't gonna snort no pills. Or am I?

Mamie White

 * My name is Mamie White and I'm the biggest and the meanest and the baddest of all the White family.
 * So now everybody knows all about Mamie White and Jesco White, now by God it's time you learn about the rest of us fuckin' Whites.
 * And there's never another 'nother mother in the world could fill my mother's shoes.
 * I chopped a son-of-a-bitch up and threw him in a goddamn mine shaft, up here in the garbage bag. I got three mine shafts up this holler.
 * I just now bought ten goddamned green beans—what'cha call 'pain killers,' okay? Fuck 'at camera—and I got 'em for eight dollars a piece and I'm gettin' ready to take 'em up the road, and I'm gon' sell 'em for ten dollars a piece and make me two more dollars on each pill. That's called 'hustle, rustle, 'n bustle.' That's how you survive in the country.
 * It's a party, man. A party."
 * Aw, he's going into shock. [points at crying child]
 * We ain't got no pot. It's just a roach-o I lit.
 * Jesco, he started sniffing that gas and lighter fluid and we couldn't do nothin' with him.
 * If Jesco White ain't high on drugs...if he ain't high on alcohol...you can't stand to be 'round him.
 * I know you ain't snortin' no pills. That's not snortin' no pills, Maw.
 * It paralyzed her right arm, and her side of her right face.
 * After tonight, you might not see Mamie again. Then again, you might.
 * I don't give a fuck to go to jail, and I don't care to kill some son-of-a-bitch...anybody that looks at me wrong.
 * I'm hurtin'. Really, in my heart, I am hurtin'. I'm losin' my mom, and that's all the fuck I got.
 * C'mon. I'll take you and cheer you up. You won't have to worry about this shit.
 * I need a Corona. I gotta get the fuck outta here. My nerves is tore up.
 * Now, you see all three of us girls...The biggest, the meanest, and baddest. There you go. Now, you see us now...we look pretty goddamn good, but when we leave this bar we're gonna come in like this [stumbles down the corridor]. Who's gonna fuckin' pack Mamie in?
 * We also raised hogs to get our meat. Any piece of hog you can meat. I'm talkin' 'bout from its fuckin' head to its asshole.
 * ...he was just a disciplined father. And then we all turned out to be fuckin' crinimals [sic].
 * I always carried a pool stick...Always drank a beer in a bottle. I can always break the bottle and shove the neck in your fucking heart... or I can always back you up and get you the fuck out of my face.
 * Hell yeah!
 * Well, you know what...he knows how to beep-beep.
 * I get a goddamned check from the government saying that I'm fuckin' certified crazy.
 * You know we're all gonna die, and we're gonna have to be risen and judged. You go this-a-way and you go this-a-way...if you don't live for the Lord then you're gonna go that way to hell.
 * If you don't wanna serve Him, then, when you die, you're gonna have to pay your consequences like me. I'm gonna burn like the rest, I guess. We all going to hell.
 * [responding to the question, 'At your funeral, what do you want people to do]: Party their balls off. Blow pot in my face and snort pills on my head, and...fuckin' rock and roll, baby!
 * Come into this world with nothin', I guess I'll die with nothin'. But at least the world knows who the fuck we are.
 * Oh, fuck it.

Jesco White

 * It's just strange how everything it happened in our family. It seems like our lives have just been a party and we just live like it's a story.
 * I took the butcher knife and put it up to her neck. I said if you wanna live to see tomorrow, you better start fryin' them eggs a lil' bit better than what you're fryin' em. I'm tired of eatin' sloppy, slimy eggs.
 * And this used to be a grocery store. That's the one I robbed when I went to formin' school when I was younger—on the right side of the road where the church is—and I also robbed it two times and got away.
 * That's right. That's the mark of the beast. Jesus sent Moses to tell 'em. Then when the great flood came, that's the reason he shut the door. Him and the animals. And they couldn't get in. They drownded.
 * This is the greatest birthday party that you'll remember and cherish forever, from our hearts, Maw, to you. This is from our heart to you. For all the love you've give us over the years.
 * We're gonna give you some pickin' and clickin'.
 * I like to get really fucked up, you know? Ripped plumb outta the frame, but I can still control myself. I just like to dance and have a good time, till somebody fucks with me the wrong way, then I'm all to pieces. You know, I can't control it then.
 * It's like the dead killing the dead. [laughs]
 * Turn me on, turn me loose.
 * Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.
 * It'd ate a hole out my brain, and the doctor told my wife when they'd come to get me out of the hospital, mental institution... He said, "I'ma tell ya, his brain cell is eat up like a pile of cigarette ashes," but I don't know which cell it is in my head.
 * I'll make it — All I can say is this cat's a hustler.

Kirk White

 * They tried to charge me with accessory and I told him, I said, 'just go ahead and send my ass to jail 'cause I'm not a snitch.' I wouldn't snitch nobody out.
 * I've been in trouble many times. Fightin', cussin' out the cop, drug charges. I've been so many times I can't count.
 * Now like if you started some shit with me, it would be, I'd like, I'd fight you.
 * I love to fight.
 * Uh-uh, I think six cans of pop is too much. It's hyping you up.
 * I'll just run up into traffic and they can just kill me!
 * When I met Dennis, I liked him 'cause he looked good. Feel me? And, you know, he had it going on; he had a job. And I love 18-wheelers, and he drove an 18-wheeler. And then he ends up screwing my cousin, and then I ends up stabbing his ass. But the night I stabbed him, it was cool, because my grandmaw—y'all know Maw Maw—she cleaned up the blood and hid the knife so there was no evidence, so they couldn't take me to jail.
 * I meant to slit his throat, and that's for real. I meant to kill that motherfucker.
 * I want Dennis to see it 'cause I hate that motherfucker. I mean, I'm a people person and I can get along with the Devil, but I hate that son-of-a-bitch. I hate him.
 * Now I gotta share my medicine [uses prescription bottle to crush pill on hospital nightstand].
 * My favorite verse is Matthew 21:22. And when everything's--you're asking a prayer about believing, you will receive. But you've got to believe it.
 * I believe God is saying...'get your shit together.'
 * I like to fight and I'm a hell of a fighter. I'm not going to give up. I don't give up that easy!
 * I have to admit, if there's a pill laid out there, I'm gonna do it...'cause I know I only got 48 hours to do it in.
 * Can I say one thing? Fuck you, Dennis.
 * I had to pee.
 * Boone County's my downfall. I love it, but if I'm here too long...it just...it's like it's my hole, and it sucks me in...and fucks me up.
 * [talking on the phone] Huh? What's PCP? No I've never done Angel Dust.

Tylor White

 * Tell'em that bastard hit you!
 * If I had a knife I'd slit his damn throat open...or his nuts.
 * I hate Dennis. He's this [shoots birds]. Dennis is this.
 * I hate rehab.
 * Take me to Dennis so I can blow his head off.

Sue Bob White

 * My name is Sue Ann White. I'm the baby girl of Donald Ray and Bertie Mae White. My nickname is Sue Bob. Everybody, I prefer to be called 'Sue Bob,' that's a nickname I have.
 * Well, I used to be a stripper back then when I was 17, 18, 19 years old, and I made the beacoups of money. I'd brang home 'least fifteen to two thousand dollars a night in my boot.
 * I've always been the sexiest one in the family. I've always had comments from thousands of people.
 * Well, when my father passed away everyone just went wild.
 * She's not lookin'. Renee! [honks horn] Hey. Hey Tanner! They took her baby [points at Kirk]. She had her baby. CPS took it. She's cryin'...her.
 * You gotta kill the cow to get that beef or what, buddy? Shit.
 * Don't give me that look, you bitch. I'll smack that frown off your face.
 * Y'all have any mozzarella cheesesticks?

Bo White

 * I used to be wilder than a buck. I used to try a little coke here and there. I've smoked a little crack, you know what I mean. I've tried this and that. My favorite buzz—choice of buzz—is marijuana. I love marijuana; i'm a pothead.
 * One took a bar about that long [indicates length] and 'bout as big around as a quarter and hit the old man. He was in a wheelchair with one leg.
 * It'll all work out. Everything always does.
 * She'll do anything and everything and all she can before she goes outta here...especially pills and stuff.

Derek White

 * I'll tell ya straight up what I like. I prefer a Oxycotton, uh a Lorcet, a Norco, a Vicodin ES, a Percocet 10, a Xanax—especially a Xanny bar.
 * You wanna hear the Boone County mating call? [Shakes bottle of prescription medication] Come and get it baby.
 * I had to hit it again just to watch the blood fly, 'cause it turned me on.
 * Billy called up here and he said, 'I'll bury you beside your cold, dead daddy, you motherfucker.'
 * 15 minutes later, Billy Hastings was laying up there puttin' his face back together. So you tell me who got the better end of that deal.

Mousie

 * Let me show you my no-good, son-of-a-bitchin' husband. His name's Charles; he's a bastard and a cheater.
 * My ass don't stink.
 * I got a lot of things I gotta do this week...contact my husband Charles, discuss our divorce.
 * Well, we're in Lincoln County on Bodger Road, going to pick up Charlie Green, which could be my husband...which is my husband.
 * You don't tell me what to do, bitch!
 * I'm not playing with you two fuckin' retards.
 * You're stuck with ol' Mousie tonight. Mousie's gettin' dick tonight.
 * Come on. We're gettin' ready to take you in the store that we got married in.
 * The pharmacist was a preacher...a pastor, or whatever, and they took us over to the flower department and married us.
 * He thinks he's going home when he gets back to Boone County, but I got news for him, he's not. I'm holding him hostage.
 * No parole. No shit!
 * I don't need no rehab. Jail was my rehab and now it's time to paaaarty!

Brandon Poe White

 * I ended up shooting at the cops from November 21 to the 22nd, at 4:30 that morning when they apprehended me. It was one hell of a night. I just went on a rampage pretty much.
 * It just happened.
 * They say they forgive me, but, you know. I shot dude in the face. And then again, I've been around 'em all my life, so I'm sure they still got love for me, but you know, I terrorized them, pretty much, and I'm sure they hate me for that.
 * My judge likes me. We get along good. I think something's good gonna happen. I think I'm gonna home on an alternative sentence.

Les White

 * Boo Boo Judy! Call the law!
 * Fuck Boone County! And fuck the goddamn law!

Hank III
They are the true rebels of the south.

Randall White

 * They just wanna fuss, fight, and party.

Billy Hastings

 * What you gonna do, Brandon? Shoot me?

Dialogue
[Sue Bob and Kirk are just finding out that Kirk's baby has been taken by Child Protective Services]
 * Kirk: I'll just run up into traffic and they can just kill me!
 * Sue Bob: No, don't do that, Kirk.

[Sue Bob approaches Taco Bell drive-thru window]
 * Sue Bob: Hello?
 * Taco Bell: Sorry about your wait. Go ahead and order whenever you're ready.
 * Sue Bob: Yeah, gimme a quesadilla, the steak and cheese fajita only, with cheese and steak only...
 * Taco Bell: We don't have fajitas
 * Sue Bob: You don't have fiestas?
 * Taco Bell: I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
 * Sue Bob: Why's it on your sign if you don't have it?
 * Taco Bell: Are you talking about Gorditas?
 * Sue Bob: Y'all have mozzarella cheese sticks?
 * Taco Bell: No.
 * Sue Bob: Gimme two tacos--one soft shell, one hard, please. Could you repeat that order back to me?

[Sue Bob and Kirk stop to pick up Kirk's ex-boyfriend on their way to rehab]
 * Sue Bob: Charlie's been in this family for many years.
 * Charlie (Sue Bob's ex): Me and Susan, we've been around the horn.

Taglines

 * A Portrait of America's Last Outlaw Family
 * Guns, Pills, Violence......and Tapdancing

Cast

 * Bertie Mae White — Bertie Mae
 * Jesco White — Jesco
 * Mamie White — Mamie
 * Sue Ann White — Sue Bob
 * Tanya Faye White — Mousie
 * Billy Hastings — Billy Hastings
 * Brandon Poe White — Brandon Poe
 * Bernadine Cook — Bo "Bocephus"
 * Susan Rae "Kirk" White — Kirk
 * Tylor White — Tylor
 * Derek Wayne Castle — Derek "Derky"
 * Poney White — Poney
 * Virginia White — Virginia
 * Jerry White — Jerry
 * Les White - Les
 * Charles Green - Bastard and Cheater
 * Randall White (no relation to the family) - Sheriff's Dept Randall White
 * Annie Mae White - Annie Mae
 * Chris Messner - Chris
 * Shelton Hank Williams III - Hank III
 * Cheyenne Green - Cheyenne