Two and a Half Men (season 12)


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Two and a Half Men (2003–2015) is a TV series original centered around a hip single bachelor whose lifestyle is interrupted when his newly separated brother and his son move in.

Of Course He's Dead [12.15/16]

 * Walden: You don't have the death certificate, do you?
 * Alan: No, but I'm sure my mom does.
 * Walden: How are you gonna get it from her without telling her about the money?
 * Alan: Uh, remember four years ago, how I told you I'd only be here a few days? I think I can figure it out.
 * Walden: [looking at audience] I can't wait for this to be over.


 * Charlie: [in a text to Walden] You despicable troll. You thought you could replace my ninja awesomeness, you lame clown. I will deploy army of assassins to destroy you, I will bring my bayonets of truth to the hexagon of death where I will carve my initials into your reptilian skull and cover you in tiger's blood.


 * Walden: This guy has some serious rage issues.
 * Police Lieutenant: Has he tried anger management?
 * Walden: Yeah, but it didn’t work.


 * Walden: I’m not letting Charlie drive me out of this house. I reward his bad behavior.
 * Alan: Yeah, that’s only supposed to happen in show business.


 * Walden: Wow, look at that.
 * Berta: Someone's having a piano delivered by helicopter.
 * Alan: That's the kind of extravagant thing Charlie would do. He had a baby grand just like that.
 * Walden: It's coming right this way. You don't think...that it's possible that the cops got the wrong guy, do you?
 * Alan and Berta: [after a thought] Nah!
 * [Charlie, seen from behind, walks up to the front door and rings the doorbell. He is immediately crushed by the piano. Pull back to Chuck Lorre, sitting in the director's chair]
 * Chuck Lorre: [turning to audience] Winning.
 * [He is crushed by another piano, last lines in the series]