User:BamFan93~enwikiquote

Fred

 * "Now, did you ever think you'd see a girl staring at you through a window with parsley on top of her head?"


 * "Stop scrumfumbling through your things!"


 * "There's a fine line between heartache and heartburn."


 * "Jack Nicholson ate my father."


 * "Knowledge of the lack of cooties is the downfall of our society."


 * "I bet you at a connect the dots game at a restaurant he just made scribbles because he couldn't see the correlation."
 * --On the topic of Tater Tots.


 * "Your mother helped me to ask and stay settle things. Wait."


 * (after moving a ring around an empty desk) "CHECKMATE!"


 * "I swear to god, you had six toes for a second."

E.C.

 * "I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE HOLE!!!"


 * "That was great, I mean, you had your hands out, but it's volleyball, not Kung Fu."
 * -After Fred lifted her leg in an attempt to hit a volleyball.

Geometry

 * "Please stop laughing. Math is not fun."


 * "Wow, the sun does shine on a dog's butt every once in a while."
 * Class: lolwut


 * "I hope that peanut butter bar he's eating has salmonella." - Beta


 * Girl: "It smells like eggs over here."
 * Teacher: "Then you should shower."


 * Girl: "How do you do number 13?"
 * Teacher: "Very carefully."


 * Teacher: "What's the answer to 14?"
 * Fred: "It's the square root of no one gives a shit divided by--"
 * Hopkins (not listening to Fred): "Shove it up your ass!"
 * Fred: "Exactly."


 * Ebrahimi: "P.M.S. - Pissy Man Syndrome."


 * Teacher: "Now, how do you graph a point?"
 * Student: "With a graph."

Misc.

 * "But what if I crunched in your ear and you went deaf?" - Moe


 * "Walmart's balls popped during 30 seconds of silence!!" - Kathy


 * "People have to realize that getting close to people and losing them isn't the end of the world. And they're going to waste their life being distant from everybody just to avoid getting hurt but they're also avoiding the good parts of getting close to someone, that in itself is worth the pain. You remember how it hurt, but you spend more time thinking about all the happy times it brought you. Life is about risks, if you don't take them then you're not really living, just existing." - Ashley


 * Moe's brother: "Excuse me sir, do you have any grey poupon?"


 * "Truth and honesty aren't the same thing. They just aren't. You could be 100% honest about something and still be wrong. But then again, the truth could be wrong too. Maybe it depends on the person. Truth, happiness, and honesty are strangers who run into each other in the street and become friends because they understand each other. You can't be truly happy in a lie." - A. Hauser


 * Waldman: "You can stand on your head and spit wooden nickles!"
 * Class: lolwut


 * "Penis doesn't rhyme with funny OR bunny, Haleigh." - R. Carmer


 * Eisen: "Please don't try to make alcohol out of a Twinkie..."

Hopkins

 * "My thighs are like mutated babies."


 * "Fuck you! I'm cinderella!"

Fred's Dad

 * *in opera voice* "I'VE GOT A BAG FULL OF TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"


 * "I am the tree zombie of Nim Nim."


 * "What are you liffing at?"


 * (while enjoying a Squishee [simpson's promo]) "Hey, mom, wanna suck my Squishee?"


 * "Excuse me sir, does your shih tzu stink?"

Dialogue

 * Fred: "How come the bad people never get shot?"
 * Fred's Mom: "Because they're the ones doing the shooting."


 * Beta: "It's in Colorado Springs."
 * Fred: "Oh. Where's that?"
 * Beta: "...Colorado."
 * Fred: "...........I knew that."


 * (Sex-Ed Permission slip)
 * Fred's Dad: "And, what's the alternative if I check 'No'?"
 * Fred: "One-on-one experience."
 * Fred's Dad: 0_o
 * Fred's Mom: XD


 * Fred's Dad: (Impression of Marvin Martian:) "I'm going to blow up the Earth. It obstructs my view of Venus."
 * Fred: "Your view of your what?"


 * Reder:"Where did all of my things go!?!?"
 * Fred: "To the fiery depths of hell, do you want to join them?"


 * Bob: "You spit soda on my backpack, too?!"
 * Fred: "Yeah, but obviously your leg is more important than your backpack."
 * Bob: "But I have to have my backpack for the next three years!"
 * Fred: "You have to have your leg the rest of your life."
 * Bob: "How do you know?"
 * Fred: "So you're saying you'd rather have a backpack under your thigh?"
 * Bob: "Maybe."


 * Fred: I wouldn't care what religion the president was, as long as it didn't 'guide his every decision'.
 * Kelly:...I don't care, either...
 * Kelly: ...as long as they're not Muslim.
 * Kelly: >_>
 * Fred: Hah. Nice.
 * Kelly: ...or Mexican. <_<
 * Kelly: AND I KNOW ITS NOT A RELIGION
 * Fred:	XD
 * Kelly: ITS A NEW TOPIC
 * Fred:	"What religion are you? " "I'm Mexican."  "....wtf?"
 * Kelly: "What religion are you?"
 * Kelly: "Uh...que?"
 * Kelly: "RELIGION."
 * Kelly: "Um....Espanol?"
 * Kelly: "RELIGION."
 * Kelly: "Oh, oh, oh...Mexican?"


 * +*Fred's grandma and Fred are watching TV*
 * Fred's grandma (who is about 80): "Boy she can sure shake it!"
 * Fred: "...0_o"


 * Fred's grandma: "Boy this hamburger is big!"
 * Fred's Dad: "Your chest has something on it."
 * Fred's grandma: *continuing her previous convo* "And it's juicy, too!"
 * +*everyone laughs*


 * Fred's Mom: *after noticing half the box of soda gone in two days* "You need to start drinking more water."
 * Fred: *in an unassuring tone* "Sure ok."
 * Fred's Mom: "Gosh, do you even know what water is?"
 * Fred: "Yes. It's uncarbonated, unflavored soda."


 * N-KPEN: "OMSTD"
 * Fred: "Oh my sexually transmitted disease?"
 * N-KPEN: "Yes."


 * Beta: "Boys are silly."
 * Fred: "Mhm. But some are damn adorable."
 * Beta: "Amen sista!"


 * +*lights dim in Cheesecake Factory*
 * Mom: "Is it getting darker in here?"
 * Me: "It's mooooood lighting."
 * Dad: "Everybody keep your pants on."


 * (About pop top necklace)
 * Dad: "It looks like we're too poor to buy you a real necklace."
 * Mom: "It looks like you're going steady with an alcoholic."


 * Moe: "Vikings are stalking us."
 * Bob: "Chihuahuas are fishes."
 * Fred: "Picklewitch John Hansen."


 * "Are you two sisterrrrrrrrs?"-Angel
 * "No, we're lovers." -Fred
 * "That's hot." -Angel
 * -Later-
 * "Tell him!"-Angel
 * "Hey Cai, did you know Becky and I are lovers?" -Fred
 * "That's hot." -Cai
 * +*lol* -Beta/Fred

Favorite Famous ones

 * "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" -Ronald Reagan


 * "It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." -Douglas Adams


 * "I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: 'Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.'" -Douglas Adams


 * "If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. ...Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names of state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of non-combustible data, chock them so damned full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change. Don't give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with. That way lies melancholy." -Fahrenheit 451 [This is my favorite quote ever.]


 * "Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace." -Stephen Colbert


 * "You can't put a porcupine in a barn, light it on fire, and expect to make licorice!" -Dana Carvey