The Wolf of Wall Street (2013 film)

The Wolf of Wall Street is a 2013 film, based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, about his rise to a wealthy stockbroker living the high life and his fall involving drugs, sex and corruption. The film is notorious for its heavy use of profanity, having one of the highest levels of the word “fuck” said in a non-documentary.
 * Directed by Martin Scorsese. Written by Terence Winter, based on Jordan Belfort's memoir of the same name.

Donnie Azoff

 * Oh my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass! Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor's gone? Is it, is it mayhem? Are people looting and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you're here?
 * [urinating on his subpoena] Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you! Fuck you!

Jordan Belfort

 * My name is Jordan Belfort. I'm a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.
 * You want to know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on Wall Street. "Fuck" this, "shit" that, "cunt", "cock", "asshole"; I couldn't believe how these guys talked to each other. I was hooked in seconds. It was like main-lining adrenaline.
 * On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome.
 * The Quaalude, or Lude as it is commonly referred to, was first synthesized in 1951 by an Indian doctor—that's dots, not feathers—as a sedative, and was prescribed to stressed-out housewives with sleep disorders. But, pretty soon, somebody figured out that if you resisted the urge to sleep for just 15 minutes, you got a pretty kick-ass high from it. Didn't take long for people to start abusing Ludes, of course, and in 1982, the U.S. Government "Schedule 1'd" them, along with the rest of the world. Which meant there was only a finite amount of these things left. No shit. You can't even buy them, anymore. You people are all shit out of luck.
 * Let me tell you something. There's no nobility in poverty. I've been a poor man, and I've been a rich man. And I choose rich every fucking time.
 * So you listen to me and you listen well. Are you behind on your credit card bills? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Is your landlord ready to evict you? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend think you're a fucking worthless loser? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich! All you have to do today is pick up that phone and speak the words that I have taught you. And I will make you richer than the most powerful CEO in the United States of fucking America!
 * An IPO is an initial public offering. It's a first time a stock is offered for sale to the general population. Now as the firm taking the company public, we set the initial sales price, then sold those shares right back to our friends. The i- Look, I-I know you're not following what I'm saying anyway, right? That's-that's okay. That doesn't matter. The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fucking not. But we were making more money than we knew what do with.
 * I fucked her brains out... for eleven seconds.
 * This right here is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my home! The show goes on! [quoting from Norma Rae] They're gonna need to send in the National Guard to take me out, 'cause I ain't going nowhere!
 * I clean up my act, I did rehab, I'm a TV personality, I'm sober for two years, and THIS happens. Rugrat goes and gets busted down in Miami, and guess who the fuck with? Saurel. I mean, what are the fucking odds? There had to be 10,000 Swiss bankers in Geneva, and Rugrat gets the one dumb enough to get himself arrested on U.S. soil. Even more fucked, was that he got busted for shit that had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to fucking do with me! Something about laundering drug money through off-shore boat racing and a guy named Rocky Aoki. You know, the founder of Benihana. Benihana? Beni-fucking-hana? BENI-FUCKING-HANA?! WHY?! WHY, WHY, GOD?! Why would You be so cruel as to choose a chain of fucking hibachi restaurants to take me down?!
 * The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.
 * Thank God Aunt Emma didn’t need too much convincing. Turned out the British weren’t too different from the Swiss; money talks and bullshit takes the bus. How do you say “rat hole” in British?

Mark Hanna

 * We don't start dialing at 9:30, because our clients are already answering the phone! 3...2...1...LET'S FUCK!


 * [On the phone with a customer] We don't give two shits about how technology works. All we care about is being fucking RICH.


 * Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. Fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right. You got to feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt. Done.


 * [Seeing the results of Black Monday ] HOLY...FUCKING...SHIT.

Patrick Denham

 * Let me give you a little legal advice: Shut the fuck up!

Dialogue

 * Jordan Belfort: Mr. Hanna, you're able to do drugs during the day and then still function, still do your job?
 * Mark Hanna: How the fuck else are you supposed to do this job? Cocaine and hookers, my friend.


 * Mark Hanna: Get us two Absolut martinis. You know how I like 'em, straight up. In 7 and 1/2 minutes, you will bring us two more, then two more every 5 minutes after that, until one of us passes the fuck out.
 * Hector: Excellent strategy, sir.
 * Jordan: [to the waiter] Oh, I'm good with water for now.
 * Mark Hanna: It's his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.


 * Mark Hanna: The name of the game; move the money from the client's pocket into your pocket.
 * Jordan: Right. But, if you can make your clients money at the same time it's advantageous to everyone, correct?
 * Mark Hanna: No. Number one rule of Wall Street: Nobody - I don't care if you're Warren Buffett or Jimmy Buffett - Nobody knows if the stock's going to go up, down, sideways, or in fucking circles, least of all stockbrokers. It's all a Fugazzi. You know what a Fugazzi is?
 * Jordan: It's, uh... "Fugazi", it's a fake...
 * Mark Hanna: Fugazi, Fugazzi. It's a wazzy, it's a woozy. It's [whistles] fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's Neverlanded. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart. It's not fucking real. Stay with me. We don't create shit. We don't build anything. So if you've got a client who bought stock at 8 and it now sits at 16, and he's all fuckin' happy. He wants to cash in, liquidate, take his fuckin' money and run home. You don't let him do that, because that would make it real. No. What do you do? You get another brilliant idea. A special idea. Another "situation". Another stock, to reinvest his earnings and then some. And he will, every single time, because they're fucking addicted. And then you just keep doing this, again and again and again and again. Meanwhile, he thinks he's getting shit rich, which he is, on paper. But you and me, the brokers, we're taking home cold hard cash via commission, motherfucker!


 * Donnie: How much money you make?
 * Jordan: $70,000 last month.
 * Donnie: Get the fuck outta here!
 * Jordan: Well technically, $72,000 last month.
 * Donnie: You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my job right now and work for you.
 * [later, on the phone]
 * Donnie: Hey Paulie, what's up? No, everything's fine. Hey listen, I quit!


 * Jordan: I heard some stupid shit. I... I didn't even want to bring it up. It's just... stupid.
 * Donnie: Shit with me?
 * Jordan: People say shit... I don't even know. I don't even listen to it half the time.
 * Donnie: What do they say?
 * Jordan: Shit about you and your cousin or something like that. I don't even listen to it. It doesn't even...
 * Donnie: No... it's not like that. It's not like that.
 * Jordan: I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.
 * Donnie: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.
 * Jordan: Is she like, a first cousin?
 * Donnie: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.


 * Max Belfort: What kind of hooker takes credit cards?
 * Donnie: A rich one!


 * Donnie: I got a couple of mil' comin' in like a week. And when it gets in, I'll give you a call and you come pick it up.
 * Brad: You'll give me a call?
 * Donnie: When it gets here, I'll give you a call and you'll come pick it up.
 * Chantalle: Well, we don't fuckin' work for you, man!
 * Donnie: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Okay? Technically, you do work for me.


 * Jordan: [holding his child] Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls?
 * Naomi: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn't even get to touch Mommy for a very, very... very long time.
 * Jordan: Daddy's really sorry about what he said in the other room, he didn't mean any of it!
 * Naomi: Daddy shouldn't waste his time. And from now on... it's gonna be nothing but short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.
 * Jordan: Yeah?
 * Naomi: Yeah... [pushes him away with her legs] But no touching.
 * Jordan Belfort: Oh, gosh.


 * Jordan: Well, you know, when you sail on a boat fit for a Bond villain, sometimes you need to play the part. [Pauses] I think it's time you both get the fuck off my boat. Whaddya say?
 * Denham: You know, Jordan, I'll tell you something. Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust... They're to the manor born. Their fathers are douchebags, just like their fathers before them. But you, you, Jordan, you got this way all on your own.
 * Jordan: Did I?
 * Denham: Good for you, little man.
 * Jordan: Little man? [Laughing] Me, the little man?
 * Denham: Let me tell you something else. Honestly, I'm not bullshitting here, this is one of the nicest boats that I've ever been on. I gotta tell you.
 * Jordan: I bet it is.
 * Denham: And you wanna know what I was just thinking too? The fucking hero I'm gonna be back at the office when the Bureau seizes this fucking boat. Because, I mean, fuckety fuck fuck, Jordan, look at this thing! It's beautiful! And you got the beautiful girls there. It's wonderful.
 * Jordan: [laughing] All right, get the fuck off my boat.
 * Denham: [Getting up to leave] I'm sure we'll be seeing each other real soon.
 * Jordan: I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fuckin' wives. I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime. Hey, you guys wanna take some lobsters for your ride home? [Picks up a pair of lobsters and throws them after the two agents] Fuckin' miserable pricks, I know you can't afford them! Fuckin' cheap fucks!


 * Jordan: You want a beer, pal?
 * Donnie: What are you drinkin'?
 * Jordan: I got this non-alcoholic shit...
 * Donnie: What's that?
 * Jordan: It's like a non-alcoholic beer. It's got no... no alcohol.
 * Donnie: It's a beer?
 * Jordan: Yeah, with no alcohol.
 * Donnie: But, you drink enough and... you drink a lot and it'll get you fucked up?
 * Jordan: No, there's no alcohol. That's the fuckin' point.
 * Donnie: I'm not a scientist; I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I can get you beer if you want fuckin' beer.
 * Jordan: I know, but I don't drink, remember? I don't drink anymore?
 * Donnie: What, you wanna go inside and blow some lines of baking powder, baking soda? Can't imagine ever not enjoying getting fucked up. I love it.
 * Jordan: Yeah...
 * Donnie: How's being sober?
 * Jordan: It fuckin' sucks.
 * Donnie: Boring, right?
 * Jordan: So boring. I'm gonna kill myself.


 * [Jordan throws open a door to the bridge as the yacht is rolling heavily in a storm.]
 * Jordan: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!
 * Beecham: THE JET SKIS JUST WENT OVERBOARD!
 * Jordan: Jesus fuckin' Christ! [Stumbles over to Naomi] Honey, you okay?
 * Beecham: The waves are twenty feet high and building!
 * Jordan: Turn around! Just go the other fuckin' way!
 * Beecham: Can't! We'll get broadsided and tip over!
 * Jordan: I am a master diver, you hear that?! I am a master diver! No one's gonna fucking die! I got you. Just trust me, okay? I love you. Just hold on tight. Donnie. Hold on, baby. Donnie. Donnie!
 * Donnie: What?
 * Jordan: Hold on, baby. [To Donnie] Get the ludes.
 * Donnie: I don't wanna die, Jordan! I've done a lot of bad shit, I'm going to hell, Jordan! Fucked up! I fucked up so bad!
 * Jordan: Get the ludes downstairs.
 * Donnie: What you say?!
 * Jordan: [Leaves Naomi, stumbles over to Donnie and grabs him.] Get the ludes!
 * Donnie: I can't go down there! It's flooded, it's three feet of water down there!
 * Jordan: I WILL NOT DIE SOBER! GET THOSE FUCKIN' LUDES!
 * Donnie: Okay!
 * Jordan: GO!
 * Donnie: Okay!


 * Naomi: I want a divorce.
 * Jordan: What do you mean you want a divorce? What is that supposed to mean, you want a divorce?
 * Naomi: Get off me. I want a divorce. Get off.
 * Jordan: You just made love to me. What the fuck is wrong with you?
 * Naomi: I don't love you anymore, Jordan!
 * Jordan: Oh, you don't love me? You don't love me anymore, huh? Well isn't that just fucking convenient for you. Now that I'm under federal indictment with an electronic bracelet around my ankle, now you decide you don't fucking love me anymore. Is that right?
 * Naomi: No, no.
 * Jordan: What kind of person are you? Tell me.
 * Naomi: You married me.
 * Jordan: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
 * Naomi: Jordan, this is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna take custody of the kids. If you agree to the divorce right now, I will allow visitation. Okay? Don't try to fight it.
 * Jordan: Oh my God.
 * Naomi: It will save us both a lot of money and I got a feeling you're gonna need it.
 * Jordan: You're not taking my kids, sweetheart. You hear me?
 * Naomi: I've already talked to the lawyer. He said even if you don't get convicted I've got a good chance of getting them.
 * Jordan: (angrily) I got news for you. You're not fucking taking my children [Naomi: Yes, I am, Jordan.] you vicious fucking cunt, you!!
 * [Naomi slaps Jordan and he hits her]
 * Jordan: Fuck you! You fucking BITCH! You're not fucking taking my goddamn fucking kids! You hear me? FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING TAKING MY FUCKING KIDS! Fucking whore.
 * [Naomi finds Jordan snorting cocaine]
 * Naomi: Look at yourself, Jordan. Sick! You're a sick man!
 * Jordan: [shouts] Fuck you! I told you you're not taking my fucking kids! You fucking...
 * Naomi: You think I would let my kids near you?! Look at yourself! You know what my lawyer said? My lawyer said that you're going to prison for 20 years, Jordan. Twenty fucking years! You're never gonna see the kids again!
 * Jordan: You don't think I'm gonna see my kids?!
 * Naomi: No! I'm not fucking letting you near my kids!
 * Jordan: YOU DON'T THINK I'M GONNA SEE MY FUCKING KIDS AGAIN, HUH?!
 * [Jordan walks to his daughter's bedroom.]
 * Naomi: [trying to stop Jordan] Don't you fucking touch her!
 * [Jordan punches Naomi in the stomach]
 * Jordan: Don't you fucking touch me!


 * Jordan Belfort: Give me a kiss, sweetheart.
 * Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan.
 * Jordan Belfort: Oh come on, baby. I haven't made love to you in so long.
 * Naomi Lapaglia: No.
 * Jordan Belfort: Please.
 * Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, stop it.


 * [Jordan continues kissing her]
 * Naomi Lapaglia: No! Jordan, stop it!


 * [cuts to Jordan having intercourse with Naomi]
 * Jordan Belfort: I love you so much.
 * Naomi Lapaglia: I fucking hate you, Jordan! Get off me!
 * Jordan Belfort: No, baby. Don't do that. You know how much I love you, right? Stop that sweetie, please?
 * Naomi Lapaglia: [pauses] You wanna fuck me, Jordan? You wanna fuck me? Good. Go at it. Go ahead and fuck me. I want you to fuck me real hard. I want you to fuck me like it's the last fucking time. Come on.
 * Jordan Belfort: Babe, why you doing it like that?
 * Naomi Lapaglia: Because I want you to come for me, baby.
 * Jordan Belfort: Come on, baby.
 * Naomi Lapaglia: Come for me, baby. I want you to come for me like it's the last... fucking... time!
 * Jordan Belfort: Yeah?
 * Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah! Come on, baby. Come for me. Come on, baby.
 * Jordan Belfort: Yeah? Want me to come for you?
 * Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah.


 * [Jordan forcefully finishes]
 * Jordan Belfort: Oh God! Oh!


 * [laughing]
 * Jordan Belfort: Oh baby. That was so fucking great.
 * Naomi Lapaglia: That was the last time.
 * Jordan Belfort: What do you mean, baby?
 * Naomi Lapaglia: I mean that was the last time we ever have sex.

Cast

 * Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort
 * Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff
 * Margot Robbie - Naomi Lapaglia
 * Matthew McConaughey - Mark Hanna
 * Kyle Chandler - Patrick Denham
 * Rob Reiner - Max Belfort
 * Jon Bernthal - Brad Bodnick
 * Jon Favreau - Manny Riskin
 * Jean Dujardin - Jean-Jacques Saurel
 * P. J. Byrne - Nicky "Rugrat" Koskoff
 * Kenneth Choi - Chester Ming
 * Joanna Lumley - Aunt Emma
 * Cristin Milioti - Teresa Petrillo
 * Christine Ebersole - Leah Belfort
 * Shea Whigham - Captain Ted Beecham
 * Katarina Čas - Chantalle Bodnick
 * Brian Sacca - Robbie "Pinhead" Feinberg
 * Henry Zebrowski - Alden "Sea Otter" Kupferberg
 * Ethan Suplee - Toby Welch
 * Barry Rothbart - Peter Diblasio
 * Jake Hoffman - Steve Madden