Totally Spies!

 is an animated television series that focuses on Alex, Clover and Sam, three teenage girls in Beverly Hills, California, who work as undercover super agents.

A Thing for Musicians [1.1]

 * Clover: So, Sammy, any chance I could borrow your cashmere belly sweater tomorrow?
 * Sam: Sure, that's what best friends are for, Clover.
 * Alex: What about me?
 * Clover: Don't be crazy, Alex. We can't possibly wear Sam's sweater at the same time.

The New Jerry [1.2]

 * Clover: Jerry, you've got to help us...
 * Jerry: [on recording] Sorry, Clover, I can't help you. I'm retired!
 * Clover: Très uncouth! I mean, I don't care if he is retired, this is an emergency!

Get Away [1.3]

 * Alex: Corey, I have a confession! I never surfed anything bigger than a 35 foot wave!
 * Corey: [shouting] OK! Hold on, Alex!
 * Alex: [off-screen] Sammy! Clover! Help!

Stuck in the Middle Ages with You [1.4]

 * Sam: You'd think she'd be over kings by now.
 * Alex: Who knows, Sammy? They say third time's a charm.

Child's Play [1.5]

 * Alex: Sammy, stop! Sammy!
 * Clover: Simon says stop, Sam!

The Fugitives [1.7]

 * Jerry: Girls, it's OK. We realize that you were only trying to clear your names.
 * Clover: Oh, I guess we're lucky you figured it out before you gave us lobotomies.

Abductions [1.8]

 * Clover: [teary-eyed] Oh, Sammy! I'm so sorry I called you a thief and a traitor!
 * Sam: No, no! I'm the one who should be sorry! I never should have accepted the role of Cosette!

Silicon Valley Girls [1.11]

 * CHAD: You've been a bad boy, coach! Time for your punishment!

Queen for a Day [1.12]

 * Sam: I was thinking one of us should pose as Tassara while the other two pose as servants and thwart any kidnapping attempts. What do you think, Clover?
 * Clover: I think it's a great idea, Sammy. And of course, I'll play the role of the Queen. Now that I get to be a REAL queen, a fake real one at least. I could care less about being a dumb high school homecoming queen. Ah, I wonder what my first queenly duty should be.

The Black Widows [1.16]

 * Alex: What are we gonna do, Sammy? Mandy's got those two brainiacs and that yoga guy.


 * Sam: Please do not tell me you're serious.
 * Clover: Of course I'm serious, Sammy! I LOVE cheerleading!

Spy vs. Spy [1.17]

 * Jerry: Can I convince you girls to stay with WOOHP?
 * Pam: Sorry, Jerry. We've had enough WOOHP adventures for one lifetime.


 * Clover: Sammy, tell me again why we're going to some lame seminar while those spy wannabes are stealing our jobs!
 * Alex: Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.

Evil Boyfriend [1.18]

 * Sam: Here's to never letting anything get in the way of our friendship again.
 * Clover: Especially not a boy.
 * Alex: From now on, it's all about togetherness.

Passion Patties [1.21]

 * Clover: Well, after being a large size everything, I decided having a big hat size is no big deal. It's best being happy with whatever size you are.

Soul Collector [1.22]

 * Clover: [as Alex, Clover and Sam are tied up, about to be zapped by an aging ray] We have got to get out of here. I am too young to be old.

Malled [1.23]

 * Security Guard: Nice try, lady. I hereby assign you to 2 weeks on the store’s cleaning crew.
 * Mandy: Cleaning crew?! I have never cleaned anything in my entire life! Can’t I just hire someone to do the cleaning for me?
 * Clover: While you’re cleaning the mall, why don’t you take this opportunity to clean up your act?

Man or Machine [1.26]

 * Emperor: Goodbye, ladies. Goodbye.
 * Clover: OK. A man of few words.
 * Sam: Too few.

A Spy is Born Part II [2.1]

 * Clover: Lumiere thinks he's nimble, Lumiere thinks he's quick, Lumiere just got busted by three tough chicks.

I Want My Mummy [2.2]

 * Clover: [after she stepped onto the black substance] Eww! Tunnel gunk, that's the last time I wear designer boots to the desert!


 * Alex: [as the girls are tied up, being buried in sand] Clover, can you move your hand? The reflection off Mandy's ring is melting my face.
 * Sam: Alex, that's it!
 * Alex: What's it? Melting my face?

Evil Hair Salon [2.3]

 * Alex: She did it! Just like Rumplestiltskin.
 * Sam: Uh, Alex, I think you mean Rapunzel.
 * Alex: Oh.

The Yuck Factor [2.4]

 * Alex: [happily] YES! Sammy, Clover, quick! You've got to help me think of an excuse!


 * Alex: Good idea, Sammy! Let's make a break for it.

Green with N.V. [2.7]

 * Sam: She's putting her sweat into the cologne.
 * Alex: So, it's her sweat that keeps these guys possessed?
 * Clover: That's genius! I mean, that's sick.

I Dude [2.9]

 * Sam: [to the evil beach bunnies trying to restrain her] Let go of me, you silicon-enhanced freaks!

Mommies Dearest [2.10]

 * Clover: This better work or my name is mud.

Matchmaker [2.22]

 * Clover: You won't believe the stunt Chris pulled this time!
 * Sam: Let me guess. He only called you eight times yesterday to say he loved you instead of the standard ten?

Truth or Scare [3.18]

 * Sam: Hey, Alex, you know when I said Jackson John was a little bit kooky? You know, that was no reflection on you, right? Because best friends can have differences of opinion on stuff like that!
 * Alex: Sure, Sammy.
 * Clover: Hey, Alex! You know I wasn't suggesting you were out of touch when I said Jackson John was for old people, right? I mean, just because were best friends doesn't mean we have to agree all the time.
 * Alex: Okay, Clover.


 * Alex: Uh-oh! Clover, Sammy, I just found some trouble.
 * Sam: Hang on, Alex, we're on our way.

Evil Promotion Much? [3.24-26]

 * Sam: Not only would Jerry never cheat, the idea that he would betray his own brother...his twin brother.
 * Jerry: It's the only time I've lied in my entire life, and not a day goes by that I don't regret it.


 * Sam: [after beheading a spy-droid] Not a good time to lose your head.

Arnold the Great [4.10]

 * [Fade-in on the Federal Gold Reserver - 6:49 P.M. Two security guards arrive at the Federal Gold Reserve and hop out of the armored car]
 * Security Guard: This time of night, there's only one question worth askin'. Glazed or cream-filled.
 * [Both guards laugh. The two start to put the bags in the machine, until they realize the armored car is gone]


 * Clover: [to Sam] Too bad Alex didn't come with. She's not as picky as you are about playing by the rules. Mighty Bar?
 * [The chair breaks and Clover falls down]
 * Sam: I think you better switch to the low-carb Mighty Bars.
 * [Clover notices the chair has been chewed up]
 * Clover: Hey, this has been chewed up.
 * Sam: Wait a sec. My souvenir pillow from Niagara Falls is gone.
 * [Clover looks under the side table and finds Sam's pillow, which is already slobbered]
 * Clover: You mean this thing?
 * Sam: Ew! Whatever's going on, it reeks of... [in unison with Clover] Alex!
 * [Alex is spotted, closes the dresser and tries to be innocent]
 * Alex: Hey! Back so soon? How was the game?
 * Sam: Alright, Alex, what's going on?
 * Clover: Chewed up chair legs.
 * Sam: Slobbered up pillow.
 * Alex: Maybe we got attacked by beavers? [Suddenly barking noises are heard inside the dresser, much to Alex's shock, and Alex struggles to act innocent] Boy, am I hungry. Just listen to my stomach. What's for lunch, guys?
 * [Sam opens the dresser drawer, revealing that a white husky puppy named Sparky is inside]
 * Sam: [in unison with Clover, looking at Sparky] Oh!
 * Alex: OK, I'm busted. But what was I supposed to do? Sparky was lost. I had to bring him home.
 * Sam: You can't keep him. Sorry, Alex.
 * [Sparky turns to Alex and looks at her]
 * Alex: [looking at Sparky] Mmm...[holding Sparky] But look at how cozy and fuzzy and cuddly and nuzzly he is.
 * Clover: Think about it, Sam. Having a puppy might seriously broaden certain horizons for us.
 * [Clover fantasizes herself walking Sparky and meeting a cute boy]
 * Sam: This puppy obviously belongs to someone. We gotta return him.
 * [Clover's fantasy is crushed, enraging Clover]
 * Clover: [putting on an enraged face with flames] Thanks for totally killing my fantasy, Sammy!
 * Sam: We'll make some flyers and put them up around the neighborhood.
 * Alex: I guess you're right.
 * [The clock on the radio beeps, saying it's 8:15 A.M.]
 * Clover: Hello! Detention Alert! We're gonna be late for first period if we don't hurry!
 * Sam: Wait. What about Sparky while we're in school?
 * Alex: Uh, I'm sure he'll be fine right here.
 * [Sparky barks]


 * Clover: Oh, quelle surprise? Look who's Student of the Week... again!
 * Sam: Doesn't Mandy ever get tired of buying votes, Clover?
 * Clover: Does a piranha ever get tired of biting toes?


 * Arnold: Hey guys! Hi... Clover. What cha doing?
 * Clover: Take a wild guess, Arnold.
 * Arnold: [slightly embarrassed] Uhh... eating lunch. He heh heh heh.


 * [Making fun of Arnold]
 * Dominique: Don't worry, I'll save you.
 * Caitlin: Not!


 * Mandy: Get away from me! You are useless!
 * Arnold: Aww... I am useless.
 * Sam: Oh, hey, Arnold. Don't listen to her.
 * Clover: Yeah, it's no biggie. Nobody got hurt... except Mandy's pride.
 * [Arnold walks away discouraged and pulls out a comic book]
 * Arnold: I wish I could be more like Admiral Admirable. He always saves the day...
 * [He clenches the comic book in his fist out of anger]


 * Jerry: [pointing to Sparky in Sam's lap] What is that?
 * Alex: [offscreen] It's Sparky.


 * Jerry: [to Sparky, in a game of tug of war with him over the magazine] Ugh. Let go of that. [Sparky growls, then releases the magazine, looking cute. Jerry is holding the now slobbered magazine, sarcastically] Charming. [pushing Sparky aside] Moving on.


 * G.L.A.D.I.S.: Clover, you'll have the laser nailfile. And let's avoid hitting the mayor's car again.


 * Jerry: Good luck, super-spies.
 * [Sparky walks up to Jerry, wagging his tail]
 * Alex: Now, look, Sparky just ate, so he's okay for a few hours, but you'll have to walk him soon. [giving Jerry Sparky's leash] So, here's his leash.
 * Jerry: [confused] Sparky? Walk? Soon? Well, you're not leaving that creature here.
 * Clover: Well, we certainly can't take him with us on the mission.


 * Sam: Arnold, what are you doing here?
 * Arnold: I had the same question for you. Are you guys... Superheroes?
 * [He imagines Sam with water power, Clover with fire power, and Alex with electric power]
 * Alex: That would be super-spies.

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 * Clover: [To Arnold] Sorry, Arnie. Gotta go, we're on a case.
 * Arnold: Hey! Maybe I can join you guys. Admiral Admirable and the Super Spies! Cool, huh?
 * Clover: Cool? Not.
 * Arnold: Well, why not? I've got the outfit!
 * Alex: Forget it Arnold. There's more to being a super-spy than funny clothes!
 * Sam: Look, we gotta trust you not to tell anyone that we're spies, okay. It could put our very lives in danger.
 * Arnold: [putting his head down, discouraged] Fine.

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 * Jerry: [on his back, teaching Sparky how to roll over] Roll over. See, Sparky? Just like Daddy. [groans. Sparky barks. Suddenly, Jerry sees the girls walk in. He pets Sparky] Y-Yes, yes. Very good, Sparky. We'll continue your training later.
 * Sam: Nice trick, Jer. We came as soon as we could.
 * Alex: [gasps, to Sparky] Hey, Sparky.
 * [Sparky runs up to her, barking, wagging his tail]

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 * Alex: [to Sparky] Sparky, stay.
 * [Sparky barks]
 * Jerry: Well, how come you listen to her?

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 * Jerry: [to Sparky, at the park near a tree] Come on now. Just like we did in my office. Heel. [Sparky sniffs the ground. He barks] Ugh! I trained those three girls to be spies. [picking up Sparky] It's only a matter of time before I've trained you too. [Sparky licks Jerry on the nose] Oh, [giggling, cuddling Sparky] who is a good wittle doggy, eh?

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 * Geraldine: [chasing Jerry] I'll get you, my Jerry, and your little dog too!

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 * Clover: How are we gonna stop that thing?
 * Alex: I don't know, but nobody threatens my puppy!

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 * Jerry: [to Sparky, hiding at the side of the fountain with him] Sparky, stay. [Sparky nods]

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 * Geraldine: I'll get you for this Admiral Admirable!
 * Arnold: Not today, Geraldine!

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 * [Sam and Clover are on the couch. Alex is sitting between them, holding Sparky, shedding tears]
 * Clover: Come on, Alex. Cheer up. [petting Sparky] We knew that sooner or later Sparky's owner had to find one of the flyers eventually.
 * Sam: I think Jerry is taking this way harder than Alex is. He could hardly stop crying long enough to wipe out Arnold's memory. [Suddenly, the doorbell rings offscreen] There he is.
 * Clover: Be strong, Alex.
 * [Alex opens the door, sad. Her sadness changes to surprise. Hero is happy]
 * Brad: Hero! How are you doing, boy?
 * [Alex gives Hero back to him]
 * Alex: [to Brad, in love with him] Sparky's name is Hero?
 * Brad: Yeah. I'm Brad. You must be Alex. Thanks for taking such good care of Hero. [blushing, in love with her] You know, I live right in the neighborhood. Anytime you want to walk around the block with him-
 * Alex: How about right now?
 * [Brad and Alex go for a walk together, making Hero happilly wag his tail. Sam and Clover look at them, surprised]
 * Clover: Come on! Let's go find us some stray puppies!
 * Sam: Way ahead of you.
 * [Sam and Clover go to look for stray puppies as the episodes irises-out]

Evil Mascot [5.18]

 * Alex: [to the kitten as the kitten meows in pain] You poor baby. We didn't mean to hurt your fuzzy, little ears with our evil siren. [She turns The Silent Siren Tracking Device off. The kitten stops meowing in pain. Alex laughs, taking the kitten from Sam and cuddling it]

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 * Alex: [to the kitten after the kitten has bitten the Silent Siren Tracking Device in half] You poor baby. [She picks up the kitten] Thanks, kitty. We totally owe you. [She kisses the kitten, making it happy]

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 * Alex: [gasps, remembering the kitten] Speaking of situations that need remedying, there's a little cat that needs a new home now that its owner is being relocated to the W.O.O.H.P. Containment Facility.
 * Jerry: Don't fret. [as a W.O.O.H.P. agent holds the kitten in his arms while the girls go "Ahh"] W.O.O.H.P. will take the cat to W.O.O.A.P.— The World Organization Of Animal Protection. [The kitten meows happily while the girls go "Ahh"] Cheerio. [The kitten meows happily as Jerry drives off to W.O.O.A.P.]

Grabbing the Bully by the Horns [6.6]

 * Jerry: [hiding Oinky in his suit] I wanted it to be a surprise, [as Oinky's head pops out of the suit] but Oinky hasn't learned the art of stealth yet.
 * Alex: [to Oinky, excitedly happy to see him] Oinky! You've come back to me! DREAMS DO COME TRUE! [Oinky runs out of Jerry's suit up to Alex, squealing, who catches him in her arms. They nuzzle each other, happily] Aw!
 * Jerry: [photographing their moment with his phone] Now, there's a sentimental moment for the W.H.O.O.P. photo album.
 * Alex: [to Oinky, cuddling him] Oh, did you miss me? Did you have enough mud to play in? Do you need your little hooves buff?

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 * Alex: [to Sam, about Oinky] But-but-but-but he could find truffles for us. He's cleaner than a dog, and he's SO cute!

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 * Jerry: Good luck, ladies. [as Oinky sits on his desk next to him] I'll take care of Oinky until you return. [He pets Oinky, who oinks]

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 * Alex: [to Oinky] Oink, oink. [Oinky oinks] Oink, oink. [Oinky oinks] Oink, oink, oink. [Oinky oinks] Really? Wow, that's incredible.
 * Clover: [to Alex] Well? What did he say, Alex?
 * Alex: [to Clover] I have no idea, Clover.
 * [Clover faints while Alex pets Oinky]

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 * Alex: [to Mandy, about Oinky, who is wearing a bodyguard uniform] Oinky, is OUR new bodyguard.

Celebrity Swipe! [6.8]

 * Alex: (about Oinky, after he brings them a truffle) I had no idea Oinky's a truffle pig.

Dog Show Showdown [6.11]

 * Jerry: [after summoning the girls and Oinky to headquarters from their penthouse] Hello, ladies. [Oinky oinks, landing on Alex's head] Hello, Oinky.
 * [Oinky oinks, sitting in Alex's lap]

Unsorted

 * Sam: You'll never get away with your crazy scheme. By the way, what is your crazy scheme?

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 * Clover: [after the girls are sucked through the tunnel to headquarters] Jerry, would it kill ya' to send a limo, just once?

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 * Clover: [after destroying a spy-droid's ankles] Someone has to take the fall.

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 * Clover: Since I have sworn off boys, I have tons of free time, Sam. Last night, I completely reorganized my handbag closet.
 * Sam: You have a handbag closet?
 * Clover: I told you, I have tons of free time.

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 * Clover: [as the girls are tangled in seaweed while making a getaway] Now I know what sushi feels like.
 * [the girls get trapped in a net]
 * Clover: And this must be what cooked sushi feels like.
 * Alex: I think they just call that seafood.
 * Clover: Whatever.

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 * Sam: Time to go to Plan B!
 * Clover: Do we even HAVE a Plan B?

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 * Sam: We've got a villain to catch.
 * Clover: Yeah, and we also have one to save.

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 * Jerry: [after summoning the girls to headquarters from a sauna] Sorry to interrupt your conversation just as things were "heating up".
 * Clover: Not funny much.

Cast

 * as Samantha "Sam" Simpson, Amanda "Mandy"
 * as Clover Ewing, Dominique
 * (Seasons 1 and 2) and (Seasons 3–6) as Alexandra "Alex" Casoy, Caitlin
 * (Seasons 1 and 2) and (Seasons 3–6) as Gerald James "Jerry" Lewis
 * as G.L.A.D.I.S. (Seasons 3 and 4)