Upright Citizens Brigade (TV series)

Upright Citizens Brigade is an American sketch comedy television series that premiered on August 19, 1998 on Comedy Central.


 * Realtor: This is the Hot Chicks Room. The breakfast table's just over this way...
 * Wife: Excuse me? What was that room again?
 * Realtor: Oh, this is the Hot Chicks Room. It's filled with assorted hot chicks, who party in here 24 hours a day. But you'd be more interested in the kitchen...
 * Wife: You know what? We're not going to need a sexy chicks room.
 * Realtor: Well, actually it's a Hot Chicks Room.
 * Wife: Well, whatever it is, we don't need it.
 * Husband: You said the same thing about the microwave, and we use that darned thing all the time.
 * Husband: So, a Hot Chicks Room, huh?
 * Realtor: Yes. The previous owner installed the room in the 80's, and I'll be honest with you, some of the chicks aren't all that hot anymore. However, they are replaceable.
 * (lull)
 * Realtor: So, you have children? Wonderful.  My parents had children as well.


 * "Man, I'm just so tired of all these Star Wars..."
 * "The Power of Spitty Slurpy is all around us!"
 * "We'd rather have a gun in the outfield, than under a mattress where a child could get to it."
 * -Joe Auxillary, UCB Director of Health Services


 * “This is a urinal cake, not a real cake.”


 * “I made this bong out of a dildo I found. Its name is bonga-longa-dingdong”


 * "Well, Sgt. This whole operation is FUBAR!"


 * I paid the psychotonimists over $4,000 because they promised me they could cure me of being white. And after they brainwashed me into believing I was an African-American I moved to the ghetto and upon greeting my first African-American brother he beat me mercilessly. And all I said was, "Hey, my nigger."


 * "They didn't even get the lyrics to 'Screwing Cats Doggie Style'!"


 * "Humans rule, dolphins can suck it!"


 * "Captain Lunatic: I didn't fight a secret war in Nicaragua so you could walk the streets of freedom, badmouthing Lady America in your damn mirrored sunglasses!"