User:DarkDormitoryBelt

User:DarkDormitoryBelt is an Internet User on the Wikipedia Wiki, famous for having just been born right now and having done no edits yet.

''Directed by Wikipedia. Written by User:DarkDormitoryBelt.''

(FRIDGE VIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUS!Taglines)

(Opening lines) (cut to his infant 6 year old son Max, watching it all in his pyjamas) (Slams his son's closet door wide open, and a dead eyeless angel stumbles and falls dead on the floor, its wings furling) (Max gasps in horror)
 * Dwight Canadian: Now listen closely to me now my son. The world, it is a crap place. I'm not going to lie, though, that shit's (holding up a Twinkie) pretty awesome. But the rest of the world fucking sucks. Now, son, take a break, and do not believe in angels, or any other higher power. There is no higher power on this planet, and there never will be, and there will never shall be.
 * Max: (mouth quivers) But Dad, I wanted a new box of Maltesers... boohooooooooo!
 * Dwight: Oh did the little baby wake up worried and think I was telling the truth? OF COURSE there are angels! Like the dead one in your closet!
 * Max: (sobs hysterically)
 * Dwight: LISTEN TO ME NOW MOTHERFUCKER. In my house, you do not, as a fucking rule, believe in the supernatural, you understand! It all stems from when my mentally ill grandmother began speaking to the voices in her head. I sit on your bed with my sleeves rolled up. So, son, what I am telling you is that I swore, I swore, (sympathetic music plays) that I would never listen to such bullshit. SO I AM GOING TO BURN YOUR BIBLE! YEAH! And to prove that no fucking supernatural crap exists on this planet, let me prove to you, there is NO dead angel in your closet!
 * Dwight: So, see there, son...
 * Dwight: Oh grow up and stop acting like a little girl... (looks at the dead angel at his feet, then at the closet, then at Max) AW...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!



(both laugh)     (In Mr Wanker's Factory, the visitors (or VI-Sitors) enter the PedoKilla room.) (label on door: PEDOKILLA ROOM.) (Mr Wanker gives them a WTF look as he opens the door. Inside is a GAS.) (GAS CLEARS) (lights black out, sparkle, wings shadow on walls, then lights back on) (smoke clears to reveal men chained to the walls. Jenna gasps in fear. Mark wraps his hand round her naked shoulder. Mr Wanker glares.) (burst of bullets, pedo dies) (she stands up in front of an unmarked car) Jenna: (running her hands down her half naked body) I DEMAND I HAVE A PEDO RIGHT... NOOOOOOOOOOW! (Hands come out of the unmarked car and drag her screaming inside. Door slams.) (shocked silence)  (Michael the Archangel enters in his pyjamas)  (Furious with life on Earth, Michael goes to Mexico.)  
 * Older Max: And that's how I stopped believing in angels. Because a dead one fell out of my closet.
 * Beth: (his bitch) I must say, Max, that's bullshit.
 * Max: (cottoning back to reality) Uh-huh, channel 4 radio reporter voice!
 * Beth: (sighs) Mmmm-ummmm... I mmmm-us---t say, sorry, sorry, sorry, Max, pre-cise-ly, that's bullshit.
 * Complete stranger on table next to them: (facing camera) This is why I want to go to Tuscon.
 * Harrison Bored: Hey you one hot officer, do you want to meet for kissing?
 * Officer Kim Rhodes: (her Jeep revves like a revver) OK guys, get one foot on the gas. I'm here for kissin. Kissing the baton!
 * Jason: (gulps) Kim, get out the way, there's not much time.
 * Harrison: We have to put one foot on the gas!
 * Officer Kim Rhodes: There's loads round where we live.
 * Harrison: What's that, sheriff?
 * Officer Kim Rhodes: I'm NOT a sheriff, OK? I'm a cop.
 * Santa: Yeah, and I'm Santa Claus.
 * Officer Kim Rhodes: Now what did you just say to me? Come on now, say it! 'Bout me being hot! I double-dare you, motherfucker!
 * Lilly: (steps her head out of the truck) There's more to life than money, sheriff, didn't your hubby tell you that?
 * Officer Kim Rhodes: (views the headless zombie and screams)
 * Harrison: OK, OK, belle, she's on our side. A headless zombie with help finding the angels. It makes much more sense to have one with you.
 * Officer Kim Rhodes: (screaming)
 * Lilly: (puts her head back on) Am I under arrest for impersonating a living human?
 * Lawyer: I don't know what you do up there all day, but I am having plans for pizzeria this evening!
 * Harrison: Whassup Team Leader why aren't you with the others?
 * Team Leader: I... can't swing.
 * Harrison: What do you mean you can't swing? IMMA GONNA SHOOT YOU RIGHT IN THE CROTCH IF YOU TELL ME YOU CAN'T SWING.
 * Team Leader: Just let Team Leasher and Marco do it.
 * Harrison: NO! They think they're so safe in their little bubble but I'm gonna burst their bubble! What's more, I need you to kill the Chorus! Why what's afraid of you?
 * Team Leader: (thinks)
 * Harrison: C'mon, Team Leader, I can't let you be a swinger if you can't swing...
 * Team Leader: (bursts into song) My daddy said bring you a bone, my papa said Fuck away from home, old God said Take it easy, but loving you is much too strong, I'm welded to your chin-chin-chin.
 * Harrison: (suddenly looking like Alan Yates) Why, nice pipes there Tomato, why didn't you raise your gun when I said I was looking for assassins?
 * Team Leader: (shrugs)
 * Harrison: Welcome a-bored!
 * Jenna: I'm starting to have bad feelings about this...
 * Mark: Don't worry sweetie I'll protect you.
 * Mr Wanker: Now, THIS, children, THIS, is the heart of my Factory. I INSIST upon ugliness in factories.
 * Mr Wanker: Have no fear kids, that's just my little parlour trick, don't worry Louisiana. Anyway, here is my latest and greatest invention: THE ANGEL KILLA!
 * Mike Bendover: I thought you said it was PEDO Killa.
 * Mr Wanker: GOOD HEAVENS ASSHOLE, STOP INTERRUPTING ME! Now let me explain how it is done. These guys you see chained to the walls...
 * Mr Wanker: ...are the victims of the immodest experiment on Pedophiles. All Pedophiles should be killed. You heard me right kids, I am denoting murder. MURDER. All pedophiles should be shot. Look.
 * Mike: Crikey!
 * Jenna: OMG! NO!
 * Charles Henry Wutherford the III: MACHINE GUNS!
 * Mr Wanker: These machine guns are successfully trained to kill the shit out of Pedophiles.
 * Mike: Why use machine guns? Why not use police?
 * Mr Wanker: Because police suck crap, they always imprison them. I kill.
 * Jenna: HEY! I WANT TO FREE A PEDO! MAKE ME ONE OF EACH!
 * Mark: Not quite yet my sweet, they all belong to Mr Wanker.
 * Jenna: I don't care about that, I want one!
 * Mark: (puts his hand on her naked shoulders) OK I'll get you one before the day is out I'll see we get a pedo.
 * Jenna: (walks up to Mr Wanker with Mark still holding her naked shoulders) But I don't want any pedo. I want a Wanker pedo!
 * Mark: OK, Wanker, how much for one of these pedophiles? Name your price.
 * Mr Wanker: Fuck off dude, they ain't for sale.
 * Jenna: WTF? (Trashes place) I want a pedo and I don't care how, I want a pedo and I want one now.
 * Jenna: Mark, babe, I want sex.
 * Mark: Sure, we can do that when we get home.
 * Jenna: No, I want it now. I want a cupcake with riches and diamonds I want to fuck amongst all the ice cream I want to buy a pedo then kill it and fuck you Mark in the ice cream I want to rob all the banks and rule the world
 * Mark: OK, Wanker, where did she go?
 * Mr Wanker: Into that unmarked car.
 * Mark: Yes, I can see that but whose in the car?
 * Mr Wanker: Why, did no one tell you? It's a police car. She was a pedo. I can see through it. They're taking her for execution, mark you. For being a pedo. (smirks)
 * Mark: (horrified yet joking) EXECUTION? Come on... (screams and shouts) MUM! SWEETIE! HOLD ON! I'M COMING! (Runs into car door which slams behind him)
 * God: Well there's only one thing left to do. I have to call in the Exterminator.
 * God: Well you know what to do.
 * Michael: (springs into action) NOW WHERE'S THE FRIDGE VIRUS? WHERE IS IT? I DOUBLE DARE YOUR ID, MOTHERFUCKER!
 * Michael: I swear, if I do not find another universe soon, I am going to puke.
 * Young rapper trucker: You're the next hooligan I'm going to meet in Hell!
 * Michael: God, these woads are killing me.
 * Dublin: TRY SOME SOAP THEN, BITCH.
 * Michael: Gotcha.
 * Angel 1: Now is the time to attack, when the humans suspect nothing.
 * Angel 2: Want to see the inside of a toilet?