Weird Science (film)

Weird Science is a 1985 film about two nerdish boys who attempt to create the perfect woman, but she turns out to be more than that.
 * Written and directed by John Hughes.

It's all in the name of science. Weird Science.taglines

Lisa

 * So...what would you little maniacs like to do first?


 * You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.


 * If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmm, it's a mindscramble. Hurts so good.


 * [to Wyatt's grandparents after they arrive unannounced] You ought to know better than to walk into somebody's house and start hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!

Chet Donnelly

 * How 'bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?


 * I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin' up some shit!


 * You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.

Dialogue

 * Wyatt: Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
 * Gary: [hesitates] Ceremonial.


 * Wyatt: What are we gonna do with her?
 * Gary: Look, we'll just go with the situation. Okay? And I'm sure by Sunday, you'll think of something. You're a very bright guy. I have a lot of faith in you. Okay? All right?
 * Wyatt: I'm just being practical.
 * Gary: I know you are. Okay? And I appreciate it.
 * Wyatt: But what are we gonna do about this mess?
 * Gary: Wyatt, you'll have plenty of time to clean up tomorrow. Okay?
 * Wyatt: Okay, but don't get any B.O. on Chet's suit, or he'd kill me.
 * [they walk out of the room and their nerdy suits suddenly transform into posh suits]
 * Wyatt: Where are we going, anyway?
 * Gary: I don't know. She said we're gonna go downtown and... [looks at the suits] Oh, my God! Whose stuff is this? Is that your stuff? Is this yours?
 * Wyatt: Oh, shit. Gary, I don't know what's goin'--
 * Gary: Wyatt, what's goin' on here?
 * Wyatt: I don't know.
 * Gary: What is goin' on here?
 * Wyatt: Gary, I don't know!
 * Gary: I don't know what's goin' on here!
 * Wyatt: You look good though! All right?!
 * Gary: Yeah?!
 * Wyatt: Yeah.


 * Dino: Tell me something. What's a beautiful broad like you doing with a malaka like this? Huh?
 * Lisa: It's purely sexual.
 * Dino: No shit.
 * Gary: She's into malakas, Dino!
 * [after a brief pause, Dino and his friends laugh]
 * Dino: "She's into malakas"! Do you believe that?!


 * Gary: [completely wasted] Fats, man, lemme tell you my story, man. Last year, I was insane for this crazy, little 8th grade bitch.
 * Fats: Crazy insane?
 * Man 1: Insane?
 * Man 2: Crazy?
 * Gary: I was nuts for the woman, man. Now, you gotta believe me. I'm tellin' the truth here. I speakin' to ya. I mean, I was nuts for the girl. And what did it to me was these big titties she had. For a 13-year-old girl, man? She wouldn't have had to worry 'bout no titties for the rest of her life, boy. You know, she was set. She was looking good, I saying.
 * Wyatt: That's the truth, baby.
 * Gary: I called her every night for, like, a month. I mean, I talkin' devotion, man.
 * Mitch: Every damn night?!
 * Gary: Every night, Mitch. I ain't playin' with you.
 * Mitch: On the telephone?
 * Gary: What this boy talkin' 'bout, on the telephone, man?!
 * Fats: Explain it to him!
 * Gary: Well, damn, Fats! Goddamn! We know there's a telephone!
 * Lisa: But he hung up on her.
 * Man 1: Oh, you didn't hang up on her. The chick with those big, big titties?
 * Gary: Hey, you. Now, here the capper. You know what the bitch did to me?
 * Mitch: Lay it on me.
 * Gary: Take this shit on. Listen to what she did to me.
 * Lisa: She kneed you in the nuts and called him faggot in front of everyone.
 * Mitch: She did what?!
 * Man 1: Bitch kneed your nuts?!
 * Gary: Bitch kneed my nuts, man! I ain't playin' with ya.
 * Fats: In the family jewels?
 * Gary: In the family jewels, man!
 * Wyatt: Worst pain there is.
 * Gary: Broke my heart in two!
 * Fats: She broke more than your heart.
 * Mitch: You can forget that other one. [points to Lisa] You got this fine jewel sittin' right over here by you.
 * [everyone else agrees]
 * Gary: Ain't that the truth, baby? That's the clean truth!


 * Lisa: Have you ever wondered how sad it is, that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?
 * Lucy Wallace: Oh Gary! Oh my God!
 * Gary: Ma, I never tossed off to anything!
 * Lucy Wallace: You told me you were combing your hair!
 * Gary: I was! I was!


 * [before the party, Gary, Wyatt, and Lisa wait at the table for the guests]
 * Wyatt: Lisa, you have to promise me that things aren't gonna get outta control.
 * Lisa: Wyatt, don't worry. You're just having a few friends over.
 * Wyatt: I don't have any friends, Lisa.
 * Gary: He doesn't. Boy ain't lyin'.
 * [the doorbell rings]
 * Lisa: You do now.
 * [the three walk up to the door, and Lisa opens it, revealing, to Gary and Wyatt's shock, an entire street full of party guests]
 * Lisa: Hi!
 * Guests: HI!!!
 * One guest: PARTY!
 * All guests: [chant] Party! Party! Party! Party!
 * [Gary sheepishly waves hello as Wyatt faints]


 * Wyatt: Do you think Lisa's having a good time?
 * Gary: Lisa could have a good time at an insurance seminar, Wyatt.


 * [Gary and Wyatt have a quick chat in the shower]
 * Gary: I could be wrong, but I think these guys are stoked for us, Wyatt.
 * Wyatt: I got that feelin' myself.
 * Gary: What do we do?
 * Wyatt: I don't know.
 * Gary: Should we go for it?
 * Wyatt: What about Lisa?
 * Gary: She did say we should party.
 * Wyatt: Look, let's get on with these two, score points, and go back to Lisa. This is like a dream come true.
 * Gary: How about if we see if we can score the points with these two and deal with them in case we get to them later?
 * Wyatt: Sounds good.
 * Gary: Okay, but whatever happens, we've gotta give Lisa a shot. I don't wanna hurt her feelings. Maybe the girls are lookin' for a long lean bone job from me. Ready to party now?
 * Wyatt: 10-4.
 * Gary: Let's break.


 * Lisa: You had to be big shots didn't you. You had to show off. When are you gonna learn that people will like you for who you are, not for what you can give them. Well, in your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.
 * Wyatt: We forgot to hook up the doll.
 * Lisa: You forgot to hook up the doll.

Taglines

 * It's all in the name of science. Weird Science.
 * If you can't get a date, make one!

Cast

 * Anthony Michael Hall - Gary Wallace
 * Kelly LeBrock - Lisa
 * Ilan Mitchell-Smith - Wyatt Donnelly
 * Bill Paxton - Chet Donnelly
 * Suzanne Snyder - Deb
 * Judie Aronson - Hilly
 * Robert Downey Jr. - Ian
 * Robert Rusler - Max
 * Vernon Wells - Lord General
 * Michael Berryman - Mutant Biker