User:Darker harvest

Intro
Hey! I'm Darker Harvest, and something I love to do is listen to music, watch cartoons, and write. I'm currently writing the second book in my morbid comedy series, and the scripts to my wacky, wild, and just plain wrong TV show idea. Obviously, I'm only an expert in a few areas of comedy: morbid, black, dark, sick, and twisted humour are all my favourites. (And, also obviously, I spell everything the British way. Sorry if it confuses everyone that specializes in American English. I mean, yeah, so do I, but I've only recently realized that I spell everything 'wrong'. At least my English teachers don't mind... usually.) So, yeah, of course I'm looking for a publisher that covers that kind of stuff. And an editor, too. But I'd hate for someone to take the job and then be too squeamish to finish it. I'm also looking for a way to put AnübX on the air. If anyone runs a teen or kids show channel (but I'm looking for more teen-centred, if you know what I mean, Spencer, the main character is 14 years old, and, besides, it's kind of similar to Invader Zim, which was awesome and everything, but some kids I know say it gave them nightmares when they were little), please post something on any of my discussion pages. (So far, I've only made pages of Wikiquote and Wikipedia, so, yeah, until further notice, please post something on those. AND NO HOAXES! YOU HAVE TO BE REAL! DON"T TRY TO FAKE ME OUT! Thank you!)

So I'll just give you some quotes from book 2, Bloodshot, seeing as Lifeline (book 1) was more morbid than funny. And, for any of you REAL people that make TV shows (actually, the real applies to publishers and editors, too), I posted AnübXquotes. (By the way, for AnübX, I love using accents in words, so, yeah, anyone that wants me to spell out how to pronounce things as I go on, just post something!)

Bloodshot
Crossbones: You don't even know when my birthday is. Xenophon: Today.

Barbie: But, just last week, you were complaining that I was your only friend. Crossbones: Do you always have to listen to my mindless rants?

Crossbones: Why? How bad is it? Zhen: I do not know. Tut: It's pretty bad. Xenophon: Well, it depends on what your idea of bad is.

Zhen, Dracula, Dracul, Xenophon, Tut, Xerxes: (pointing to Crossbones) NERD!!!

Dracul: The last place they'll strike is Ottawa. Crossbones: (stupidly) Oh, good, because I live there. (what Dracul said dawns on her) They're going to strike Ottawa?!

Barbie: Oh my God, New Zealand! There are so many animals you can save there!

AnübX
The Son of Anubis

Mrs. Cardiff: Mr. Ex? Is there something you'd like to share with your nicer, more normal classmates?

Spencer: (sitting bolt upright Oh, uh, no, dude. Mrs. Cardiff, I mean. Sorry about that.... So, math, huh?

Spencer: Dude, here's my test.

Mrs. Cardiff: reading test over Freaky! This is all right!

Spencer: Oh, uh, cool.

Mrs. Cardiff: But it's all in Egyptian, so you get an F.

Mrs. Cardiff: Is this some sort of Goth joke?

Spencer: Sorry, dude, I'm not Goth. I'm actually-

Mrs. Cardiff: Yes, yes, we've heard it a million times before. Here, take this hall pass. (Hands Spencer a sign that says 'Don't Mind Me, I'm Normal' on it.)

Spencer: This isn't a hall pass.

Mrs. Cardiff: I don't care, vermin. Get out of my classroom.

Dare: (knocking on the door) Dude, Mr. Tyne is looking for you.

(Spencer's looks like Anubis, retaining his shaggy black and grey streaked emo-style hair and emo mascara (although the black mascara has turned purple.)) Spencer: I know! But I can't come out!

Dare: Dude, I hate to break it to you, but you had all those zits the last time I saw you.

Spencer: I, um.... That's not my problem.

Mr. Tyne: EX! SPENCER STINKIN' EX!

Spencer: That's my cue! (He bolts out the door, knocking Dare into a pile of dirty sweat socks.)

Dare: I'm fine! I'm only covered in sweat!

(A chomping sound comes from the weat socks, and they come alive and attack him.)

Dare: AH! SOCKS!

(Spencer has transformed back, but hasn't noticed it yet.) Spencer: Here! Sorry, I'm kind of messed up today. Just ignore my ugly face.

Mr. Tyne: You're no more ugly than usual, punk. Now get on that red line over there. (Points to a crudely painted red line on the gym floor.)

Spencer: Will you ever forgive me for bleeding all over the floor? *(Note: The red line is made out of blood - or so Mr. Tyne thinks. Spencer knows what it actually is. It's a chemical called 'Chemical R' - 'R' standing for 'red' - that, one day, he stashed under his gym wristbands, planning to fake a bloody nose or some other injury to get out of gym class. But a dodge ball hit the wristband he was wearing, causing the packet of Chemical R to explode. He pretended to be in pain, making a path of 'blood' on his way to the nurse's office, but the blood was really Chemical R. I have a TV movie planned - yeah, man, I'm way ahead of myself, I know - in which he finally reveals that it isn't his blood and it's just Chemical R, but I'm not revealing it in the TV series. Don't hold what everyone believes is really blood against me - and, oh, yeah, don't reveal it to the viewers. I want them to be surprised. Thanks!)* 

Mr. Tyne: Nope. Get him, kids!

(The normal kids throw dodge balls at Spencer. The screen goes black upon impact.) (Later, Spencer walks back into the gym locker room, his clothes torn and make-up smudged.)

Spencer: Dare! Dare! Dude, where are you?

(Dare climbs out from a pile of dirty socks, panting. He rips a sock off his ear.) Dare: Spencer, don't!

(The sweat socks snarl as they turn their attention to Spencer. Spencer screams as the screen goes black. The socks attack him.)

(Time has passed and Spencer's in the kitchen, doing his homework. He pulls a sock out of his black hair and throws it in the trash. He grabs a match and lights the trash on fire.)

Mr. Ex: (from living room) Spencer!

(Spencer panics and grabs the sink nozzle, squirting the trash can. The fire goes out, making the fire alarm go off. He chokes on the smoke.)

Mrs. Ex: (from living room) Do you really want to?

Mr. Ex: Yes.

Mrs. Ex: But he's only fourteen. And he has that whole Goth thing going on now.

Spencer: (to self) Emo.

(Spencer holds his breath and sneaks close to the living room, hiding behind the wall. Mr. and Mrs. Ex don't notice.) Mrs. Ex: What's wrong with telling him? He has to know!

Mr. Ex: Oh, yeah, what's wrong with going up to your punk-

Spencer: (under breath) Emo.

Mr. Ex: -son and saying "Hey, man, you're the son of Anubis'?

Dare: Come on, dude, it's not the end of the world.

Spencer: They were talking about it like it was.

Dare: Well, they're humans. They don't know anything.

Spencer: You're human, too.

Dare: Yeah. What's your point, man?

Principal Norm: Spencer Ex?

Spencer: Yo, dude.

Principal Norm: I'm not a peer. And, if I were, I'd transfer schools. Please come to my office.

Principal Norm: You're in serious trouble, Ex.

Spencer: I didn't do it! I, you, she, he, it, um.... Can I have, like, five minutes to come up with some lame excuse that'll land me in detention for the rest of the year?

Principal Norm: As much as I'd love to do that, we're waiting on our supply of orange jumpsuits in your size. And a lot of radioactive guinea pigs.

Spencer: What're the guinea pigs for?

Principal Norm: (smiling) Make that lame excuse, and you'll find out. Anyway, you seem to have caused a disruption in math class, gym class, and the bathroom yesterday.

Spencer: I don't have a lame excuse for that one.

Principal Norm: Pity. I was looking forward to hearing the horror story that you'd spew from your twisted mind. As I was saying, you're getting a detention as soon as we get those guinea pigs.

Spencer: What about the orange jumpsuits?

Principal Norm: The guinea pigs are more important. I'll tell you when the shipment is in.

Set: Are you Spencer Ex?

Spencer: Yeah.... Are you the radioactive guinea pig guy? Nice mask.

Spencer: I think I should run now.

Spencer: Oh, is the big ugly god scared?

Set: Never, Zitface!

(Set wheels out the automatic tennis ball launcher and puts it on the 'Hurt People' setting. He smiles evilly as Spencer climbs the wall to escape. The wall crumbles as the tennis balls get stuck in it. Spencer jumps and lands on his face.)  Spencer: That was going to be more graceful.

(Spencer grabs a basketball and spins it on his black-polished fingernail. The ball pops and green air leaks from it. Spencer chokes and Set laughs. Spencer throws the ball at Set and it hits him in the face.) Set: AH! IT'S DARK! WHO TURNED OUT THE STUPID LIGHTS?

Spencer: The ball, brainiac.

Mrs. Cardiff: (in hall) And then he forgot all the boring Greek symbols and wrote in Egyptian, of all things!

Principal Norm: It's too bad we actually admitted this kid to our school. He's such a disruption. (Sighs.) But the radioactive guinea pig order's been delayed.... Spencer Ex is the biggest distraction from our boring, unsafe learning environment. 'Italic text' Mr. Tyne: But he makes one heck of a dodge ball target!

Mr. Tyne, Mrs. Cardiff, and Principal Norm: SPENCER STINKIN' EX! *(The running gag in this episode and the next one is that he sets off the fire alarm, so this is yelled after he does it this time. It's also how Mr. Tyne refers to Spencer a lot of the time.)*

Spencer: I'm cool with the whole 'x' thing. It's, like, the best letter.

Spencer and Dare: Except for 'z'.

(Spencer is walking through the halls of the high school, and he opens his locker. Set smiles and waves.) Spencer: Great.

Set: Surprise, surprise.

Spencer: Mind if we take this elsewhere? Before the stupid kids look?

Set: Gym?

Spencer: How about the office hallway? Everyone avoids it if they can.

(Spencer leads Set into a dark hallway.) Spencer: And this is why. (The ultra-bright light flick on and the room plays a corny little song. Spencer pulls on his black hair, but Set smiles. Neon smiley face signs flash in front of them. An automated voice speaks.)' '' Automated Voice: Unless you are-

Principal Norm's Recorded Voice: Spencer Alex Ex- *(Note: Alex is my name, so that's just a cool little thing I did.)*

Automated Voice: -Have a great day!

Spencer: Wow, they hate me around here.

Set: Well, I'm no different. (He smashes his sceptre on the ground and Spencer is engulfed in a rain cloud.) i'd like to see your special little powers save you now.

AnübX Me, too.

(AnübX throws a punch at Set and ends up punching through the neon sign because Set's ducked. He jumps from the cloud, his hand glowing. Set kicks him and he flies up against a wall. A dartboard falls on his head. He looks at the picture on the dartboard. It's of him in his 'human' form, although someone's inked on horns and a moustache, and he's breathing inky black fire.)

AnübX: Hey, Set, are the schools in Egypt any better?

Set: As long as I'm around, no school is safe.

(AnübX holds up the dartboard, showing Set the dart going through his heart in the picture.) AnübX: As unsafe as this? I don't think so. Oh, wait, it's missing something. (Grabs a pen and begins writing.)

Set: Huh. 'I hate you, school staff'. Deep, freak. But not as deep as this. (Grabs the pen and writes 'I'm Spencer Ex, and I'm a complete moron!')

AnübX: Wow, Set. That's harsh.

Set: Yeah, well, I have my own private supply of mortals that I can test my insults and other forms of evil on. (Examines nails self-importantly.) I'd offer you a job, but your life's kind of going to end soon. I hope you understand.

AnübX: I don't, but maybe you will.

Set: Huh?

Principal Norm: Ex? Ex! I thought I just saw him.

Mr. Tyne: (Pointing to the neon trail) Follow that! Maybe he changed his blood colour!

Mrs. Cardiff: Oh, so the blood in the gym is Spencer's? Wow, did you paint it?

Mr. Tyne: Nope, he did it himself.

Principal Norm: You know, if I didn't hate that kid so much, I'd congratulate him on his first helpful vandalism of school property! (Laughs.) Yeah, too bad I hate him. After that punk rocker!

Set: The humans! They're everywhere! Italic text Spencer: unimpressed Duh. This is a human school.

Principal Norm: (In hallway) Spencer Ex! You broke my dartboard! You'll wear orange jumpsuits for this!

Mr. Tyne: Spencer Ex! On your blood, if you please!

Spencer: (mocking Mr. Tyne) Spencer Ex! On your blood, if you please!

Mr. Tyne, Normal Kids, Mrs. Cardiff, and Principal Norm (Principal Norm and Mrs. Cardiff over intercom): SPENCER STINKIN' EX!

Spencer: (soaking wet, makeup running down his face) What?

Freaks Among Us

Spencer: The life of a superhero is a boring one.

Dare: Dude, you can't even save yourself from radioactive guinea pigs. If you can't do that, how can you try to save the world?

Normal Guinea Pig Girl: (it is later revealed that this is Alycia Mort) You watched my performance and didn't applaud! (Stamps her foot.)

Spencer: (thinking fast) Uh.... Dare didn't clap, either! (Grabs Dare and uses his as a shield.) Unleash your freakishly pink wrath on him!

Spencer: (to crowd) I'm sure that's not what she meant! (Bends down to talk to Normal Guinea Pig Girl.) Is that what you meant?

Normal Guinea Pig Girl: Oh, yeah! It ends here, Goth boy!

Spencer: Again, that can't be what it sounds like!

Normal Guinea Pig Girl: Oh, but it is! (Pulls Spencer down by a barbell in his ear and kicks open a locker.)

Spencer: (pretending not to be scared) Oh, the locker treatment, is it? Really? You?

Leader Normal Boy: Locker? No problem. (Grabs Spencer by the black t-shirt. Spencer slaps him with his emo-gloved hand.)

Spencer: Hopefully, by "no problem", you meant "big problem"?