The World's End (film)

The World's End is a 2013 science fiction comedy directed by Edgar Wright and written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and the third film in what is called the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy with the other two films respectively being Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz, which also star Simon Pegg and Nick Frost with Edgar Wright as the director. The plot revolves around a group of friends who discover an alien invasion during an epic pub crawl in their hometown.

Gary King

 * [Opening narration] Ever had one of those nights that starts out like any other, but ends up being the best night of your life? It was June the 22nd, 1990: our final day of school. There was Oliver Chamberlain, Peter Page, Steven Prince, Andy Knightley, and me. They called me the King...because...my name's Gary King! Ollie was funny, he fancied himself as a bit of player, but really, he was all mouth. We called him "O-Man" because he had a birthmark on his forehead that looked like a 6. Haha He loved it! Pete was the baby of the group. He wasn't the kind of kid we'd usually hang out with, but, he was good for a laugh...and he was absolutely minted! Steve was a pretty cool guy. We jammed together, chased the girls... I think he saw us as rivals! Hmph! Sweet, really. And Andy... Andy was my wingman, the one guy I could rely on to back me up. He loved me, and... I'm not being funny, but, I loved him too. There was nothing we were gonna miss about school! Maybe Mr Shepherd, he was definitely one of the good guys. He used to ask me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him “I just wanted to have a good time”. He thought that was funny. It wasn't meant to be funny - not that night! Newton Haven was our hometown, our playground, our universe. And that night, it was the site of a heroic quest. The aim? To conquer the Golden Mile, twelve pubs along a legendary path of alcoholic indulgence. There was The First Post, The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant, The Two-Headed Dog, The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King's Head, The Hole in the Wall, all before reaching our destiny: The World's End! We took my car into town; I call it The Beast, because she was pretty hairy! And so our journey into manhood began. We were off! We didn't waste any time; we hit pub one, and we hit it hard! There was drinking, there was fun, there was controversy, there were ladies, there were shots, there was drama, and of course, there was drinking! By pub five, we were feeling invincible, and decided to purchase some herbal refreshment from a man we call The Reverend Green. Pint six put O-Man out of commission, so we carried on without him. Good thing; I bumped into his sister in the next pub, we went into the disabled's and I bumped into her again! Sam tagged along for a while, but then I had to let her go; I had another date that night and her name was Amber! Nine pints in, and it was us against the world. Things got mental in The Beehive, so we repaired to the bowls club, or as we liked to call it, the 'Smokehouse' - which is when it all went fuck-up! Everyone got Para(noid) and Pete chucked a whitey, so we had to bench him. In the end, we blew off the last three pubs and headed to the hills. I remember sittin' up there, blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes, seeing the orange glow of a new dawn breaking, and knowing in my heart that life would never feel this good again. And you know what? It never did.
 * [to Bed and Breakfast clerk] Tonight, we will be partaking of a liquid repast, as we wend our way up the Golden Mile, commencing with an inaugural tankard in The First Post, then on to The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant, The Two-Headed Dog, The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King's Head, and The Hole in the Wall for a measure of the same. All before the last bittersweet pint in that most fateful terminus - The World's End. Leave a light on, good lady, for though we may return with a twinkle in our eyes, we will, in truth, be blind - drunk.
 * To "err" is human, so errrr...
 * There's only one Gary King!
 * [reaction to Andrew ordering tap water instead of beer] I don't believe this. A man of your legendary prowess drinking fucking...rain! It's like seeing a lion eating some hummus!
 * [repeated line] They call me The King.

Andrew Knightley

 * How can you tell if you're drunk if you're never sober?
 * [whilst debating what to call the blanks] Nothing suggested in the last three minutes has been better than 'smashy smashy egg man'.
 * [Facing an army of blanks] (Tearing open his Shirt like the Hulk) UUUGHGH!!! I FUCKING HATE THIS TOWN!
 * [repeated line to Gary] It's pointless arguing with you.

Other

 * Sam Chamberlain: [repeated line] Oh crumbs!

Dialogue

 * Gary King: How's um...?
 * Peter Page: Vanessa?
 * Gary King: No, your wife.
 * Peter Page: Vanessa?
 * Gary King: Yeah, how's she?
 * Peter Page: She's good.
 * Gary King: Have you had sex yet?
 * Peter Page: We have two children.
 * Gary King: Ooh, twice! Get you, fuck machine!


 * Gary King: We had ourselves a little idea.
 * Andrew Knightley: Did you now?
 * Gary King: Yeah, we're gonna go back to Newton Haven.
 * Andrew Knightley: Why?
 * Gary King: For some unfinished business.
 * Andrew Knightley: ...That's a joke right?
 * Gary King: Five guys? Twelve Pubs?  Fifty pints?
 * Andrew Knightley: Sixty pints.
 * Gary King: [Laughing] Oh hoo, steady on, you fucking alky!
 * Andrew Knightley: I haven't had a drink for 16 years, Gary.
 * Gary King: You must be thirsty then. We can go back, see the guys, chew the fat, and it will be just like it always was, except this time, we are gonna finish this thing once and for all.
 * Andrew Knightley: You have a very selective memory, Gary.
 * Gary King: Thanks.
 * Andrew Knightley: You remember the Friday nights. I remember the Monday mornings.
 * Gary King: Yeah, that's why we're going back on a Friday! [Makes silly face]
 * Andrew Knightley: Why do you think none of us live in Newton Haven anymore?
 * Gary King: I dunno...
 * Andrew Knightley: Because it is a black hole. It's boring.  It always was, and it always will be!
 * Gary King: It's only boring 'cause we're not there!
 * Andrew Knightley: It's pointless arguing with you.
 * Gary King: Exactly! So come!


 * Gary King: And we're back! Just like the five musketeers!
 * Steven Prince: Three musketeers wasn't it?
 * Peter Page: Four, if you count d'Artagnan.
 * Gary King: Well, nobody knows how many there were, really, do they, Pete? I mean, history is a sketchbook.
 * Oliver Chamberlain: You do know that "The Three Musketeers" was a fiction, right? Written by Alexandre Dumas?
 * Gary King: A lot of people are saying that about the Bible these days.
 * Steven Prince: What, that it was written by Alexandre Dumas?
 * Gary King: Don't be daft, Steve! It was written by Jesus! Anyway, five sounds much better. I think they missed a trick only having three, 'cos if they'd had five, then two could have died, and they'd still have three left!
 * Andrew Knightley: Are we there yet?
 * Gary King: Let's do this!


 * Steven Prince: Wow, you really have a selective memory, don't you?
 * Gary King: Somebody else was saying that!
 * Andrew Knightley: Me.
 * Gary King: No, I would have remembered.


 * Sam Chamberlain: Gary, you are out of your mind!
 * Gary King: What are you talking about, you gave me the sign!
 * Sam Chamberlain: What sign?
 * Gary King: You went to the toilet.
 * Sam Chamberlain: Gary, are you serious? I haven't seen you in twenty years!  You really think I'm going to have sex with you in the ladies toilet?
 * Gary King: Well the disabled's is out of order.

 [after their first encounter with blanks]
 * Oliver Chamberlain: WTF, Gary? WTF?
 * Gary King: What the fuck does "WTF" mean?
 * Peter Page: [Exiting stall] What the fuck??
 * Gary King: Oooh, yeah!


 * Steven Prince: Ten people have entered in this toilet in the last five minutes and not a single one has come back out again. That's going to look suspicious.
 * Gary King: Gay loving!


 * Oliver Chamberlain: Maybe they have selective memories.
 * Gary King: Yeah, like what's-his-name! Me!


 * Steven Prince: We need to be able to differentiate between them, them and us.
 * Peter Page: Yeah, I think the pronouns are really confusing.
 * Gary King: I don't even know what a pronoun is.
 * Oliver Chamberlain: Well, it's a word that can function by itself as a noun which refers to something else in the discourse.
 * Gary King: I don't get it.
 * Andrew Knightley: You just used one.
 * Gary King: Did I?
 * Andrew Knightley: "It", it's a pronoun.
 * Gary King: What is?
 * Andrew Knightley: It!
 * Gary King: Is it?
 * Andrew Knightley: Christ!


 * Sam Chamberlain: Andy, what's happening?
 * Andrew Knightley: Gary thinks we should keep up with the crawl because they know what they're doing, but they don't know that we know what they're doing, and basically no one else has a better idea, so fuck it.


 * Gary King: Jesus, I do something right for a change, and you fuckers get on my case!
 * Andrew Knightley: Wow, that is the first time I've ever heard you admit being wrong!
 * Gary King: I said I did something right!
 * Steven Prince: Yeah, "for a change"!
 * Gary King: So?
 * Andrew Knightley: Meaning the rest of the time, you're wrong?
 * Gary King: Not necessarily. [Everyone groans in annoyance]


 * Gary King: If I'm not me, then how do I know that carved into that beam above your head are the words "King Gary"?
 * Andrew Knightley: [looking into the beam] But it doesn't say "King Gary".
 * Gary King: Yes it does!...Doesn't it?
 * Andrew Knightley: No...it says "King Gay".
 * Gary King: [annoyed] Well...some cunt scrubbed out the "r"!
 * Steven Prince: [laughing] That was me.
 * Gary King: Why?
 * Peter Page: [sniggers] King Gay!


 * [Gary prepares to drink his final beer at the World's End, until Andy knocks it out of his hand]
 * Andrew Knightley: You've had enough!
 * Gary King: This is The World's End, man!
 * Andrew Knightley: I know! [the two fight and Gary falls to the ground]
 * Gary King: Leave me alone, what do you care, anyway?!
 * Andrew Knightley: Of course I fucking care! There is a reason I'm angry at you!
 * Gary King: I know why you're angry at me, okay, but it's not my fault that you crashed that car!
 * Andrew Knightley: That's not the point! You let me down, man. You were Gary King. Gary fucking King! I would have followed you to the end! I fucking have!
 * Gary King: [angry] Well then stop following me! [Gary kicks Andy in the groin and runs for the bar. Andy grabs him and they brawl] It's just one more! Let me have this! You've got everything you want!
 * Andrew Knightley: What are you talking about?!
 * Gary King: You've got your perfect job and your perfect house and your perfect wife!
 * Andrew Knightley: It isn't perfect! She left me, Gary. She took the kids to her mum's three weeks ago. Said I'm not present enough. I am trying to win her back- God knows I am losing- but I will continue to fight, because that is how we survive! For fuck's sake, Gary, I just punched my wedding ring out of a robot's tummy!
 * Gary King: Exactly! You, you fight for what's important!
 * Andrew Knightley: And what is so important about the Golden Mile?!
 * Gary King: IT'S ALL I'VE GOT!
 * [The pair fight on until Andy exposes Gary's wrists and sees they are bandaged, realizing Gary has attempted suicide]
 * Andrew Knightley: You need help, Gary.
 * Gary King: I got help. You know what "help" was? Help was a lot of people sitting in a circle talking about how fuckin' awful things had got. That is not my idea of a good time.
 * Andrew Knightley: And this is?!
 * Gary King: They told me when to go to bed! ME!
 * Andrew Knightley: Gary, mate... How can you tell when you're drunk if you're never sober?
 * Gary King: [angry and upset] I don't want to be sober! It never got better than that night! That was supposed to be the beginning of my life! All that promise and fucking optimism... That feeling like we could take on the whole universe! It was all a big lie. Nothing happened.
 * Andrew Knightley: You don't need to do this, Gary.
 * Gary King: Yeah, I do.


 * Gary King: [after rejecting eternal youth from the Network] There's only one Gary King!
 * The Network: Then you have made your choice, Gary King of the humans!
 * Gary King: Yeah I have! Because, frankly, who the fuck are you to come down here and tell us what to do?!
 * The Network: We are the Network! And we are here for your betterment!  In the last 23 years, have you not marveled as information technology has surged forward?
 * Gary King: No.
 * The Network: Earth has grown smaller, yet greater as connectivity has grown! This is our doing!  And it is just the beginning!
 * Gary King: Ohhh fuck off you big lamp!
 * The Network: You are children, and you require guidance! There is no room for imperfection!
 * Gary King: Hey, Earth isn't perfect, all right? And humans aren't perfect, and guess what?  I ain't perfect!
 * The Network: Therein lies the necessity of this intervention, must the galaxy be subjected to an entire planet of people like you?
 * Andrew Knightley: Whoah, whoah...whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah...who put you in charge, huh? Who are you to criticize anyone?  You may think Gary is a bit of a cock, and he is a bit of a cock, but he's MY cock!
 * Gary King: Oh thanks, mate.
 * The Network: But he is a detriment to himself just as Earth is a detriment to the galaxy!
 * Andrew Knightley: What did you say?
 * The Network: You act out the same cycles of self-destruction again, and again! At this point, your planet is the least civilized in the entire galaxy!
 * Gary King: What did he say?
 * Andrew Knightley: He's saying we're a bunch of fuck-ups!
 * Gary King: HEY! It is our basic human right to be fuck-ups!  This civilization was founded on fuck-ups and you know what?  That makes me proud!
 * Andrew Knightley: Yeah! And me!
 * Gary King: What is it they say? "To err is..."
 * Andrew Knightley: "To err is human."
 * Gary King: "To err is human!" So...errr...!
 * The Network: We do not believe you speak for all humanity! You are but two men!  Two DRUNK men!
 * Steven Prince: [enters from above] THREE drunk men!
 * Gary and Andrew: Stevey-baby! [all laughing]
 * The Network: ENOUGH! ENOUGH, HUMANS!'''
 * Gary King: Oh, you are in trouble now! It's only the fucking three musketeers!
 * The Network: You are revolting against the wisdom of countless solar systems!
 * Gary King: Yeah, we are revolting!
 * Andrew Knightley: Wait, you just said you're not here to conquer! Can I just ask, how many people did you have to replace in Newton Haven?
 * The Network: That is irrelevant.
 * Andrew Knightley: Is it? [to the blank congregation] Hands up!  Who here is human?!
 * Man 1: I'm human.
 * Gary King: One!
 * Man 2: And me.
 * Gary King: That's two!
 * Basil: I am, but I don't know for how long.
 * Gary, Andrew, & Steven: Basil!
 * Basil: Shh! [disappears]
 * Steven Prince: So what's that, three?
 * Andrew Knightley: You had to replace an entire town?
 * The Network: Not the entire town.
 * Gary King: Well everybody apart from old Nutball, and the shifty twins!
 * Steven Prince: That's a good name for a band, Gary, you should write that down!
 * Gary King: I will!
 * Andrew Knightley: What about all the ones you replaced, like Peter and Oliver?
 * Steven Prince: Yeah! What happened to the empties?!
 * Basil: [offscreen] I told you not to ask that!
 * The Network: Redundant vessels are recycled, mulched and converted into fertilizer where upon they are returned to the earth to promote verdancy and growth. It is a highly efficient means of organic renewal!
 * Gary King: Mulched?!
 * The Network: It is a relative few in light of our long-term plan!
 * Steven Prince: You mean a few hundred thousand turned to fucking compost!
 * Andrew Knightley: Well what about the other places? The penetration points! [Gary makes a sex motion with his finger] Are they as successful as Newton Haven?  Because I'm guessing we're not the only glitch in your system!
 * The Network: It is true, the Network has been experiencing some difficulties.
 * Gary King: I think you bit off more than you can chew with Earth, mate!
 * Andrew Knightley: Yeah because we are more belligerent, more stubborn, and more idiotic than you can possibly imagine! I am not just talking about Gary!
 * Gary King: Yeah, there's more than one Gary King!
 * Network: But you said-
 * Gary King: I FUCKING KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SAID!
 * The Network: YOUR RELIANCE ON PROFANITY IS A MEASURE OF YOUR IMMATURITY AS A MAN AND AS A SPECIES!
 * Gary King: Why don't you just get in your rocket and fuck off back to Legoland, you cunts!
 * Steven Prince: Yeah! Stop fucking Starbucking us man!
 * Gary King: Yeah!
 * The Network: It is our duty to challenge you!
 * Gary King: Just leave us to our own devices, you intergalactic arseholes!
 * The Network: You misunderstand!
 * Gary King: Shut up!
 * The Network: We are trying-
 * Gary King: Nobody's listening!!
 * The Network: If you'd only-!
 * Gary King: FACE IT! We are the human race, and we don't like being told what to do!

[pause]
 * The Network: Just what is it you want to do?!
 * Gary King: We wanna be free!
 * Andrew Knightley: Yeah!
 * Gary King: We wanna be free to do what we wanna do!
 * Andrew Knightley: Yeah.
 * Gary King: We wanna get loaded!
 * Steven Prince: Yeah!
 * Gary King: And we wanna have a good time! And that's what we're gonna do!
 * [pause]
 * The Network: It's pointless arguing with you... [Begins shutting down] You will be left to your own devices.
 * Gary King: Really?
 * The Network: Yeah...fuck it. [Shuts down]


 * [Gary and the blanks of his teenage friends prepare for an armed brawl in a bar]
 * Bartender: Who the hell do you think you are?!
 * Gary King: Me? They call me The King! [Charges forward]