Tough Guys (1986 film)

Tough Guys is a 1986 comedy film about two elderly gangsters who are released from prison only to find they have trouble fitting in as old men who still take no guff from anyone.
 * Directed by Jeff Kanew. Written by James Cruikshank and James Orr.

They're Out To Teach A New World Some Old Tricks.taglines

Harry Doyle

 * I never met so many stupid people in one day.


 * Shall we rob another empty armored car and start a collection?"

Other

 * Gang Leader: I don't know how old you is, but you ain't getting any older.


 * Leon: [after being in the sewer for days, suddenly sees an exit] Daylight! This must be the way out.

Dialogue

 * Harry: And I ain't going to your funeral!
 * Archie: You ain't invited!


 * Leon: I'll shoot a hundred of those coppers!
 * Harry: There's only 50 of them, Leon.
 * Leon: Well... I'll shoot them all twice!


 * Belle: I warn you, I know karate!
 * Leon: [points his shotgun at her] I warn "you", I know Winchester!


 * [Archie had just landed a job at Penguin's]
 * Archie: What'll it be, sport?
 * Yogurt boy: Let me have strawberry yogurt. No, chocolate. No... Strawberry!
 * Archie: Look, kid... Just take your time, okay? Let me know when you've made up your mind.
 * Yogurt boy: I've already made up my mind.
 * Archie: So do you want chocolate or strawberry?
 * Yogurt boy: Neither. I want amarillo.
 * [Archie starts to get it for him]
 * Yogurt boy: Hey, that's GELLOTTI! I asked for YOGURT!
 * Archie: [peering at it] I don't see any difference.
 * Yogurt boy: GELLOTTI is made out of CREAM! YOGURT is made out of BACTERIA CULTURE! Where were you raised, in a cave?
 * Archie: All right, all right...
 * [gets the yogurt for him]
 * Archie: ... What, did I leave something out?
 * Yogurt boy: What about my toppings? You're supposed to ask me what kind of toppings I want.
 * Archie: Okay... What kind of toppings do you want?
 * Yogurt boy: Do you have peanut butter M&M's?
 * [Archie starts to put those on the yogurt]
 * Yogurt boy: Hey, what are you doing? I didn't say I WANTED M&M's! I just asked if you HAD them!
 * Archie: Yeah, we got them.
 * Yogurt boy: Well, I don't want them! Do you have OREO pieces?
 * Archie: [holding those up] You want them?
 * Yogurt boy: That's why I asked. And walnuts... NOT peanuts, WALNUTS. And jellybeans... NOT M&M's; I HATE M&M's... JELLYBEANS. And almond slices instead of walnuts.
 * [the sweating Archie brings him the completed yogurt]
 * Yogurt boy: Forget it; I'll just have it plain.
 * Archie: [forcing himself not to faint, Archies scrapes everyting off the yogurt] You sure you still want it?
 * Yogurt boy: Of course I do! What do you think I came in here for?
 * [Archie throws the yogurt in the boy's face]
 * Archie: [smiling] You got it, kid. That'll be a $1.60, please.


 * Leon: How can you live in a hell hole like this? If I lived in a place like this, I'd kill myself in an hour.
 * Belle: You've been here 45 minutes.


 * Leon: [a gang leaves their boombox behind] Hey, pissant! You forgot your jukebox!
 * [blasts the boombox with a shotgun]
 * Leon: I hate noise pollution!


 * Jimmy: [shouts across the diner] Hey, Vince!
 * Vince: [annoyed] What?
 * Jimmy: Where's Philly?
 * Vince: Pennsylvania!
 * Jimmy: No, no! Not "that" Philly! Philly the Mouse! Harry and Archie need him for a stick-up!


 * Derek: Our colors are cherry, peach, lime, olive, and avocado.
 * Archie: I don't want to eat the suit, I just want to wear it.

Taglines

 * They're Out To Teach A New World Some Old Tricks.
 * Friends for years. Legends for life. Tough guys forever.

Cast

 * Burt Lancaster - Harry Doyle
 * Kirk Douglas - Archie Long
 * Charles Durning - Deke Yablonski
 * Alexis Smith - Belle
 * Dana Carvey - Richie Evans
 * Darlanne Fluegel - Skye
 * Eli Wallach - Leon B. Little
 * Monty Ash - Vince
 * Billy Barty - Philly
 * Simmy Bow - Schultz
 * Darlene Conley as Gladys Ripps
 * Nathan Davis - Jimmy Ellis
 * Grant Aleksander - Bartender at "Mickey's Bar," the gay bar